It was downpour outside. The moment both of them reached Seunghyun’s apartment, the rain was pouring down crazily. Slow drizzle turned into rain cats and dogs. At first, Jiyong had suggested for Seunghyun to take him home but the rain was getting heavier each minutes passed by so Seunghyun wrapped up their discussion with a click of tongue and a sharp of exhale. “My apartment. No more question”.

Jiyong wanted to protest but quickly bite down his comment as he flinched at the sight of lightning across the dark clouds. Rain is one of the things Jiyong hates the most. He hates the strong smell of damp earthy smell spread into his nostrils and he especially hates the way raindrops dropping from the sky, wetting his clothes. Nonetheless, he wasn’t sure what kind of motivation stuck in his head that he eventually decided to put up with the heavy rain jus to wait for Seunghyun’s arrival. It was mysterious, Jiyong thought silently as he shuddered under the cold weather.

“Thank god my apartment is nearby”

Seunghyun loudly huffed and squats to let Jiyong down, ragged uneven breaths caught in his throat. The boy bit his lips as he tried not to wince, stepping down on the ground, only to wash it away with a smile at Seunghyun when the guy gave him a concern look. Seunghyun grasped on Jiyong’s arm just to make sure the boy won’t fall on his . The last thing he wants is for Jiyong to have broken bones around him. Pressing memorized numbers on the lock , the gate beeped for a second before unlocking the door. Seunghyun’s arm firmly pulled the skinny body to follow him inside later.

Jiyong pauses three steps in front of the door, hesitant for a moment. He wasn’t sure if he should disturb Seunghyun or not. He’s done enough damage and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to trouble Seunghyun again. His eyes drifted towards the window, watching the heavy rain falling from the dark clouds as body shivered under his soaked clothes, Jiyong tugged the damp suit over his slim frame and shuddered.

“Jiyong?” Seunghyun was standing before him, eyes looking intently as if wondering if there’s anything wrong. Maybe it’s okay to trouble Seunghyun for this once. Shaking his head to left and right, Jiyong slowly stepped into the apartment and Seunghyun helped him to settle on the couch. He tried very hard to ignore the lingering touches across his waist to his hip and the heavy breath tickling him in the neck. He swears he could feel his hairs standing. As soon as Jiyong was seated comfortably, Jiyong avoided from meeting Seunghyun’s eyes, taking in the sight of Seunghyun’s apartment as if he never been there.

“Here” a hand extended towards him with a towel. Jiyong looks up and found Seunghyun was looking at him very intently. Seunghyun motioned for the boy to take the towel but Jiyong only spare him a confusing stare. Impatience was crawling on his skin and Seunghyun doesn’t really appreciate the burning stare digging into his face so he shifted to wrap the towel around the boy.

Guilty quickly punched his stomach when Seunghyun could feel how cold the boy’s body is under his touch. Seunghyun takes a moment to notice teeth chattering against each other, skin went pale without healthy colours and lips trembling obviously.  Jiyong saw Seunghyun scrutinizing him up and down so he awkwardly pulled a smile, tugging the thin fabric on him so dearly to save him from the cold.

Seunghyun rolled his eyes at this and Jiyong can hear the guy mumbled something close to like “Stupid lil’ sh.t” before walking away. Seunghyun went back to bedroom and took three towels with him before emerging back to the living room and draped the boy over with layers of warm towels. Then, Seunghyun went to disappear in the kitchen and came back to the living room with two mugs of hot chocolate in his hands.

“Drink this. It doesn’t taste that good but I guess it’s enough to keep you warm” Seunghyun said in monotone, putting down one of the mug in front of Jiyong.

“Thanks” Jiyong said, eyes fixed on the rim of the cup, cold hands reached for the mug and clutched it under his palms almost too tightly against it as if seeking for warmth to embrace him. Jiyong somehow couldn’t put up with the fact Seunghyun is now sitting before him with sharp gaze of him. He closed his eyes, letting the steam dance across his face.

Jiyong doesn’t know what made Seunghyun came to the park after almost five hours of scheduled time, he wasn’t sure of the reason Seunghyun brought him to his apartment and he absolutely have no idea why they’re sitting across each other right now with mugs of hot chocolate in their hands, letting silence hovering over them. But Jiyong concluded to take this as a sign that Seunghyun is giving him a chance to make up his mistake. Though Jiyong wasn’t too clear about what drifted them apart, he knows that lying to Seunghyun was probably jotted up down in his list of mistakes. Jiyong tilted the mug in his hands and sipped down the liquid carefully not to burn his tongue.

“Do you want to take a shower first?” Seunghyun finally speaks up a long screeching silence formed between them.

“Urm…” Shower here? In your apartment?

“What? You don’t want to?” Seunghyun asked bluntly, one of eyebrows jointed up in question. Jiyong watched Seunghyun scooped out the drenched pack from his pocket, thick eyebrows furrowed, lips upturned as he realized the enclosed white sticks were ruined. Seunghyun tossed away his lighter and the damp box of cigarettes on the table before reaching over for his hot chocolate. Jiyong looked away when he saw Seunghyun noticed him staring, pushing the mug to his mouth fast and hissed when the hot liquid scalding his tongue, burning the roof of his mouth altogether.

“Sh.t. This is hot” Jiyong scrambled fast to yank the mug away from his face, nose wrinkling as he winced. He looks cute, Seunghyun notes and carved the image of Jiyong with his nose wrinkles in his head. A smile crept in the corner of his lips.

“Sorry. You were saying?” Jiyong asked, attention focused back at him and Seunghyun was confused suddenly, smile faltering. His brain out on him for a couple of minutes. What did he say a few minutes ago?

“Uh—I was saying that. Um—t-that you should shower first?” it sounds stupid. He sounds stupid. Seunghyun looked away, embarrassed that he was stuttering and even forgetting what he was saying. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried very hard not to frown.

“Oh. About that. It’s okay. I’ll shower at my house later” Jiyong sipped his hot chocolate. Thankfully, Jiyong doesn’t bother about his nonsense stuttering or maybe the boy just pretended not to notice. Seunghyun was grateful either way.

