It didn’t take long for Jiyong to wake up from slumber. But he didn’t intend to get up either. This was just another beginning of lifeless day from his usual cycle. Get up. Eat. School. Learn. Home. Sleep. It repeats and still remains the same. Nothing changes. And he likes it, maybe, Jiyong wasn’t sure.

Numbness tightly clenching on his parts of limbs and being fuzzy didn’t do any wonder either. He stared up ahead on the white ceiling, dragging hands later to put over his chest, feeling his heart pumping and hearing every beating. He’s still alive. No matter how many times he woke up, heavy sighs would only escape from his plump lips because god still won’t answer his prayer. Jiyong curled his body in a ball, pulling the white cold sheet over his head and letting himself sunk in exhaustion. Since he was already sprawled in bed, he’s not letting this chance to drift away from reality. He didn’t even remember the last time he skipped school.

But then, a flirty high-pitched voice broke his trance. There’s a voice ringing outside, in the living room and Jiyong suddenly felt sick. His eyes snapped open and glared on the door. A hoarse voice of guy laughing echoed as if the ing world was his. It was far from familiar. Sultry moaned reached his eardrums and there were stuffs fell and broke behind the shut door. Jiyong pulled his hands to clasp against his ear. He doesn’t need to figure out the reasons.

“It was ing 6 in the morning. Hell”, he croaked not forgetting to let a few more strings of curses under his breath. Jiyong forced his body to wriggle out from the bed and let himself to be dragged out within seconds, getting ready to go to school.

-

The moment Jiyong dazedly steps in his classroom, he went straight towards his seat. Although there were pairs of eyes following him Jiyong kept a straight face. His forehead shoved on the table and he shut his eyes, arms dangling at his sides, plainly ignoring attention on him. It was the same room he always hated; noisy, stuffy and crowded.

A loud shriek of voice broke then; the class monitor Jiyong guessed, telling the class about the teacher’s having a meeting and the crowd went nuts, cheering and continued. And Jiyong hit his head lightly on the table, immediately regretting for coming to the class of monkeys. He could have got a chance to escape from this jungle if it wasn’t sanity speaks to him.

A tap on his shoulder brought him to face with a pair of crimson eyes, “Jiyong, why are you late? You look pale”

Dong Youngbae; the class monitor was looking worried than Jiyong ever registered him to be. He quirked his eyebrow confused. This is quite odd. Perhaps, the guy was just shouldering the responsibility that entrusted on him. Jiyong opened his mouth but nothing seemed to come out.

“I’m fine”, ignoring Youngbae’s stare and he grabbed a book, flicking through pages, pretending to be busy studying is the least he could do to avert the guy’s attention to somewhere else. He doesn’t need accompany at the moment.

Unfortunately, the guy didn’t budge and pulled a chair beside him causing Jiyong to grit his teeth. Youngbae gifted him a warm smile as he seated and there was a disappointed look occupied on his face(?) Jiyong followed his hands that were settled on his book until Youngbae turned it over; he felt heat crept on his already pink cheeks.

The book was upside down for god sake!

“You could have just said you don’t want to talk to me you know. I understand” Jiyong felt awfully miserable and he prayed for a hole to swallow him whole, escaping from embarrassment. Jiyong lowered his head.

And Youngbae gave a squeeze to his shoulder before standing up and eventually let him to treasure his private time alone. He swears he didn’t even mean to hurt him in such view. Jiyong didn’t utter any word to stop him yet wasting any time to put up with some lame excuses. He just let the misunderstanding flow the way it starts because it doesn’t bother him that much. Really.

“Hey, someone saw you with Choi Seunghyun last week, was it true?” a boy approached him behind, goes by the name Lee-whatever.

Jiyong’s eyebrows knitted together, “Choi Seunghyun? He’s so darn handsome” a girl intruded.

“Don’t be friend with him, dude. He’s bad news I tell you” another student chirped giving him a firm look as well patted his back.

