Looking through Jiyong’s portfolio, remembering Bae’s promise, Seunghyun felt defeated. Sure he wanted to believe in Bae’s words, keep the hope that Jiyong might just want him back, but Seunghyun wasn’t sure if this was good enough anymore. He’d come a long way since they had first met. He remembered that helplessness which had initially drawn him to Jiyong. Guarded was perhaps the right word to describe that beautiful daunting stare of Jiyong’s, the first drawn out gasp when Seunghyun had frightened him. The smile which slid Jiyong’s lips into perfect rays of sunshine, that smile, so flawless and warm.

Seunghyun shook his head. It was obvious that Jiyong didn’t want him anymore. He tried to repeat the statement as he snapped the folder shut. If Jiyong didn’t need him then what was he supposed to do about it?

Nothing.

Though, after briefly turning over in his bed, Seunghyun came up with one last idea. He’d given up on trying to woo Jiyong back, he’d given up on perhaps receiving a letter of reply, instead he promised himself, Jiyong and Bae that he would do one last thing. One last gesture to show Jiyong how much he could be loved, if he just allowed it to happen, and hopefully that would give Seunghyun an answer to his fifty thousand questions. Seunghyun smacked the pillow and shoved his head against it in one last impatient attempt to get comfortable, before he knew it his eyes fell surrendering to the haze of sleep.

The next morning Seunghyun woke up early. Today was Saturday and he had absolutely nothing planned, as per usual. Although this morning Seunghyun had a spring in his step, he told himself that soon Monday morning would roll around and he’d be getting ready for his interview.

Bugger!

Stubbing his toe on the last step Seunghyun cursed, lifting his foot up to inspect the damage and groaning at the prickling pain. A giggle made itself present before him and Seunghyun glanced up ready to give the owner his best evils, it was Mihyun and she looked way too pleased with herself.

“Babo!” She covered her laughing mouth with her hand “You should know how many steps we have by now” Still laughing, still receiving evils.

“I was…just testing gravity” Seunghyun rolled off the response as if it was an everyday occurrence causing Mihyun’s laugh to deepen. “Anyway I want your help” He reached forward and grabbed her shoulder before gingerly brushing the tip of his painful toe against one of his rogue slippers. “Well technically I just need your laptop”

“Ah…” Mihyun’s face suddenly glowed with the sharpest red blush that Seunghyun had ever seen. “Erm, you see, Seunghyun…” It was rare for her to call her Brother by his name so naturally he frowned. “I’m busy on it… Talking to Dae…In my room…” Seunghyun searched her eyes for a clear answer but she wouldn’t look at him.

“So? Maybe I can say hello” Seunghyun eagerly the stairs and jumped up a couple. Mihyun mumbled something which he didn’t hear “Speak up I can’t you!” Seunghyun jumped up two more stairs. “Mihyun?” Next two jumped. Now Seunghyun was stood on the landing with a frozen Mihyun still at the bottom of the stairs. “I’m going to say hi to Daesung now” He near enough shouted before pegging it into Mihyun’s bedroom. A furious scuffle was heard as Seunghyun pictured Mihyun scrambling up the stairs, he laughed and entered her bedroom quickly closing the door behind him.

The sight that met Seunghyun’s eyes was something of which he never ever wished to see. Mihyun’s laptop was sat in the middle of the bed, facing the door, and all Seunghyun could see was a six pack of abs. Unexpectedly Mihyun forcefully pushed the door open from behind Seunghyun which caused the pair to fall forwards and land on her bed. Still Seunghyun was looking at the abs when he heard a soft voice call

“Babe is that you?”

“He’s…He’s…” Seunghyun stammered abruptly feeling a twinge of heat pinch at his cheeks.

“Daesung?!” Mihyun gasped, clearly exasperated. A small set of eyes suddenly popped up on the screen and before anyone could say a thing the laptop fell, showing something of which Seunghyun did not want to see.

“OH MY SWEET- HE’S --WHAT THE- MIHYUN?!?!” Seunghyun squeezed his eyes shut and rolled from underneath Mihyun’s body just as she reached over him and tried to minimise the screen. “WHAT IN THE NAME OF-” Seunghyun fell off the bed, stacked over a fallen teddy and nearly face planted the wall. He buried his face into his crossed arms which had, luckily, protected his face from the fall.

“CHRIST DAESUNG I WAS ONLY GONE FOR TWO MINUTES?!” Mihyun angrily shouted at her laptop.

