Chapter 26: “Think of my head on your chest, and that old faded blue jeans- Taylor Swift”

-o0o-

It was different. Indeed, he was trying his best not to notice the changes. It was his first day at that hospital, miles and miles away from the old hospital where the one he loves worked, but still located in the central of Incheon, and he was highly respected even here. The clock struck seven, his pen stopped scribbling, and gradually Donghae got up from his seat and took off his glasses. He sighed wearily, taking out his cell phone from the drawers. He received no calls from anyone, not a single text message as well.

With little strength left, he moved sluggishly towards the door, searching for a better signal outside. He dialed someone’s number, line ringing, so he patiently waited until the receiver answered.

“Yes?”

“Do you want me to pick you up?” Donghae, despite being tired, had obligations he was required to do aside from his hospital jobs. His voice was gritty, not his usual bubbly one which everyone would hear from him when he called.

Unresolved, the woman on the phone fell speechless, doubting now if Donghae had any idea what it was like in her side. She cleared , hurriedly fixing the fringes of brown hair topping her eyes. She looked at the clock, passed seven already and she too was working overtime again.

“Donghae-sshi, I’m...kind of running an errand now that needs to be done by---“

“Min Sunye!” he surprised her again, chuckling now when he realized his voice was too rough. “Honey, let’s have dinner together. I miss having dinner together. Lee Donghae wants to have dinner with his wife.”

Laughter filled his ears, the cutest thing in the world. “We’re not married yet, dear. Besides, we always have dinner together until recently you’ve avoided my cooking. Donghae-sshi’s not sick anymore, right?”

He smirked, now knowing how bad a husband he has been to his fiancée the whole weekend. A careless moment, like the one he and Jessica shared, could occur at anytime when he was with her, so to save time, he had been evading anybody and had locked himself in his study. Sunye, who was anticipating their wedding the following month, was troubled by the passive Donghae, dawdling idly from one sports channel to another. It meant nothing anymore, as though they just played right before his eyes, as though they pass from one ear to and exit on the other. He was absentminded, more than ever if Sunye could observe, and when he would come out of the shower, he would always go straight to bed.

“I’m sorry,” Donghae apologized over the phone.

Sunye’s heart, thumping from the very first time Donghae had approached her, pulsed stronger at the statement, this time of a different reason.  His sorry could have meant two things: either the part where he had been acting weird, or the fact that he had revealed to Sunye the reason for his disappearance during the reunion. She was praying for the former to come true instead of the other, and even if the second one was real, she still believed that he was only joking.

“About...what?” Sunye asked cheerfully---not anymore mindful of the deadline.

He sighed tiredly. “From acting weird this weekend, that’s why I’m trying to make it up to you by having dinner as an alternative.” Sunye had enough feeling to know he was going to put that as an excuse.

Last Friday, as Sunye could recall, was one of the scariest nights of her life. 2 am, and Donghae had drunken himself with alcohol along with his Heechul-hyung. Sunye heard that the man had found two lovely daughters to take care of, and Sunye’s dear dongsaeng Sohee was also thrilled. With that celebration as an excuse for being late in coming home, Donghae was hopelessly drunk and tired that he started to sleep talk in front of Sunye.

The memory remained so vivid, like a scar from a bicycle crash, wounded for only a second, but bleeds all through eternity. Sunye was confused that night when he took her hands, kissed them happily, smiled as though he hadn’t been drinking, and asked, “You did great today.”

Sunye was pleased with this comment coming from him, but later on found out that it wasn’t meant for her at all. Donghae, drunk, laid his head on her lap, as she flicked the hair that covered his face. Slowly he reached for her eyes, sparkling they were with nostalgia, and what he said changed everything.

“I didn’t know it could feel so real, Jessica,” he muttered, still staring at Sunye. “The reunion, you were so great. I missed you so much I wish you were only mine. Your hair smelled nice, you’re...pretty. I wish I could have held you longer, longer for us to wake up and...be aware.”

dropped, brows at the middle nearly cuddling each other, as her eyes grew big in shock and apprehension. Dreadful, outrageous, and offensive thing to say to a fiancée was what immediately came to mind, but she had to forgive him for that, for he was not in the proper state of mind.