One question: Who’s Choi Seunghyun?

Jiyong was completely clueless, lips parted and trying very hard to trigger his memory. He didn’t register anyone that goes by the same name or has it slipped his mind? Jiyong reached for his head as if trying to trigger back his past memories. Resolution of last few months was only a plain mess, scattering before his blurred vision and he found himself slipping into blankness. He could feel himself drowning, sweeping him along with his problems.

Jiyong hadn’t even realized he stopped breathing for a moment.

Until a rough shook on his shoulders pulled him out of sudden suffocation and it made him inhales, gasping almost too audible. His fingers traced down against his chest and he could feet it. Heart is throbbing, still beating loudly. There was a question fleeting around the room somewhere, asking if he’s alright. Jiyong shook his head in confusion. The students were staring him with pair of judging eyes, eyebrows shooting up as if questioning at his weird action. Jiyong panicked. How could he explain himself when he also didn’t see it was coming his way? How could he be so lost in thoughts?

At the corner of his eyes, Youngbae was looking at him rather too keenly so Jiyong quickly turned his attention on his book. He felt gushed of emotions flowing through his veins right now and it was bursting into somewhat unappealing. Jiyong doesn’t like any of it. Silence embraced the whole class and if he wasn’t the reason, he could have jump in joy happily.

Quivering lips curled instantly and replied, “I can’t seem to remember him but I’ll keep a note” generously thanking them for the heads up, Jiyong replied with a low voice as he reached for the pencil on the corner of the table. His fingers gripped on it tight until knuckles turned white, holding in his voice and tried his best to sound normal. Jiyong begins to dribble on his paper sheet, hoping that none of them will question what just happened.

One student managed to clear his throat and snatched the lingering gaze away. Murmurs and gossips swept the whole class, opening another subject to discuss on. This is one of topics the students in his class always converse. Mocking, trashing up about some people and blindly stuck their nose in the air.

“Are you sure you didn’t remember him, Kwon?” a question piqued his attention.

Silence.

Before this, if there is one thing that Jiyong always fail at is definitely facade a mask just to fit him in the upper class. Unfortunately, the sad part was he actually finds the negative action rubbing on him after these years. Jiyong diverts his gaze on his book and smugly retaliated.

“Well, I’m pretty sure a person like him isn’t worth to be remembered though” thus, Jiyong didn’t really remember anybody similar to what he quotes.

For some reason, troubled was tugging at his chest. Jiyong tilted his head only to find all his classmates frozen, either tight-lipped or busy gawking at the front. His eyes narrowed. The brown orbs of his dilated at sudden intrusion of a familiar figure, leaning lazily against the door with a death glare. No wonder Jiyong felt weird at the abrupt fall of awkward silence.

A familiar pair of sharp eyes is staring at him.

Jiyong gulped once the guy straightened his posture, fixing his shirt as well as dusting it from the invisible dirt. The dangerous aura around him seemed to spread around the enclosed area because he actually did shivered. The guy is not glaring him, isn’t it? Jiyong collected himself and pulled his book before his eyes, mumbling couple of irrelevant words he just scribbled on the white sheet. He closed his eyes shut and wished that the guy will turn to other people.

Until the last step padded on the tiles floor soundly, Jiyong’s breath went hitched. He’s standing before him. A hand tilted his chin upward sharply. Jiyong was now finding himself struck under the sinful gaze, he wasn’t sure but he just couldn’t pull himself away. The taller guy leaned in closer, those eyes reminded of someone-

“And I can assure you that Choi Seunghyun will not let you go if he heard what you just uttered out from your pretty mouth, Kwon” the thumb padded against Jiyong’s mouth, grazing smooth along the plump lips. Just when the thumb digs deeper at the end of his lips, Jiyong winced faintly.

A cynical smirk appeared before his eyes. Jiyong is still in daze because he couldn’t grasp who is this guy in front of him. What does he want? Also, what does he have to do with Choi Seunghyun?

