cr: to the maker for the picture above.

-o0o-

Chapter 31: “Time slows down whenever you’re around- Taylor Swift”

-o0o-

He was worried that he might turn into his Yesung-hyung---completely dazed like a lost puppy, still searching for the love of his life in alcohol and nightclubs. Though he knew he would get nothing from it, and would find himself lonely upon getting home, Kyuhyun knew this wasn’t normal anymore. The last time he ever saw her was two months back during one of his hyung’s wedding and a simple smile and wave tore his heart to pieces.

“He’s not your son,” Seohyun defended at once. “Didn’t I tell you before the story?”

“Yes, but...” Kyuhyun seemed so sure now, persistent. “Now that I thought about it...Sijoong could really be my son. I remember our break-up, the time I returned from our business trip in Jeju. You said...you had great news.”

“I said that?” she wondered, failing to recall. “I hardly remembered anything from that night, really. It’s just that we exchanged harsh words and I called my parents. I left you that very night alone.”

“Well, it sounded so very important that you even talked back when I was already infuriated...” he countered. “Great news...exactly what was it?”

“It could have been anything like a new job or something,” Seohyun replied, laughing. “Because I have to deny your accusation. Sijoong is not our son.”

“Those are lies, Seohyun,” Kyuhyun said tonelessly. He looked back at the road, driving smoothly under that fine weather. “He is our son. He is my son. Sijoong...He’s Cho Sijoong.”

Sijoong looked at Kyuhyun with a smile as though understanding exactly what he meant by that. Kyuhyun also gazed at the baby, patiently scrutinizing him. His mouth was very familiar to him, like the one he usually would see every morning when he would look at the mirror.

“He’s mine, Seohyun.” She was silent when he said this; emotions mixed with fear and sadness.

“He’s Yonghwa’s son,” she confessed, her head down that her chin touched Sijoong’s head. Kyuhyun pulled the brakes in shock, irritated at her for keeping the truth hidden.

They parked the car to the left, the ocean breeze touching her cheek now that Kyuhyun inhaled deeply, looking at the thin horizon outside that connected both the clear sky and the gorgeous ocean. Yet no matter how near in appearance it was, it could never reach each other. Maybe that was Kyuhyun and Seohyun: how he the sky longed to touch her the dazzling sea but never could. Their destiny---it wasn’t destiny. He fell into some ty situation all the others out there must have had too.

He took off his seatbelt, also quietly unlocking Seohyun’s so that Sijoong wouldn’t feel trapped.

“Seohyun, you were still with me if you had with Yonghwa,” he answered heatedly. “He can’t be Yonghwa’s son. We were still together.”

“You were in Jeju Island. I already met Yonghwa then...” Kyuhyun took her shoulders, kissed her lips surprisingly.

It was their first kiss in two years that even Seohyun didn’t refuse him, Sijoong squirming under his parents who were holding each other. He looked up at the two, lips touching. Seohyun pulled away at once, confused in fury. Kyuhyun’s face weakened from anger to depression, in anxiety, he wanted her to tell him who Sijoong truly is.

“Don’t remind me of Yonghwa. I’ve had enough of those lies, Seohyun. Just tell me...please...” he advanced towards her, and once again, she could do nothing but move accordingly to what Kyuhyun wished for.

She was crying when he kissed her again, knowing that he was right. She had enough of it, the bribery Kyuhyun was doing in order for her to spill the secrets. He knew she wouldn’t push him away, what a weakness indeed.

“Don’t...you can’t take Sijoong away from me,” she mumbled, not looking up to her oppa because her eyes were flooded. “You can’t take him away from me. Please...”

Kyuhyun finally understood, holding her face into his hands and staring at her. He wiped the tears hurriedly, and then pulling her into his arms in a warm hug. “So, I’m right?”

Seohyun silently moved away with nod, Kyuhyun once again hugged her even tighter.  After a minute or so, he let out a small chuckle. “I have a son. He’s my son!”

Seohyun kept nodding, smiled a little but then realized the consequences. “Please don’t take him away from me. He’s all I have. Please...please you can’t take him away.”

Kyuhyun bit his lip in happiness, comforting her with his arms. “Is this why you never told me after the divorce?”

“I suffered for Sijoong, almost died for Sijoong,” Seohyun replied firmly. “He’s mine. You can’t take him away.”

