He take another look on his reflected image on the mirror once again, fingers slowly combed messy hairs to the back. His slim frame clothed in a big white shirt, buttoned up in attempt to avoid from lingering glances, also to cover the bite marks stamped on the side of his neck. Jiyong sighed and ready to lose himself in a trance, feeling helpless when he reminded of what just happened.

 

"We ed"

 

The deep rumble of voice still painfully rings inside his eardrum. Jiyong clasped both ears, forced his eyes shut as well as calming his breathing. His breath turned erratic, short when images of last night replay inside his mind. There are so many remnants of blurred images and words but he can't recall anything except for him crying, fell flat on the tar.

Jiyong snapped his eyes back, looking in the mirror. He can see his eyes wavered in confusion, lips tucked behind his white teeth. He cried. He did cried last night, stomach churned at the thought of Seunghyun seeing him being pathetic last night. Why did he cry? What made him awfully sensitive last night? And most of all, did Seunghyun saw him cried last night? Shaking his head lightly, Jiyong push himself up and fought dizziness from creeping into his head to head out from the bathroom, clearing his crazy thoughts as well.

Slowly, Jiyong walked towards his bed and slipped under the cover, lying on top of his cold mattress. Wrapping himself with the white sheet, he shut his eyes to doze of a couple of minutes. Since it was weekend, Jiyong found nothing else to do except for reaching comfort and to let be dragged away in the blankness. It’s been a while, Jiyong thought as he took in the faint scent of his room. It was fine until a ray of sun peeked through his curtains so Jiyong pulled the cover over his head but stopped when he heard something fell. Grunting, Jiyong pushed off the cover off him and inspect what just fell from his bed.

Clothes. He blinked—it was Seunghyun’s clothes. It was toppled over so the folded clothes crumpled messily on the floor. He took the shirt and spread it open on his lap. The shirt was a little too big for him, remembering how the collar fell down his shoulder when he slipped under it. But it was comfortable, Jiyong likes when the soft fabric felt under his thumb pad. Seunghyun was nice enough to lend him clean, warm clothes to change into and even sent him home with a cab. Jiyong felt sorry that he didn’t manage to show his gratitude for the guy because despite how warm Seunghyun touches were that morning, Jiyong only received coldness, embracing his shivering body.

After Seunghyun told him they slept together, words and sentences instantly moulded altogether turning into a ball of smokes and faded into the thin air. His brain just froze. He saw Seunghyun’s mouth moved but he can hear nothing. Only a warm breath felt on his face before he was enveloped into a bigger frame. The hug was suffocating because Jiyong felt nauseous so he smacked a hand across Seunghyun’s chest and pushed him away. The taller guy complied.

Waiting no more, Jiyong asked the other guy to send him home and turned away, hinting that he wants to be left alone. Seunghyun gave him clothes to change and after a few minutes, the guy grabbed a cab for both of them to send him home. The trip was painfully awkward along with a long silence dragging by. He lost count of times Seunghyun stole a glance on his way.

 

“Forget about it. Last night was a mistake”

 

That was his last words, voice croaked out and tasted sour against his tongue. He didn’t saw Seunghyun expression because as soon those words escaped, the cab was pulled into a stop. Jiyong didn’t say his thanks neither wasted anytime to turn around and lock his eyes with Seunghyun. Instead, he just speeds off with all his might and hoped that Seunghyun didn’t stop him.

Jiyong sigh aloud, he doesn’t really believe Seunghyun’s word but considering how the situation played at that time, it seemed like they really did it. Gosh. Things wouldn’t have to be this complicated if he didn’t drink that night. And out of all people, why did he come to Seunghyun? Why does Seunghyun has to appear when he was alone and sad? What the hell happened that night?

He threw away the clothes in his hand and gets up from his bed to stand beside his window. He wondered if Seunghyun was angry for giving him a cold shoulder. Jiyong peered over his window, feeling his heavy heart eased for a moment after seeing the blue clear sky. He really doesn’t know what to do about him and Seunghyun but for now, the clothes need to be returned where it belongs.

 

-

 

Bang!

The whole house was booming from a slammed door, attracting eyes on him very instantly. A woman in her 40s was looking at him warmly and the man next to her, however, had a stern look at Seunghyun. Probably mad at the sudden loud intrusion. The guy shifted his rectangular spectacles on his nose bridge and peered over it.

“And here I thought you have forgotten the way back home, Seunghyun” The older guy straightened up his back while flipping through the newspaper in his hands.

“If only Dongwook’s still alive-” Seunghyun’s face changed drastically as he heard the last bit. The woman stopped her husband as she watched Seunghyun by placing her hand on his arm. The older guy grunted in response and quickly gets up from his seat, went to slip through one of the room.

“Sweetie” The woman presented a gentle smile to him, hand carefully putting down the cup on the table. She pushed her hair to the back of her ear and stands up.

“Come, Seunghyun. Join me for a cup of tea. Bommie’s here too”, the woman turned to her left and gestured her hand towards a beautiful girl next to her. Bom looked up to him with a puzzled face for a second before she pulled a wide smile and waved a hand at him.

Seunghyun shyly bowed at her, embarrassed at his rude behaviour a while ago. If his mother hadn’t speaks up about Bom, he probably hadn’t noticed her presence. Blame on his anger and jealousy, his mind could not comprehend anything right now. Clenching his fist, he bowed his head again and excuses himself to go upstairs.

He walked to his room and about to turn the knob but his eyes suddenly drifted towards the room next to it. Dongwook’s room, he reads. Seunghyun blinked once, twice, then trice after he registered a thought. Agitatedly, he moves and stood in front of the room. Making up his mind, Seunghyun opened the door. His eyes wander around the room as he thinks he should he starts searching—for evidences about Dongwook hyung and Jiyong.

There should be something, pictures, letters; anything that his brother has kept away from him. The secret. Rummaging, flipping, throwing out; unconsciously Seunghyun had done it all right after he stepped his feet in. Then, a hand had settled on top of his shoulder, managed in shaking him off his insanity.

“Seunghyun” the voice sounded confused to his ear so he turned and saw Bom looking at him. She was obviously confused, puzzled at his strange behaviour.

“Are you okay?” She asked. Is he? He looked in her big eyes and saw himself in it. Seunghyun found himself wondering at the question. He scanned around the room and surprised at the condition of it, it was a horrible sight. Papers were scattering around, books were off the shelves and bed went bare without sheets and pillow.

“Are you okay, Seunghyun?” Bom asked again, placing her hand on his cheek just so he looks at her because he seemed lost. The guy nodded hesitantly, she reached for his hand and pulled him to sit on the edge of the bed. He sighed hard as he leaned back against the soft mattress.

“What’s bothering you, huh? I’ve never seen you so upset. Your mom said that you didn’t come back home last night. Where did you go? Where did you sleep last night, Seunghyun?” Seunghyun blinked at this, didn’t bother to look at her.

“Youngbae” he spoke.

“Hmm?”

“I slept at his house last night” he breathed as if he just did something consist maximum amount of energy.

 “Oh” Bom placed her hand on top of her own, nodding.

