Needless to say, Jiyong had his fair share of weird dream that used to haunt him in his sleep. Nightmares that had sent him jolted up in the middle of the night, sweating, chest heaving up and down with tears rolling down his cheeks unconsciously. Every time it happened, Jiyong would refused himself from falling asleep again and forced himself to study just so his brain would remain occupied until the sunlight peeked from his curtain.

So Jiyong wasn’t fazed when he found himself surrounded by darkness again. There was a canvas, so when the next second he squinted his eyes, he realized it was his family’s picture. The picture was familiar- could be a distant memory of his, Jiyong wasn’t too sure. It was too long ago and it felt like a lifetime since he saw himself smiling with his parents. Warmth clenched over his nerves and Jiyong melted before the canvas. He stretched out his finger, wanting to reach for the familiarity of happiness and overjoy. Seeking for comfort from the canvas but before he could touch it, Jiyong was suddenly into a pit hole.

It was endless and he can’t see anything. His stomach churned and he felt himself curling in discomfort, pressure was pressing on him downwards that Jiyong felt suddenly afraid of the fact he was there alone. Nauseous crawled from his insides. Jiyong blinked his tears back as he fisted his hands in tight grip.

“Jiyong!” a voice echoed through.

Among darkness surrounded him, Jiyong can see light peeked through. It was small and can barely defeat darkness looming over him but Jiyong found himself reaching over. And when he squinted hard enough, he can see Seunghyun waving hands in the air with light shining over the curve of his body. He had smile over his face, curling widely—so widely Jiyong found himself smiling, too.

“I dreamt of you last night”

Jiyong declared softly with nonchalant expression occupied on his face, sending Seunghyun to choke on his fries, hands flailing weakly for water. Eyes bulged at his gasping boyfriend, Jiyong hands him water as well as running his hand up and down the taller’s back. When Seunghyun was finally at ease, Seunghyun looked up from his tray and jointed up one of his eyebrows. Mouth gaped, speechless.

“Me?” Seunghyun pointed to himself. Jiyong opened his mouth to say something but decided to just nod his head in agreement. Seunghyun gaped like a dead fish again as he watched Jiyong munched on his fries.

“Yeah, you look handsome in white shirt” Jiyong nodded and smiled seeing how his boyfriend’s neck turned scarlet up to his cheek instantly, probably embarrassed from the compliment.

“This is shocking. What did I do in you dream?” Seunghyun cleared his throat and reached for fries in Jiyong’s tray, looking away, feeling shy all of sudden. Jiyong doesn’t seem to mind when Seunghyun stole a handful of fries, jabbing it into the ketchup before shoving it into his mouth.

“Nothing much, really” Jiyong bit his lower lips, suppressing himself from smiling as he remembered Seunghyun from his dream.

Seunghyun was deadly handsome with those curved dimples, not to forget the white shirt Seunghyun wore, fit against his firm body, giving him a glimpse of those muscles, those stunning biceps—Jiyong gulped his dry throat, cheeks grew hot. His act doesn’t go unnoticed by Seunghyun who had already fixed his eyes on Jiyong. Smirking evilly, Seunghyun cupped Jiyong’s face in his hand and tilted his head in wonder.

“Oh yeah—then why are you blushing? We did something in you dream, didn’t we?” Seunghyun asked, appeared to be even more intrigued when tip of Jiyong’s ears turned red. Jiyong scoffed and swatted Seunghyun’s hands away.

“No, we’re not” He mumbled, lips pouting as he reached for fries and quickly threw it in his mouth after jabbed them into sauce.

“You don’t have to dream, Jiyong. You could’ve just ask and I’ll be willing to give it to you” Seunghyun wiped the sauce stuck at the corner of Jiyong’s lips, slow enough to get the boy’s attention. Thumb grazed gently against his plump lips nearly made Jiyong whimper, body shuddering weakly as lukewarm feeling grew inside him.

“I told you it’s nothing about that” Jiyong retaliated.

“There’s no need to be shy about it, you know” Seunghyun intentionally dropped his voice few octaves lower, eyes fixed on to stare on Jiyong’s lips for a second.

Their eyes met and Seunghyun’s dark eyes managed to pin Jiyong in a place as he watched the guy dragged his thumb back and off the sauce from it. Tongue was sticking out sensually and the glint in Seunghyun’s eyes was indicating something lustful, provocative—Jiyong blushed madly as he blinked repeatedly.

“I—I am not”

“Your face shows otherwise though” Seunghyun’s smirk stretched out even wider. Seeing how he can’t even win this, Jiyong frowned and quickly stood up, hands grabbing on his tray which caused Seunghyun to startle a bit.

“I’m out of here” Jiyong finished, not forgetting to throw a glare, leaving a cackling Seunghyun behind clutching on his stomach and laughing heartily. The warmness seeped into his pores and Jiyong felt himself floating just above the water, not flailing, not drowning, just breathing calmly and let brightness beamed and burned to his eyelids.

This time, Jiyong felt alive.

-

Jiyong stepped in the club right before the clock strike seven in the evening. There were a couple of customers lounging in the corner but still not too many of them, one was hanging by the bar, chatting with a bartender kept him busy while some others were laughing and dancing in the centre of the dance floor.

Getting into the locker room, Jiyong quickly changed into his working outfit thought of rushing towards the VIP rooms to clean up the mess, calculating and planning very intently things to do such as wiping the table, picking up the empty bottles and cans, throwing it in black plastic bag and tosses it away in the dumpster—hands immediately put on a hold from buttoning his shirt when his eyes noticed an unfamiliar striking yellow note stuck on his locker like a sore thumb. His eyebrow shot up in confusion and looked around him for any presence, averting his gaze back to the note when he found none. Carefully, Jiyong mouths words written there, lips slipping into a sweet curl unconsciously.

