The first week between receiving the email about the exhibition and planning a wonderful birthday for Jiyong just seemed to whizz by. During that week Seunghyun used his time wisely, when he wasn’t working he was busy either preoccupying Jiyong or plotting and with the help of their closest friends he was able to come up with a nice gentle way to celebrate. Seunghyun wanted to surprise Jiyong but at the same time he didn’t want to give him a heart attack.

So that’s how Seunghyun found himself standing inside Jiyong’s old store gripping onto his little basket as if it was his last lifeline with one week left to go and the idea of arranging a birthday party stuck in his head. He was almost certain that at 6pm in the evening the shop would be marginally empty, well he was wrong and it was packed full with impatient busybodies. Regardless, Seunghyun knew what he came here to do and without thinking about his nerves too much he headed for miscellaneous goods aisle, skilfully dodging and diving out of the way of rather aggressive shoppers as he went. Once there he let out a low sigh and skimmed the aisle looking for all the things that together might make a birthday party. Seunghyun didn’t have a lot of money but with the little extra incentive that he’d been given at the beginning of his new job, which he saved for this exact reason, he was sure that he could pull something off. Ever since then (according to Mr. Lee) he would receive monthly payments by hand in cash solely because the aging owner refused to trust “the greedy” banks or something like that, not that Seunghyun cared much.

Mentioning work, Seunghyun settled in so nicely that he honestly didn’t feel as if he was going to work. He got to know Mr. Lee surprisingly fast and he got to know Seungri even faster, ever since that day they were reintroduced Seungri had taken it upon himself to help out at the store more. Seunghyun soon learnt that Mr. Lee was one of those people who liked to travel a lot so most of the time it was just him running the bookstore by himself, which he strangely didn’t mind, and for the rest of this week Mr. Lee was off visiting a friend in Japan, hence the reason why Seungri hung around more. Or so that’s what Seunghyun thought. Today Seunghyun had basically spent the entire day talking to Seungri, he learnt that Mr. Lee wanted to pass the bookstore onto his Son when he passed away however, Seungri didn’t want that for himself. He also learnt a lot of little things; like how Seungri was born in Japan, how he came back to Korea with his Father when his Mother passed, how he was too young to remember her (which he said made adjusting slightly easier) and about how he was training to become a singer/dancer whilst he worked different shifts at the bar. It was beyond pleasant to just sit and listen to someone freely telling the story of their life, although before they knew it the day was over and they had to shut the shop up.

And that’s where Seunghyun was now. He stared down at the display of streamers, banners, party hats and other completely mindboggling objects. This was going to be a whole lot more expensive than what he initially thought, bugger. He was too busy trying to spot the difference between a blue and silver banner and a navy blue and white banner to notice someone approach him, recognise him and move to stand beside him. The person called his name several times and he still didn’t notice, it was when the person poked him that Seunghyun jumped away exclaiming

“Whoa! I didn’t see you there!” He almost cried when he recognised a streak of brown hair but sighed in relief when it turned out to be Seungri. He could’ve punched him.

“Sorry! I shouted your name but you ignored me, whatcha looking at?” Seungri shuffled a little closer peering down at the banners.

“You scared me…” Seunghyun sighed using his free hand to cover his panting mouth. “Gosh, I could’ve died”

“I’m sorry!” Seungri chuckled as he picked up the navy blue and white banner. “What are you doing though? Seriously” Seunghyun took a minute to recover, his heart rate slowed back down to normal, and he shook his head.

“I’m trying to figure out, well no, actually I’m trying, what I’m doing is…” Seunghyun rambled on for a moment before he gave up and sighed again. “It’s my boyfriend’s birthday soon and I was just-” Seunghyun automatically stopped talking after he heard himself say the word boyfriend and he just froze, he hadn’t told Seungri about that side of him - yet.

“Ah I see” Seungri chuckled some more. “Don’t worry! I can help you choose things, but first you have to stop looking at these banners” He waved the one he was still holding in his hands about.

“Why?” Seunghyun puzzled glancing at the banner.

“Well unless you’re planning to get him a baby for his birthday a ‘congratulations on your new baby’ banner isn’t such a good idea” Seungri giggled at what must’ve been the look of pure terror on Seunghyun’s face and he could feel himself redden at his stupidity. Some things never change.

“Ah, I guess you’re right” Seunghyun slowly replied snatching the banner from Seungri and hurriedly shoving it back on its hook. “Oh god I have no idea what I’m doing!” The confession just seemed to roll straight out of him and before he could wallow in his own stupidity Seunghyun felt a hand grab his shoulder.

“Don’t worry Amigo, your best pal Seungri’s got this” The man of the moment laughed in his silly coy manner and that urge to punch him returned. “I will hook you up”

“And what experience do you have with birthday surprises for the boyfriend?” Admittedly Seunghyun was genuinely asking but he also wanted Seungri to clarify something for him.