“Don’t you feel uncomfortable wearing that?” Seunghyun’s eyes index finger flicked up, pointed to his damp shirt. Jiyong bits his lips. His brows knitted in discomfort, hands fumbled with his wet shirt which has been sticking close to his body like a second skin.

“I don’t mind” Jiyong sheepishly answered with a smile. His brain is trying to rack up a couple of excuse because Jiyong doesn’t really want to shower at someone else’s house. Truthfully, he never shower anywhere except for his house. The last time he spent his night here, Jiyong only washed his face and changed his clothes.

“Well, I do. You’re going to get sick” Seunghyun said sternly, expressing his message that he was serious about this matter. Jiyong ignore the butterflies flying in his stomach because Seunghyun’s little thoughts about him were making him breathless. Why is he feeling giddy all of sudden?

“Its fine” though Jiyong did feel his throat turning sore. He puts down his mug.

“Stop being stubborn, Kwon Jiyong”

“I’m not—eep! What are you doing? Choi Seunghyun, let me down” Jiyong’s eyes were out of socket, shocked after suddenly being lifted up in the air. Within seconds, Seunghyun already managed to pin Jiyong and hoisted him up to his shoulder, body hanging like a sack of rice with legs wriggling, attempting to get away.

“Well, since being nice doesn’t work. I guess, you just personally asked me to get rough with you. Blame it on yourself. Who asked you be so stubborn?”

It was easy to carry him since Jiyong doesn’t carry much weight except for skins and bones. Jiyong hit Seunghyun’s shoulders with his fist furiously and groaned loudly as he demanded for Seunghyun to put him down. The guy didn’t budge of course. Instead, Seunghyun laughed huskily at his futile attempt, just to annoy the boy. Jiyong glared at the back of his head, wishing that he had superpowers so he can burn Seunghyun with his laser eyes. But then, he doesn’t really want to lose Seunghyun yet. He felt the need to treasure the taller guy and maybe, Seunghyun is someone important for him. Jiyong wasn’t quite sure of this fact.

“Get in” Seunghyun said after putting him down in front of the bathroom. Jiyong wanted to open his mouth and argue with Seunghyun but the serious look told him that nothing will change his mind. He pouted when Seunghyun doesn’t faze at his pleading eyes.

“Fine” Jiyong huffed tiredly and let his arms folded against his chest.

He slowly forced himself to walk inside and pull over the shower curtains. When his hands about to reach for his shirt and pull it up, he turned and saw an outline of Seunghyun’s body. He’s still there, leaning against the door frame. Jiyong faked a cough. Silent. He coughed again, harsh and a bit too loud this time, silently hoping Seunghyun will take note of his awkward gestures and leave.

“See, I told you you’ll get sick” He can hear Seunghyun nags so Jiyong side-eyed Seunghyun and twitched his mouth. This guy is oblivious. Sheesh. Jiyon pushed his damp shirt up and tossed it away to the sink.

Seunghyun wondered what the hell the boy was doing on the other side because he can’t hear anything, no sounds of water dripping or even sounds of feet shuffling against the tile. Did he fell by mistake? But there’s no sound. Turning his face towards the shower curtains, his eyebrows knotted uncomfortably, worry tugging at his heart.

“Why are you still not showering? Come on, I’m going to count to three or else or else I’m going to shower you myself”

There were steps making its way towards Jiyong and he prayed silently that Seunghyun is not going to come any closer. He guessed the god didn’t hear his pray because he can only hear his loud heart thundering against his ribcage. Oh how his wishes burned into ashes as the shower curtain pushed away, revealing Jiyong half-bare without any shirt, hands fumbled to pull his pants back on when Seunghyun abruptly crashed in. Pale white smooth skin made Seunghyun’s throat dry, he trailed his gaze along the long neck up to the damp brown locks draping over one eye. Seunghyun met Jiyong’s rounded eyes.

“Uh…” his brain failed him again because Seunghyun’s mouth didn’t form any words. His cheeks must have blushed because Seunghyun can feel his blood boiling up in embarrassment.

“P-put your clothes in the rug. I’ll put fresh clothes on the bed later” the taller one managed to say after a moment, blinking hard when he realized he was staring on Jiyong’s bare body a bit too long, causing Jiyong to flush and turned away shyly from his gaze, arms crossing over his exposed chest. He looks pretty like this. Red flushes across his pale skin made him looked gorgeous than usual.

“Aren’t you going to get out?” Jiyong asked in a low voice.

“Oh yeah—I’m going—yeah, to do that” Seunghyun shook his head, composing his scattering self and forced himself to look away because Jiyong looked like he was going to die out of embarrassment. Seunghyun doesn’t want him to die just yet. Not now.

After he stepped out the bathroom, Seunghyun exhaled out. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he was out, leaning against the door to catch his breath. He holds on the door and closed his eyes. The images of Jiyong’s shy expression, pale white skins exposed a bit too much were stitched to insides of his eyelids. Seemed like it won’t be going away for a while because no matter how many time Seunghyun closed his eyes, he can only saw Jiyong. Straightening up himself, Seunghyun pulled the doorknob and saw an outline of a slim body formed across the shower curtain, he didn’t tear his eyes away and let it linger for some time before closing the bathroom door quietly. The guy put his hand on chest, calming the loud beating of his heart.

It’s going to be a long night.

-

Later, Seunghyun came out from the bathroom, a towel hanging around his neck, wearing warm clothes and walked out to the living room. No one was there, his shoulders fell dejectedly. He looked around to catch a familiar figure but none. Jiyong didn’t go home, right? Seunghyun moved to peer over the window. It’s still raining heavily and sky turning darker than ever as if storm is going come any second. He can see trees swayed to the side as wind swing against them harshly. It’s not a good idea to walk outside at the moment, especially with a sprained ankle.