Did you miss me? –Seunghyun.

Jiyong chuckled for a brief moment and tapped his chin with his fore finger, thinking seriously of the asked question and soon whispering to himself in after Jiyong has found his answer; he miss Seunghyun. It’s not like they’re not meeting each other regularly, in fact, as far as Jiyong remembered he just saw the guy this morning while strolling around the park and catching fresh air, a cup of hot coffee in his hand as well as Seunghyun’s. Jiyong felt weird having these uncontrollable feelings inside him though felt great about it, nonetheless.

Plucking the yellow note from his locker then, Jiyong was left to stare at another similar note coloured in red with messy writing scrawled over it. Jiyong leaned in closer and began to read it carefully, not letting himself skipping even a word.

If you do, close your eyes and count to ten. – Seunghyun.

“This guy is so unpredictable” Jiyong found his lips curling wider, shaking his head at Seunghyun’s nonsense idea yet he still complied, eyes slowly closing and mouth starts counting from ten.

 “Nine”

“Seven”

 “Four”

“Three”

“Tw—”

A pair of soft lips grazed against his making Jiyong opened his eyes carefully and saw Seunghyun was only centimetres away, puffing warm breath to his parted lips. Half-lidded eyes staring at his along with mischievous smirk tugged on the edge of his lips. Jiyong was about to back away, thinking of giving the taller guy a tease but then a palm behind his neck pulled him forward before he could comprehend.

Sharp teeth nipping at his bottom lips left Jiyong whining until wet muscle prodding his mouth and his breath away. He felt lightheaded. It’s hard to breath. palms against the crisp shirt, not bothering of the fact he was wrinkling it, Jiyong leaned his weak body against Seunghyun. When both of them finally letting go of each other, Jiyong tried to catch his breath as he pants against Seunghyun’s mouth, smiling.

“You’re not supposed to appear though because I haven’t finished counting yet” Jiyong spoke, ragged breathing from the intense kiss.

“Who cares about that? I’ve wanted to kiss you since we parted this morning” Seunghyun spoke in a hoarse voice, leaning forward again only to give out a long groan when Jiyong slipped away from him, walking back to his locker and grabbed one of the notes.

“What’s with the notes?” Jiyong gave him a glance. Seunghyun heaved his chest and threaded fingers through his dark hair, smirk tugged lazily as he took Jiyong’s full view, eyes scanning up and down not too subtly.

“I learned that these notes can be useful for us, like our private messenger for each other” Seunghyun hovered over the smaller boy. Jiyong had top three buttons of his shirt were left ed and Seunghyun’s eyes can spot his pretty collar bones peeking out that he had to bit his lips from groaning out loud. It looks irresistible.

“You’re watching too many movies, Seunghyun” Jiyong chuckled, pushing Seunghyun’s shoulders playfully when Seunghyun leaned in to kiss him.

“I didn’t know you’re a romanticist” Jiyong added and puts back the note on his locker, oblivious to the intense stare boring on his face. Seunghyun shrugged his shoulders and leaned forward, intruding Jiyong’s little space and grabbed the boy’s wrist, eyes bounced  looking back at each other.

“I’m not but I can be” he murmured softly as he inhaled the boy’s sweet scent, after giving Jiyong’s cheeks a peck each, hot breathe grazing against his face.

“I can be a lot of things you wanted me to be and all you have to do is ask” Seunghyun let his chin rested on top of his shoulder while circling pair of arms around him from behind, chest bumping against Jiyong’s back.

“I don’t want you to be anything else. I like you now, Seunghyun. I like you being yourself” Jiyong turned around and tugged Seunghyun’s fingers. The taller guy smiled at his words, cheeks flushing.

“Good. I like you being yourself too, Jiyong” Seunghyun curled his finger in one of the belt loops and pulled Jiyong forward, bumping chest altogether and invaded Jiyong’s personal space once again before swooping down for another chaste kiss.

-

Another Tuesday, the day started with a shower of rain outside and Seunghyun can see students running towards the gate with umbrella over their head. Seunghyun sighed heavily when he saw a boy draped an arm over his girlfriend’s shoulder, leaning closer and laughing. Irritation seeping in his pores seeing the intimate gesture, Seunghyun decided to turn away from the window to look at his boyfriend who had his nose pressed inside a book.

“I hate you” he said, pulling a chair next to Jiyong.

“No, you don’t” His nose flared even more seeing how Jiyong didn’t even bother to turn at him, fingers still busy flipping pages.

“I can’t believe you made me come early to school just to accompany you study” Seunghyun propped his elbow on the table and rested his chin on top of it. Sparing Seunghyun a brief glance, Jiyong eventually settled to close his book and put down his pencil.

“What else are you suggesting other than studying then?” Jiyong crooked his eyebrows.

“A hot make out session in a library is always a temptation” Seunghyun said nonchalantly with a teasing grin while fumbling with his fingers.

At first, Jiyong was tempted to hiss and seriously considered on smacking the back of Seunghyun’s head with the thickest book he can find in the library. Only then, Jiyong found himself standing in front of Seunghyun with unwavering gaze before plopping down his across Seunghyun’s lap, legs spreading on either sides.  Startled by sudden moves, Seunghyun managed to grab on Jiyong by the waist, wearing a scandalized expression as both eyes widened a little bit, gasping subtly when he could feel their crotches brushed against each other.

“W-what are you—” Seunghyun muttered intelligently until he was cut of short as Jiyong pressed a finger on his lips, lingering momentarily before Jiyong brought his lips close enough that he can smell strawberries through his nostrils. Jiyong smells good. Seunghyun’s lips tilted up slightly.