“Seunghyun?!?!” Daesung’s voice called from the laptop “What in the hell is he doing-”

“I JUST WANTED TO BORROW THE LAPTOP!” Seunghyun protested from the floor.

“THE QUESTION IS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Mihyun’s shout matched Seunghyun’s in loudness and pitch, to anyone else their situation would’ve probably looked hilarious.

“I saw…his…” Seunghyun panted trying to squeeze his eyes shut in the hope that the image would leave his sight. “Oh my…” He continued to ramble on to himself as Mihyun reopened the webcam and demanded an explanation. Daesung had to be dressed again…

“I’m so sorry! I thought when you said, well, you know, that you, and I, maybe I could, if you, I mean, no, yeah, erm…” Daesung wheezed for an explanation but couldn’t provide an adequate one, even to his own set of burning ears. “Anyway” He snapped up sounding a bit happier “I have nothing to be embarrassed about, I was sharing something beautiful with my girlfriend and Seunghyun” Daesung paused which caused Seunghyun to slowly open his eyes and crawl back up to the bed. He could never ever see Daesung in the same way ever again, he had a huge- “Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it” Daesung laughed and Seunghyun’s face turned a frightening shade of maroon.

“I” Seunghyun huffed, attempted to cover his face then ran out of Mihyun’s room as fast as his legs could carry him. He panted heavily, slamming his bedroom door shut and flicking his panicked gaze around his little haven. “Who would enjoy such a gross thing?” He raised his hand and brought it to his pounding chest. “It’s disgusting, horrible, disturbing…” He trailed off a list of words which meant the same thing but had no meaning to him. “Hang on…” Seunghyun released a sharp sigh as the realisation hit him.

Bugger!

Shaking his head Seunghyun allowed himself to calm down before he left his bedroom again. This time Mihyun approached him first, her cheeks were still crimson and her stare continued to evade Seunghyun’s

“Seunghyun…” Mihyun started finally meeting her Brother’s gaze, he halted in his tracks just in front of her. “We’re adults right?”

“Erm…” Seunghyun gulped. “Yeah…”

“Well as you know” She cleared “When you get to a certain age…”

“Mihyun!” Seunghyun cut in over the top of her “You’re seriously not going to give me ‘the talk’ are you?” Again the blood rushed to his face and gave the game away.

“Pa didn’t-” Mihyun stopped when she realised that she hadn’t quite thought out her words.

“Mihyun, its O.K. Pa didn’t need to, you don’t need to. I’m-”

“But you are, I mean, you’re different and I, I guess we, well, what I’m trying to say is if you need any advice on guys and stuff you can talk to me” Mihyun sighed as a look of relief washed over her face.

“First of all” Seunghyun cleared his throat “I’m not any different to you or anyone else. Second of all, even though you are older than me you’re still my Sister and I don’t want to know what you do behind closed doors and third, as you know, I have no partner so you know” He shrugged and patted her shoulder. “I appreciate it but please for our sanity stop. I’m happy for you and Daesung, I was just surprised that’s all and I shouldn’t have gone into your room” Seunghyun walked past her and towards the stairs “If it’s alright I’d still like to borrow your laptop at some point?” Mihyun nodded as she smiled. “Great! I’ll be downstairs if you need me…”

“What was the place called?” Mihyun asked from beside Seunghyun, they were sat on the sofa and she was hastily tapping at the laptop as he idly flicked through his phone.

“Keys Bookstore” Seunghyun repeated aloud from his memory.

“Keys Bookshop” Mihyun started to read out to Seunghyun who stopped looking at his phone and peered at her screen.

“It’s supposed to be a really good book shop” Daesung’s voice spoke from along the side of Mihyun’s laptop screen. “I think I went there once…”

“I don’t actually know what you or Bae do for a living” Seunghyun pointed out to the little webcam square. “Do you actually do anything?” The question was harmless so Daesung just laughed Seunghyun’s annoyed tone off.

“Actually I do” Daesung mocked with a light smile “Both Bae and I work at the same gym, perhaps you should get your podgy self down there and show us what you’re made of” He teased.

“So uh…” Seunghyun carefully looked over the laptop’s keyboard “If I press this button…It’ll turn the webcam off?”

“Don’t you dare” Mihyun growled eyes still focused on the website. “Pack it in you two, it says that Keys is about twenty minutes away from here but you might have to take the metro to get there” A map quickly occupied the screen

“Can’t I walk it?” Seunghyun grumbled leaning back into his seat to stare up at the fascinating ceiling.