“Well…” There was that chuckle again, did nothing faze this guy? “I’ve never really stuck around for a guy’s birthday but sometimes I like to surprise them in the morning” Seungri winked and used the leverage that he had on Seunghyun’s shoulder to turn them both around.

“And what do you surprise them with?” Seunghyun frowned trying to think of an answer as they headed down and out of the aisle. “Breakfast?”

“If that’s what you want to call it” Seungri’s chuckle deepened leaving Seunghyun to feel nothing but complete confusion. “Seunghyun, bro to bro, amigo to amigo, man to man, please don’t tell me that you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about?”

“I don’t” Seunghyun shrugged. “What are you talking about?”

“Well I’ll be damned, seriously I’ve never met a-” Seungri’s lowered his voice to nothing more than a whisper “-a ”

“A what?!” Seunghyun’s eyes widened and he nearly had yet another heart attack.

“You’ve never had ?” Seungri questioned as they stopped walking, turning to face each other.

“What? I- I uh- It’s and I and we and you know and yeah- Of course I- how dare you- I mean - and you, how can you, I just-” A red light flashed in Seunghyun’s mind and it was like he’d been put in panic mode. Of course he’d thought about but it was something he never really pictured himself ever doing, not that he didn’t want too. It was just to have you needed two people and Seunghyun had never been, well he’d always been alone. The idea of it definitely scared him, he had no idea if two men could even do anything, and he thought back to those little comments he’d heard from Jiyong and Daesung.

“All I am going to say on the matter is I don’t think Seunghyun’s ready for that and it’s fine by me”

“Fine, fine…So you’re relationship isn’t serious, so it’s not much fun either, do you two just sit and talk over knitting or something?”

“Right calm down” Seungri suddenly had a hold of Seunghyun’s shoulders and was shaking him, the latter didn’t realise what had happened. “Give me that” He took the empty basket from Seunghyun’s hands and placed it on the floor. “Now come with me” Seungri practically dragged Seunghyun from the shop and within a blink of an eye Seunghyun found himself sat inside someone’s car. The driver’s door opened and a second later Seungri jumped in, locking the car doors behind him.

“Seunghyun I didn’t mean to panic you” Seungri quietly spoke as he turned the keys in the ignition. “And I want to help you because you’re, well you’re my friend” The car started moving backwards but Seunghyun felt as if he’d been stunned so he didn’t talk or argue. Every time Seunghyun went to open his mouth to say something no words would surface and he noticed that it was getting awfully dark outside, although Seungri seemed to ignore everything and just continued to drive. After a while they reached a bar, it was that very same bar in which the pair had first met, and Seungri carefully led Seunghyun in by gripping onto the latter’s hand tightly. Before he knew it Seunghyun was sat in a small VIP section with Seungri sat beside him pouring them both a drink.

“Drink” Seungri commanded as he passed Seunghyun a small shot glass. At the exact same time Seunghyun and Seungri downed their first drink, then came the second. The sweet yet sour taste of apple left Seunghyun thirsty and in need of another.

“Now” Seungri spoke after the third drink “Tonight I am going to teach you the masterful way of the gay” He poured them another drink.

“Right…” Seunghyun replied, face emotionless and body already buzzing from the drink. It probably wasn’t a good idea to drink on an empty stomach but he could worry about that later.

“This is between me and you OK?” Seungri turned in his chair to face Seunghyun and he held his drink out to the other, Seunghyun was far too tired to argue so he simply shrugged and raised his glass out to Seungri. Their glasses clinked together then the fourth drink disappeared.

“Yup” Seunghyun hiccupped after slamming his glass onto the table. “But how many boyfriends have you had Seungri? And how long have you been gay?” The questions just sort of slipped out considering the fact that the barrier of politeness was kind of fading away with each drink.

“To answer your first question too many to count and the second all my life, since I could find out I knew” Seungri nodded seemingly proud of his achievement. “How old are you Seunghyun?”

“One...” Seunghyun started to count the years on his fingers, he lost count several times before saying “Twenty… Three, I think, you?”

“Wow OK that’s old” Seungri said before he could realise just how insulting that might sound. “I mean I’m Nineteen” He cleared his throat as Seunghyun went to slap him but missed. “So you’ve never dated anyone in your life apart from this one guy?”

“Never” Seunghyun shook his head, the alcohol was working way too quickly and he didn’t like it. Then he remembered that he had to text his one guy, it was always his little after work ritual.

“Here” Seungri passed him a full glass and without thinking Seunghyun drank the lot. The sudden interruption caused him to forget about whatever it was that he was just thinking about, though it did feel significantly important. “And you’ve never watched adult films?” Seungri continued his game of twenty questions.

“Once during high school” Seunghyun reached for the bottle of boundary repressing drink and poured himself another glass. “It was of two women though so, not really helpful now” He downed what must have been his fifth or was it sixth shot? The initial feeling of shock and embarrassment about the contents of their conversation was no longer present.