He kept his lips in a straight line. Seunghyun was always fond of silence yet somehow it irks him a little bit, piercing through his eardrum. Pushing himself up with an elbow, Seunghyun heaved and looks at Bom.

“Bom nuna”

“Yes?” her eyes turned into a crimson moon as she smiled.

“What do you like about Dongwook hyung?”  Seunghyun moved, shuffling noises from sheets heard. This made her eyes widens at the sudden question, lips pouted for a moment there with a finger placed on her chin.

“That's a tricky question. Why do you want to know?” her eyebrow creased, instantly showing an uncomfortable expression. Again, guilty punching its way to his guts and he felt like shrinking away to hide in a hole. Seunghyun straightened up his body and sat closer to her.

“Just wondering. You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to” he touched her hand and squeezed it. It made her smiled at his assurance. It’s not like Dongwook’s topic was a sensitive case to her but it was so sudden, for Seunghyun to bring up a topic like this in a very fine morning. Usually, Seunghyun will be the first person to avoid from talking about sensitive subject in early morning because it will ruin his mood for the day.

Bom cleared and locked her eyes with Seunghyun’s “Are you sure you want to hear me blab about him” Seunghyun nodded and she started, opening .

“Dongwook oppa, he's matured and a very capable man. He’s understanding and respect people no matter who they are. I also liked how he always smile at me and listen to every word or whatever I said. He loves his job and he loves people around him so it was good. He was charming, romantic and gosh- there's too much about him that I like. I’m not sure if I can finish with just a day”

“Really? Wow, that's—you’re really did fall for him that hard” Seunghyun stared at her, speechless. The guy sheepishly smiled at her long statement, somehow felt discouraged after hearing how positive and good his brother is in front of her eyes. That must be it. Jiyong must have saw the same way she did, which may be the cause the boy still can’t get to forget Dongwook.

“Will you like me if I change myself like Dongwook hyung?” he blurted.

An unintentional thought slides through his mind. He clasped his hands altogether, rubbing it slightly as he waited for Bom’s response. What would happen if he turned himself into his brother? Acted exactly like the guy did? Would he get the response from Jiyong too? Would Jiyong like him back as much as Seunghyun likes him?

Most of all, would his father accepted him like the guy had accepted Dongwook years ago? The man had loved his brother like his own son and it would sound like a lie if Seunghyun never envied the bond between Dongwook and his father. The man even cried a bucket of tears for his brother at the funeral, proving how much he loves for Dongwook.

“Maybe or maybe not” that simple answer made him nodded, understanding. 

“You're special by just being yourself, Seunghyun. I will still like you even if you’re not Dongwook oppa. I don’t know why you’re asking me this all of sudden but I could tell that you’re insecure. You’re special by being you so believe in yourself” the girl patted his shoulder carefully before she gets up from the bed and moved, faded away from his sight.

“Insecure, huh?” Seunghyun plopped down on the bed again.

 

-

 

Ding dong.

Jiyong shifted in his feet, knuckles clenching in tight fists till it turned white. Jiyong take one look on his canvas shoes then diverted back his gaze on the door in front of him. A couple of minutes stretched since he push the bell button yet still no response. Is he not home? Jiyong felt relief washed over him as he holds his speculation in his mind. It’s good that Seunghyun’s home because it’s not like Jiyong had anything appropriate to say anyway. Plus, the one night stand—if Jiyong could address it like that, is still not forgotten. He bet he can barely look the guy in the eye. The paper bag that was on his hand was being put down carefully on the doorstep. He had guessed two and three scenarios before coming to Seunghyun’s apartments which made him bring a paper and a pen together with him in the end. Taking out a paper, Jiyong jotted down a scrawny writing of his across the plain paper.

 

Hey Choi,

Thank you for lending me the clothes. They’re very warm. Bye.

- Kwon.

 

Jiyong scrunched his nose as he read the notes. Gosh, he felt ridiculous. What’s with the name? It seemed so unfriendly and what’s with the emoticon? Also, there’s no need for comments about the clothes. . Get your together Kwon Jiyong, he muttered under his breath. The heck with his note, it sounds like a girl. Jiyong smacked his forehead before crossing everything. Just when he about to write on the paper, his brain started to reel and he stopped, taking another look at his paper before frown take over. The so-called-white-paper is not so white anymore. Thanks to his idiotic note and his messy lines, it looked hideous than ever. Rolling his eyes, Jiyong took out another white paper and tried his best to write neatly.

 

Thank you for the clothes, Seunghyun.

-Jiyong.

 

He pulled the paper to inspect closer, biting his lower lips at the same time. It looked neat, simple and straightforward. Jiyong twitched his lips and glided his eyes on the writing, over and over again. He repeated three and four times but just can’t feel satisfied with it. The note looked too clean because of the lack of words scribbled on it. Jiyong put down the paper and thought maybe it’ll be pretty if he draws something around it. Taking out his pen, Jiyong can’t resist himself from drawing a smiley on top of the paper. He scrunched his nose once again, the smiley was bad, awful could describe it better. The uneven lines were horrible. Sigh. Jiyong dipped his hand in his bag to take out another paper until steps were heard behind him.

Jiyong instantly froze and looked on the paper bag before him. The steps were getting closer and closer. Is it Seunghyun? He knocked his forehead with his knuckles, blaming himself for taking so much time writing a note alone. The pads of shoes on the hard ground was stopped and he could certainly feel stare digging in his skin. Jiyong clasped both of his hands and touched faintly at the back of his neck.

“Jiyong, what are you doing here?” a sweet voice greeted him.

 

-

 

“I didn’t know this is your hour house, Park Bom-ssi” Jiyong timidly entered the house, trailing behind the girl after taking off his shoes and placed it neatly on the doorstep. Bom smiled at him and gestured him to follow her inside so he did, bowing politely as a thank you.

“No, you’re mistaken. I don’t live here” Bom takes out a couple of food containers from her bag and placed it on the counter.

Jiyong shifted in his spot and looked around the apartment, feeling awkward that both of them meet in front of Seunghyun’s house. The boy watched as Bom busily sorted the food containers inside the refrigerator. The way her eyes easily spot the rice pot placed on top of the cabinet told him that she has been here more than ten times.  From how she fetched the utensils from the second drawer, something was telling him that every part of apartment was already carved in the back of her head.

 “This apartment belongs to Seunghyun and Dongwook though I used to live here before but I had to move out because of work. Sometimes, I would come here to cook some dishes for Seunghyun since he hates eating outside”

Jiyong who was standing in the middle of living room stared in disbelief. He nodded hesitantly, gripping on the paper bag he brought over. His assumption was right. Jiyong bits his lips in return, feeling bitter knowing that she used to live with both Seunghyun and Dongwook. She was Dongwook hyung’s fiancée, it was predictable so what else is he expecting? Jiyong took a seat on the couch. Then, Bom opened the refrigerator and poured him a glass of water before handed the glass towards him.

“Here, drink this” he was about to accept it but then the glass was pulled back from his hand. He returned with a confuse look.

“And just call me Bom noona, Jiyong. It seemed like we’re going to keep meeting each other again after this” She gave him a wide smile.