“I thought you wanted to have a hot make out session in the library. Why do you look so surprised?” Jiyong whispered, sharing breath and threaded fingers in Seunghyun’s hair before gripping it tightly, a subtle groan escaped.

“Can’t blame me since you decided to jump on me out of nowhere” Seunghyun cracked a devious smirk after that and gripped the tiny waist, hands lingering there for a moment until it stopped to thumb the contour of Jiyong’s hips.

“So are you going to reward me now?” Seunghyun smoothes his thumb over Jiyong’s bottom lips, leaning close.

Wanting to swipe away that smirk, Jiyong decided to be mean and rock his hips roughly against Seunghyun, earning a hiss from the other who seemed to be out of focus and had a hard time to breathe. Seunghyun grunted and held Jiyong’s hips from rocking forward as he saw the boy in his lap pulled a secretive smile and whispered close to his ear.

“I changed my mind” Jiyong said and quickly gets up from Seunghyun, smiling with eyes turning into crescents, settling down to the chair opposite from Seunghyun and reached his book back again. An unsatisfied groan escaped together along with incoherent mumbles filled the empty library. Narrowing his eyes at Jiyong, Seunghyun made sure to let out a very long sigh.

“So you decided that leaving me half-hard in a library is a good idea?” Jiyong only snorted in response, amused.

“I’ll get you back after this, you know” Seunghyun make a face, tapping underside Jiyong’s chin lightly.

“Can’t wait” Jiyong chirped cheerfully, sarcasm applied with eyes locked on his book but Seunghyun can only  smiled and heaved a relief, feel all of his anger subsided almost instantly as he stared at the glint in the boy’s brown orbs.

Jiyong gets better, Seunghyun realized as he rested his arms on the desk and watched as Jiyong bit his lips in concentration while reading the book. Dark shadows under his eyes fades, fats takes its place on his cheeks and every time Jiyong smiles, Seunghyun’s heart beats thousand times faster as those tilts of lips grew wider day by day.

Seunghyun couldn’t be any happier that Jiyong’s starting to open up by reporting on activities he did and even shared little significant things that occurred in his daily life with Seunghyun. Even though Seunghyun was a bit worried regarding Jiyong’s now separated parents, he didn’t dare to ask anything. It was a private matter that doesn’t involve him and Seunghyun respected Jiyong’s decision if he wanted to keep it in himself.

However, maybe it was because the boy trusted him enough that Jiyong also updated information regarding his situation with his parents. He was above the clouds when Jiyong said that Seunghyun is important to him so it is a must for his boyfriend to know about his family. Seunghyun grinned and mentally pats himself on the back considers as the job well done that Jiyong finally regards him as the most important person in his life.

“Seunghyun? Did you hear what I just said?” a slight touch on his hand brought him back to reality, lower lips sticking out which managed to melt his heart in a second.

Blinking repeatedly, Seunghyun croaked, “What?”

“I said I’m going to quit working at the club” this time Jiyong settles to rest his chin on top of the desk and looked expectantly with his brown eyes at Seunghyun. Adorable. Seunghyun resisted the urge to pat on the boy’s head and let their fingers grazed against each other instead, feel warmth crept under his skin.

“Why in a sudden?” Seunghyun questioned, body sits up straight, alert at the sudden rise of the topic.

“My dad knows about me working in the club—I mean, we’ve kind of bumped into each other last week  in front of the club” Jiyong began but when he saw frown was slowly draping over Seunghyun’s face, he quickly continued. “He’s not mad, just surprised” and those ugly lines smoothes down instantly.

“What did he say?”

“We’ve talked about this matter last night and he said he was expecting me to quit but I’ve grown up and I should’ve know what’s best for me so he let me pick my own decision. And I guess maybe it’s time for me to focus on my study solely since the final exam is coming up” Jiyong said gently, their fingers grazed against each other, leaving fleeting touches against their skin. Seunghyun just nodded his head.  

“And I have to admit” this time, Jiyong slid his palm over Seunghyun’s bigger one, along his forearm before he circled Seunghyun’s wrist and pulled. Seunghyun jerked forward with eyes big in surprise, attention was now solely on Jiyong.

“You’re right before. I guess it’ll be better that I quit now before rumours about me working in the club spreads around” Jiyong explained.

“So… Thank you, Choi Seunghyun, for your advice” Jiyong smiled genuinely after, moving forward, meeting Seunghyun halfway across the table and landed a kiss on the guy’s cheek. It was childlike, their love for each other. Jiyong can’t help but to indulge into the familiarity that spreading inside him like a wildfire, so comfortable yet so overwhelming.

-

Weekend comes and the next thing Jiyong knows, they were already on a bus heading somewhere he wasn’t even sure. Jiyong had thought they were just going to take a brief walk, to clear up clogged minds like usual and spends time in each other’s arms. But when Jiyong was about to question Seunghyun’s choice of thick clothes and a backpack full of snacks, Seunghyun was already dragging him out of the door after wrapping jacket and warm scarf around his neck. Jiyong sleepily leaned his head on Seunghyun’s shoulder as he watched uncountable trees outside passing by from his window.

“Where are we going, Seunghyun?” he asked, watching buildings turning smaller from the corner of his eyes as the bus rode out from the city. He threw his hand outside, flexing his fingers and feel cold biting against his skin. The wind slapped against his skin was cold, too cold, making him shivered in place. Oddly, Jiyong found himself enjoying its company.

Jiyong felt Seunghyun shifted in his seat and suddenly hovering a little too close for comfort, and then his hand was pulled inside before shutting the window, cutting off the wind from outside. Jiyong stared at Seunghyun dumbly for explanation until the guy circled his arm around his shoulders to pull Jiyong closer.