“Ah I see” Seungri mimicked Seunghyun’s earlier action and poured himself another shot. “So…” Seungri rolled the “o” as Seunghyun let his glass roll from his hand and onto the table whilst he turned in the faux leather chair to face Seungri.

“So?” Seunghyun copied lifting his leg up and sitting cross-legged. He wasn’t sure if it was the lights or the waft of smoke from the dance floor but something was blurring his vision.

“What’s your boyfriend’s name?” Seungri lifted a leg up as well and folded them together positioning his body so that they were sat facing each other.

“Jiyong” Seunghyun smiled at the name and then he wondered why there was something nagging at him.  He shrugged the feeling off

“So pretend I’m Jiyong” Seungri shuffled a little bit closer, but kept a respectable distance.

“And why would I do that?” Seunghyun gulped, not really sure where Seungri was heading with this.

“Because I’m going to teach you some things” Seungri reached for Seunghyun’s hand and started to it. The feeling wasn’t the same as when Jiyong did it. “First thing’s first my dear Seunghyun. You have to realise that is not something to be embarrassed about and you should talk to your partner about it” Seunghyun would’ve normally cringed by this point but he was far too intoxicated to do anything except for stare at Seungri like a lost kitten.

“Next, don’t be worried about looking like an idiot because Jiyong might feel the same way, so if you’re worried you need to tell him, sometimes that can turn out to be the best kind of and it’ll show him that you care about what he wants” Seungri paused and dished out another round, down the drinks went.

“I’m not sure I’m ready” Finally some sense popped into Seunghyun’s dozy head. “I mean I love Jiyong and I want to show him that our relationship is serious but it’s just-” he paused whilst Seungri refilled his glass. “His friends talk about it as if they’re talking about the weather or something and that scares me”

“What scares you about that?” Seungri still had a hold of Seunghyun’s hand and it was that gentle pressure which caused the latter to spill his thoughts out.

“Well to be completely honest with you I never pictured myself being in a relationship, let alone a relationship with another man, and I have absolutely no idea what actually happens” Seunghyun looked down at their hands and sighed, he felt like he was going to cry or something stupid. “Like what do I do? How does it work? And what if I’m really rubbish at it and Jiyong hates me? I think he’s experienced, though I don’t really know, so what if I’m just not good enough for him?”

“Seunghyun” The seriousness in Seungri’s voice caused the worried man to glance up at him.

“Yeah?” Seunghyun softly asked feeling the pressure on his hand tighten.

“ is not a deal breaker, OK? Jiyong loves you now and he will regardless of how good or terrible you are. And think about it this way if you’re god awful, which you won’t be, then at least that means you’ll need plenty of practice. If you get what I’m saying…” Seunghyun tried to nod at Seungri’s kind words but he didn’t believe him.

After a good hour or so under Seungri’s “teaching” the only thing that Seunghyun had learnt was that alcohol wasn’t his best friend and Seungri had really soft skin. The barrier of embarrassment had been utterly demolished about thirty minutes ago when Seungri insisted on showing Seunghyun one of his favourite videos, the latter simply shrugged and watched with curious eyes. Presently Seunghyun was still staring at the phone, blinking robotically every now and again, he had no idea that you could, you know, do that. The pair’s positioning had changed so that they could see Seungri’s mobile better, they were facing forwards and sat on the chairs properly. Although Seunghyun’s head felt awfully heavy so he somehow fell onto Seungri’s shoulder not that either cared much about the sudden contact.

“You see? Looks fun doesn’t it?” Seungri slurred shutting the video off and sliding his phone back into his denim pocket.

“Yeah but” Seunghyun waved a blurry index finger in the air as he spoke. “Isn’t it painful? And a bit gross?”

“Well of course it’s going to hurt” Seungri burst out into a fit of side splitting fit laughter. “Man you’re so naïve! All hurts in some way… And no it’s not, actually it’s rather beautiful” A hand weaved its way around Seunghyun’s shoulders and gently patted the one which was furthest away.

“Oh I don’t know” Seunghyun sighed closing his eyes for a minute, head still resting on Seungri. “It’s just weird” He felt as scared as anything just thinking about what Seungri had just shown him although his face flushed at the thought of being with Jiyong like that. Maybe he could, you know, and enjoy it. “Jiyong?!” Seunghyun remembered “I’ve just got to-” He sat up and away from Seungri. “I better ring him, call him and stuff hang on”

“I’ll be waiting right here!” Seungri proudly announced as Seunghyun stumbled from the chair and tried to grab onto the nearby railings. He made his way along the railings, down a set of stairs, across the dance floor and somehow up the stairs leading to that beautiful balcony. It still looked just as beautiful as the first time that Seunghyun saw it. He smiled at the thought as he followed the twinkling lights and found the sofa that he and Jiyong had sat on. Falling onto it and rolling onto his back Seunghyun searched his pockets for his phone loudly cheering once he found it. The phone rang several times before a sleepy voice spoke

“Hello…” Jiyong’s hushed voice sounded so beautiful Seunghyun’s smile widened.