He received the glass from her hand and spread a small smile across his lips. Jiyong sipped the water slowly and wiped his mouth. Bom took a seat in front of him with a glass in her hand that she had poured for herself.

“So you’re here to see Seunghyun?” she began, fingers busy tapping against the IPhone on her hands.

“Not really” Jiyong let his palm settled flat on his lap, eyes diverted on the paper bag next to him.

 “But—yeah—I guess. Well, it’s pretty much like that. You can say it like—” he bites the last bit when some water spilled from his glass down to his pants. He brushed it off and down casted his eyes because he knew the tip of his ears must be burning at the moment, stupid rambling that can’t stop spilling from his lips must have earned him a weird stare from the girl.

“Here, a tissue” she pulled out a tissue for him and Jiyong took it before wiping the wet spot on his pants. He can’t handle this, Jiyong thinks. Tension is his absolute worst enemy.

He saw her eyes darted from his face to the paper bag that was on his hand then back to his face again. Jiyong hold the glass in his hand and took another sip. Her eyes wandered around the room as her index finger played around the rim of the glass for a while. Jiyong could tell that she was curious about the paper bag but hesitated to ask and truthfully, Jiyong wasn’t sure if he was going to be sincere with his answer.

‘Oh it’s just Seunghyun’s clothes that I borrowed after sleeping together in this apartment a few nights ago’; is definitely not an answer that Bom wanted to hear. Heck, she would totally think of him as ert. He already dated Seunghyun’s brother a long time ago. Knowing that he slept together with Seunghyun last night is not going to make anything better. Sigh. His glass was nearly empty now, Jiyong fiddled with it. He needs to excuse himself before she opened so Jiyong puts down the glass on the table.

“I need to go to the bathroom” Jiyong said and her eyes widens for a moment before retorted sweetly at him.

“Sure, the bathroom around the right corner. Just walk straight and turn right, it’s opposite of the bedroom” Bom said.

The boy bowed and made a way to the bathroom. It’s like he need to pee or anything but it’s the only excuse to avoid from any possible trouble. Jiyong pulled down the cover and seat on it, leaning on the tank. What is he doing here anyway? He could have been on his way home by now if he did decline Bom’s offer to have a drink with her. Now, look what happened, Jiyong just had to slap his head miserably. And he should get home before Seunghyun come back because he’s possibly can’t handle the awkwardness and tension being in one room with the guy.

That’s it, Jiyong thought weakly and flushed down the toilet before getting out from the bathroom. He straightened himself, fixing his wrinkled shirt at the same time. Jiyong decided to leave the paper bag in Bom’s hand and tell her that he need to be home early. The girl would probably won’t ask anything further and show him the way out. Yes, Jiyong fisted his knuckles. That’s right. He just needs to say it. Jiyong looked up with a pumped chest, stilled for a moment as his eyes caught writing across the door.

“Dongwook’s room” he read with eyes rounded.

 

-

 

Seunghyun rushed home, walking in a fast pace before decided to run quickly after turning to the junction. He had decided to take a walk at the park nearby an hour ago and maybe visited the convenience store to buy some beer and cigarettes since he already cleared two boxes of cigarettes due to relieve certain stress clogging up his mind.

As he lazily rocking himself in an empty swing, an ice cream with a plastic bag on his hand, Seunghyun had received a text from Bom noona. Jiyong’s in your apartment. The simple text was enough to send him speeding to his apartment, almost knocking into an elderly couple and nearly dropping his ice-cream from his hand. Pushing down the buttons of his password quickly, he managed to arrive with panted breaths and melted ice-cream, locking eyes with Bom that has a surprise expression.

“Wow, you’re… fast. Did you ran, Seunghyun?” she took the plastic bag in his hand while Seunghyun was trying to catch his breath, nodding weakly and gave her his unfinished ice-cream. His hands were flying in the air, motioned oddly with weird gestures.

“He…Ji…where…God” Seunghyun tried to make out words, failed though because Bom only stared at him with a confuse face.

“Are you asking for Jiyong?”

“Yes, thank you” his hands flailed up, heaving out heavily. Bom just had to chuckle at Seunghyun because of his cute expression. She pointed her hands to the right corner and speaks.

“He’s in the bathroom so you have to wait for a bit” and then Bom went over to the kitchen, putting in the beer inside the refrigerator.

Seunghyun glanced at Bom and switched his gaze to the right corner, strode away slowly, pushing his hair to the back, fixing his shirt and cleared his throat. He could hear sounds of flush from the bathroom so he pulled up a smile, expecting Jiyong to meet his eyes as soon the boy was out. He saw a familiar flop of brown hair, lips curled at how gentle Jiyong closed the door and his heart was thumping really loud when the boy lifted his head.

But only disappointment lingers as he saw Jiyong’s eyes widened, distracted by the writing across the wooden door. He didn’t like it by the flicker of light made way in those brown orbs that Seunghyun started to love. He wanted to see the boy’s smile so much that his heart aches these past days. Seunghyun didn’t like even bit how the small hand stretched out to touch the door knob attentively, fingers dragged along the name on the door. It makes him remembers the memories of that night, the night that was categorized as his worst night ever.

 

“I really wanted to see you, Dongwook hyung”

 

“What are doing?” Seunghyun found his mouth speaks in sharp tone and earned a clueless gaze from the boy, hands snatched away to hide behind his back with mouth agape in confusion.

“The door—the door's wide open. I'm just helping by closing the door” Jiyong gulped, went into a panic mode when Seunghyun was watching at him with unreadable expression, feet forming a track and stopped till he was finally hovering the other guy. Lies; it’s the only thing that Jiyong has been feeding him since they first met, he rolled his eyes. Seunghyun looked at him wearily, silent as he watched Jiyong fumbled with the hem of his shirt.

“Seung—oh Jiyong, you’re with Seunghyun. Anyway, I made dinner, care to join us for dinner?” Bom peered over Seunghyun’s shoulder to look at the shorter boy, smiling with a ladle up in the air. Jiyong glanced at the taller boy for a second before shaking his head.

“It’s okay, Bom noona. I have to get home early” Jiyong tried to make way but Seunghyun was still getting into his way, blocking his track.

“Oh okay. I forgot to ask you this but how did you know your way here? I mean, the apartment is quite hard to find for first-timers” Bom asked and a smirk finds its way to Seunghyun’s lips. Jiyong chewed his lips, staring at his feet for answers but his brain just have to stop operating and Jiyong failed to answer her question with a proper word.

“Well—I” he speaks only to be stopped by Seunghyun’s interruption.

“He came here before. Jiyong used to spend a night here actually because we slept together a couple of night ago, in my apartment, in my room. Though sleeping together only could be understatement, isn’t it Jiyong?” he concluded his sentences with a shot of eyebrow at Jiyong before turning to the already shocked Bom, dropping her ladle on the floor.

“I’m…out of words. Oh look, my stew is spilling. Got to go” She disappeared, running to the kitchen. Seunghyun laughed faintly at her behaviour. Bom noona really at lying, he thought as he looked at the forgotten ladle on the floor. He’ll handle that later because there’s something more important to solve. He turned around only to face Jiyong with red face and burning ear tips, staring at him with clenched jaws.