“Only if you have a death wish” Mihyun huffed continuing her website browsing. They stayed that way for a while with Mihyun reading out pointless details that Seunghyun was barely paying attention to. He wondered about the shop, what it would be like, what Mr. Lee would be like, and then he felt nervous. “So… If we’re finished now, can I go?” Mihyun glanced up from her laptop to her Brother.

“Hang on, I have one last thing” Seunghyun sat up and the sofa to face her. “If, say, you wanted to get some photos printed, like in a book for something, could you do that online?” Mihyun’s eyebrows knitted together at the question though she considered it for a moment.

“Sure you can” Daesung spoke and Seunghyun had completely forgotten that he was still there. “Anything’s possible on the internet”

“Would it be really expensive?” Seunghyun asked looking at Daesung’s small face on the screen.

“Not really” Daesung shrugged “Oh hold up a second, I’ve just gotta let someone in” He stood up and moved away from the laptop, it was obvious that he had moved from the privacy of his bedroom into the living room and Seunghyun was a little thankful for it. Without warning Mihyun slid the laptop onto Seunghyun’s lap then got up

“Pee break” She hastily smiled before she ran from the room. Seunghyun went to click on the website though in true idiotic fashion he clicked on the webcam making the view of Daesung’s living room full screen. He froze with his mouth hanging dangerously open as he saw Daesung open the door to Jiyong who instantly grabbed Daesung and pulled him into a tight hug.

“How’d it go?” Daesung quietly asked causing Seunghyun’s ears to strain, he could just about hear them.

“Terrible!” Jiyong didn’t release the hug and only seemed to bury his face further into Daesung’s shoulder. “They just said the same things over and over again” Finally Jiyong released the hug and Seunghyun could see Daesung’s shoulders relax a little.

“Like?” Daesung asked as Jiyong’s face suddenly switched to a stone cold expression.

“Nothing that I haven’t heard before” Jiyong simply shrugged “Although my Dad did add some nice comments about Seunghyun” He paused for a minute but still his stony expression remained. Jiyong looked pale, so frighteningly pale, and thin as if he hadn’t eaten for weeks. Seunghyun didn’t want to intrude on the conversation but at the mention of his name he couldn’t help but stare.

“Really?” Daesung sounded a little sarcastic, a little surprised.

“Yeah, just really stupid things like what does Seunghyun have that a woman doesn’t? I thought that answer was pretty obvious” A small weak smile crept onto Jiyong’s face. “Oh and stuff like you’ll never be happy, you don’t deserve it, oh and do you wanna hear the best part?” From out of nowhere Jiyong started to laugh, like really laugh.

“Go on?” Daesung systematically replied

“You know I told you about how I saw Seunghyun in the ice cream shop with that little kid? Well, it turns out that’s my Sister’s baby and she thinks that I’m dead” He was still laughing. The blunt sound made Seunghyun’s stomach drop to the floor - Dami’s Jiyong was Seunghyun’s Jiyong?! It couldn’t possibly be- “Yeah according to my parents I killed myself a long time ago, can you believe it?” Jiyong’s laughter sharply declined and his marble expression returned. “They told me to go away and finish the job”

Jiyong didn’t cry or laugh. He didn’t react. Seunghyun’s hand shot up to his mouth to stop himself from being sick, his throat burned at the words, how could they say such things to their Son?!

“Jiyong that’s terrible…” Daesung gasped, clearly unsure of how to respond to such vile words. He went to reach out for his friend but hesitated

“Its fine” Jiyong simply shrugged “At least I don’t have to see them anymore and maybe, just maybe, I might finish it” He started to walk away from Daesung but after taking a couple of steps he turned back around. Now Seunghyun couldn’t see his face. Suddenly Daesung turned to face him and looked back at the laptop, his eyes widened as he remembered that Seunghyun was still there. Seunghyun slammed the laptop down and ran into the hallway, shoving his shoes on and running out the front door.

Mihyun skipped back down the stairs, taking her time to return to Seunghyun, she smiled to herself as she entered the living room only to find that he was gone. Her smile widened. Slowly Mihyun sat back down and opened her laptop up, her beautiful boyfriend’s face returned to the screen, his smile as wide as hers.

“Did it work?” Mihyun peered around as she asked.