Clang. Seunghyun looks up and frowns, eyes flicking back and forth for the source of the sound. Clang! Clang! It seemed like it came from the kitchen. Dragging his feet away, he moved towards the kitchen only to be greeted with Jiyong tiptoeing, arms reaching for something on the cupboard and Seunghyun didn’t miss the way his shirt hiked up, showing some skin of his stomach. There were pots scattering around the floor. His eyebrows jointed up in amusement.

“Can I ask you what are you doing? And why are my pots on the floor?” Seunghyun neared the boy. Jiyong flinched and turned around, facing Seunghyun with a hanging mouth.

“Uh—I was trying to cook ramen for us since it’s the only I can cook so I was trying to fetch it. But it was too high or maybe—I’m just too short to reach it” Jiyong fumbled back a little, almost slipped on the pot but was saved by Seunghyun in the last moment. Muscled arm sneaked around his waist, holding him firm in place. Jiyong blushed when Seunghyun smiled at him.

“You could have asked for my help” Seunghyun eyed his warily.

“It’s a surprise” Jiyong blurted rather too quickly, coming up with an excuse. It was half lie. He doesn’t really want to trouble Seunghyun since he believed that he can take of the matter on his hand without any help. Though, he did thought of making this as a surprise. Seunghyun looked at him even more intently this time, trying to figure out whether this is just another bluffing by Jiyong or a plain truth. He trusted the second choice and turned away.

“I’ll get them for you” Seunghyun let go of Jiyong and reached for the packets of instant noodles stacked in the cupboard.

“How many?”

“Two would be enough, I think” Jiyong went stiff when Seunghyun leaned forward, chest collided with his back, warmth embracing his body.

“Here” Seunghyun handed the instant noodles towards Jiyong, pulling away, cutting of the electricity from transferring to his body. Jiyong felt slight disappointment in his chest but took the packets anyway. Jiyong picked up pots on the floor and washed it on the sink. Seunghyun saw the way Jiyong limped, walking towards the stove and puts down a pot. He shook his head in response.

“Do you want me help you?” Seunghyun hovered over his shoulders as Jiyong opened the instant noodles and dipped it into the pot full with water.

“Not really” Jiyong elbowing Seunghyun out of the way and pulls out the first drawer, pushing it back in when he didn’t found a ladle and pulls the second one then, taking it into his hand and moved to the stove.

“There must be something I can help you with, Jiyong” Seunghyun came to his side, making sure their arms knocking against each other. He felt Jiyong flinched at this. Smirking, he moved even closer and let his hand takes away the ladle from the shorter one’s hand, fingers brushing close enough to make shiver ran down his spine.

“Well, you could help me set up the table, I guess” Jiyong said, not looking at him and take a chance to snatch away the ladle.

“Great” Seunghyun smiled and walked away, Jiyong sighed out of relief but froze when Seunghyun was soon settled next to him again.

“Oh, don’t forget the kimchi, okay? It’s in the fridge” a wide childish grin plastered across Seunghyun’s face somehow fascinated Jiyong and he can’t stop looking. He nods weakly. The guy beamed before walked out to set up the dining table. Jiyong stared on the instant noodles boiling in the pot. His fingers curled around the counter, another was placed at his heart that has been beating so fast that he can barely breathe now. Jiyong shook his head.

Kwon Jiyong, get you sh.t together.

-

“You should sleep here tonight”

Seunghyun mused in hoarse voice as he set down his chopsticks. He wiped the corner of his mouth with a napkin and looked at Jiyong. The boy paused midway in slurping his noodles. Jiyong bites down his noodles and munched cutely. Seunghyun let his chin rested over his palm as he watched Jiyong keenly. He could see that Jiyong was trying to protest at his suggestion so Seunghyun quickly came up with an excuse.

“I don’t think the rain is going to stop any soon” Seunghyun turned to look outside and Jiyong followed his gaze, lips fell downward at the bad weather. He hums around his chopsticks, absorbed in thinking.

“It’s late, too dark outside and you sprained your ankle. So, be obedient for once and listen to me” Seunghyun faced him. Jiyong turned to look at the window, look at Seunghyun, and turn to the window again only to sigh heavily. He nodded at Seunghyun, lips settled in a firm line. He finished the last bit of his noodles and wiped his mouth.

They finished their meal then. Jiyong let Seunghyun washed their dishes later. He was too tired to fight with Seunghyun so he just nods his head when Seunghyun snatched his bowl his hand. While Seunghyun busied himself in the kitchen, Jiyong took some time to venture around the apartment. There’s not much pictures hanging around on the wall except for colourful abstract painting and he could recognize some of Andy Warhol’s artworks hanging on the wall. His eyes travelled to each corner, taking everything since he didn’t manage to pay attention on his visit. His gaze abruptly halted on a frame of a picture, Jiyong blinked as he neared it, getting a closer look.

It was a picture of Seunghyun with a smile nearly reaching his ears, arms hugging Dongwook close to him. It was heart-warming seeing both of standing side by side, glint of happiness sparkled in their gazes. Somehow, Jiyong felt content. It’s a perfect portrait family picture. His brain processed and Jiyong looked up, suddenly realized that there’s no picture of Seunghyun’s parents in the house. Jiyong turned his heels around, there’s one Seunghyun with his friends, another was Seunghyun in his black suit and his hand gingerly held on Bom’s waist and the last one was Seunghyun laughing at his friend which seemed to be Youngbae, who knocked out on the table with a bottle of soju in his hand.

“That was last year when we celebrated Youngbae’s birthday” Seunghyun appeared from behind, eyes locked on the last picture. Jiyong turned around to look at his face and later look at the picture again.

“We tricked him to play a game and plot a plan so he’ll lose every round. It was so funny how he was oblivious the entire time and believed that he did have bad luck with him. It was great back then—the memories were so precious” the laugh was short and sounded a bit lacking compared to what he used to hear. Jiyong shrugged off plainly.

“Yeah, you guys looked happy” Jiyong croaked, head hanging low as he stared on the picture.

“How’s your ankle?” Seunghyun fixed his eyes on Jiyong’s bandaged feet.