“I thought we already agreed to forget about that night. I can’t believe you told Bom noona about that” the boy hissed quietly with face tilted up, anger evident in his voice.

“I never agreed to forget about it. In fact, I never had a chance to say anything at all after you dashed out of the cab” Seunghyun argued with a stoned face.

“Well, it was a mistake. Clearly, I’m drunk and you were probably drunk too—so let's just pretend it never happen” those words seemed to be rushed out accompanied with a heavy sigh at the end.

“Are we going to talk about how you can't stop my name or how we're going on all night like rabbits in heat?” Seunghyun started with an authoritative voice, an eyebrow lifted, challenging the boy on the other side. He could see tints of pink colour rose on Jiyong's cheeks as a loud gasp escaped so he smirked in return.

“I totally did not do such things” The boy fought back, yet still keeping his head down because he was sure his face is full of doubts.

“Well, I can't blame you if you don't remember” Seunghyun spoke in his hoarse voice, thick as he teasingly glanced at Jiyong.

“Seunghyun” Jiyong warned with a stern voice. “Stop it, Bom noona is going to hear you” the boy peeked over Seunghyun shoulder, relief washed over him when there was no sign of the girl.

 “What? Can't I reminisce our wonderful time?”

“Obviously, it's because I don’t like it” Jiyong tightened his fist, keeping his lips in a firm line as he fought back from shouting at Seunghyun. His body is burning when Seunghyun trailed a hand along his neck, stopping to caress on his a certain spot and a whimper escaped involuntarily.

“Oh I’m sure that you're far from not liking it based on what we did that night, how your mouth can’t stop my name” Seunghyun leaned in to his ear, whispering silently and voice dropping an octave low. His gaze lowered on the boy’s quivering red lips that were tucked under white teeth.

“How your body trembled beneath me—” Jiyong tried to slap the guy’s mouth shut with his palm but Seunghyun’s fast reflex saved him as he managed to dodge the boy’s hand and grabbed it.

“You know a trick doesn't work twice, Jiyong” Seunghyun lets out a weak laugh and shook his head, recalled the time Jiyong managed to cup his mouth before to shut him up only to end up getting his hand by Seunghyun.

“At least I tried” Jiyong yanked his hand away, watching Seunghyun between his menacing slits. “And what is wrong with you? What exactly do you want from me?” he struggled to get out from the iron grip.

“Take responsible for that night.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Let's date. Be my boyfriend, Jiyong”

It was abrupt, too fast like a flash of lightning. The boy stopped fighting once he could finally process those careless words out from the other guy, eyes wavered upon the flash of hurt in the taller guy’s eyes. At first, Jiyong appeared confused and the next minute he can feel a faint stir of panic in his stomach.

“Did you even hear yourself, Seunghyun? Stop this joke right now” he creased his eyebrows altogether and chest pumped up just so he would appear intimidating and wished that Seunghyun would crack a laugh then, telling him that it was just a stupid joke because Jiyong doesn’t like the frown draping over the other’s face.

“I'm not joking, Jiyong. I’m being sincere here. Let's date, you and me” Jiyong concentrated himself on Seunghyun striking pink socks rather than aware of their close proximity. Now, that’s fancy.

Seunghyun backed him against the door. He doesn’t like how Seunghyun peered into him with sincerity reflected in that dark gaze. It would make him seemed believable, that every little Seunghyun just mentioned came from the core of his heart. A heavy tension hung above them, Seunghyun can feel it as a piercing silence dragged per minute. A pair of brown eyes slides to his own, searching for something like confirmation perhaps. Seunghyun gulped in anticipation because he can’t help but to hope the boy say yes.

 “You know what, I’m going home” the shorter boy finished tiredly and pushed Seunghyun out of his way.

“So you’re going to avoid me again like you would always do. No surprise there” Seunghyun scoffed.

“God, I’m feeling so stupid right now” he knocked his knuckles against his head, threading his fingers in his hair then.

“You're going home right? I’ll walk you out” those menacing gaze turned to him, a small smile quickly dropped and changed into an infamous smirk.

Seunghyun followed Jiyong out to walk to the living and watched the boy fetched his bag to sling it over his shoulder. There was a paper bag in his other hand and was soon pushed over his chest. Seunghyun looked at Jiyong weirdly before accepting it. Jiyong bids Bom with a small smile and thanked her for the drink while Seunghyun waited his turn by leaning against the door frame, coolly with arms folded together.

“You know, that night—you called me hyung” Jiyong’s ears perked up at his sentence so Seunghyun continues with clenched jaws. “You kept on murmuring and calling out hyung all night long. Is there something I should worry about?”

“No” Jiyong immediately replied, avoided his eyes and take his shoes on the rack.

“Okay. How about we take it like this, do you have anything or any secret to tell me about? Seunghyun questioned subtly.

Jiyong seemed busy fumbling with his canvas shoes, tying knots expertly so Seunghyun waited for Jiyong to say something to him. But Seunghyun only receive a nod by his way and a bang of a door on his face—that’s it. He blinked as he looked at the empty doorway again.

“Liar little ” Seunghyun seethed between his teeth, rolling his eyes.

“What’s in the paper bag anyway?” he angrily dipped his hand in the bag and took out what seemed to be—his clothes.

Oh, Seunghyun shrugged and pulled it out completely. There’s a couple of crumpled paper fell from the bag so he bend down and reached for it. He unfolded the notes and started to read until a happy grin tugged on the corner of his lips.

Thank you for the clothes, Seunghyun; was written on the paper with a big smiley drawn. His eyes were beaming and Seunghyun can’t help but to spread wider smile as he read words jotted on the paper again and again. Jiyong is driving him crazy by just a simple thank you and Seunghyun afraid that he’ll lost himself one day. He took the clothes closer to his nose and smells it. Sweet vanilla scent entered his nostrils as he inhaled and it smelled almost like Jiyong.

“Seunghyun, dinner’s ready—did you just sniff the freaking shirt?” Bom noona appeared with her ladle again, gawking at Seunghyun with scrutinizing eyes, judging mentally.

“Uh—wait, it’s not really what you think. Bom noona!”

 

-

 

The day had started like any other day. Skipping through the stairs, Jiyong avoided breakfast and go out quickly. His mom was nowhere to be found as usual, probably didn’t came home last night and his father was on his forever –business-trip. Nothing changes, he had concluded yet he can feel something was eating him and Jiyong thinks he knows why.

Jiyong hugged himself against the morning breeze, walking timidly down the stairs. Jiyong walked aimlessly without direction as he took his time striding to the school. He dragged a deep breath, it’s twentieth this time, and gripped further on the book that he has been holding for the whole time. He stretched a hand out before his sight so he can inspect it fully. Pale. Skinny. Colourless. Has it been like this after all these months?

He turned around and came to face with Youngbae, smiling widely like he would always do. He smiled back. Youngbae said something regarding his weekend, about his family vacation at Jeju, about how wonderful was it and how beautiful Jeju was, and there was along a line that Youngbae planned to bring Jiyong with him together one day. Jiyong can only nod and smiled because all he can think about was how dreadful his weekend was and how horrible he felt.