“I hope so” Daesung sighed a little “I told Jiyong to get some air, hopefully they’ll bump into each other”

“I can’t believe how well you timed that” Mihyun replied, crossing her fingers and praying that they would meet each other.

Seunghyun knew exactly where he had to go, he had to go to Jiyong, he had to tell him that he was beautiful and that throwing his life away wouldn’t solve anything. All other thoughts ceased, the hesitation of not being wanted was unimportant to Seunghyun right now and all that mattered in this moment was Jiyong’s safety. Hopefully Daesung wouldn’t leave him on his own, hopefully Seunghyun wouldn’t take too long, and hopefully Jiyong would listen to him.

Seunghyun rounded a corner, launching himself down the street, he’d never ran this fast in his entire life and for once he wasn’t out of breath. A strange burning sensation inflamed his body, forced his legs to move at an uncomfortable speed, and it wasn’t long before he was sweating like madman. Just as he reached the street of Jiyong’s apartment building Seunghyun grinded to a halt, he was stood on the street facing the building whilst Jiyong was stood on the side nearest his apartment. Jiyong was in a trance and his eyes blankly followed every single car that passed him, surely he wouldn’t?

“Jiyong?!” Seunghyun called out to the figure, there was no immediate response.

Jiyong took a step forward, one foot teetering over the curb, he inhaled a deep breath.

“Jiyong?!” Seunghyun called again, looking around and wondering how in the heck he could cross the road. There was so much traffic he’d never reach him quick enough. “JIYONG?!”

Jiyong’s eyes weakly glanced upwards, his trance still intact, he looked at Seunghyun as if he was total stranger. His foot dangerously tilted forwards, he was nearly in the road.

“I LOVE YOU!” Seunghyun bellowed with all his might. “PLEASE DON’T-” He noticed the traffic stop, he had a split second before they started to move again and so he chanced it. Seunghyun ran he ran so fast that he was afraid he would never stop but he did, he did stop.

Seunghyun reached forward and tackled Jiyong away from the road just as a car passed him, if he’d hesitated Seunghyun could’ve died. He held onto Jiyong as tightly as he could, pushing him backwards and falling against the wall of Jiyong’s apartment building. Cries escaped Seunghyun as he breathed Jiyong in, that familiar musk of vanilla, the sweet smell of home he’d missed so badly. “How dare you!!” Seunghyun stammered between cries “How could you!!” Jiyong didn’t respond to Seunghyun’s words, his cries or what had just occurred. His body was frozen and his temperature plummeted, Seunghyun wanted him to react. “Jiyong” It sounded more like begging rather than a demand for actual answers. “Please--”

They stayed silent for a few minutes more and Seunghyun slowly released Jiyong from his grip. Once Jiyong was back to standing on his own two feet he shakily steadied himself against the wall whilst Seunghyun took a step back, providing a small distance between them. “Jiyong please talk to me” Seunghyun breathed heavily as he tried to wipe his tears away with his hands.

“I have nothing to say to you” Jiyong coldly responded. “Did I not make myself clear?” Seunghyun could see through this façade, through Jiyong’s stony mask and velvet lies. “I don’t love you!” Frustrated anger snapped Jiyong’s voice and he pushed his body away from the wall.

“I know everything, I know about your Sister and your family, I know” Seunghyun burst out “I know” He repeated as if he was trying to get Jiyong to believe him. Jiyong’s beautiful face twisted into an even colder emotion, apathy. He looked away from Seunghyun and spat

“You don’t know” All of Jiyong’s bitterness and anger seemed to be focused into those three small words, their weight gripped at Seunghyun’s chest. “You don’t know what it’s like” Jiyong choked and tried to cough it out.

“Then tell me, tell me anything, please Jiyong. I don’t know what I’d do without you!” Seunghyun tried to hold Jiyong but the smaller guy brushed him off.

“I don’t want to tell you a thing” Jiyong’s bitterness deepened “I hate you! You hear me?!” He forcefully pushed Seunghyun away and moved from the wall. “You’re better off without me and I’m better off without you. I know you can move on so just do us both a favour and go away!”

“Is that what you really want?” Seunghyun trembled, he started to violently shake and he couldn’t stop no matter how hard he tried. Jiyong was about to leave him for good, forever.