“But I’ll provide him with everything he needs, Seohyun...” he said. “I have to take him with me.”

She pushed him, embracing Sijoong to her and shaking her head. “No. No, Sijoong’s my baby. You didn’t even know you had a son. You can’t...you can’t take him back. He doesn’t need your money...he doesn’t need you. He has Yonghwa...”

Kyuhyun’s mind flustered with his own past, his own history that seemed to repeat right before his eyes. Somehow, he felt deep inside his heart a memory like this existed---when his father found out about his birth and all that, did his mother really sacrifice so much just to get him for herself and raise him for herself without a father? But that never stopped him from knowing his father and seeing him. Yet, even when they weren’t married, he knew at least once in their lives, they could have loved each other.

As Seohyun shouted at him now, he saw his own mother, and there he was in Sijoong’s seat, a 4-year-old boy with curly hair. He realized how much this situation was like his own life. They weren’t married, and in cases like this he learned, settling the children would be quite a problem. His mother was tightly gripping on Kyuhyun, the child with watery eyes---the scene brought his own present life to be teary now. Ms. Cho clearly won that round for Kyuhyun never seen his father after that incident.

If the same things happened, this was pointless. He shook his head, as Seohyun quieted down. “Okay...I understand.”

“What?” Seohyun impulsively asked.

Kyuhyun put back his seatbelt and started the engine again. “Nobody knows he’s mine anyway. Then...you can have him. Let’s settle the conditions first.”

“What conditions?”

“You can’t restrict me from meeting Sijoong,” Kyuhyun responded, taking the course of the argument his way. “I have to give him whatever I want to give him and he has to know I’m his appa.”

Seohyun shook her head, declining the offer. “No. Even Yonghwa believed that I found the baby. Everyone thinks he’s not mine. And then you’ll come out telling them you’re his father? Don’t.”

Kyuhyun sighed. “Do you really think that this doesn’t hurt me at all?”

“This will ruin me,” Seohyun also added. “You can’t see Sijoong ever again.”

“That’s so biased!” he complained, driving again. “I love the boy. Let me show that as his father. His biological father, not Yonghwa. Yonghwa can never be his father, and even if you remarry more than I can count, those men could never be Sijoong’s father. I’m the only one. I’m the only...one. I’m your first, I want Sijoong to know that.”

“I dated Yonghwa first, you know.”

“But he didn’t get you pregnant first,” Kyuhyun mocked, chuckling afterwards when Seohyun fell quiet.

“See, this is why I never really talk back with you because you always win!” She scoffed. “Do what you want. You just can’t see him nor talk to him, nor let him know of this secret. Let’s play pretend like we always do.”

“I’ll give him all the love he would need from a father,” Kyuhyun replied. “That I can promise you, Seohyun. And...” he stared at her while she still looked displeased. “I’m sorry for leaving you like that.”

Her crossed arms fell suddenly, now holding Sijoong hair. “I just want him to grow in a happy environment.”

“You can’t keep him in a fantasy world,” he said. “He has to know someday about the real deal in order to survive life.”

He stared outside the window, his hand gradually touching the glass as it fell to the ground. The pavement was already soaked in white---pure whiteness that reminded him of Seohyun. She would forever be gorgeous in white; scratch that, every color she wore she looked like a real goddess. With much pride, he could not pick up his phone and leave her a message, a simple message was impossible somehow that every time he thought about doing it.

It was a cold morning, the music in the background was one of Ryeowook’s own recordings, entitled one fine spring day. His voice sounded sorrowful, that the title didn’t quite fit with the melody. The calendar showed him December 13. Well, who would even think of getting married on a number like that, but he knew anyway that Seohyun never believed in superstitious practices.

“Kyuhyun-sshi?” a ring came, and he turned off the radio. He opened the door and saw his friend Sungmin, already in his black suit. He had a bright smile on his face that greeted Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun pursed his lips, eyes squinting as he shook his head.

“The wedding?” Sungmin exclaimed, surprise that he was still in pajamas.

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, slamming the door in Sungmin’s face. This didn’t stop the man from entering for he knew the password anyway, and stormed after Kyuhyun who lied on his couch, Sungmin pulling his arm upward as he kept swaying it.

“Yah!  Get up!”

“I don’t want to,” he responded.

“You’re going to that wedding,” Sungmin said. “She’s expecting you to go. You ing promised to.”