Jiyong follow his gaze and look at it solemnly. He can move it a bit but there’s still pain lingered. It will be fine if Jiyong continue walking slowly, weighing on his right foot more. Seunghyun had helped him to ice his swollen ankle and wrapped it around with a bandage, quite sloppily if Jiyong could comment. It’s good enough though. He likes the way Seunghyun gently massaged his ankle, caressing the side of ankle very attentively. Jiyong appreciated Seunghyun’s effort and he would give Seunghyun the chance to attend his ankle again if he ever hurt one after this.

“It is not swollen too badly anymore and I can keep up with slow walk” Jiyong said with assurance. Seunghyun just nodded his head, relieved.

“Do you want to walk around the apartment then? Since I never show you around here properly” Seunghyun said, fingers ran through his messy hair to neat them before hands slipping inside his pockets.

“I would love to” Jiyong answered with a high-pitched voice, a little too quickly. Pursing his lips, he hoped that Seunghyun didn’t notice his excitement behind his squeaky voice.

“…but only if you don’t mind a very slow walk” he added a minute later, emphasized his word as he suddenly remembered of his sprained ankle. The pain is bearable enough that Jiyong doesn’t really think much about if but he’s afraid if Seunghyun would be bothered about it.

“I don’t mind. A very slow walk with you can be exciting and soothing at the same time” Seunghyun answered.

-

It takes a good thirty minutes for Seunghyun to show Jiyong around the apartment. It was a very slow walk indeed with Seunghyun walking side by side with Jiyong, distanced only a couple of centimetres just so Seunghyun would have catch the limp boy if he ever fall. Jiyong didn’t though and a hope for Seunghyun to hold Jiyong in his arms disappeared, slipping through his fingers like sands.

As Seunghyun as expected, the walk turned out to be interesting and soothing at the same time. They don’t really talk about anything important. Just random jokes and stories echoed through the room. It was nice seeing Jiyong smiling beside him and he can feel his heart content. It’s just like old times all over again, though it’s only has been almost a week, Seunghyun felt like it’s been months parting with Jiyong.

“Welcome to my secret room. You could say this room is where I relax myself” Seunghyun said, pushing the door open slowly.

Jiyong’s jaw fell on the floor once his eyes darted across the room. He can only see toys. Jiyong flicked his eyes left and right, getting a grasp of the whole picture. He’ll probably need another ten sets of feet and hands because he lost counts of how many of toys inside the whole room. Jiyong is sure there are almost hundreds of them.

“Woah... I didn’t know you collect toys. This is…” he tried to calm himself when he saw an exclusive anime figure of Luffy from One Piece, his favourite manga characters. Taking a very deep breath, Jiyong carefully hold the item in his hands, tracing the figure lightly with his index finger with a sparkle in his eyes.

 “Yeah, amazing. I know” Seunghyun continued as he shrugged off his shoulders lightly like it’s nothing big with a proud smile tugging on the corner of his lips.

“I don’t collect any kinds of toys though. Only rare and exclusive ones” Seunghyun fixed and straightened the position of his action figure, transformer.

“You could take that one if you like. As a present from me” he said sheepishly, palm touching at the back of his neck slightly, red tinting tips of his ears. He neared Jiyong and the boy turned around to face him.

“Nah…its fine. I will come here if I want to see these toys again” Seunghyun furrowed his eyebrow at Jiyong’s words, lips curled in tease smirk.

“Does this mean you’re going to come here regularly?” because he’s so going to welcome Jiyong inside his apartment with arms open wide.

It’s a bit lonely staying here alone and Seunghyun think he could afford another set of utensils, cups and bowls in his kitchen. Multiplying food portions for two people could be complicated but he can always depends on instant noodles. Not that he’s going to serve Jiyong instant noodles every time the boy come though. Jiyong smiled a little at Seunghyun’s bright face, he could read hope across the guy’s face and shook his head.

“It depends…but don’t get your hopes up” Jiyong finished with a shrug, leaving Seunghyun pouting in the corner.

Both of them walked out of the room and talked some more, throwing snide remarks at each other, shoulders bumping against each other lightly as they laughed. Seunghyun likes this and he’s quite sure Jiyong likes it, too. Like nothing happened. As if a storm never wheeled in between them. The burden on his shoulders seemed to vanish in the thin air and Seunghyun felt light, like a feather.

Walk soon was put on halt right after they stopped in front of the door. Seunghyun can feel his smile disappearing from his face, blinking. Dongwook’s room, he reads. It was the only room left. Looking at Jiyong’s solemn face, Seunghyun opens his mouth.

“Do you want to come in?” there’s reluctance in his question.

Nevertheless, there’s no answer, only a heave of calm breath and exchanging glances between both of them. Seunghyun can see the glint in the boy’s eyes so he turned around the doorknob and let them both in. There’s nothing much in the room. Just a bunch of his high school certificates, pictures of friends, families and two shelves of books. The bed was neat, clean even as if tidied daily. But Jiyong can feel a sense of loneliness standing in the middle of the room, he can’t reach for the scent of Dongwook, he can’t trace the guy’s presence in the room. Jiyong felt empty immediately that his face fell.

“Dongwook hyung rarely come into this room. He usually spent his day at my parent’s house because most of his stuff there. He only came here to make sure I’m breathing, cooked for me some decent meals just so I won’t starve”

“That is—” Jiyong caught 8R sized picture, framed beautifully, settling next to the bed. Slowly, Jiyong holds it between his palms. Seunghyun could taste bitter in his mouth when he saw this yet tried to keep his compose.

“Oh, that’s his graduation picture”

“He looked—different” His fingers slightly traced on the curve of his sculptured face. Dongwook appeared to be handsome in his high school days too, Jiyong was not surprised at this, though the baby fat in his cheek didn’t missed Jiyong’s eyes. The guy looked younger, slightly chubbier but still composed all the same like Jiyong last saw him.

It hurts. Seunghyun balled his fist, gripping it tighter when something lurched in the pit of his stomach. The smile crept in Jiyong’s lips made him boiling, jealousy probably. He sighed tiredly and shook his head. The pain stings in his chest. No matter how much he tried to hold on so Seunghyun turned away. He dragged his feet away, about to flee off in silent but Jiyong caught him. Putting down the frame back to its place, Jiyong walked to stand next to the guy.