“What are you?” the question however came out wrong. Jiyong felt light headed with tension around him rising to the fact his brain failed to process properly. And as if Jiyong just told a joke, the baritone voice chuckled darkly at his question

He pulled Jiyong by the nape. Hot breath was blown against his ear intentionally and he squirmed, uncomfortable at the motion. Jiyong swears his ears were burning so he tried to pull away but the grasp against his nape was getting tight. Tip of his pointed nose burned a hot trail from Jiyong’s jaw up to his earlobe and he gasped.

Students in the class gave them watchful gazes, eyeing every angle of both of their face as the guy pulled away. Jiyong knows him. Those familiar touches- A bucket of ice splashed over Jiyong and he tried to cover his face, to shield himself from those hateful eyes because, again, there was laid second embarrassment of the day

“Choi Seunghyun” he paused as Jiyong looked at his Adam apple bobbed up and down. “A devil whom you owe a lifetime”

-

It was probably due to short term memory lost.

Jiyong can’t believe last week’s incident was forgotten. Choi Seunghyun saved his life and it slipped out from his stupid ing brain. His bony fingers laced through his hair. Well, it’s not entirely his fault since the guy too has never appeared before him after he out. The only he remembered was waking up in a freaking white room. Suddenly, Jiyong crashed into the reality; literally, making him fell down on his bottom.

“Watch it, kid!” the whole tray of food falls on him, waters dripping from his hair and Jiyong whimpered at the coldness, staring on the hard ground. His food was scattered on the floor. His only food. Jiyong mumbled an apology and quickly getting up and collected the mess he just created. The guy glared at him and pulled his girlfriend in his arm, left after gave a piercing stare. Jiyong sighed and gets up on his knees, reaching for the nearest dustbin and throws it away. There goes his source of energy, wasted just like him.

“Here” an outward hand with a napkin settled before Jiyong. His class monitor presented a genuine smile and eventually made him blush, surprised. He took it and Jiyong wiped off the stain on his shirt, down along his arm length. He didn’t dare to look on Youngbae’s eyes because feeling guilty for ignoring him earlier; nevertheless, Jiyong’s not sorry. He needed his privacy and he deserved it.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been spacing a lot lately, Jiyong” Youngbae circled around his wrist, inspecting his face rather too closely. Jiyong never has been a fan of at the centre of attention and this one is not an exception. It’s very unpleasing to know someone watching him from time to time.

“I don’t really approve the idea of having a stalker, Dong Youngbae. All I need is time alone. Thanks for the napkin anyways. I’ll return it” he slipped away from the grasp and turned his heels with Youngbae staring him blankly.

“I’m just lending a hand as a friend, Jiyong. Is it so hard to say thank you?”

Friend? Since when both of them had settled into such relations when Jiyong doesn’t even remember the moments they came close to acquaintances. His fist clenched and jaws tensed, building his guard up.

“Friend is a big word, Dong Youngbae. Make sure you know the exact meaning before it came back haunting your life” with that he took the leave from canteen.

-

“What was that all about?” an angry voice greeted to his left, Seunghyun quirked up his eyebrow and banged the locker shut, startling people in the corridor.

“Hi to you too, Youngbae” he scoffed, leaning against the locker and scanned his friend’s expression. Seunghyun let out an amused laugh, this is a surprise, he thought. Finally, the so called Youngbae is not really that sunny every day, huh.

“Aren’t you going to explain yourself?” the question made Seunghyun scoffed, who is he to interrogate his antics, a ing police?

“I see you’re intrigued to know what’s on my mind. Good, but I have to let you down, I’m not going to tell you anything” Seunghyun gives him a clumsy pat on his cheek. Youngbae sighed loudly, tilted his head upwards and closed his eyes for a while, resting his folded arms on his chest.