He sat upright, exhaling. “Technically, I did that. But everyone’s going to laugh like hell when they see me attending it.”

“Are you more worried about that?” Sungmin asked, shocked. “If I were you, I’d try preparing my speech in the ‘speak now’ moment.”

Kyuhyun took his tie and pulled him to his face, glaring at Sungmin. “Hyung. Seohyun and I are divorced. It’s been two years since then why do you still believe in stupid things when it’s over!”

Sungmin pushed him, Kyuhyun letting go of his tie and craning his head. Sungmin cleared his throat, falling serious as he chuckled. “Don’t do that. I know martial arts, you know.”

“Thank you for the warning,” Kyuhyun replied mockingly. “As if that ever killed me.”

“Do you know why I never gave up on the two of you?” he asked, repeating the other’s man question. Kyuhyun shrugged. “It’s because you two really are the perfect case of sweethearts.”

He laughed. “Why are you putting her and me together as sweethearts? We were always fighting, hyung. We never worked out, really. How about you and Sunny? I mean you two look so good together anybody would envy you.”

“What exactly do you think of couples, Kyuhyun-sshi?” Sungmin questioned him.

He shrugged, clueless. “I don’t know. I think they’re cute and somewhat...well, they love each other, get along well, never tired of the other...” He tried thinking of other adjectives to describe, thinking again of Seohyun and himself. “Would do anything and everything for the person he loves.”

“There’s only one love in this world,” Sungmin chuckled in response.

“Gosh, it’s like listening to Sungmin,” Kyuhyun protested, laughing as he gazed at his seatmate. “Oh wait, that’s right. I am listening to Sungmin’s lectures again.”

He ignored this. “Do you know what that love is?” Kyuhyun, for someone who had studied law all his life, was completely blank.

“It’s unconditional love,” Sungmin answered, beaming, “which I see in both of you.”

Kyuhyun ended up chortling at this observation. “Seriously, what have you been eating?”

“Even when you two aren’t together...it’s like, that unconditional love still exists---even as friends,” Sungmin explained. “You...your temper is something Seohyun understands and only she seems to never be overwhelmed with. See, even when you get angry, she continues to fire back, unafraid. Do you see other woman who could overlook that? With all the bad traits in you, Seohyun is still there, always there. She never turned her back even after the divorce. Seohyun loved you, and still does only you acted brave and begged her to marry Yonghwa. Since that statement came from you, Seohyun would convince herself by saying that she loves Yonghwa, she doesn’t want to be with you. You said so yourself, Seohyun’s a liar.”

“Hyung, don’t be like this.”

“And you...you love her. You never stopped loving her, that’s why you’d feel idiotic around her. You think you could escape it by ordering Seohyun to turn her back on you so that you can forget her but actually, you can’t. It’s...cupid’s spell, Kyuhyun-sshi. That arrow is still stuck in your no matter how hard you try to get it out. You’re love is magical, like the ones in fairytales.”

“I know you’re being romantic here but I can’t help but think that’s just gross,” Kyuhyun laughed. “Hyung, give it up. I really don’t feel like going.”

“Sunny and I are going now,” Sungmin stated. “You can come along if you want. The wedding starts at one. We have hours away if you change your mind.”

“I don’t want to,” he said. “Just tell Seohyun congratulations. I want to sleep all day.”

“Suit yourself,” Sungmin got up, leaving him alone.

Unconditional love, he said. Kyuhyun was stuck at that term, uncovering what else could it really mean. Unconditional meant unreserved too---was their love really that...unrestricted? They had boundaries then, and Kyuhyun even considered it selfish. How in the world was their love so perfect in the eyes of other people? The two of them surely didn’t feel much from it.

Nothing now could stop him from locking himself in this room. Nothing, not even that cream-puffed teddy bear that sat across him could make him move a muscle. Has it been sitting near his TV all this five months?

With its big eyes, Kyuhyun got up a little frightened, lifting it up. It was his gift to Seohyun along with the crib. Didn’t they moved all her things to the apartment together? How could he miss out something like this? When he gazed back at the TV, a folded piece of paper was actually under that stuff toy. He also picked it up, staring at the message inside. It was in Seohyun’s handwriting, with a picture of all three of them: Seohyun and Sijoong at the carnival. Seohyun was wearing the same shirt as Kyuhyun was; his face all marked with strawberry ice cream while Seohyun held a cotton candy. Sijoong too was cackling like a maniac, his eyes already out of sight.