“Seunghyun, where are you going?”

“Take all the time you need. I’ll be in the living room” Seunghyun said in rush, shoulders tight. Thus, the taller guy quickly stepped out of the room, leaving Jiyong confused, worried at the same time.

-

Jiyong didn’t stay. He followed behind Seunghyun closely instead.

Silence is something Jiyong favour so much. He loves letting himself off-guard to flow into nothingness because it made him felt nothing ever matter. Jiyong always found himself drowning in blank white of canvas in the past, drained out from energy and spacing out all the time. Staring out in the voided space and lets his mind scattered everywhere else.

However, after a moment seated in the living room with a tense atmosphere hovering both Seunghyun and him, somehow Jiyong was struggling to get out from this piercing silence because it wasn’t something he used to when being around Seunghyun. He felt the need to speak and so he did, opening his mouth and speaks carefully.

“I’m not sure if I told you this but thank you again… for coming” it came out as a soft whisper against his ear. The way Seunghyun’s eyes found his eyes in second must have meant that his voice is loud enough to reach the other guy at corner of the room.

“S’okay” Seunghyun mumbled under his breath, a joint trapped between his fingers. He flicked off the end of his cigarette before hollowing his cheeks again until little flickers of orange disappeared. He felt his heart fell sixth deep and sunk in deeper at the short response. Jiyong mounted his courage on his chest and opened his mouth again, the hem of the shirt crumpled under his tight fist.

“How are you these days? It’s hard to see you in school lately”

“Same old” The pair of brown orbs that he used to stare at was far from his reach, darted on the plain painted wall, as if ignoring Jiyong’s presence while filling up his lungs with smokes.

“Are you still mad at me, Seunghyun?”

“It’s getting late. You must be exhausted after a long day. Let’s get to sleep” Avoidance. Something that Jiyong wasn’t used to get from Seunghyun and he wasn’t sure he’ll like it. Jiyong felt his stomach knots itself.

“Tell me” Jiyong tried to control his voice, hands white-knuckled. Patience is something Jiyong rarely grasp when handling a situation but he hopes he can refrain himself. Just this once. Just for tonight. Just for Seunghyun. He blinked an eye at the quiet guy in the corner.

“It’s not important” Seunghyun waved a hand at Jiyong, not looking at the boy.

“No. I need to know” Jiyong snapped firmly. Seunghyun had already got up from his seat and joint was nowhere to be found. Straightening his shirt, Seunghyun lifted his eyes to meet reach Jiyong’s, lips pursed in thin line.

“There’s still tomorrow. We can talk about it tomorrow” because Seunghyun honestly doesn’t want to hear any bullsh.t right now. He’s not going to let Jiyong spoil the mood between them. He is too tired to handle any kind of sh.t right now. He just wants to go to sleep and hug his banana pillow.

“Seunghyun” he sounds weak and Seunghyun hates that Jiyong has an effect on him. He dismissed the mixed emotions around the pit of his stomach and dragged his feet away.

“Go to sleep. You look tired” and Seunghyun felt his eyes heavy. Tired, even. He should go to sleep, fast. He’s avoiding Jiyong’s question again, pinning it around, leaving Jiyong confused and hurt at the same time.

“I thought a lot—about so many things, when you ignored me for days. Honestly, at first I don’t know what made you mad. I’m not even sure what’s the exact reason made you ignored me for day” Jiyong’s eyes hard on him and Seunghyun can’t seem to look away but return his stare.  He felt his heart leapt. Seunghyun could see those eyes waver under his gaze, nails digging into his skin when his lips speak, making Seunghyun want to reach out and holds the trembling pair of hands.

“I didn’t even know that it was wrong being Choi Dongwook’s ex-boyfriend” Jiyong’s voice is cracking all over the place and it was apparent that his sentence came out confused. Yet, Seunghyun doesn’t seem to notice that. Because all he could hear was accusation, a blame echoing in his ear.

“You don’t understand, do you?” Seunghyun snorted drily, tone went up a little. It was somewhat strained. Jiyong didn’t answer this time.

They went quiet after a while. Seunghyun can feel his face went red. Jiyong probably saw it too. Maybe. He’s not sure. It was wrong, probably. It’s not the time to get mad but all this talk is making Seunghyun frustrated so he didn’t try to stop. Seunghyun just let his words came out like bullets, punching Jiyong hard in the face.

“I’m not mad about you being hyung’s ex-boyfriend. I don’t even f.cking care if you had kissed or even f.cking sleep with him” he gritted in restrained voice, anger was apparent in his contour face.

“I’m not a kid, Jiyong. I don’t care about stupid little things you did with hyung” Seunghyun spits out in bitter, frowning. There it is again. The expression he was disappointed or something. Jiyong felt guilty pulling him down in the quicksand. It was hard to breath.

“You’re supposed to be my friend, Jiyong. I thought we agreed to a certain understanding—” Seunghyun shook his head helplessly, taking a sharp breath of air.

“Just forget it. Fighting is the last thing I wanted to do right now” Seunghyun casted a brief glance over him, eyes glazed with sadness and quickly retreated back to his bedroom.

-

Seunghyun can’t sleep after that. His eyes were heavy but his mind was reeling in like crazy. His body is sore and tired yet Seunghyun could only toss and turn around his cold bed. He sighed and blows out at his hair which has been covering half of his face. He needs a trim. His hair is getting longer. It was sometime when the clock almost hit two in the morning. Seunghyun had heard a creak of his bedroom’s door. He grasped on his blanket tighter and pulled it up to cover his face.

“Seunghyun, are you sleeping already?” Seunghyun doesn’t have to turn around to know it’s Jiyong. Obviously, since he’s the only one in the house aside from Seunghyun. He forced his eyes to shut tighter.

“I’m sleeping” he speaks groggily in a husky voice. Seunghyun learns many things after being with Jiyong every day and one of it was pretending. He couldn’t decide whether it was bad or good for him.