Jiyong has yet to retrieve his memories from the so-called-one-night-stand and he was afraid that he was the main reason both of them ended up sleeping together. Did he perhaps force Seunghyun to sleep with him? Gosh, hope not.

 “Did you get hurt?” Youngbae’s question seized his attention.

“What? I did not” Jiyong showed a puzzled face until Youngbae had reached out his hand to touch his nape.

“There’s a plaster here, right behind your neck” the guy hesitated to touch the plaster as if it will hurt Jiyong. Instantly, a blush came across his apple cheeks drawing Jiyong to cover the plaster with his palm, avoiding it from any stare.

“Oh. This… Uh... Yeah. I got bitten by a bug actually. Nothing serious” he cleared his throat to clear off nervousness in his voice. It was bite mark actually, a hickey from Seunghyun more precisely. He can’t believe Seunghyun left a mark on him. He couldn’t possibly walk around the school with a hickey so he placed a plaster over the mark.

“A bug? Was it big?” Youngbae asked, seemed pretty concern.

Big? Choi Seunghyun? Oh yeah, he’s definitely big enough that he can’t stop bugging my life.

“Yeah” Jiyong sheepishly smiled at Youngbae while cursing Seunghyun in his head.

“Hopefully, it’s not dangerous” Youngbae said thoughtfully.

 

-

 

Choi Seunghyun never fails to surprise him. The thought instantly crawled its way in Jiyong’s head right after they saw the guy in the corridor. He can feel heat rose on his cheeks yet no matter he tried covering it, Jiyong knew Youngbae saw him blushing like mad. Instead of standing there like statue, Jiyong ran, reaching for the guy who’s busy in the corridor. The guy needs to be stopped or else Jiyong won’t dare coming to school ever again.

 “Look at this muffler. Beautiful isn’t it? Jiyong gave it to me”

“You over there! With the glasses! Yeah, you. See this pink muffler? Jiyong gave it to me”

“Hey you, look at this. It’s Kwon Jiyong’s. He gave it to me” Seunghyun stopped one of the students from walking and wagged the pink scarf rounded on his neck. The boy just nodded hesitantly as an answer and quietly walked away after Seunghyun lets him go.

Damn you Choi Seunghyun!

“Hey you—girl. Oh… Hi, Jiyong. Good morning, babe” Seunghyun chirped loudly, smiling from ear to ear, drawing some odd glares and glances from the students in the hallway. There were some murmurs about them and he doubt that those group of students were talking about anything good. Seunghyun slipped his hand around Jiyong’s waist, about to pull him in a hug but Jiyong quickly shook him off with a stern expression.

“What do you think you are doing?” he pronounced word by word just to make it clear that he was furious and mad at Seunghyun, arms settled before his chest, firm. And like always, of course, Choi Seunghyun can never read him or at least the guy pretended to be clueless and it makes Jiyong’s lips twitched in annoyance. Plus, the guy never fails to annoy him further with a dumbfounded answer.

“Well, can’t you see? I’m showing off this pink muffler you gave me” a wider smile bloomed across his face. Seunghyun looked like a kid with that smile, sending a whirl of excitement in his body but he ignored it anyways.

“Take it off. Take it off. Take it off!” Jiyong grumbled as he fought with Seunghyun by pulling the pink muffler from him.

“Hey, hey, watch it. You’ll rip this baby”

“Baby? Oh, that’s it. That is the final straw. Take it off, Choi Seunghyun!”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because this is mine”

“What? No, it is not. In case you didn’t realize, I’m letting you borrow this that night because you might catch a cold. And now, I don’t see any reason for you keeping this anymore so give it back” Jiyong stretched out his hand as he clenched on his jaw from shouting louder. But Seunghyun just jointed his eyebrow at him and shook his head slowly.

“Gosh, you are persistent. Give it back, Seunghyun!” With a simple no, Jiyong quickly took another step of action and managed to hold the cloth, nearly choking the other guy with pink scarf.

Seunghyun pulled himself to the other side, however, Jiyong’s sudden strength was making him coughing as the scarf was grabbing him tightly on the neck. It was making his energy decreasing slightly so unconsciously, Seunghyun lets himself be dragged away towards Jiyong. As the boy tugged harder, Seunghyun was jerked forward, meeting Jiyong face to face. Only a few centimetres left, Seunghyun roughly calculated and their lips could’ve met.

“Oooohh… So this is your purpose, huh?” Jiyong instantly went baffled at his statement. A smirk appeared on Seunghyun’s face, Jiyong’s eyes widen in surprise as if he was just realized what Seunghyun meant. The boy quickly lets go of the scarf and took a step backward. Seunghyun didn’t let Jiyong escapes, of course, as he tugged the boy’s arm harsh making him crashed in Seunghyun’s chest.

“If you wanted me to kiss you, why don’t you just say so?” Seunghyun holds Jiyong by the neck making him staying still. His thumb circled in motion on his nape and he felt Jiyong shivers. Those brown orbs wavered with lips parted open, gasping and suddenly Seunghyun was distracted. The urge to kiss Kwon Jiyong was burdening him day by day and he wasn’t sure if he has enough strength to push Jiyong away. The guy leaned forward but before anything could happen, Jiyong stepped on Seunghyun’s feet, hard.

“” Seunghyun hissed sharply before returning his gaze to Jiyong and glares.

“Jerk!” he pulled out his tongue at Seunghyun and walked away, drawing an amused grin on Seunghyun’s face.

“Gosh, if you weren’t so cute, you’re already dead in my hand, Kwon Jiyong. How deep are you going to make fall for you, Jiyong?” Seunghyun leaned his back against the wall, ruffling his hair in advance.

 

-

 

“Make sure all of you come prepared tomorrow for the examination” the teacher spoke in a loud voice, making it clear to the students that his words shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Jiyong scribbled words on his white paper, taking notes of every important thing, in case he forgets tomorrow. The bell rings afterwards, signalling it was time for recess. Gathering all of his books, Jiyong cleared up his desks and put all of his things inside his bag. Youngbae came to his sides and gave him a copy of his notes. Both of them was about to get out from the classroom until the teacher called him out, stopping him in his tracks.

“Kwon Jiyong, stay. I need to talk to you” Mr. Kim gets closer to him in careful, making Jiyong and Youngbae exchanging glances in wonder.

Youngbae had excuse himself first to go for lunch and Jiyong end up sitting across the teacher. Jiyong fumbled with his fingers as his lips set in a straight, firm line. He didn’t know why but the silence was eating him and the teacher’s stern expression wasn’t making him feeling any better.

“I heard from Youngbae that you’re improving. It’s good to hear that you finally catch up with the lessons. You’re one of smart students in the school so expectations from us, teachers, are quite high. I hope you’ll do your best for tomorrow’s exam” Mr. Kim placed his hand on top of his shoulder.

“I’ll do my best, sir” Jiyong bowed his head low.

“Actually, I called you here to talk about your studies with your parents but I can’t reach them” Mr. Kim paused, taking a deep breath.

“I know your father is a very successful business man so I’m not expecting to fit into his busy schedule. Can I meet your mother instead? Although, it would be good if both of them come to the school because there are a lot of things to talk about. I would like to meet who are these wonderful parents that succeed in bringing you up into such a good person. I’m sure they’re nice person-”

“They’re not coming” Jiyong said in rush, sharp.