Kyuhyun smiled unintentionally. He rummaged to the topmost part, where the letter started.

Oppa. Sijoong and I had fun staying with you. I don’t know how to thank you for everything that you’ve done for us, the home, the care and the love. I wish we could stop hating each other and just let go of our past. It wasn’t anybody’s fault and if you want, I could say it’s my fault. I’m writing this letter because I’m afraid you might not listen again.

Oppa, remember the time when you used to tell me bedtime stories and then tuck me in? Oppa remember the time when we you would tease me about being ugly? Oppa, remember the time when you actually said I love you to me when we were at my parents’ house.  Oppa, I miss being with you. I’m sorry for not admitting it quickly, for not telling you that. That’s why I cried because I know we could never change back time. We could never fall in love again, even if we force ourselves to. The current changed course. We can’t do anything about it now except to sail it and go where the wind takes us.

Oppa this may be the last piece of memory you would have of me (or maybe if you would attend the wedding, that could be it too), but I also want you to be happy. I want to marry Yonghwa because I love him, just like how I loved you beforehand. If you are going to attend, please don’t do anything...crazy like breaking it up because my parents are there. I miss you though, and maybe, I’ll always be missing you until the day I die. I had fun in our adventure, like how you would hold your head up like a hero while I stayed by your side, the queen of our kingdom. That magic would never die out. Oppa, you will always be remembered.

I will never forget you of course, but that’s all I can say for now. I hope you’ll find your happiness someday.

-Seohyun

His heart poured out the tears in sorrow. The paper looked wet already, the ink blotting. There was that hick sound again. Kyuhyun bit his lip in indecisiveness. He looked at the clock, trying to think of what he could do. Hesitating, he let go of the letter, unknowing that the winter breeze entered, the letter flying back and slipping under his slippers; and then almost at once, he picked up the teddy bear as he dashed to his bedroom, picking out his attire for the occasion.

-o0o-

“Hyung.”

It had been a while since he had last heard his dongsaeng’s voice. In fact, he hardly checked his phone for any incoming calls or messages---unless of course it came from her.

For five months now, after not talking to each other, she was considerate in the least to actually be leaving messages about her natal checkups every month, and Yesung, being overly concerned always replied with, “Where are you? I want to see you.” But Choonhee never would attempt to answer those questions. She seemed to put Yesung strictly in a non-intimate relationship, knowing that he would exactly still be looking for her.

“What? I’m busy,” Yesung answered. He was lying really, because he was just in the kitchen making himself a sandwich. How did he survive these past months? Ask for money from his parents for his food for the past months.  Of course, his mother was devastated about the news that she would come by every weekend from Daegu just to drop off Yesung some food and money. She was worried about her 32-year-old, wondering how it could happen to a happy couple like them.

Choonhee on the other hand was staying in Seoul with her aunt, and because of simple pride, she could never manage to pull herself together, pack her bags and see Yesung once again. But she did tell his mother about it, and she seemed understanding about the situation very well. His umma requested that she let Yesung know she was okay every day to keep that man’s psychological state a bit steady.

“It’s about noona,” his brother replied.

Yesung rolled his eyes. “Look, I never asked for how you and that pretty girl are doing. You hang up now.”

“Not that noona,” answered the other man, embarrassed. “Choonhee-noona. Choonhee-noona called us earlier today. You have to go to Seoul now. Around an hour ago, she said heading to the hospital. I think she’s...on labor or something.”

He bolted up quickly, reached his slippers below, and grabbed the car keys that were staying on top of the table. “Which hospital? Which hospital is she staying in?”

“I don’t know,” he responded, also now tensed up because of Yesung’s voice. “I thought you would know. When you two were staying in Seoul, which hospital did she usually go to?”

Yesung thought clearly where. He nodded, grinning widely at the memory. “Okay, I got it. I’ll call you back when I’m in Seoul.”

-o0o-

It all felt like a dream now---an inescapable trance that would forever lead her to the happiness she deserved. One more time, she thought bashfully. Here we go again, as though time enjoyed mocking her with this kind of torment. Seohyun remembered not too long ago when she wore the same white gown. Although the butterflies in her stomach disappeared a second ago, it came back again, her heart thumping in nervousness. She didn’t know why she was so scared; after all, she had walked an aisle before so clearly there was nothing to worry about.