“You won’t answer me if you’re sleeping” Seunghyun can hear a soft chuckle from his behind. His eyes narrowed at this. Snapping his eyes open wide, Seunghyun speaks in a stern voice.

“It’s two in the morning. Why are you still up, Jiyong?”

“Sorry for making you mad. I didn’t mean to pick a fight with you” he can hear shuffles of feet behind him. Jiyong’s probably staring at his back right now because Seunghyun can feel his heavy gaze burning a hole on him. Seunghyun hugged his banana pillow against his chest closer.

“I’m not mad. I’m not sad, even. But I’m not happy either. I’m just” Seunghyun paused to take a breath as he huffed loudly in exasperation “…disappointed”

“Why?” Jiyong asked in a soft voice. Is Jiyong really that clueless? Ruffling his hair in frustration, Seunghyun pushed himself up with his elbow and turned around. Jiyong had his eyes fixed him as he had expected. He glared at the shorter one and fisted his hair.

“There are two categories of people in my life; people that I treasure very dearly and people that I despise so much. Do you know what made me despise people in the second category?” Jiyong shook his head in response, head hanging low.

“Lies” he spits out disgustingly.

“I hate people lying to my face. I hate people keeping secrets behind my back. And unfortunately, you’re in that category, Jiyong”

Jiyong can hear something breaks in him but forced himself to stay composed. They were looking at each other for an excruciatingly slow minute. Seunghyun had expected for Jiyong to say something, anything, whatever that he would usually say. Instead, Jiyong only gave him a blank stare.

Disappointed, Seunghyun looked away and gripped his banana pillow close to his heart, hearing the slow beating against his ribcage. His face turning a hue of red before Seunghyun narrowed his eyes and flopped back into his bed. Jiyong watched Seunghyun pulling the cover over his head, a signal for not to be disturbed, a cue for Jiyong to turn around his heels and leave the room.

 As much as he knew it was the right thing to do, Jiyong just couldn’t let Seunghyun push him away. He can’t let go of Seunghyun though he was supposed to, after the damage he had done. Jiyong wasn’t ready to give him up, yet. Not this time. Thus, he carefully let his body settled on the corner of the bed.

“You know, the reason why I was waiting for you was not because I’m stupid, Seunghyun” Jiyong rasped out quietly.

Seunghyun can feel the bed dipped at the sudden weight, eyes flashed open abruptly. Slowly, he pushed the cover off him and saw Jiyong’s back turned against him. The slim frame illuminated under the dim light shone from his bedside lamp looked fragile in his eyes and Seunghyun felt a big urge to wrap Jiyong in his warm embrace.

“It’s because I have faith in you. I believed that you will come to meet me in the park. I did have some doubt but I pushed it away because I know, you’re not that kind of person”

“What kind of a person am I then?” Seunghyun focused on his fingers, ignoring his fast leap of heartbeats. His fingernails is getting too long, he should cut it.

Jiyong had encountered many people in his life. Some of them waltz into his life with careful glances only to walk out without a word. He was immune to such behaviour and he was, perhaps, starting to get tired of it. He had decided to shut everyone out after Dongwook left. He doesn’t want to deal with petty attitude anymore.

But Choi Seunghyun is dangerous. He is different.

“You’re rough and seemed like troublemaker outside. You’re kind and nice too but you have some attitude problems. You’re brave and I like that part of you. You have saved me so many times and I was grateful for that. You’re… like an angel disguised in a devil body” Jiyong felt his lips quirk into a small smile, remembering the day Seunghyun had saved him from his suicide attempt.

The guy had barged into his life without a warning and for the first time, Jiyong felt insecure. He can feel it in his bone that Seunghyun is going to bring him to some rollercoaster ride. Jiyong believed that he doesn’t like it, even a little bit. By the way his heart skipped a beat in anxiety and the way his palms rubbed against each other every time he meets Seunghyun in the eye, however, was telling him otherwise.

The bed creaked. Seunghyun is sitting cautiously next him, so carefully invading Jiyong’s space. Knees knocked in return and their shoulders bumped. Warmth emitted from the guy beside him made Jiyong felt fully content, emptiness no longer clogging up his throat.

“I know. I’m not a good person and I’m not good with words. I know that I’ve fed you countless of lies ever since the first time we met. I didn’t even treat you good. There’s so many bad thing I’ve done to you than good and I’m sorry for that. I want to say sorry over and over again for every pain I caused you but then, I don’t want my apologies turned into some meaningless words” Seunghyun could hear hurt in his voice. He swallowed the lump in his throat and clenched his jaw.

“I really didn’t mean to hurt you, Seunghyun. I keep secrets from you because I’m scared that you’ll be disgusted, just like everyone else. I’m just afraid" Jiyong turned to face at Seunghyun, only to realize the taller one was staring at him. Jiyong broke their gaze and wrapped his arms around him. It’s chilly tonight.

"What are you afraid of?" Seunghyun speaks in a hushed tone. It’s soothing, Jiyong thought silently. He always thought Seunghyun’s husky voice is likeable, sensual too. However, the deep, silky voice sounds calming and reassuring tonight. As if coaxing some broken parts of him and patched them together slowly in gentle touches and caresses.

"I've come to like you. I'm sure of that and “Jiyong bites his closed mouth and blinked hard. His eyes began to sting. “....I really want you to stay"

"I'm not going anywhere, Jiyong. I promise you-"

"Don't” Jiyong snapped a little too loud in the late night.

“Don't ever try to make a promise you won't keep because at the end of the day...you'll leave. Just like the rest" He was glad that it was dark so Seunghyun couldn’t see the tears welling his eyes. Closing his eyes, Jiyong took a calming breath to get rid of dizzying emotions.

“I won’t” Those words rolled out in rush, like a bullet. Seunghyun was soft-spoken but there was no hesitation. He was sure, sounded a bit too confident for Jiyong liking.