“Yongie~!!” Then at the other end of the noise spectrum there was Seunghyun who near enough shouted down the phone, volume control was something the drunken man had no power over tonight.

“Seunghyun?!” Jiyong’s voice perked up. “Where are you? Did you get home from work safely? Why does your voice sound like that? Are you drunk?” Whoa talk about fifty million questions, Seunghyun chuckled to himself.

“My Yongie” He merely repeated “I’m sitting under the stars thinking about you” Well maybe that was a bit of lie but Seunghyun could no longer tell the difference between the sheet of fake lights and the actual stars.

“What are you doing sitting outside? You’ll freeze to death” Jiyong was shuffling about.

“I heard you” Seunghyun’s confession halted all of Jiyong’s shuffling movements.

“What?” Jiyong could only question, a tinge of worry roughened his voice.

“You and Daesung and I want to be serious with you” Seunghyun held his hand, which wasn’t holding the phone, up into the air and if he counted right he had three hands with twenty fingers, wait… “I, uh, I want to, you know, do the thing that you do, with the thing that you, it goes in and makes you happy…” He trailed off barely making sense to anyone but himself.

“You are so drunk” Jiyong let out a noisy groan and the shuffling started up again. “Where are you? I’m coming to get you”

“Jiyong I’m being serious!” Seunghyun felt hurt, he was being ignored by his boyfriend and he didn’t like it. “Unless you don’t like me anymore” He sniffled whilst turning onto his side to face the sofa’s back.

“Of course I like you Seunghyun, now just tell me where you are” Jiyong pleaded as Seunghyun heard something in the background click. It must’ve been the alcohol taking effect because he hadn’t felt this depressed in a while, Seunghyun shook his head trying to rid the fog from his brain and how was this supposed to be helping him again?

“I’ve made you angry” Seunghyun’s clouded mind could only pick up on the slight frustration which was evident in Jiyong’s voice rather than the overall loving concern. “You’re angry at me” He rephrased his response with an extra-long whine, hang on Seunghyun Choi did not whine, he huffed at how pathetic he sounded.

“Seunghyun my man!!” The cheery voice of Seungri called from behind.

“I’m not angry-Who’s that?” Jiyong started to reel off a ton of questions though Seunghyun failed to understand them, he wriggled onto his behind and sat up straight allowing Seungri to fall beside him.

“Shh!” Seunghyun sloppily moved to slap Seungri who was making kissy faces at him. “It’s Seunghyun from the bar” For a moment Seunghyun felt a little confused but had no idea why. “Jiyong I’m going to be quiet now” He started to laugh for no particular reason “S’Iloveyou”

“Which bar are you at?” Now Jiyong sounded furious and the force of his question caused Seunghyun to gulp.

“Erm…” He cleared his throat and looked around him. “The lights, they’re everywhere, and our sofa, remember? I kissed you here” Seunghyun laughed again and lifted his legs up so that he could cuddle himself. “You kiss nicely. I want to kiss you again” The small confession was muffled by his knees and Seunghyun was trying his best to hide his smitten face from Seungri.

“Oh!” Jiyong exclaimed “Bae get the car we’re heading out-No Dae won’t mind, he’s out with Mihyun tonight-”

“Seungri I don’t think Jiyong’s talking to me” Seunghyun raised his face from his knees and tilted his head sideways to face his friend. “Wait no-” Seungri reached forward and grabbed Seunghyun’s phone from him, completely disregarding the other man’s pleas.

“Now you listen here Jiyong!” Seungri harshly spoke into the phone. “Your boyfriend here loves you with all of his heart and you love him so-” Seunghyun managed to snatch his phone back and he jumped up from the sofa whilst saying

“Yongie I’m a-”

“SEUNGHYUN CHOI YOU SIT BACK ON THAT SOFA AND DON’T YOU DARE MOVE UNTIL I GET THERE! YOU HEAR ME?” Jiyong’s loud shout shocked Seunghyun so much that he managed to topple over onto the sofa opposite them, his legs were on the sofa whereas the upper half of his body was hanging over the back of the chair and this lovely position left his behind stuck up in the air.  

“Owww…” Was the only strained reply which could escape Seunghyun as he dropped the phone and knocked his forehead against the sofa’s back.

Someone was hitting Seunghyun and when he opened his eyes he managed to kick whoever was slapping his behind, turning he found that person to be Seungri. Slowly Seunghyun slipped down the sofa and twisted around so that he was sat on it like a normal person, meanwhile Seungri sat beside him passing over Seunghyun’s phone which he hadn’t seen drop. He slipped the gadget into his trouser pocket then folded his hands together, placing them in his lap and watching as his knees knocked together. Seunghyun knew that he was going to be in huge trouble with Jiyong but he was still drunk enough to find that little fact funny and he giggled at the thought. The pair sat in (a sort of) silence until they heard footsteps approaching which immediately caused Seunghyun to look up, he recognised Jiyong and Bae then stared back down at his hands. Quickly raising an elbow to nudge Seungri who cottoned on and copied his friend’s pose, heads bowed and hands neatly held together in their laps.