“Do you Cho Kyuhyun take Seo Joohyun as your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to happiness and pain, till death do you part?”

White. Ever so pure, Kyuhyun truly was. She couldn’t help staring at him in awe, marveled by his cold exterior, his prideful impression, his playful eyes that were the only thing that remained so human, and even his smile made her see the angel within him. A man that meant so much, not even the whole universe could compare to him, that was Kyuhyun.

He nodded, eyes still set on her. “I’d be stupid if I didn’t. Her dress alone costs too much.”

She let out a short giggle, quiet only for Kyuhyun’s ears. The audience that witnessed the ceremony also managed to laugh out loud at Kyuhyun’s remark. His heart quivered upon hearing the princess’s guiltless laugh; it was the only thing that filled his ears.

“And do you Seo Joohyun, take Cho Kyuhyun as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to happiness and pain, till death do you part?”

She smiled. “What he just said.”

The priest raised his right arm, stating the next statement. “Whoever is against this ceremony, and an obligated reason as to why this couple should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace under the eyes of God.”

There was silence. And so he continued. The rings were handed to the couple, as nervously they put each one on the other’s finger. She smiled at Kyuhyun who found the wedding to be the edgiest moment of his life, feeling uptight about how the butterflies in his tummy shook him. He cupped her chin, as gradually he leaned in closer to her face, gently touching her lips. She couldn’t help herself from laughing, as he moved away, grinning at her and to the crowd.

Leeteuk was there, along with his wife and children. He found the scene quite funny---reminding him of how Kyu was in his old days. On another line of chairs was his Heechul-hyung with Sohee, who was silently doing her best not to make a sound. His music-buddy, Yesung sat at the opposite side, staring at him with oddity. Sungmin and Sunny were next to him, the latter’s belly was protruding that it looked as though a balloon was inserted under her clothes. Eunhyuk had one earphone stuck on his ear, while gazing at the two. Donghae was fiddling again with his new haircut, unmindful of the couple’s kiss. Siwon was looking at them happily, eyes somewhat expressing that he needed to get married as soon as possible as well. Ryeowook was excited that he couldn’t stay in one seat that he had to take photos of them.

“Hey, stop that,” Kyu told Seohyun. “I can’t get it right. People are watching. We have to make it look good in their photo albums.”

Seohyun snickered. “I can’t help it. I just...didn’t imagine this would be happening.”

“I never doubted it,” Kyuhyun assured. “Kyuhyun always gets what he wants.”

He gently planted the kiss on her lips as the cameras flashed instantly.

He never doubted it, Seohyun carefully thought. Kyuhyun knew from the very beginning that they would end up getting married.  She saw herself in that memory, happy, peaceful, in love. To recall it on her wedding day felt sinful towards Yonghwa who waited all of his life just to see her in this state. He did mention once in college that he would want to marry Seohyun, but of course, being young, they had laughed about that. They never believed they would really fall in love again and see each other under the church bells.

Yet, Kyuhyun believed in everything: in the two of them, in the love they had, in her.

Now she stared at herself in front of the body-length mirror, the same pallid gown on that day two years ago, the white laces on her arms and the way the ends flared down like a real princess’s outfit. It was handmade by one of the finest dressmakers in Korea, adding also a contemporary style by her bust down to her waist. Even the back view looked gorgeous.

This gown also belonged to Kyuhyun. He bought it for her.

“Omo, you look dazzling Seohyun!” came in a voice from the door, and she realized it was her friend Jessica, taking out her camera to take pictures of the bride.

Seohyun smiled in greeting. “Unnie, have you been to church this morning? Are the little girls ready? Oh, and the candles..the rings too.”

Sica nodded. “Easy there, Yuri is handling the kids. Yoona on the other hand is busy checking in on the reception area.  Must have been dying to dip her fingers on the menu. But today’s quite an invite...unlike the last time.”

“Kyuhyun didn’t want a grand wedding and it wasn’t as big as yours unnie,” Seohyun giggled, Jessica holding her tummy. “Oh, that baby better be healthy!”

Sica chuckled. “Can you believe it? I mean...we’re actually having a baby. I mean, wow...that was fast.”

“Some couples