“Yeah, they told me the same thing at first” he snorted, faint smile bloomed. Lee Jaehyuk, Dongwook, his friends, his classmates from the middle school—they all did. Jiyong ran his hands through his hair and pulled it slightly as he felt sorrow tugged the strings of his heart.

"Who are they?" Seunghyun asked gently. It was comforting. Jiyong just shrugs his shoulders.

“But later they left. I can’t blame them. We don’t know what the future holds for us later. Anything can happen. Love changes—”

“Love doesn’t change but people do” Seunghyun quickly corrected him firmly. Shoulders tensed at sudden interruption.

“I guess, maybe, you’re right” This time, Jiyong boldly holds Seunghyun’s gaze.

"I'm always right" Seunghyun doesn’t look mad anymore, a grin escaped from his lips.

"I forgive you, Jiyong” Jiyong’s eyes went wide at his clarification, about to pull a smile. But then, Seunghyun’s grin faltered. Soon faded, pursing his lips into a firm line. Seunghyun turned to look at the plain wall of his bedroom.

“But it doesn't mean that you can keep secrets from me. Lying is not an option when you can just come out with the truth”

“It’s selfish, I know” Jiyong bitterly smiled, moving his hand to straightened the crumpled sheets under his palm, slightly touching Seunghyun hands. But then, he can feel a finger linked around his pinky finger. Red colours tinted the tip of his ears as he blinked.

“I just hope you can trust me—as a friend because I like you, more than I should" Seunghyun bumped their shoulder intentionally and smiled from ear to ear. Heat from the larger body spreads throughout Jiyong, electrifying every nerve in him and his mood lifted up unexpectedly. A warm hand placed on top of his, giving a firm squeeze as if to assure Jiyong that Seunghyun meant every words he said.

Somehow, Seunghyun’s simple words of accepting Jiyong to light another part of his life made him feeling like floating in the air. Jiyong had never wanted anyone to stay in his world so much. He has long stopped hoping for someone to sweep him off from his feet and bring in some lights in his dark world. Stay was erased in his life dictionary long time ago but maybe, it was time for the word to be included again.

Because for the first time in a long time, Jiyong want Seunghyun to never let go of his hand, ever.

-

“So you both are not dating?”

Youngbae side-eyed Seunghyun and turned around to cast a brief look at Jiyong who was sitting next to him. His cousin followed his gaze to look at Jiyong too, seeming rather oddly shy and is that blush across Seunghyun’s cheeks? Seunghyun bashfully nodded and Youngbae didn’t miss the excited grin crept on his face. Jiyong though appeared to be indifferent and quietly seeping on his tea. Youngbae’s eyebrows knitted together, more deeply at these findings.

It was eight in the morning when he came to Seunghyun’s apartment. After getting a couple of voicemails from Seunghyun yesterday, Youngbae decided to give his cousin a visit. With some snacks and packed side dishes, he reached Seunghyun’s doorstep and punched the doorbell. It took a good three minutes until Youngbae decided to barge in after he didn’t receive any response from the guy. Youngbae thought Seunghyun must be still in bed, snoring loudly in his room. So he had keyed-in the password and invited himself in.

Youngbae didn’t expect anything as soon he stepped into the apartment. He should have though. There should be a warning given at least because he would appreciated it so much, really. He stacked the side dish in the fridge and moved on to wake up Seunghyun. Only to find Jiyong and Seunghyun was lying side by side, sleeping soundly close to each other. Youngbae was surprised. Okay, maybe surprise is an understatement. He freaked out and his loud voice managed to woken up both guys, startled and head accidentally bumping each other.

After some moments of waiting, Jiyong came out wearing a familiar big shirt covering his slim frame (is that Seunghyun’s shirt?), looking embarrassed as he avoided Youngabe’s lingering gaze. Seunghyun came out later with a big smile on his face, greeted Youngbae excitedly and the rest was history.

He had watched Seunghyun avoided Jiyong these past days and he could say he’s not happy with it. But after finding his friends in the same bed, sleeping together, Youngbae was relieved. It was shocking and amusing at the same time at the discovery. Later, Youngbae laughed his a.ss off after finished scrutinizing Jiyong and Seunghyun up and down. The sudden reaction startled both Seunghyun and Jiyong who looked taken aback and baffled, eyebrows shot up in question. The two of them exchanged glances but quickly turned away when they both felt heat crept on their faces. Jiyong continued to fiddle with his fingers and Seunghyun whistled with a blank expression.

“Sorry, I just had to” Youngbae forced himself to calm down.

“It’s okay. We understand” Seunghyun shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ve only seen both of you fighting non-stop for months and—this is unbelievable. I’m fine though, with this whole deal about you both sleeping together. I won’t even bother if…well, if you both…end up dating each other” his voice was tiny at the little bits in the end but Jiyong heard him, clearly. Slapping his palms against the table, he claimed with a loud voice.

“We didn’t do anything, I swear” Jiyong said, eyes opened wide, cheeks dusted with pink colours. The corner of Seunghyun’s lips twitched at the sight, Jiyong was seating a bit too close with Youngbae for his taste.

“Yeah, sure. I believe you” Youngbae waved his hand.

“Trust me” this time, Jiyong took his friend’s hands and forced Youngbae to look at him.

“No, really. I trust you” Youngbae patted Jiyong’s hand, smiling and Seunghyun rolled his eyes.

“Thank you” Jiyong said in exasperation, sighing in relief as he breaks away and took the hot mug in his palms again.

“Oh by the way, you smell like Seunghyun’s shampoo and Seunghyun’s shirt looks good on you” Jiyong went red immediately, clutching against the hot mug, hands white-knuckled.

“I need water” Jiyong quickly said, pushing his chair to back making some screeching loud noise. He hissed when the pain in his ankle stings. Seeing this, Seunghyun quickly stood next to Jiyong, hands settled on the boy’s hips and holds Jiyong close to him. Youngbae silently smiled to himself as he watched both of them fell into their own world.