“So what do you have to say for yourself?!” Jiyong didn’t even pause for a breather before he started firing questions at the pair.

“We’re-” Seunghyun tried to explain but couldn’t stop a tiny chuckle from escaping his lips. He swallowed down the remainder of his laughter by biting his upper lip.

“Bringing y back…” Seungri started singing quietly to himself and Seunghyun nudged him again. They lowly glanced at each other sharing an amused smirk

“Is this some sort of work celebration or something?” Jiyong’s bony index finger poked at Seunghyun’s shoulder. “Huh?!” He poked a little harder.

“Ow!” Seunghyun glanced up at his boyfriend and smiled at the sight of Jiyong’s beautiful face. “Yongie!” He called as if he’d just seen Jiyong for the first time tonight and in response Jiyong rolled his eyes whilst loudly exhaling.

“How much do you think they’ve had to drink?” Bae asked as Jiyong took a step back, folded his arms over his chest and eyed Seunghyun up suspiciously.

“A lot” Was Jiyong’s short reply

“I don’t have to listen to this!” Seunghyun went to stand up and he wobbled about a bit, although he got there in the end. “I know you talk about me because I heard you!” He took a step forward and angrily poked Jiyong. “You and you” Fingers pointed in every direction “We were having fun and now you’re ruining it. I love you Yongie” He stumbled forward and patted his boyfriend’s chest. “Youngbae this is my friend Seunghyun, you’re gay, he’s a gay, go be gay together” He moved to Bae and grabbed his shoulders, he practically threw the poor guy at Seungri and the sofa.

“Have you quite finished Seunghyun?” Jiyong unfolded his arms and instead grabbed Seunghyun’s trying to still his swaying boyfriend.

“I watched something” Seunghyun abruptly looked from side to side then waved a finger encouraging Jiyong to move closer.

“And what did you watch?” Jiyong asked playfully going along with whatever his drunken boyfriend was saying.

“Well” Seunghyun inched even closer to Jiyong “It started like this…” He let out a shaky breath before reaching forward and gently pressing his lips against Jiyong’s, at the same time he grabbed Jiyong’s belt buckle. The second his hand touched Jiyong’s belt the latter pulled away and forcefully shoved Seunghyun from him, he succeeded and Seunghyun stumbled over falling onto the floor.

“Se-Seunghyun!” Jiyong panted, his chest heaved up and down with every breath. The man on the floor sat up and curled in on himself, he was so ashamed of his actions but oh so dizzy from the fall. “I’m so sorry!” Some hands tried to fuss Seunghyun’s knees but he was too preoccupied by burying his face in them and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!” Jiyong cursed over and over and over again whilst Seunghyun started to cry. He wanted another drink and he couldn’t comprehend what had just happened, Seunghyun gave Jiyong what he wanted and he’d been rejected. Jiyong’s stream of curses started to fizzle into a static silence which only further provoked Seunghyun’s growing headache, he felt sick and dizzy and-

A bright light flashed across Seunghyun’s eyes and he raised his arm to shield himself from the onslaught of pain. Wiggling about a bit he felt something squishy beside him and a voice was talking far too loudly for Seunghyun’s liking

“Oh cr*p there’s so much light!” Hang on, Seunghyun knew that voice, he let his arm shield fall though as he did he felt another squishy thing lying on his other side. He moved both of his arms at the same time and squeezed what felt like arms with his hands, someone grumbled something and before Seunghyun knew it an arm lazily flopped over his chest. He smiled at the thought of it being Jiyong and turned sideways into the person’s embrace, they hummed a light approval shuffling closer in the process. Once Seunghyun was snuggled in, effectively being cocooned by his boyfriend, he felt someone’s arms wrap around him from in front. Wait, another body snuggled up to his front?

Slowly he opened his eyes and almost screamed.

“Morning!” Bae softly called from the end of the bed as he closed the curtains, he’d just opened the windows so that explained the sudden burst of light. What it didn’t explain was if Seunghyun could see that Jiyong was directly in front of him then who in the heck was behind spooning him? He pried both sets of arms away and looked.

“What the-” He just about managed to say before Bae cut in

“Shh!” He hushed Seunghyun and climbed back onto the bed, resuming what must’ve been his previous position behind Seungri and he cuddled the other man, slightly rolling him away from Seunghyun. This was one hell of a strange dream, Seunghyun frowned as he watched Bae fall back asleep, what the heck happened last night?