“Yes” Jiyong speedily replied taking a step down the street. “Seunghyun you deserve someone who can love you, someone who can treat you well, and I- well I can’t do that. How am I supposed to know what love is? Come on tell me! If my parents don’t love me, if my Sister doesn’t love, if the most important people in my entire life can’t love me, then how am I supposed to love someone?! COME ON TELL ME!!” Jiyong furiously yelled as he lunged forward and grabbed at Seunghyun’s t-shirt. As Jiyong continued to shout he started to lightly punch Seunghyun’s chest, the latter did nothing and merely watched as the beautiful statue of Jiyong crumbled.

“I love you” Seunghyun’s reply was broken, coarse with raw emotion. He wanted to cry but couldn’t bring himself to, something held him back.

“Your love means nothing to me” Jiyong lashed out and his last punch knocked Seunghyun back a step. Seunghyun was stiff from Jiyong’s words, rendered useless by such venom and hate but it wasn’t directed at Seunghyun, he could see that it was aimed at Jiyong. Jiyong loathed himself that much. It broke Seunghyun’s heart to see the one person who had always been so divinely perfect in his eyes presently be so scattered and torn. “You were just a careless dream Seunghyun, it’s time for you to wake up and return to the real world” Jiyong turned and started walking down the street.

Seunghyun watched Jiyong’s back, he’d committed the image to memory but now he was sick of the sight. He was sick of Jiyong always being so ready to leave him behind, sick of how Jiyong tortured himself, sick of how he listened to his stupid parents.

“Do you remember when you told me to never leave you?” Seunghyun shouted down the street forcing Jiyong’s feet to stop moving. “It’s cruel! You can’t make me promise something and then just break it! You can’t leave me again! You made me believe in the world and now, now you’re just taking it all away from me! It’s not fair!” His tears returned but Seunghyun didn’t care, he could feel a numbness crawling along his skin, this wasn’t going to happen again. “How could you be so heartless?! You say that I’m better off without you but I’m not! I’ll never be fine! I’ll never recover no matter what you tell yourself just so that you can sleep at night! I won’t move on! I refuse to! I can’t live without you you bloody idiot! I won’t give up on my dreams!!” Once Seunghyun had vented out his feelings he rushed forward and latched onto Jiyong’s wrist, spinning the scrawny guy around to face him.

“You can keep lying to yourself, you can keep hiding but you wanted to move on into the future with me, you promised me everything, everything Jiyong and I only want that with you! I love you for who you are Jiyong Kwon and that will never change! Can’t you see that?!” Seunghyun pleaded, grabbing at Jiyong’s jumper, then he looked down and instantly recognised the hoody. He knew it was his hoody from the first day that they had met. Jiyong was always carrying a part of Seunghyun with him.

“Seun-Seunghyun please” Jiyong finally broke but still he tried to remain emotionless. Glancing away from Seunghyun he knew that Jiyong’s eyes would give him away.

“Look at me!” Seunghyun’s ordered as he scrunched the thick green fabric underneath his sweating palms. Jiyong hesitantly met Seunghyun’s stare like he was fearful of what he would find. “I don’t know how many times I have to keep telling you this but I’ll keep repeating myself until I get it into your thick skull. You are amazing, you are special, you are one in a million, you are beautiful, and you are loved for who you are. I fell in love with Jiyong, that total dork who eagerly ripped my shopping bags from me because he wanted to help, that shy guy who tripped over his words and wanted my company. I love you for all you are and all you could be” Seunghyun lowered his hands to Jiyong’s and squeezed them together, he could feel his tears intensify. “Please just let me love you like you deserve to be loved!”

“Seunghyun” Jiyong heavily breathed out as his eyes misted over.

“You’re also forgetting that I’ve been scared too, I know exactly how you feel, I’ve shut myself away worried about the rest of the world but you, you stopped that, you broke me down until there was nothing left, until my real thoughts and emotions were exposed. Then you seamlessly pieced me back together, you brought me back to the surface and made the big world feel O.K. I want to do the same for you if you’ll let me” Seunghyun begged “Please let me”

“I-I don’t deserve-” Jiyong stuttered

“Please!” Seunghyun could see that shield of hesitance rise in Jiyong’s eyes and he couldn’t bear it, he couldn’t bear the thought of someone so beautiful feeling as if they were just a speck of dirt, Jiyong meant everything to Seunghyun, everything. Jiyong didn’t respond to Seunghyun’s pleas so the latter carefully pulled Jiyong closer by his hands, releasing them once they were close enough and met Jiyong’s lips with his own. He grabbed at the front of Jiyong’s hoody and it was as if Seunghyun was trying to communicate more than words through a desperately hungry kiss. Jiyong froze and didn’t return the kiss although this only forced Seunghyun to kiss him harder, his lips searched and tugged and squeezed, still there was no reaction from Jiyong. Frightened hands slid around Jiyong’s body and fidgeted with the baggier parts of his hoody, trying to fearfully bring their bodies closer together.