“Well, I’m sure they can spare some time for their son-”

Within a swift, Jiyong pushed his chair and stood up straight. Mr. Kim was surprised at his sudden action and went stiff. Jiyong had avoided Mr. Kim’s eyes because he can feel irritation seeping in his nerves. Family is probably one of the sensitive topics that Jiyong doesn’t like to talk about even with teachers. He grasped his fist tightly and fought his mixed emotions.

“I’m sorry but I don’t think they will come. Please, excuse me, Mr. Kim” Jiyong bowed down in 90 degrees, hairs covering half of his face.

 

-

 

Dark.

The world has turned dark in a matter of a second. He slipped past the hallways and ran with all his might. There were a couple of students he has knocked over and Jiyong received some yell with a string of curse. But it didn’t stopped him from running, didn’t manage to make him turn his head because the thing that matters the most is not them.

Jiyong pushed the door open, stepping into his secret hideout and his legs immediately gave up making him collapsed on the floor tiredly. His ragged breathing didn’t cease out. Jiyong pulled in a long inhale and pushed his body so his body would sprawl out, open for the world to see. His arm placed on forehead, covering his face from the sunlight.

 

“…I would like to meet who are these wonderful parents that succeed in bringing you up into such a good person. I’m sure they’re nice person-”

 

Jiyong scoffed at his statement. He wasn’t sure if the word nice would fit with his parents. Who is he to talk about his parents? Mr. Kim does not know anything about his parents and just that simply doesn’t give him the right to talk about them. His parent barely cares about his health, condition and academic. Not to mention, they were probably busy socializing with their business partners and making money instead of taking care of him. Maybe, he was just a burden on their shoulder. He let out a sigh of relief, feeling tears watering in his eyes. Jiyong shut his eyes and curled into a ball, turning to his side.

Then, there was a hand his head and patted it gently. Jiyong opened his eyes fast as he removed his arm, locking his eyes directly with Seunghyun’s. He blinked. Seunghyun didn’t stop him, instead, the guy moved closer and placed Jiyong’s head on his lap. Warmth. It was big and warm, Seunghyun’s hand. Long fingers threaded through his soft hairs. Butterflies were fleeting in his stomach now, Jiyong felt safe getting closer to the taller guy so he closed his eyes again.

They stayed like that for almost fifteen minutes in silence, embracing each other’s presence and warmth. Jiyong gets up after he cleared up his mind, brought back to conscious. He just realized Seunghyun was staring at him, making him blush. Has Seunghyun been staring at him for the whole time?

“How do you know I’m here?” Jiyong started, avoiding those burdening stare.

“Where else would you hide if not here?” Seunghyun said.

“Are you fine now?” those warm hands captured Jiyong’s face.

“Of course—I’m” Seunghyun cupped his face firmly this time, making Jiyong stopped in his sentence before he could even finish. The guy looked concern, slightly mad at the same time.

“You know you can never lie to me, Jiyong. You don’t look like you’re fine when you’re running across the hallways twenty minutes ago. Youngbae told me that you were supposed to be with Mr. Kim. Why did you run then? Did he hurt you? You can tell me anything, Jiyong” he said while caressing those pink cheeks, smiling as he assured Jiyong. The boy broke a small smile for him in return, placing his hand on top of Seunghyun’s and pulled it away from him.

“It’s nothing. We just had a talk” Jiyong turned away and hugged his knees, wondering if he should tell Seunghyun the conversation between him and Mr. Kim.

“Mr. Kim said he wanted to meet my parents but I said no” Jiyong faced Seunghyun, waited for him to say something. He really didn’t know why he was telling Seunghyun but he felt better after saying it. Seunghyun was in deep thought for a moment, looking down on the hard ground, thankful that Jiyong finally decided to talk about his problems with him.

“It’s your decision, Jiyong. It’s okay if you don’t want them to meet. Mr. Kim won’t get mad at you” Seunghyun ruffled his hair.

“Really? Is it really okay?” he asked and Seunghyun nodded.

“Look, I brought this. You haven’t eaten lunch, right? It’s the only thing that I managed to grab at the cafeteria so I’m not sure which one you like the most. Here, pick one” Seunghyun takes out something from his behind. An apple was on his right hand and a banana was on his left hand. Jiyong took the banana from his hand and said thanks.

Seunghyun wiped the apple on his shirt for a couple of times and took a big bite. He can feel he was smiling from ear to ear now, munching on his red apple happily. For a second there, Seunghyun can hear his stomach growling in hunger but after seeing Jiyong smiling at him, he was full in a second. Seunghyun took another bite and watched keenly at Jiyong whom was busy peeling his banana.

Somehow, Jiyong looked good with banana or so he thought. By the way his lips parted slowly and slipped in the banana in his mouth made Seunghyun’s throat dry. Those slender fingers that have been holding the banana in such graceful manner looked pretty to Seunghyun’s eyes. He his lips, gulping the lump formed in his throat as he watched Jiyong bites on the banana. Watching how beautiful the red lips wrapped around the long rounded banana—.

The hell Choi Seunghyun! This is so not the time to get a hard on.

Seunghyun face-palmed his face, hissing at the tightness he felt in his pants. He gripped on the apple in his hand and sighed heavily. This is not good, he thought. Seunghyun pulled his hair frustratingly, groaning subtly, earning a glance from Jiyong. The boy stopped munching and looked at him cutely with those big, brown eyes. Damn it.

“On a second thought, I’m suddenly hungry for banana. You can take my apple” Seunghyun seized the banana from Jiyong’s hand and bites on it without a second thought, leaving a frown on Jiyong’s face. He shoved the apple towards Jiyong and turned away quickly, afraid if dirty thoughts will conquer his mind if he keeps on staring at Jiyong.

“You just can’t stop annoy the hell out of me, can’t you?” he heard Jiyong said, sulking probably. A smile bloomed on his lips again, wider this time.

 

-

 

Seunghyun found himself lying on his back once again with Jiyong on his side on the rooftop. The boy, however, had turned his back against him. It was uncomfortable looking at his back, body curled up in a ball as if hiding himself from the world. But Seunghyun could tolerate with it though rather than having Jiyong run away from him. Seunghyun propped himself up with an elbow and glanced on his watch for some time. Another six minutes until the lunch period is over but there’s still no move from the other boy. He wondered if the boy was sleeping and if he should wake him up because knowing Jiyong’s habit being on time, Jiyong usually would excuse himself to go back to his class first five minutes before the bell rings.

“Seunghyun” his eyes snapped on the body next to him, shutting him off from his messy thought once Seunghyun heard the low, weak voice.

“Yes, Jiyong” he found himself answering back.

“Which one would you prefer, ugly truth or pretty lies?”

Seunghyun was surprised at his questions. Clearly, completely clueless about what he was supposed to respond to this. What are you talking about; he wanted to ask but it seemed those words tangle in between his throat because all he could hear was their breathing. Jiyong was looking at Seunghyun’s eyes now, sitting up straight and waited patiently. Seunghyun knows he must have looked puzzled than he already was so he break their eye contact and chinned up to look at the sky.