“You sure you’re okay? I can get it for you if you want” Seunghyun whispered and Jiyong just smiled, telling Seunghyun that he’s fine. Mumbling a quiet thank, Jiyong gave Seunghyun’s hand a squeeze before he retreats to the kitchen with a slow walk. He smiled secretly as soon as Jiyong turned his back but froze quickly when he realized Youngbae was watching.

“I saw that” Youngabe said, smirk creepily spread across his lips.

“Urgh…You’re not supposed to be here in the morning. It’s not in the plan” Seunghyun face-palmed.

“Well, please remember to put on a warning sign on the door the next time you’re going to have some private moments with Jiyong. I will gladly appreciate it” he stirred his tea slowly.

“And I’m just going to repeat Jiyong’s words. We didn’t do anything. It was raining last night and Jiyong was afraid of thunder so I told him to sleep with me. Nothing else happened besides that except for us sleeping. I repeat. Nothing happened” Seunghyun emphasized.

“But you did wish for something to happen, didn’t you?” Youngbae sipped his tea carefully and let his chin rest on his hand then. Seunghyun almost spits out his drink from his mouth.

“No, I didn’t!—Urgh, stop it, Bae. It’s too early for me to handle your sh.t. Shut your mouth before Jiyong hears it. Oh look, here he comes. You better not to say anything or else you won’t get out of this apartment alive” Seunghyun glared at Youngbae and forced a smile on his lips.

“Be normal” Seunghyun whispered.

“Did you say something?” Jiyong asked, slightly confused at Seunghyun’s awkward smile as he took his seat next to Youngbae.

“What? Pshhh… No! Did I?” Seunghyun laughed.

“Nope, he didn’t. Except from the part I won’t get out of this apartment alive, no, Seunghyun didn’t say anything” Youngbae smirked. It’s been awhile since he’s being evil and teasing Seunghyun somehow brings excitement more than he expected.

“You said what?” Jiyong focused on Seunghyun but the guy just laughed.

“Hahaha. He’s just being hilarious. Isn’t it, Bae?” Seunghyun wrapped his arm along Youngbae’s shoulders, narrowing his sharp eyes, he whispered discreetly, “You are not helping”

“Yup, just being funny as usual. Yipee” Youngbae brings his arm up in the air.

“Owkayy”

-

"Hey” Youngbae tapped Jiyong’s shoulder lightly and sunk into the couch next to Jiyong.

“What are you watching?” the television was showing some kind of variety program, loud laughs hollered out. Jiyong just shrugs his shoulders and mumbled something like ‘I got no idea’ and turned around to look at the kitchen.

“Are you sure it’s okay to let Seunghyun cook in the kitchen alone?” Pointing his index finger towards the kitchen, Jiyong furrowed his eyebrows. There’s a loud clank echoed followed by a string of curses and slipped Seunghyun whom was currently flat on the floor. Youngbae pushed away his hand and grabbed the remote control from Jiyong’s hand.

“He’ll be fine. You worried too much” Jiyong nods then after warily glanced his way at the kitchen.

“So I take it you both are on a good term now, correct?” Youngbae asked, flipping through the channels. Jiyong nodded his head weakly.

“Great. I’m glad that you’re finally opening up with us” One thing that Jiyong likes about Youngbae’s smile is it’s genuine and it shows. It warms him.

“But is it fine?” Jiyong faced Youngbae, frown slowly taking up his face. Youngbae stopped smiling.

It’s a scary thing to do; to open up himself, to reach out for someone else whom Jiyong wasn’t sure if they’ll stay until the end. The fear of losing someone is eating him. There’s so much what if’s in his mind. Jiyong is afraid that someday everyone decides to leave him alone in the darkness because he’s not sure if he can bear the weight alone.

“It’s different now, don't you think?" Youngbae’s question made Jiyong creased his eyebrows.

"You're not alone. You have me, Seungri, Taecyeon, Daesung and Bom noona. Most of all, you have Seunghyun" says Youngbae, looking at Jiyong.

"Seunghyun?” Jiyong repeats, Youngbae nodded.

Clank!

The loud noise made Jiyong swiftly turned his head to the kitchen. He can hear Seunghyun’s voice shouts ‘I’m okay!’  in the background. He chuckled as soon a white-faced Seunghyun appeared in his vision, flour staining his black shirt. As if Seunghyun could feel his eyes on him, the guy turned around and Seunghyun smiled at him. A full-fledged smiled that sent Jiyong’s heart flipping crazily.

This time, Jiyong smiles back, showing his pearl white teeth.

____________________________________________

A/N :

Updated! Haha. Yup, I'm late with the update. I'm sorry. Anyway, hope everyone loves this update as much I love writing this chappie. Love is in the air! Yay! hahaha.. Thanks for those who up-voted this story and for subscribing this story. I love you all. Thank you for my readers for keeps waiting. I'm touched and I'm sorry for making you all waited. Thank you for those who keeps on commenting and clicking this story. I'll try to update as soon as I can. Thank you all :D <3

@bigbxng , @purringidols, @kutunakal, @delbadae, @mintalien, @GDsLove, @Sotbaka, @roaringtabi, @seungseunghyun , @imagoandego,@annakaoya, @ CKRRVIP, @dengeki, @Thelullaby, @mscrayon, @saraXX, @ozwalkr, @frozen-autumn, @guriasob,  @Retlar12 , @xwzji, @IBMNZTR , @thephiladelphiastory , @sakura9007, @jilovetabi, @centurygirl, @gtopaddict , @NE_Gon, @jennie1878 , @Lina_chan : I feel so bad for the long wait but at the same time I'm glad you guys enjoy this fic. Thank you so much for commenting :D

@sabrinete: Gosh! You don't know how happy I am seeing your long comment. Thanks you so much for loving this fic :) and thank you for the compliment. I don't think my writing skills that good but I'll try to keep on improving. I'm so sorry for the long wait but I hope this chapter will make up for it. Thank you, again! Love you :D

@WenZhen : Hi! Yes, I'm not a native English speaker actualy. haha. How do you know? Anyway, I'm really sorry if there's any grammar mistake but please, feel free to correct me :D I'm glad that you enjoyed my story. Thanks for commenting.