“Somewhere nice” Seunghyun said, cheeks leaned on Jiyong’s hair, there are hands rubbing up and down his arms as if trying to keep Jiyong warm. Jiyong hasn’t realized that he was probably cold till his body was leaning over close to Seunghyun’s chest.

“And I don’t want you to get sick before we even get there” warm breath ghosting his ears, drawing colours to appear on the tip.

“Where is this place anyway?” he huffed tiredly. Jiyong played with the cuff of Seunghyun’s jacket when the other guy just hummed in silence. The ride is too long and he can feel cramps crawling on his lower half.

“Be patient, Jiyong” Seunghyun pinched his nose and Jiyong swatted his hands away. Tints of pink colours emerged on top of his cheeks.

“I’ve been doing that for the last two hours, Seunghyun. You’re not taking me to somewhere weird, aren’t you?” Jiyong threw him a weird look but Seunghyun only scowled and pulled him even closer until there’s no space left.

“There’s nothing to lose if you keep being patient and I told you, it’s a nice place. Somewhere we both can enjoy ourselves”

“Good. The last thing I want is to get kidnapped to a weird place”

“You should feel honoured getting kidnapped by me than other wrinkly old man or even a creepy ert”

“But you’re close to being a ert” Jiyong teased Seunghyun, tugging his cuff and grinned widely, waiting for his response. Seunghyun just narrowed his eyes and pulled Jiyong’s wrist, pretended to bite on it as Jiyong laughed cheekily.

“I’ll pretend I don’t hear that” Seunghyun said, lips curling softly.

“Can’t you just tell me where exactly you’re taking me?”

“You’ll see” Seunghyun replied simply, making Jiyong reclined back in his seat, pulling away his hands from Seunghyun and folded his arms on his chest, mumbling under his breath that he gives up on questioning and decided to close his eyes until they’ll arrive to their destination.

He ignored Seunghyun’s chuckle at his childish behaviour and turned his back against the guy.  It might be his imagination because Jiyong can feel warm glide of his lips on his forehead when he’s about to doze off to dreamland, lips quirked in a smile as a big hand entwined against his.

-

Jiyong was taken aback when they had arrived at their destination. Truthfully, he wasn’t expecting much from their date but when they stepped into the place full of children, he felt slightly disappointed. Mokpo Orphanage, Jiyong even reads once again to make sure that his eyes were not deceiving him.

He had looked back at Seunghyun for confirmation but the guy just smiled at him and walked inside without a second glance. It was weird that Seunghyun wasn’t saying anything until they meet an older woman, eyes widened slightly and a warm smile bloomed before greeting Seunghyun with a hug as if they have known each other for so long. Jiyong shot his eyebrows at this. Seunghyun seemed to welcome her by returning the hug, arms wrapped around her with a smile while Jiyong was left behind gripping on his backpack awkwardly.

“It’s been a while, Seunghyun. How have you been?” she spoke so softly that Jiyong can barely hear her. Her gaze was affectionate, eyes creasing at the edges as face brightened almost instantly when Seunghyun nods his head and judging by the way she holds out her hand to cup Seunghyun’s face, they must have been close with each other.

“I’m healthy as always, grandma. You don’t need to worry about me. Oh, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen but you still look beautiful. Woah, look at your skin. You’re still pretty since the last time I’ve seen you” Seunghyun spoke playfully and holds onto her arm, carefully leading her towards a chair and let her sit on it as Seunghyun squatted in front of her.

“You and your pretty words” She giggled shyly and slapped at his arm, making Seunghyun playfully pouted.

The smile was warm and familiar. Jiyong can see kindness reflected in her eyes when she affectionately looked into Seunghyun’s eyes as they both chatted, with Seunghyun childishly winked at her only to have her giggling. There are bubbles in the pit of his stomach, his feet were restless against the floor as he watched from the side. Only then Jiyong realized that was feeling envy. It must have been nice to be treated like a spoiled child, to be taken care of with full attention from an elderly. Jiyong found himself letting out a soft breath he didn’t realize he’s been holding, finger digging into the skin.

When the older woman looks up, her lips instantly pulled in a tight line as she realized that there’s still another boy at the door. Jiyong fidgeted on his feet when her gaze fell on him and head immediately bowing down in return as a greeting, clutching tight against his backpack, suddenly feeling nervous from the ministration.

“Oh, I almost forgot” Seunghyun stood up straight when he realized he had left Jiyong behind and quickly went to fetch him by his hand and brought him in front of grandmother.

“This is Kwon Jiyong. He is my friend. Jiyong, this is grandmother. She lives here and she used to take care of me and Dongwook hyung when we were kids. Say hello” he stared dumbly at grandmother as Seunghyun introduced him.

“Hello. My name is Kwon Jiyong. Seunghyun and I go to the same school” Jiyong bowed once again and tried his best to charm her with his dazzling smile but her expression doesn’t seem good. Her face was kind of nonchalant but later she presented him a small smile and nods quietly.

“Thank goodness, I was so worried that Seunghyun will spend his time alone after his brother died. It’s a relief that Seunghyun has a friend as pretty as you. Please, take care of him. He’s so precious to me”

For a second Jiyong thought she was going to get mad a t him but instantly relieved that she was just worried. Jiyong wasn’t really good in communicating with people but seeing how she treasured Seunghyun like her own kid, it made his stomach lurched and warmness spills across his chest. Curling his lips again, Jiyong took her hands in his.

“Of course, grandmother. You don’t have to worry. I will always be there for him” She seemed to be relieved at this and pats at his hand.