 “You know, I don’t care if I’m living a lie. As long as I wouldn’t end up getting hurt, it’s okay. That’s how life works anyway so deception is the better option” Jiyong spoke instead.

“But wouldn’t you’ll get hurt if the truth’s revealed?”

“Easy. Just avoid from the truth and nothing matters. Act like nothing’s wrong, my mom is quite expert in that kind of thing” he found a small smile crept on the boy’s lips while frown planted over his face.

Jiyong was already on his feet, standing straight as he cleared off dust on his uniform but Seunghyun barely comprehend anything the boy just said. He doesn’t understand anything nor he could make himself understand. Seunghyun suddenly reminded of eventful incidents happened ever since the first day he met Jiyong; how broken the boy looked after Seunghyun saved him from the fail suicide attempt, how lifeless Jiyong seemed when walking along the crowded hallway, how hopeless he looked after getting bullied in the dark alley and how pitiful the boy looked when crying for Dongwook hyung—and it clicked. Seunghyun felt his heart swell, shaking his head dismissively because he knows Jiyong quite well to realize whatever Jiyong just vomited out a while ago was full of bull.

“Jiyong” Seunghyun called out pushing himself up.

“Nothing is better than the truth. No matter how many times we tried to run away, it will always come back to us, slapping our face like a bucket of cold ice because it is the reality, the fact that we couldn’t ignore” Seunghyun spoke, voice oozing with confidence and faced Jiyong who seemed stiff in his spot.

“Truth hurts but lies worst, Jiyong” Seunghyun whipped around and watched Jiyong’s expression changed from confusion to hurt.

“And lying to yourself is not going to make you feel better. It doesn’t change the reality and it doesn’t change the fact that you’re hurt by the truth. The real question here is how long you can keep up lying without hurting yourself?” Seunghyun stepped in closer and Jiyong found himself shrinking smaller than he already was.

The bell rings then.

 

-

 

Jiyong wasn’t surprised finding Seunghyun in front of his class once the bell rings, hinting the school’s over. The taller guy spread a wide grin across his face with a pink scarf wrapped around his neck while waved a hand; Jiyong had to snort looking at the guy. You look ridiculous with the pink scarf, Jiyong wanted to say it but swallowed it down when a group of girls walked past them, giggling while telling Seunghyun that he looked good in them. He just slung his bag and rolled his eyes at Seunghyun as the guy wiggled his eyebrows amusingly.

Maybe, Seunghyun did look good with the pink scarf. Good probably an understatement then because Jiyong found his heart beating quickly after he glanced at the guy only to receive a mesmerizing smile accompanied with beautiful dimples on his cheeks.

Both of them walked home side by side as usual with Seunghyun telling him crazy-funny-jokes as claimed by the taller guy or weird-dumb-jokes that Jiyong actually prefer to call because Choi Seunghyun seriously at telling joke. But he could forgive Seunghyun though because there is some times Jiyong crack a loud laugh across the neighbourhood.

Today was supposed to be the same like any other days, Jiyong had expected Seunghyun walking him back home from school and bid the other guy goodbye afterwards. But no—they didn’t stopped at his house today, instead, Jiyong found himself standing outside a restaurant nearby. Before he could ask Seunghyun what are they doing here, the taller guy already squashed him to his side and dragged him in.

They took a seat and a woman in her 40s came to take their order. Jiyong could only stare at the menu settled in front of him when asked for his choice of food. Seunghyun noticed his confused face so he ordered two black noodles for them and water. The woman just smiled warmly at him before walked away. Soon, their food was placed on their table and both of them eat in silence.

“Is it delicious?” Seunghyun asked, putting his hand on top Jiyong and the boy just nodded.

“Great. I know you’ll like it” Seunghyun grinned like a child. Cheeks flushed as their fingers slightly touched so Jiyong ducked his head and focused on his noodles.

“Why are we here, Seunghyun? You’re supposed to send me home and I have to go to work after this” Jiyong opened a question since curiosity was piling on his chest.

“Well, isn’t it obvious? We’re having a date, of course” he chirped out a little too loud, making some customers glanced at them.

“You should really stop joking because my patience is wearing thin” Jiyong had to frown at him this time, rolling his eyes.

“What if I’m not? Will you accept me as your boyfriend?” Seunghyun asked voice laced with humorous tone.

“No” Jiyong said rather quickly, blowing on his hot noodles.

“Why not?” Seunghyun winced as the word stings.

“Because I don’t like you. I mean, not in that way” he played with his chopsticks.

“But I like you”

“Stop this joke right now. You're being nonsense and you don’t mean any of it” Jiyong sipped his drink and forced himself to swallow the last bit of noodles.

“I know what I feel, Jiyong” Seunghyun was feeling offended now.

“What do you want from me, Seunghyun?” Jiyong said, glaring at the other guy.

 “I want you, Jiyong. Don’t I deserve a chance at least, Jiyong? Give me one reason, one solid reason why you can’t accept me?” the other guy has been staring at him now, voice sounding more sincere than ever. Seunghyun knows he was being ridiculous, annoying as ever but he just couldn’t stop from convincing Jiyong to accept his heart.

His heart stopped momentarily. Dropping his gaze, Jiyong continued to slurp his noodle and mumbled out incoherent words, “Because you’re my friend”

“No, it’s because Dongwook hyung, right?” his voiced out sternly. The boy stopped munching his noodle, Jiyong can feel his face turned pale at the mention of Dongwook hyung’s name.

“What are you talking about?” His stomach churned and tilted his head up, suddenly feeling a headache. He waited, still doesn’t understand by what he means.

“Stop pretending, Jiyong. I know it’s because of my dead brother, isn’t it? Choi. Dong. Wook. You can’t accept me because you’re still in love him, isn’t it?” this made Jiyong dropped his chopstick instantly.

The atmosphere around them had grown silent. Intensity rising per second they were exchanging glances at each other. Jiyong gulped the lump in his throat and tried to croak out an excuse—a believable reason that will shove away guilt fountaining against his heavy chest. The taller guy dropped his head, pulling out the corner of lips to form a smirk.

 “And a moment ago you said that you considered me as friend. How sincere of you, Jiyong”

Jiyong blamed on his face. It must be pretty easy for Seunghyun to read his thoughts or maybe there are actually words written across his forehead. The other guy turned away but Jiyong could tell what face he was making right now. He could see a look that managed to squeeze in both expressionless and a slight furious peeked in.

Before he could even blink, Seunghyun was already dropping his chopstick. The guy wiped the corner of his mouth with tissue, pushing his emptied bowl to the side and takes out a couple of crumpled green notes before placing it on top of the table. Bidding a good bye accompanied with a slight bow, Seunghyun picked up his bag and walked out of the restaurant. Jiyong managed to catch up with his fast pace and latched his hand on his arm. Jiyong gulped hard when he saw the sharp gaze, wasn’t sure on the recent commentary.

“How did you-”still gathering as many air as possible, panting heavily. Anxiety was building rather quickly and Jiyong felt like his heart was about to explode any second.

 “How did I know?” Seunghyun asked in sharp tone.