Seunghyun had no idea what he was doing but he couldn’t let go, he just couldn’t give up, he needed Jiyong and Jiyong needed him even if he denied it.

Jiyong tried to free himself from the kiss by moving backwards though Seunghyun relented and shifted with Jiyong. He relaxed his grip from Jiyong’s back only to lock a new grip onto the front of Jiyong, still reaching for that answer, still pleading with every inch of his mind and heart that Jiyong would see some sense and return the kiss. Return that hope that had kept Seunghyun believing in them throughout their time apart, that same hope which had forced him across the road within a heartbeat. Seunghyun needed Jiyong to believe in him, to shift that weight of pain between them so that they could share it and face it together. Seunghyun wanted nothing more, he needed nothing else, the rest of the world could just fall into oblivion and it wouldn’t matter just as long as he had Jiyong by his side.

He needed Jiyong.

And Jiyong needed him.

Once again Jiyong tried to pull away but to no avail, he took a couple more steps backwards and still Seunghyun managed to keep their lips pressed together, slipping and sliding with the occasional puff of air to regain his senses. Eyes fluttered closed, Seunghyun was waiting for the moment that he would wake up and be alone again, where Jiyong would be gone again like a dream, as if this never happened. The warm glow of a feeling wasn’t felt within Seunghyun, his heart didn’t burst and the kiss didn’t feel good but still he continued on, he wouldn’t give up. He couldn’t give up, not this time. It was messy, imploring Jiyong to see some sense, to see that he would be O.K, Seunghyun was enough, he was enough…He was…

Seunghyun wanted to believe that Jiyong was trying his best to fight him off because he was scared, because he didn’t want to disappoint his parents and he knew that there was some truth within that because Jiyong didn’t shove Seunghyun away. He remained still, so still and lifeless, making Seunghyun feel as if he was kissing a statue.

His eyes opened when he felt that Jiyong had stopped shuffling, Seunghyun hadn’t realised that he’d somehow managed to push Jiyong up against the nearest wall and now the guy looked even more scared. There was nowhere to hide now, no way to stop the kiss, no way to run from his emotions, so Jiyong stopped fighting. His hands reached up for the sides of Seunghyun’s face and forced him closer, closing his eyes to feel what was now a genuine kiss. Droplets of salty tears rolled down Seunghyun’s cheeks but they weren’t his, they were Jiyong’s, the streaks of happiness collected in the curve of Jiyong’s upper lip and Seunghyun kissed them away. He kissed away every single last tear. Seunghyun cried too, relief washed over him and he smiled slightly.

Finally Jiyong had cracked, caved into the feeling of falling in love, and Seunghyun somehow managed to fall even deeper in love with him because of it. He loved the way Jiyong returned the kiss, fingers timidly brushed through Seunghyun’s hair sending waves of chills down the man’s spine, and how Jiyong kissed him with so much passion, so much feeling that Seunghyun felt dozy. Their kisses had never felt this powerful before, they’d never felt this knowing as if their lips knew exactly what their hearts wanted, the feeling was stunning something of which neither would ever forget even if they wanted to.

Both men were rapidly in need of some oxygen and when the kiss ended the pair simply fell apart, neither one wishing to break the contact first, and Seunghyun tried to steady himself but failed. He fell beside Jiyong against the wall, for a minute the only thing that could be heard were the pair’s laboured pants, Seunghyun felt so dizzy but so complete. Now he felt that bittersweet glow of love.

“I’m sorry for breaking our promise” Jiyong’s small voice quivered beside Seunghyun.

“Promises are just words Ji and sometimes words are said too easily” Seunghyun breathed searching for Jiyong’s hand along the wall, he found it, loving just how easily their fingers threaded together. “And sometimes some words aren’t said enough” He his side and Jiyong mirrored the action, their hands still held. “Then there are times when some words just aren’t enough” They inched closer to each other and when they were close enough Seunghyun gently nudged the tip of his nose against Jiyong’s, adding “You can’t choose which words you want you hear, you have to hear them all, so that they’re balanced”

“Those are some wise words from a total Bingu” Jiyong anxiously answered with a tiny laugh.