“Grandmother, I brought your favourite dish today and some snacks for the kids too”

Jiyong looked over to Seunghyun as the other guy pulled out a food container from his backpack which Jiyong didn’t even notice. There are also candies and chips stuffed inside his backpack too and for some reason he felt left out for coming empty-handed. Jiyong pouted, lips twitching to the side irritatingly. Had he known they were going to come and pay a visit to the orphanage, he would’ve prepared something as well. Grandmother said her thanks and gave Seunghyun a hug, then moves on to bring the food inside the kitchen.

“Come on. I’ll introduce you to the kids. They’ll love you” Seunghyun exclaimed happily, pulling Jiyong along with him.

-

“Noona, look at this!” the boy in his lap jumped up and shoved him of a scrawls of messy crayon lines against the white paper, which looked like a drawing of a unicorn with a pair of tiny wings. He blinked.

“Is it pretty, noona?” Jiyong cracked a smile half-heartedly, lips twitching very badly.

A part of him wanted to snap at kid for calling him noona yet another part of him wanted to just ignore the silly mistake and coo at the kid who currently has snot running down his nose. Taking a deep breath, Jiyong just widened his smile, gently prying off bright crayons from his hands before holding the smaller hands in his, squeezing it a little to get the boy’s attention.

“It’s hyung, Taegoon. I’m a guy so call me hyung” Jiyong spreads a wide grin as he tried putting his words nicely and gently wiped off the snot from the boy’s face with a handkerchief.

“You are?” The boy somehow looked rather loss even after his clarification, big eyes looking into Jiyong as Jiyong nodded his head in agreement. But then the smaller boy straightened up and pointed his finger towards Jiyong.

“But you look pretty to me” Jiyong blinked as the boy paused to at the snot dripping on his lips, causing Jiyong to cringe incredibly before wiping it clean once again.

“Seunghyun hyung said if someone looks pretty then just call them as noona” he proclaimed innocently with his big eyes, which Jiyong managed to choke on his saliva and for some reason Jiyong could imagined Seunghyun told the boy in his deep voice. Shaking his head, Jiyong pinched the boy’s cheeks affectionately.

“Well, if your Seunghyun hyung had already said so, it must be true then” and the little toddler nodded his head vigorously. What a naïve little kid, Jiyong thinks, patting the boy’s head and pulled him in his lap.

“Come on, Taegoon. Let noona teach you something new today”

Jiyong turned around to look for more colourful papers, however, he found himself looking outside, watching Seunghyun running around with kids in the garden. When the taller guy got his hands on one of those kids, he threw the boy in the air, splaying the boy in the midst of air as if imitating airplane while others giggling wildly, warmth clouding the atmosphere before toddlers scattering around right after Seunghyun continued chasing them.

For once, Jiyong was left unsettled as he recalled Seunghyun’s expression right before they enter the orphanage. Even though there’s no void in Seunghyun’s face at the moment, only full of genuine interest and happiness but Jiyong wasn’t entirely convinced at his expression. Jiyong can sense that something was still off yet he can’t place his finger on it.

When Seunghyun stopped and saw Jiyong was looking at him, his smile wears off—accompanied by a solemn look and despair instead. Jiyong realises a bit later that maybe he wasn’t the only one who used to lose faith in life before.

-

“Dongwook hyung and I were raised here before we were adopted by my foster parents” Seunghyun murmured, his voice was oddly distant from the other side. He brought a cigarette to his lips and a deep breath, puffing a couple of light puffs in the air.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” there were sounds of feet padding against the ground until a familiar body settled next to him. Jiyong keeps his eyes forward instead even though Seunghyun was now sitting right next to him, knees pulled up against his chest, joint in his finger was flicked away thrown on the ground.

“Because it’s not important” Seunghyun says, staring on the sky instead of reaching out for Jiyong.

Seunghyun approached him but the guy didn’t close in the distant, just near enough for Jiyong to hear him from his spot. It was weird, seeing Seunghyun creating space between them despite he was the one that always pried into Jiyong’s space to hold him close.

“I don’t dwell on the past” when Jiyong glances up just to meet Seunghyun’s eyes for a brief moment, Seunghyun had a tight smile on his face. It was upsetting seeing him all pretentious so Jiyong nudged him by the elbow and smiled.

“Don’t cry. You’re going to get ugly” Jiyong teased, lightly rocking back and forth on his spot.

“Hey, there’s no ugly in my dictionary” Seunghyun pinched Jiyong’s cheeks, laugh laced heavily in his voice and the sadness fades from his eyes. But there are still remnants across the stiffness on his brow and tightness of his jaw from the bark of laugh so Jiyong just giggled and brings his body nearer because for some reason Seunghyun looks cold under his gaze.

“And there’s nothing good to reminisce anyway” Seunghyun said flatly.

Soon, their laugh died then and a long stretch of silence rose, tension building up silently above their shoulders.

It has been almost ten years since. It was summer then when it happened. Hand in hand, Seunghyun and Dongwook had arrived at the orphanage with confusion reflected in their orbs, not knowing anything. They were told to stay put and wait, making a promise that they will be granted with lots of candies if they obediently wait for the married couple to come and pick them up after work.

They were young and naïve. Like a blank sheet of paper, Seunghyun and Dongwook suspect nothing and smiled. They waited by the door, waited again the next day by the gate in case they missed and waited again outside by the road when the winter came. But the married couple never came.

“Dongwook hyung and I—we were abandoned here” Seunghyun choked on his breath, tears threatening to fall. A surge of sadness pushed back down his throat when Jiyong caught a glimpse of Seunghyun’s face, brown eyes turned glassy.

“They—they didn’t want us anymore”

Cold childhood memories were long stacked far in the back on his mind and never opened up until now. He remembered the way he wailed like a child he was as each day went by, screaming as tears streaming down his face, sobbing even harder when he realized he was left unwanted. Seunghyun shut his eyes close when he felt a hand running up and down on his back, calming his mind.