Seunghyun rubbed his head as he sat up, yawning whilst he did so, and tried to recall what had happened. The last thing he could remember was calling Jiyong. Oh god. He groaned and caught his heavy head in his hands, suddenly remembering all about Seungri’s “education”. Looking back at Jiyong he noticed that his boyfriend was topless, oh no, he didn’t did he? Seunghyun crawled under the duvet and slipped out the end of the bed, being very careful about not waking anyone else up because as of right now he had an appointment with Jiyong’s bathroom. He walked towards the door and noticed that they were all in Bae’s bedroom, he sighed before leaving.

After a sufficient amount of time spent staring into the dizzying depths of hell Seunghyun closed the toilet lid then flushed it, he’d never felt this ill before and he’d never spent this much time in his own bathroom let alone anyone else’s. Just as he opened the bathroom door someone else staggered in, it was Jiyong and luckily Seunghyun caught his boyfriend before he could fall onto the floor.

“Seunghyun was that you being sick?” Jiyong rapidly blinked as he returned to his feet.

“Uh yeah it was” Seunghyun politely turned away and cleared his throat, he heard the lock on the bathroom door click then felt a pair of arms hug his waist from behind. “I’m sorry about, you know, in your bathroom”

“Don’t worry about it” Jiyong softly spoke into Seunghyun’s back, once he’d finished talking he left a small path of kisses along the ridges of Seunghyun’s spine and that’s when the latter realised he was still wearing his outfit from yesterday/last night. His shirt was suddenly far too tight, trousers far too creased and he had no socks on, everything felt sticky and wrong and Jiyong was still topless. “Here” One arm disappeared then returned two seconds later to hold a toothbrush out in front of Seunghyun.

“Thanks” Seunghyun sighed, he went to reach for the toothbrush but Jiyong moved it still keeping one hand firmly on his boyfriend’s waist. “I’m not in the mood Jiyong” He sighed again and reached for the brush, again Jiyong moved it.

“Are you hung-over?” Jiyong simply asked sounding extra smug.

“Yes” Seunghyun admitted with yet another sigh “And I’m never touching alcohol ever again” Still no success in grabbing the toothbrush. “Right” He shuffled towards the sink trying to break free from Jiyong’s hug but it didn’t work and Jiyong only followed him across the small square of tiled floor. When they reached the sink Seunghyun grabbed onto its rim with both hands “I feel so sick Ji”

“Good” He could feel Jiyong’s smile through his light tone of voice and the hand which had been on Seunghyun’s waist moved to grab something from beside the sink. A minute later Jiyong’s hands returned but Seunghyun barely noticed a thing, he felt overwhelming dizzy again as if the room was spinning.

“Open up” Jiyong commanded but Seunghyun didn’t move keeping his blurring eyes focused on the space between the taps. “Seunghyun? Hello…”

“Dizzy” Seunghyun just about said, there was a clatter and then he was literally spinning. Jiyong grabbed Seunghyun’s shoulders and spun him around.

“Sit” Seunghyun felt something cold and the next thing he knew he was on the lid of the toilet with Jiyong stood just in front of him bending over the bathtub. He could hear the taps running and a sweet smell of jasmine filled the small room. “Hold” Jiyong reappeared in front of Seunghyun and pressed a cold flannel to his forehead, Seunghyun did exactly what he was told. He wanted to smile at just how caring Jiyong was, no matter how much of an idiot Seunghyun might have been last night, but it was way too painful, so he made a mental note to thank Jiyong later.

“So, how much of last night do you remember?” Jiyong asked as he turned the taps off and spun on his heels to face his sullen boyfriend.

“Just, just calling you” Seunghyun slowly replied. The coolness of the flannel was long gone so he let his aching arm fall onto his lap.

“And you don’t remember anything after that?” Jiyong itched at the crown of his confused head whilst Seunghyun looked from his boyfriend down to the floor, readying himself for whatever information Jiyong was going to tell him.

“Not a thing” Seunghyun meekly answered locking his hands together and twiddling his thumbs.

“OK” That was it, no explanation, no anger or scolding, nothing. This couldn’t be good. Seunghyun gulped down the bitter sensation which was currently burning his throat.

“Did I do anything to you?” He had to know.

“Like what?” Jiyong turned away and started fiddling with a towel he’d scooped up from the lid of the laundry basket which sat facing the bath by the sink.

“Erm…” Seunghyun wondered how he should phrase it, how do you say such a thing? He had to just grow up and say it. “Like anything forceful or erm, you know” He chickened out at the last minute. It was like his tongue was suddenly too big for his mouth and he couldn’t get a word past it.

“I don’t understand” Jiyong turned back around looking as if he genuinely did not understand, his eyebrows were wrinkled together whereas his mouth hung slightly ajar.

“I’m seriously not good at this” Seunghyun admitted looking away from Jiyong again.