“Well I have my moments” Seunghyun lightly chuckled “Anyway you never did break your promise” He finished returning back to his serious manner.

“What do you mean?” Jiyong frowned and he shifted away a little just so that he could tilt his head. With his free hand Seunghyun tugged at his hoody which Jiyong was wearing

“You never did leave me, you were always in my heart” Seunghyun raised their held hands and carefully kissed the tips of Jiyong’s curved fingers. “And you always will be”

“Seunghyun” Jiyong exhaled as if he’d been holding his breath for eternity. “I don’t deserve you”

“You deserve me and so much more” Seunghyun beamed, raising his free hand to comb back Jiyong’s mildly out of control hair, it had grown quite long since Seunghyun had last properly seen him, almost to the point that it could be called a bob. Still it felt as soft and silky as ever.

Seeing Jiyong this close, with his tiring head resting against the bricked wall, made Seunghyun’s heart pound. He tried to calm the pulsing organ by letting out a series of long deep breaths but no matter how hard he tried he still panted as if he would never be able to breathe again. “You’re so beautiful” His hand fell to Jiyong’s cheek, skimming his smooth cushioned cheekbone with nervous fingers and they halted right at the line of Jiyong’s hair. Seunghyun delicately mapped out the space between Jiyong’s hair, ear and jaw, the different textures and grinning. Jiyong was still so perfect, so gorgeous, so everlasting, and Seunghyun knew that he would never be able to love someone just as much as he loved Jiyong. He wanted to always see Jiyong like this and remember him so.

“What are you thinking about?” Jiyong breathlessly questioned the thoughtful look on Seunghyun’s face.

“Just about how happy I am when you’re by my side” Seunghyun answered honestly. “How I always want to see you like this, close to me, and how I’ll do anything to keep you here” He lowered his sinking hand from Jiyong’s chin and as it fell Jiyong’s hand caught it meaning that now both of their hands were tightly held together.

“I’m happy too” Jiyong slowly replied taking a step along the wall closer to Seunghyun. “I tried so hard to be the person that my parents wanted me to be, I tried, I did everything, but I, there’s one thing that I can’t do no matter how much they beg me” He briefly closed his eyes and sighed.

“And what’s that?” Seunghyun asked.

“Loving you” Jiyong sniffled, opening his big dewy eyes to gaze right at Seunghyun. The latter’s heart stopped, that exquisite tightness returned, and Seunghyun smiled. “I can’t stop loving you, I try to tell myself that you deserve better, that you can move on without me, but I just can’t forget you. The more I think about why I can’t love you, why I shouldn’t be with you, I come up with a ton of reasons as to why I should and reasons why I do love you” That was it someone let out a couple of noiseless tears and it wasn’t the person who was currently speaking. “You make me feel as if I deserve to be alive and I wasn’t ready to feel that” Jiyong let go of Seunghyun’s hands so that the taller of two could wipe his streaming eyes. “Seunghyun I am so sorry for everything that I did to you”

“Don’t apologise” Seunghyun let out some more tears, he couldn’t help it, he felt so happy yet so sad, there were so many emotions buzzing through his body that he had no idea what to feel first. He cleared his throat “No one should ever have to go through what you have been through and you are such a strong, inspiring, brave, person. I’m so proud to know you. Don’t ever, ever, apologise to me for things that you’ve done, things that make you who you are, because I love you and I’ll do anything to help you. I know your Sister, I know that she misses you so much, she still cries at the mere mention of your name. I had no idea you were her Jiyong, her only Brother, and I’ll do everything I can to reunite you both”

“Thank you” Jiyong raised his hands to his own face and wiped at his eyes. “Thank you” He repeated as he fell forward, Seunghyun instinctively caught him and Jiyong snuggled perfectly up to Seunghyun’s chest. “Thank you” Jiyong broke down and repeated the same two words over and over again. Seunghyun kept him close, leaning away from the wall, and wrapping his arms as tightly as he possibly could around the beautiful trembling man. With one hand Seunghyun rubbed Jiyong’s back, silently encouraging him to let it all out, whilst his other hand remained softly caressing the back of Jiyong’s head. He held him so close but carefully as if Jiyong might shatter at any given minute.

Seunghyun would help Jiyong return home.

I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you,
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you,
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing,
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it,
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing.

-Nickelback's Far Away