“I was puzzled, you know. There were quite a lot kids in the orphanage, mostly girls and some of them were sick and another half of them were born with disabilities but Dongwook hyung and I were born as healthy boys. But, there’s no difference. We’re all the same. Abandoned kids. The fact that both of us being a burden angered me, the fact that we’re both left unwanted in the orphanage saddened me” his jaw clenched tight with shaky breath, Seunghyun shook his head as he shut his eyes firm.

“It’s okay now. You’re not abandoned anymore” Jiyong consolingly took Seunghyun’s hand and on top of it, it’s surprisingly calm the other guy. His voice was soft under the cool whistling wind and Seunghyun was thankful for Jiyong’s concern over him.

“Yeah, I’m not anymore” Seunghyun mumbled quietly, blinked and looked at the ground.

It has been so hard for him for these past years. Seunghyun was more than grateful having Dongwook by his side since the day he was born. The guy was basically the reason Seunghyun continued living his life so when the accident occurred and tragedy issued, Seunghyun were left hopeless to cling on the tiny last thread.

After his brother’s gone, it doesn’t even take seconds before Seunghyun to drown in his own past. He was so damn scared of being alone. And the scar was still there, permanently scarred a spot inside his heart. So he lose hope, eventually, Seunghyun began to lose himself.

“Back in the past, I still had Dongwook hyung to tell me ‘It’s alright, we got each other’. But when Dongwook hyung died, I was so devastated. I turned cold, rebel against everything just to satisfy my anger. I didn’t let anyone in. I was so upset that I shut everyone off, including my foster family and friends. I even thought of killing myself”

Jiyong can feel blood draining out from his face, simply alarmed by the idea of not having Seunghyun in his life, it was terrifying just by imagining it. Hands suddenly clutching tight against Seunghyun’s as if afraid of Seunghyun will disappear from him.

“But the first time we met on the rooftop, with you trying to commit suicide, you made me realized something; I’m not the only who’s having a hard time in life. Everyone is. Everyone has a problem of their own but it’s how they overcome their problem is the most important thing” Seunghyun huffed in relief.

“That’s why I come here. To let go and forget” Seunghyun smiled as he spoke, taking Jiyong’s cold hand in his and curled around it, squeezing it firm.

“Do you think you have answer on why my parents abandoned me here?” Seunghyun’s smile looking a little sadder, gaze fleeting just over the cloud as if remembering something hurtful. Jiyong shook his head sadly. Unfortunately, he has no answers to those questions.

“Sometimes certain things are better left unsaid” his voice was sharp yet quiet under the whistle of the wind. There’s a sad smile planted across Seunghyun’s lips.

“You think so?” Seunghyun looked up at the sky and wondered briefly.

“I know so”

Turning around, Jiyong looked directly into Seunghyun’s glassy eyes, remembered how those brown orbs used to pierce into his skin and warm his heart. He can see Seunghyun held back his emotions, tears pooling in his eyes, yet lips never fail from curling wide to present Jiyong a genuine smile.

“It’s been hard on you. You’ve been through a lot”

Jiyong whispered as he slowly took hold of Seunghyun large body around him and the guy’s back gently, up and down. There’s a short intake of breath before the body against him turned shaky. There’s a quiet whimper and a clutch on his shirt. Neither of them says anything, instead, they stay in place. The orphanage somehow turned quiet that evening. Unlike usual, the evening was quite warm.

It was funny how the fate seemed to bind them together. Little dots of connections began with the suicide attempt to Choi Dongwook and back to whirl both of them around with their feelings and emotions; with Seunghyun needed to hold someone in his arms to keep him company along his rocky roads, while Jiyong on the other hand, needed someone to hold himself up so he won’t drown under his insecurities and disappointments in life. 

-

They left the Mokpo Orphanage with Jiyong receiving a kiss from Taegoon on the cheek and children throwing themselves on Seunghyun to stop him from leaving, both of them only laughed and promised to come back again with lots of chocolate. They just agreed sadly to this and bid good bye the moment they stepped out of the orphanage. Seunghyun looked rather sad back then but Jiyong pretended not to see and linked their arms together.

At some point between their conversations on visiting childhood memories, Seunghyun had managed to drag him to an abandon house by the end of the street which Jiyong had shrieked out wildly of constant no, no, nooooo—because there’s probably something weird inside that house like ghost or wild animals that Jiyong definitely doesn’t have any interest of.

Unfortunately, with a bigger built frame of body along with height 180 cm long, Seunghyun had put him on top of his shoulder like a sack of potato and invited himself in the house. It was surprising to find the house door without any lock. Seunghyun told Jiyong that it used to be his secret hideout with Dongwook hyung, mainly because it has a pool inside the house.

Jiyong just smiled at Seunghyun lively voice and bright eyes as they both sat by the pool and talked. His pants were pulled above the knee just so it won’t get wet as he dipped his legs inside. Despite the cold water against his skin, Jiyong enjoyed watching the calm water stilled inside the pool. Remembering something, Jiyong tucked his hand inside his pocket and took out a bright pink-coloured folded paper.

“Here. For you” Jiyong extended his hand out.

“Heart origami?” Seunghyun eyed the paper wearily before darted his eyes back on his boyfriend’s face, mouth gape wide in surprise.

“Not just anyone’s but mine” Jiyong sheepishly stated and Seunghyun smirked at his statement. Nonetheless, he said thanks to the boy next to him. Heart quickly throbbing and pounding hard against his ribcage, cheeks felt warm upon this effort.