“Then don’t worry about it” Jiyong nervously laughed just to clear some of the awkward tension and he held the fluffy lilac towel just in front of Seunghyun. “There’s enough bubbles in there to cover you up and I promise I won’t look until you’re comfortable, it’s just you need a bath and I don’t want to leave you alone in here in case you faint or fall asleep” Well if Seunghyun wasn’t embarrassed before he definitely was now. He shook his head whilst glancing back up at Jiyong.

“You’re joking right?” The question sort of just slipped out of his mouth.

“No I’m not. Now get in there before I have to use force!” Jiyong threateningly ordered shoving the towel into Seunghyun’s lap and forcing him away from the toilet by the shoulders. Seunghyun could only scramble onto his feet and hold the towel over his chest in shock as Jiyong made himself at home on the toilet seat.

“You’re being serious?” Seunghyun was about to have a meltdown, he didn’t want to have a bath and he especially didn’t want one in the presence of Jiyong.

“I am” Jiyong nodded as he closed his eyes. “And I’m going to count to ten, so if you’re not in there by then I’m going to rip your clothes from you and throw you in” Seunghyun gulped.

“One” Jiyong counted as he folded his arms over his chest. “Two”

“Alright, alright” Seunghyun huffed as he started to strip. “I’m getting in” He slipped his shirt off then his trousers. Once Seunghyun was fully undressed he practically dived into the bath and immediately covered himself up with as much bubbles as he possibly could, his heart was beating so furiously he found it difficult to breathe. Remaining still his eyes were locked onto Jiyong, who once the room fell into total silence slowly started to open his. He opened one eye first then the other quickly followed and in an instant they were staring at each other. Jiyong’s eyes didn’t leave Seunghyun’s throughout the entire bath.

At first the room was deathly silent and Seunghyun daren’t move remaining upright with his head turned to the side to face Jiyong. However, after a while Jiyong started to talk about pointless things like how the smell of jasmine always used to calm him down after a long day at work, or how he had an argument with the microwave last night and ended up overflowing his instant ramen. The small talk seemed to calm Seunghyun down. He started to sink into the bath and for the first time since he climbed into the tub Seunghyun stopped staring at Jiyong, a low sigh escaped him as he relaxed.

Closing his eyes Seunghyun completely forgot about his boyfriend’s presence in the room and allowed the fruity fragrance to completely take over his senses. The smell wasn’t too overpowering but it seemed to soothe his aching head and tired muscles, consequently Seunghyun decided that he was never going to touch alcohol ever again. He was on the verge of falling asleep when a light voice called his name, Seunghyun casually opened his eyes to find the owner of the voice sitting on the edge of the bathtub and he didn’t panic.

“I thought you were asleep for a minute there” Jiyong tenderly spoke, the soft lull of his mellow voice floated into Seunghyun’s ears as if the familiar sound of his boyfriend’s voice was an old favourite song of his, which it was.

“No” Seunghyun’s coarse voice couldn’t quite match up to Jiyong’s softness though he sounded equally at peace. Jiyong gently leaned forward and combed back Seunghyun’s clammy fringe, steadying himself with his other hand which kept a firm grip on the side of the tub. The movement felt so natural and serene Seunghyun barely moved at the touch

“That’s better” Jiyong seemed to light up at the touch and his eyes scrunched up into beautiful half-moons, somehow outshining the fluorescent strip of the bathroom light. “Do you feel better?”

“Much” Seunghyun could only reflect Jiyong’s smile. There was no way he could feel down or upset when Jiyong looked at him with such radiance and love. “Jiyong, I have to talk to you about something” He had to man up and just say what was troubling him.

“I know” Jiyong whispered following that with a light sigh. “You told me last night” Gently withdrawing his hand from Seunghyun’s hair Jiyong moved away from the bath although before Seunghyun could protest (even he was surprised by that feeling) Jiyong knelt beside the tub and rested against it. Using his elbows as leverage Jiyong rested his chin on his woven fingers then returned his gaze to Seunghyun’s before explaining

“At first I had no idea what you were talking about but once we got back last night and you were tucked into bed I thought about it and everything just clicked. I’m so sorry you had to hear that, Daesung can be a bit of a pig sometimes” He ever so slightly laughed at the words which gradually lowered into a fond smile. “Do you remember what I said to you on that balcony?” The question caused Seunghyun to frown with concentration as he tried to recall the memory. “I said ‘Let’s not get too hung up on definitions, just enjoy it for what it is’”

“I remember now” Seunghyun smiled at the recollection. “I said that I would overthink things”

“Exactly” Jiyong added confirming the memory “And I want you to remember that we found each other because of how we felt, not because of anyone else’s feelings, I fell in love with you and you fell in love with me” He paused to unlink a hand which affectionately the tip of Seunghyun’s nose as he spoke. “It’s just you and me” Seunghyun closed his eyes to the touch, purely focusing on the feeling of Jiyong’s velvety skin against his own. “No one else, OK?”

“OK” Seunghyun breathed opening his eyes and glancing over at Jiyong, who was still perched at the edge of the bath.