“I cannot see why you’re so obsessed with that boy, Bae. He looked like a lifeless doll walking around the school with that pretty face of him. It’s just a waste of time being friend with him. Heck, he doesn’t even bothered to make one”

Seunghyun followed where his friend’s gaze fell on later, watched upon a dark sight at the corner of the corridor. The boy was troubled to open his locker yet his face remains expressionless. He doesn’t get it. Kwon Jiyong. Almost everyone in the school acknowledges his name for being a smartass, topping in every exam without fail. However, his presence among the community seemed to go unnoticed.

“I’m just attracted, okay” The tall guy rolled his eyes at Youngbae’s confession, cringed with toes curling.

“It’s official, Bae. Let’s get you a doctor to fix your eyes before you’ll turn blind” he said with a sarcastic tone. There’s no way that boy had any charm. All Seunghyun could see are a dull face, skinny body and negative vibes gushing out from Jiyong. A soulless doll; pretty much what Seunghyun could describe about him.

“Laugh all you want. The only thing I can see, he needs help. He looks so lost”

And for once, Seunghyun huffed, half agreed with Youngbae. Nodding his head, his eyes followed Jiyong’s every action. The small frame of him moved away from his locker and hugged books against his chest, eyes wandering around the place, silently making his way through the crowd.

“What did you say to him in the class? I swear that was the first time I saw him looking so afraid” Youngbae nagged at him, worried occupied his face and it made Seunghyun wondered for a moment.

-

The bells ring. And a thought made him blinks; today was just going to pass by just like other day. Packing his stuffs, Jiyong reached his bags and took his leave.

It seemed the hallway has been longer than Jiyong thought and the time pace had been slower as if giving his brain some time to adapt. He didn’t mind actually. Jiyong loves taking some time alone, appreciating silence that clouded over him. It somehow lends him peace even just awhile. Jiyong turned each corner he meets, wondered if he could do the same to his life; slipped away from every pressure that pinned him to confusion.

If anything, he wants to be lost, deserted where no one can come close from intruding his life. Jiyong can feel it, himself reaching for the tender freedom. And that’s where Jiyong found himself stood. On the rooftop once again.

-

Choi Seunghyun hates people invading his privacy and he thought everyone in the school knows to leave alone his territory if they don’t want anyone to get a kick in their ing nuts. After what happen last three months on the rooftop, he was completely sure no one dares to mess with him.

It was quite big, the news floated around the school about how a kid getting beat up pretty bad. Just because he refused to leave Choi ing Seunghyun alone, end up getting bruises all over his body and a broken leg. The boy is still alive though he was transferred to another school.

He almost sure every students knows that the rooftop was his until he met a boy named Kwon Jiyong. Almost.

“What the are you doing here again?”Seunghyun broke out his voice stern, made sure irritation seeping through his tone. A thought of going to handle another suicidal attempt clearly made shivers ran down his spine. Rushed around towards an infirmary while carried a body in his arm was trouble enough. He cocked his head to the side and watched the boy scrambling to stand onto his feet quickly and looked at him.

Seunghyun rolled his eyes and moved next to the slim frame, looking out at the blue sky as the wind caressed his smooth skin. His hand carded his black jet hair and tucked another in his pocket.

“I’m not going to kill myself if that’s what bothering you” Jiyong puffed his cheeks, frowning at the unwelcoming tone. He knew that he caused lots of trouble for the older one last time they met and Jiyong wasn’t sure if he could handle another embarrassment in a day.

“Your presence” Seunghyun speaks, pulling out a box of cigarette and lights up one before he sticks it at the corner of his lips. Taking a long pause, Seunghyun lets the smoke swirls in the air throughout his nostrils. Jiyong chokes a breath, jointing a brow upwards.

“W-what?”

“You are the one that was bothering me” He emphasized on the last words at the tip of his tongue. Jiyong scoffed at his statement, watched the taller passed his eyelashes in disbelief.

“How does it feel anyway?” Seunghyun continued, peering over Jiyong up and down, scanning each angle he could catch and saw the boy stiffens.