“Why in a sudden? I mean, it’s not that I don’t like it. I like it very much and it’s so sweet of you but can I know why did you give me this?” Seunghyun asked. The tips of his fingers gently graze over the neatly folded paper, traces of care and hard work could be seen from the clean origami.

“Nothing specific actually. I just happened to teach Taegoon on how to fold origami earlier and I was suddenly reminded of you so I though yeah, why not make one for Seunghyun—and there you go. A heart origami just for you” Jiyong lightly kicked his legs, splashing water as he sat by the pool and watched the flow of water in the pool as he tried his best to avoid any contact with the latter.

“But why heart?” Seunghyun questioned again and he can see blush creeping on those cheeks. Jiyong bits his lips, eyes wandering around and tried to wreck his brain for answers.

“Does this mean you’re giving me your heart?” Seunghyun leaned in and purposely blow on the boy’s ear. The tips turned red instantly and Jiyong yelped, turned around and pushed Seunghyun away.

“You tease!” Jiyong shouted, skin turned scarlet in embarrassment. He splashed the water lightly and Seunghyun yelped in protest, loudly shrieking about the fact that he had spent a very long time gelling his hair, tickling Jiyong like crazy yet finally stopped when he noticed he doesn’t has anything in his hands.

 “. I think I dropped your heart” Seunghyun froze, shifted into panic mode in seconds as his eyes widened, almost fell out of socket. He took out his legs from the pool and stood, scanning around the pool. He caught a sight of something, a tint of pink colour inside the pool and Seunghyun was so sure it’s the heart origami.

“Uhh—hey, it’s okay. It’s just an origami anyway. I can make you another” Jiyong smiled at his seriousness. It was endearing seeing him like this but Jiyong doesn’t mind, really. He was a bit disappointed that his hard work fell into the pool, nevertheless, at least he managed to show it to Seunghyun.

“No. no. You can’t.  It’s different. It’s your first origami” Seunghyun refused with a definite tone, shaking his head seriously.

“Seunghyu—”

Jiyong tried to pull the guy to sit again but was cut off as Seunghyun called him.“Jiyong” Seunghyun called him once again when Jiyong gave him no response.

“Seunghyun, are you even listening?”

The boy beside him huffed tiredly and ruffled his hair before folding his arms across his chest. Seunghyun’s eyes were still looking at the pool, eyeing that bright pink paper under the six feet deep pool. Seunghyun locked his eyes with Jiyong, lips quirked in a suspicious smirk.

“Just in case, I hope you can swim, Jiyong”

“What are you talking about?” Jiyong crooked his eyebrows at this and he definitely doesn’t like the look on Seunghyun’s face at the moment, it’s creepy and it seemed like he’s planning something that’s far from good. Jiyong was alarmed when Seunghyun moved closer to the pool at the edge and he wanted to tell the guy to stay away from the pool because he is standing too close and he might fall and the water must be cold—

“Because I can’t” was the last sentence from Seunghyun before the guy jumped, diving into the pool.

SPLASH. Jiyong can only registered the loud splash before his brain died on him. His eyes moved to left and right, feet planted on the ground. Body instantly went still. He caught a sight of Seunghyun diving in, head went down first as his body and legs followed, reaching for something down there.

“Got it!”

Seunghyun yelled out happily and Jiyong was about to leap onto his feet as he watched Seunghyun’s face appeared from the water until the taller’s moves starting to slow down in the centre of the pool, gasping and seemed to be gulping a large amount of water.  No. Please, no. Jiyong gulped down his dry throat nervously, anxious.

In a sudden, Seunghyun stopped and by the looks by it, he was trying to catch a breath. His hands were flying in a midst of air, as if trying hard to surface. Jiyong body went rigid, blood draining out from his face almost too quickly when he saw Seunghyun sinking under water. His knuckles turned white as he shook his head absently, silently cursing inside his mind.

A moment after Seunghyun’s hands moves frantically and his head was in and out from the water, Jiyong quickly snapped his head around and switched on his reflexes. Not waiting any minutes, he quickly jumped and dived in the pool. He dipped in his face and reached for Seunghyun’s slumped body. The guy was unconscious. Wrapping tight his arms around Seunghyun’s waist, Jiyong pulled Seunghyun close and pushed him up so they’ll both surfaced above. Jiyong brought his body to the side and settled him on the ground, out from the water, laying the sprawled body gently as he looked for any sign of consciousness.

“Come on. Breath, Seunghyun” he called weakly against his hard breathing. He tapped on his cheeks again and again but still there’s no response. Jiyong tilted the guy’s head up, opened up his mouth and pumped Seunghyun’s chest for a couple of times. Still, his effort turned to waste.

No. No. NO. 

“Don’t do this to me, you bastard. Wake up” Jiyong frustratingly latched on his lower lips and choked a breath, still pumping Seunghyun’s chest urgently. A knot was tied on his chest and Jiyong felt breathless. It hurts.

“Wake up, please. Open your eyes” Jiyong felt loss in a sudden seeing Seunghyun laying there motionless. This is not supposed to happen. This is not the time yet to say goodbye. Please, don’t do this. Jiyong shook his head frantically, palms never stopping from pumping, patting the taller’s cheek occasionally. Like a miracle, Seunghyun finally coughed out water, hard.

“Hey” Seunghyun began, slowly opened his eyes and crack a small smile as he recognized a blurry face of Jiyong. His wet hair was dripping with water, panting hard. He reached out for Jiyong but before he could do anything, the boy in front him burst out angrily.

“WHAT THE WERE YOU THINKING?” Jiyong shouted on his face with eyes glaring sharp at Seunghyun. Hands were iron grip on Seunghyun’s arm, shaking him. Seunghyun went appalled, stiffened at the sudden outburst.