“Seunghyun” Jiyong smiled as their glances connected “I love you”

“I love you too” Seunghyun replied knowing that he’d never get tired of saying it. He sat up in the bath, completely forgetting about his previous troubles, and reached out for Jiyong. His beautiful boyfriend looked worried for a moment as Seunghyun slid his arms under Jiyong’s and pulled him close, lifting him up and shuffling onto his knees in the process. Seunghyun tightly snuggled against Jiyong, resting his head in the curve of Jiyong’s neck, the skin of their bare chests met in a pleasant feather-weight touch as Seunghyun breathed Jiyong in. It took a moment for Jiyong to process what was happening but when he had Seunghyun felt a set of secure arms hold him lovingly.

They were sat on Jiyong’s bed facing each other and their held hands rested against their brushing knees, Seunghyun couldn’t take his eyes off of Jiyong. They were sat so closely, staring at each other as if it might be for the last time, and anxiously smiling as they waited for someone to say something. Seunghyun was clothed now, though it was only a vest and some shorts which he’d had to borrow from Bae again, and so was Jiyong who sat wearing a big oversized white shirt with some small denim shorts. The weather was boiling and Jiyong’s tiny bedroom window was wide open, Seunghyun couldn’t help but think of how gorgeous his boyfriend looked in white, it emphasised the sprinkle of light rosy hues which coloured his creamy cheeks, especially when he smiled. That smile, Seunghyun couldn’t get used to it and every time Jiyong smiled so did he.

The anxiousness in the room was due to the lack of knowledge in what was going to happen next, neither could make heads nor tails of what to do, they weren’t hungry or bored and Seunghyun felt a lot better so they remained still. There were no interruptions as Bae had offered to take his new found friend out for dinner then home and Daesung was still not home from going out with Mihyun, the apartment was empty yet it was so alive.

Seunghyun could stay like this forever. He wouldn’t need anything just as long as Jiyong kept staring at him offering a flash of his perfect smile every now and again. He wouldn’t need to sleep, eat or function because he was full, dulled into the comfortable warmth of his boyfriend’s love, as cheesy as it sounded Seunghyun really didn’t need anything else. That’s when he realised that no matter what he would think, what he could say, none of that would ever amount to how he felt. He could worry for the rest of his life, he could stress and be frustrated by the unknown, but with one simple glance Jiyong would revive his senses and make him feel.

“Jiyong” Seunghyun delicately broke the silence with nothing more a gentle whisper.

“Yes?” Jiyong answered his pitch softly higher and eyes expectant.

“Will you promise to love me for the rest of my life?” Seunghyun asked gradually slipping their hands apart and lifting one hand to faintly trace Jiyong’s beautifully curved jaw.

“I will” Jiyong’s smile grew with a bubbling hope. “I will love you no matter what, for the rest of our lives and forever” Seunghyun watched Jiyong’s lips as he spoke and with the index finger of his raised hand he gingerly tapped along the ridges of Jiyong’s scarcely chapped lips. Seunghyun smiled at the promise of a lifetime and his eyes returned to Jiyong’s, with that in mind he leaned over Jiyong’s folded legs and kissed him. Jiyong quickly melted into the kiss and gripped onto Seunghyun’s shoulders as the latter carefully lowered him onto the bed. Seunghyun pulled away once Jiyong was fully resting against the duvet, giving himself a minute to shuffle so that his knees were either side of Jiyong’s legs whilst his arms held him upright, then he returned to Jiyong’s lips taking his time to get used to feeling of a kiss.

Soon the softly sweet meeting of their lips fashioned into something more, the escalation of the kiss happened when Jiyong slipped an arm around Seunghyun’s neck and pulled him down. They rolled onto their sides, brushing, touching, and gripping at the other’s face, body, and hair, trying to search for some sort of answer. They broke the kiss as their lungs needed to catch up on air though their doting gazes remained, Seunghyun panted and uncoiled a hand from Jiyong’s silken hair to lightly skim his boyfriend’s flushed cheeks. Jiyong kept a hand interlaced with the un-brushed tangles of Seunghyun’s caramel locks whereas his other hand rested with Seunghyun’s in the middle of their embrace, just below their waists. Their heads were at the same level, sharing an equal stare and allowing their noses to meet in the middle. Seunghyun could feel Jiyong’s every breath, the slow puffs of air tickled at Seunghyun’s lips which twitched into a happy smile. Thoughts, fears and panic dwindled in comparison to the overwhelming feeling of love. Seunghyun reached forward to kiss his boyfriend again and yes, with Jiyong he could overcome anything.

And they did, together.

Your song is sung in your beautiful voice.

My senses rush ‘cause they have no other choice…

I breathe you in, and I see through your eyes.

You are an angel in a beautiful disguise.

We crossed paths for a reason,

The planets aligned in that particular season.

It’s clear to me that well eventually be

Inseparable.

I love your existence,

and I can’t get enough…

- Alex Goot’s I Love Your Existence.