“About what?” Jiyong’s tone grew higher in annoyance and gently tucked his lower lips behind his teeth, resisting from rolling his eyes.

“When death is just a step ahead” Seunghyun exhaled and brought the cigar close to his lips.

Jiyong thought of ignoring Seunghyun’s question and had decided to walk away. However, his body froze as the sight of taller’s eyes flicker in content the moment he inhaled from the white tube. Breath paused until pulling his lips apart, making way for smokes to twirl in the midst of air.

His heart beats furiously. Numbness fades. After all those deadly months, the long forgotten overwhelming emotions, almost every sense in him had woken up just because of Choi Seunghyun. Jiyong doesn’t understand why neither he wants to find out why.

“Well then, how do you feel? I’m sure you’ve heard of cigarette also known as cancer stick” right after that, Seunghyun’s eyes snaped open and found their way into his brown eyes. Jiyong saw the eyes filled with something- amusement perhaps. Seunghyun took a step forward and wickedly grins when the smaller boy moves away just when they’re about to breath the same air.

“Aren’t you such a rude bastard? Questions are supposed to be fed by answers, Kwon” Seunghyun managed to grab his arm forcefully, pulling Jiyong closer just so he could scared him off, like he usually do.

The boy struggled in his iron grip and Seunghyun could tell that he was anxious, being this near. While busily teasing by sending some playful looks, he trailed his gaze from the eyebrows furrows worryingly, brown deep orbs twinkles from the blinding rays, cute pointed nose down to the full-pink lips. Seunghyun suddenly had trouble tearing his eyes away from Jiyong.

 “Deal with it then, Choi”

The mock somehow brings something tingly in his body, to the core of his stomach. It was unexpected. Kwon Jiyong is an unexpected little , Seunghyun thinks and he found himself amused. And that- was definitely something.

Due to abrupt loose on his arm, the shorter was close to fall on his yet thanks to his quick reflexes, Jiyong manages to stabilize himself in a composed position. Never fail to glare across his shoulder blade and a mumble of sorry out from Seunghyun’s mouth. Jiyong shrugged it off instead. From the looks of carved dimple on his face, Jiyong pretty sure he meant everything except sorry.

Throwing away the used cigar, Seunghyun steps on it and came forward, again, invading Jiyong’s space.

“Care to tell me, Kwon, don’t you find death terrifying?” Long fingers danced along the shoulder blade before fingers gently settled, squeezing on the joint muscles causing Jiyong to whimper at his touch. Seunghyun smirked wickedly.

“I mean what the hell were you thinking? There’s definitely a better option than killing yourself”

With that, his hands were swung away harshly. Seunghyun stared, groaned upon being treated carelessly. Still, the brunette didn’t move. Jiyong choose to dart his eyes on his dirty shoes, head hanging low. There was a feeble chuckle and he let his fingers faintly touched on his nape. The question surprisingly had him thinking and he was over the edge. Somewhere in him were burning, boiling and flood of raw emotions wave through.

“Death is for sure terrifying but-”he paused, “being alone in this world is horribly terrifying”

Seunghyun eyes met his.

“Don’t you think, Choi?”

Although, the full bow-lips curled, Seunghyun saw those brown pools of eye were filled with some far-off amusement. Seunghyun could sense something off- reminded him of their first meeting. The vulnerable boy he saw that day has made a comeback. Longing tender gaze was far out of Seunghyun’s reach and it made him wonders thoughtfully; Kwon Jiyong’s mask cracked.

The small frame moved, heading to the door, sounds of steps fading away.

“Let’s not meet again, Choi” he heard those tired voice for the last time and the door closed with a loud bang, leaving Choi Seunghyun alone in dazed, lips quirked. He finally figured out why his friend is so attached to the boy.

Kwon Jiyong is somehow more fascinating than a lifeless doll he’d ever thought.

_______________________________________________