“Jiyo-”

“You were drowning, Seunghyun!”

“I’m fine now—” Seunghyun said between his slow breath but was cut off by Jiyong sharply.

“You could’ve died!” Jiyong cried out, his tone increases per second, didn’t realize he was on the verge of tears now. His fists shook at his sides as he curled them. His breath was uneven and his body was shaking uncontrollably. Everything was a mess.

“Hey, it’s okay—Ji” Seunghyun moved forward but the shivering boy took a step backward as if afraid being burned.

“No!” Jiyong choked, furious tears didn’t stop burning down his cheeks as he spoke.

“It’s not okay! Nothing is okay…” Jiyong screwed his eyes shut, suffocated. He can’t breathe, vision blurring into a haze.

“You could have lost your life in there and I...I would have lose you. In a blink. Do you know how scared I am seeing you’re not breathing? Do you know how afraid I am losing you? Do you even know how important you are to me?” Jiyong clutched on his chest as he felt his chest constricted. It hurts, really hurt that he cannot stop tearing. His cheeks were stained with salty tears, trailing down to his chin. His fingernails dug into his palms and broke the skin there. Seunghyun was left astounded, guilty filling up his lungs as he watched the little boy cried, curled in his own warmth.

After a long silence, Seunghyun mustered up courage and crawled towards the boy. Jiyong lets Seunghyun s his hand around his neck and pull him into an embrace, rocking their body to left and right gently. Kissing on top of Jiyong’s head, Seunghyun tucked his chin on top of Jiyong’s head, muttering his apologies in Jiyong’s hair.

“I don’t want to lose you, Seunghyun” Jiyong finally said quietly, sounding a little tired. He stared ahead as he relaxed into Seunghyun’s arms, cheek pressing against the chest, heaving a sigh of relief when he could hear a sound of heart thumping there.

“I don’t want to lose you too, Jiyong” Seunghyun pats his head, caressing his wet hair and stopped on his back. Even pressing soft kisses on Jiyong’s temple occasionally as Seunghyun lulled him.

“Don’t leave me, Seunghyun. I’m scared” Jiyong pushed himself up and looked straight in Seunghyun’s dark eyes.

“I’m here, Jiyong. There’s nothing to be scared of” Seunghyun curled his palms over his stained cheeks and smoothes his thumb over the cold skin. The tips of his finger grazed along the trail of tears before wiping it clean.

“I love you, Seunghyun”

The confession was so quiet and abrupt that he can barely hear, almost missed it but Jiyong’s eyes found his at that moment and Seunghyun can see how Jiyong’s eyes brightened. Unlike before they were strangers to each other, Seunghyun can finally understand them. The flicker in his brown orbs tells Seunghyun a lot of things. Alive was one of the thousand words reflected in his eyes.

Seunghyun wanted to say I know, I can tell but his throat choked up so hard when those words escaped Jiyong’s mouth. He can feel tears prickling in his eyes so he snapped his eyes shut, tucking his chin to take a deep breath before deciding to press a quick chaste kiss on Jiyong and pulled him in a warm embrace as he nodded, hands patting the boy’s head gently as he smiled. Jiyong placed his lips on his collarbones and murmured again, I love you I love you I love you, repeating those words like a mantra, so soft Seunghyun felt himself melting. 

“I love you too” Seunghyun nodded in assurance.

Jiyong clenched his fist on Seunghyun’s shirt and rest his head against the guy’s chest, hearing the slow rise and fall of his chest before inhaling again with calmness.  Jiyong wants to be happy with Seunghyun as much Seunghyun wants see him beaming with brightness. He wants this happiness to last, even for a while because Seunghyun smiling around him is so precious and Jiyong does not want to lose the light sparks in his eyes. Whatever between them might not last forever but Jiyong is sure the memories of them holding onto each other made it worth awhile.

-

Jiyong fell when world melts, endless darkness loomed over him.

This is it—he had once thought.

The end of his life.

Jiyong had stopped believing in love and he’s not entirely sure if he believes in the idea of forever either. But Jiyong believes in Seunghyun. Before, Jiyong thought that he’s far too broken to heal and there’s probably no other way out except letting him disappear like the specks of dust in the wind. Nevertheless, Seunghyun had proved him wrong when he caught Jiyong in the midst of a fall.

It’s fine.

Jiyong was so used to those hollow words before. Yet, he can’t help to grip his hands tighter and believe in Seunghyun as those dark warm eyes peering over him, glints of hope reflected in the other’s eyes. The other guy has taught Jiyong a lot of things he never discovered. Together along the narrow road, faith grow between both of them and with the help of raining affections and bright consoling words, love bloomed beautifully in the corner of each other’s chest.

I got you.

Yes, Jiyong was broken before. But as Seunghyun said, it is fine. It will be alright because along the journey of their story, Seunghyun will patched him up together, pieces by pieces, bit by bits glued together into sharp cracks dented and rough edges on his body. Gentle hands hovered to help caressing scars and heal blackened bruise with tender touches, kisses trailing over the ugly red patches until Jiyong was under his smooth skin again. 

There’s a lot of hard work and it will probably going to use a hell lot of time, too. Patience and determination are in need to guide them so they won’t stray away. Jiyong knows and he knows Seunghyun acknowledged it even if the guy didn’t utter a word. So when Seunghyun entwined their fingers and pull him only to hold him closer, Jiyong knows there’s no need for words because he understands as much as Seunghyun does. Action speaks louder than words. All they need are each other. Nothing else matter.

Being in love means giving in, giving yourself away and ready to commit into a relationship no matter in what kind of situation you’re thrown in. Believe in someone along the journey, whether it was crook and narrow road or straight small path, love is always about trust.

___________________________________________________