“Well, thanks to you for calling his name out loud in the middle of the night, I managed to figure it out. If you didn’t wail and cry for Dongwook hyung, I would still probably be treated like a foolish person right now. If you didn’t call for his name like a mantra that night, I probably wouldn’t even know how far you have come to love him.” a flash of hurt expression crossed Seunghyun’s face, Jiyong can feel heavy burden tugged on the strings of his chest.

“Did you perhaps—that night, we didn’t slept together right? Did you lie to me, Seunghyun?” Jiyong dryly accused, voice raised slightly.

“And what if I did? Does it even matter anyway? Would you still accept me as your boyfriend if I didn’t f.cked you that night? I doubt it, Jiyong” Seunghyun said flatly, expressionless, removing Jiyong’s hand on him.

“It’s true then, that you tricked me the next day—you’re angry with me so you lied to me by saying that we slept together that night. How childish of you, Choi Seunghyun” the disappointment rang clear against the tip of his tongue. Jiyong stumbled a few steps back on his heels, eyes never leaving Seunghyun. There are so many emotions wavered through his chest, sad, angry, confusion but most of all he was sure he was beyond mad. Although, it was clear that he was not the only one that was raging inside.

“Yes, I lied” Seunghyun tried to control his voice from bursting out like a mad man. His heart is beginning to boil and the dark colour in his eyes eventually turned darker than it used to as he glanced away.  

“I did it because I thought it’s the only way for you to accept me as your boyfriend. I thought it was the only way you would give a chance, even the slightest at least. Unfortunately, you managed to prove me wrong though” Seunghyun scoffed bitterly.

“But I’m not the only one that has been lying, Jiyong. You’re no different from me too. At least I confessed and admitted that I’m at fault but what about you, Jiyong? How long are you going to keep lying?” angered tone flew from Seunghyun’s mouth sounded harsh, like an arrow pierced through his heart that he trembled.

“I must have looked like a fool in your eyes for these past months” Seunghyun laughed weakly, covering his face with both of his palms, feeling blood rising to his head.

“I never lied to you, Seunghyun. We’ve broken up long time ago so it doesn’t matter anyway-” His eyes searched for Seunghyun’s, trying to figure out what the guy’s saying.

“It does matter!” his tone went up instantly, dropping his balled fists to his sides. He can’t believe Jiyong had the guts lying to his face again.

“It does matter because the fact that you’re lying to my face about you and Dongwook hyung after all these months making me hard to trust you. The fact that almost everyone know about you and Dongwook hyung making me looks like a f.cking stupid guy. And the fact that you’re still in love with my dead brother is haunting me, Jiyong” Seunghyun pulled his arm and gripped it hard. He boldly holds Jiyong’s glassy eyes. He has lost his patience and let rage take over.

“Because of the fact you can’t get him out of your head is killing every piece of me. My heart—it feels like it’s going to explode every time you speak about him with your sparkling eyes.” Seunghyun paused, voice close to whispering. Jiyong was quiet and silenced, eyes pooled with tears, clenching on his teeth as trying to bear with his tight grip.

“Tell me, Jiyong. How long are you going to pretend nothing happened if I never figured out about this? Have you ever thought of telling me about you and Dongwook hyung? How long are you intending to keep this bunch of lies? And have you even thought of what I feel?” Seunghyun can’t help but to crack a bitter smirk as Jiyong dared not to say and move. The guy was trembling with anger, gritting his teeth firm.

 “I don’t know” Jiyong croaked out, chest tightening in discomfort. “I really don’t know” he whispered.

His eyebrows creased, hesitatingly look into Seunghyun’s eyes and plead the guy to let him go. Jiyong could picture the angry marks across his arm after, burning against his pale skin. It was hurt, really hurt that he cannot stop tearing so Jiyong tried to keep up by breathing heavily, refraining himself from opening his mouth because he was afraid he’ll lose himself. The tears b in his eyes are going to fall if he’ll let his guard down.

Those intense eyebrows fell down as a heavy sigh heard. Seunghyun grasped in his palm that just touch the boy’s arm a while ago and retreated back, giving up eventually. Seunghyun’s mind was clouded with anguish and nasty remark yet only his mouth parted a little without any words escaped, cannot bring himself to hurt the boy any further. What the f.ck is he doing anyway? What will he gain by getting mad at Jiyong? His hands moved to touch the back of his neck until he realized he was still wearing the pink muffler around his neck.

Steps padded on the hard ground caught Jiyong’s attention, lifting his eyes as he saw Seunghyun making his way towards him and stopped right after leaving a short distance between them, as if Seunghyun knows that the boy’s having trouble with breathing. Seunghyun stood there, dead eyes penetrating against his skin. Thousands of thoughts scrambled in his brain, processing what Seunghyun is trying to do with him. Seunghyun’s not going to hit him, isn’t he? Fingers flew to his neck then, touching slightly on a certain spot that was covered with a plaster making Jiyong shuddered. He watched as Seunghyun untangled the muffler around his neck and pulled it before slowly wrapping the warm cloth around him.

“Get home safely” a hand rested upon his cheek and Jiyong found himself leaning against it because the wave of heat emitting from Seunghyun make him feel secure. It was comfortably warm, Jiyong thought.

The smile across Seunghyun’s lips doesn’t look sincere but he returned it nonetheless. Seunghyun attentively thumbed along his jaw, caressing the soft skin as if to make up for the sudden outburst created a while ago. Jiyong closed his eyes, he was about to feel relief until warm heat was nowhere to be found when Jiyong saw the taller guy standing a foot away from him, parting a glance one more time as if saying goodbye.

And then he was gone.

 

 

______________________________________________

 

A/N: Yay! An update from me! haha. I'm so sorry for the long wait. Internship was driving me crazy that I had to put this fic on hiatus. I know. I know. All of you must be pretty mad and angry at me for the long wait. But hey, I'm back, right? Anyway, I had to say I love you all so so so so so much. I really love reading your comments regarding this fic and told me what you thought about it. It makes me feel encouraged and not to give up. lol. Thank you so much for the upvotes you guys gave for this fic. I'm seriously honoured and the subscribers! Wow! I was very surprised seeing so many readers subscribed to my story. You guys are awesome and I swear I owe you guys so much. Like always, I'll try to fit in an update soon because you totally deserved it for being patient with me. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and please tell me what do you think about it. There's an alternate version of this chapter actually but I decided to change it since it's too...hm... I don't know. Anguish, maybe? Yeah...Anyway, thank you so much to those who subscribed this story, thank you so much for those who's willing to comment on this story and lastly, thank you so much for the readers who's willing to put up with my slow updates and loyally waited for me. haha. 

@sabrinete : Hey, thank you so much for loving this fanfiction and for commenting on this fic. I'm so sorry for the long wait but I hope this update make up for it. I'll try work harder next time :D

@AyuMimi, @fuarief, @thephiladelphiastory, @didoe84 : And I have to thank you guys for pouring all of your thoughts about this fic in your comments. I nearly teared up reading your comments like seriously! You don't know how happy I am reading your long comments haha. Thank you so much for spending your time reading and commenting on this fic. I'll never forget you guys :)