“Donghae-sshi! Donghae-sshi! I’m not...Sica! It’s Sunye,” she cleared, but he started chuckling, depressing Sunye and thus proving her doubts about him after all. Her heart dragged the blood down, her breathing uneasy and heavy, until came a time that she could barely breathe from all of Donghae’s inane state. She inhaled loads of oxygen while trying to come up with what he said.

“You’re Jessica! Your eyes are the same, and your smile is precious,” Donghae mumbled, Sunye’s tears uncontrollably falling. He was already asleep when he started groaning over nothing, sometimes Sunye could even hear him say Jessica under his breath, worried look in his face that brought about stress in the woman.  Sunye couldn’t leave him, not when she had so many memories with him---the past must not interfere with them now. Jessica, that , should no longer be in his life, Sunye thankful enough that he was moving to a different hospital that Monday.

Being human, as any imperfect being, the pain kept on punching her soft heart until there was no space to push it down, no room for it to die out, because everything inside was consumed by all the hurt. As she sobbed silently, her fingers lingered on his hair while he slept on her lap, still murmuring the blonde’s name.

She had decided, when he woke up, that she would cancel the wedding and find another man, but something, something Sunye predicted as love, caused her to stay in just for a little while before everything closes in on the two of him. Already sleepy, the woman was about to get up when Donghae gripped her hand, firmly, his face expressing anxiety and fear. He nearly stirred awake, still talking in his sleep.

“Sunye...Sun...Sunye-ah...”

Sunye had no patience for this, but Donghae, surely that man, had hopes for the two of them---that she stayed, only to find out that Donghae had been stubborn about telling more of that secret.

“It’s nothing, really,” Sunye replied Donghae’s apology.

He didn’t sound too agreeable about it that he sighed again. “What is it, Sunye?”

“I don’t think...” she was unsure of what to say, but she had to let Donghae know. “Donghae-sshi...are you still in love with me?”

Donghae was startled in hearing the question since little Sunye already knew what it was. It took time before he could hurriedly reply, completely nodding.

“I love you,” he told her.

She simply gave out a silent giggle. “Let’s talk over dinner.”

-o0o-

He found it very odd, and even maybe she found it odd as well, that a ten-month-old baby would not even blanch in front of a total stranger. Sijoong was indeed a strange baby for when his mother left him in the hands of her ex-husband, he didn’t even complain.

Back in his unit, Kyuhyun took Sijoong to the kitchen and made him sit on the countertop, the man’s hands bordering Sijoong’s sides in case something happened. He remained quiet while Kyuhyun stared at him in disgust. His eyebrows were touching each other, lips twisted, but the baby didn’t feel intimidated. With that intense eye contact, Kyuhyun moved away first, now tilting his head in wonder.

“How come you’re not scared of me?”  He asked, aware still that Sijoong will ignore his question.

Sijoong’s fingers were swift, hastily hammering Kyuhyun’s nose that the man then jerked away, brows rutted.

“Yah! Why are you so mean?”

“Yah!” Sijoong’s cute voice escaped his lips, Kyuhyun chuckling at the sudden aegyo. The baby, also overjoyed about Kyuhyun’s abrupt happiness, started laughing, his eyes curving along. He had two teeth growing below, while above another sprouted.

“Where’s umma, Sijoong-sshi? Where’s umma?” he questioned cheerfully, the baby still giggling and nodding as if he understood Kyuhyun. The man wiped the drool that slid out of his tiny lips when he chortled.

Sijoong answered with a “Ma...” and a couple of other random sounds that were still all gibberish to the lawyer.

“Um-ma,” Kyuhyun slowly told him, Sijoong watching his mouth move.

Sijoong kept smiling. “Ma!”

“Say Um-ma,” he repeated to him, approaching little Sijoong closer.

Seconds later, Sijoong mouth curved straight back, eyes focused on Kyuhyun. He fiddled with his foot, squeezing his finger in between and consistently pressing them one by one. Kyuhyun noticed this that he took his chin, picking it up. But even in this state, the child’s eyes were on his new plaything.

“Yah!” Kyuhyun called, grabbing Sijoong’s attention. “You can’t ignore me like that!”

“Yah! Yah!” replied Sijoong, violently pulling his ruffled brown hair with Kyuhyun getting irritated; he stood up properly.

Kyuhyun fixed his hair quickly, glaring at the child as he pointed at him. “You’re just luck your mom is pretty!”

-o0o-

They were all silent all throughout the night. Until then had he suspected that he must start a conversation or else...she’d leave him, and that was no