§Listen to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP4A468sNTU&feature=related

After I had the glimpse of the real Jaejoong, the one he was hiding from the world and was enclosed brick by brick, I regretted myself for coming to the conclusions with the difference of the person you love and the person you like.

            Love is what I feel towards Siwon, the feeling of being committed to him although the outcome for me is not the same. Like is, I can now confess, it’s what I feel for Jaejoong, when my heart automatically stops just by seeing him, in other terms, infatuation. I won’t tell him that though.

            I summed up that Jaejoong’s intentions for that date, whatever it really is, was for me to like him. I only wanted to get done with the threat, but I have a feeling this was only the beginning. Though I feel thwarted and confused, I’ve decided to live like normal again. Just hoping the rumors would die down, and really hoping that Jaejoong would come back to the aloof and insensitive playboy. But honestly, a better part of me wants him not.

             Sunday passed with me replaying all that happened in our date. It seems silly and childish and alive. Jaejoong’s face crept to my mind; the smile that reaches his eyes, deepening his rare dimple. I was starting to feel impatient.

            Dad, to my liberation, wasn’t asking much about how the date went, but he was neither happy nor disappointed. I hang about my room for the rest of the day, finishing an oil painting of the bay.

            The next day was Monday; Dad had left a sticky note paste on the fridge saying: We’ve got no more fish. Got to go to the market. I crumpled it then shoot it at the waste bin. I opened the dashboards and found it almost empty. I made a mental note for grocery after class. I took a bowl of cereal, feeling excited to go to school and it quite scared me. I should be ignoring Jaejoong, and not thinking about him, who knows what he plans to do next. I think it’s better if we’re just friends. I shook my head.

            Now that Siwon is back, it’s inevitable that he’ll attend out senior batch in Seoul Elite High. At least he has Stella, and I wish him happy.

            I got in school just in time before the bell rang, and I sat down to my seat without having to look around. I passed my research paper for History, that for my surprise, nobody did except me and Jaejoong. Everyone clapped for him, he eyed me, but not bigheaded unlike how he should. I rolled my eyes, something I have recently practiced with Mina, when she taught me how to look mean. I think he looked puzzled when I sat back.

            In Trigonometry, Dad distributed our test papers. I got an A++, and frowned. I didn’t review; I was too distracted with my first kiss that night. Then I heard Jaejoong shout behind me, I turned my head to see him arms in the air. I glance at his paper, it was an A+. Everyone was gawking at it too, and then clapped for him again. I turned back while hearing comments and appreciations for him. I closed my eyes, annoyed.   

            It was lunch time and I was with Mina and Jess, heading for the locker when Jaejoong called my name. Everyone around gushed and giggled, my hope for the rumor dying was becoming decreased. I spun around to face him unwillingly; Mina and Jess said quiet byes.  

            “Do I irritate you?” He walked closer to me, a few gawking girls pass.

            “I thought the date was over.” I said politely but I could hear the pinch of irritation, even though the way he stood was overwhelming. He stared back wryly.

            “Yes it is and you made me happy, and I won’t fire your dad.” His jaw tightened.

            “Look Jaejoong, I just don’t expect anything from this, whatever it is. I only think of you as a friend.” I was preparing for him to lash out, but he didn’t.

            “Then you really shouldn’t be friends with me.” He walked away, bumping my shoulder. I felt guilt pour down like hot water. Unexpectedly, I was empty.

            I sat beside Jess and Mina while Jess was having a conversation with Yuchun, Jaejoong’s friend, which should surprise me for him sitting with us, but my mind was blank.

            “Choi Siwon is back,” Mina whispered to me. She bit an apple. “And he’s at class 12B, but guess what?”

            There was nothing for me to guess, but if Mina will find out that I went out with Jaejoong and saw Siwon with Stella, I don’t want to go over the details. “What?” I said quite late.

            “Siwon is dating with Stella; a junior saw them last Saturday. But what’s worth the talk was that, they’ve been occupying both the ladies and men comfort room for like, forever. The management was suspected food poisoning, but when the hospital claimed they spiced chilies too much, it was their fault after all.” Mina and I were chuckling.

            “So Eun, aren’t you with Jaejoong?” Junsu asked standing by our table, he was Jaejoong’s friend too but he wasn’t from my class like Yuchun. They are both from class 12B.

            “Why would I be with him?” I looked down at my untouched tray of food.

            “Well anyway, he’s not with us and I don’t know why. I can’t find him.” My heart skipped a beat then I stared at Junsu with disbelief.

            “Like Friday all over again?” Yuchun asked. Junsu only nod, and they both sigh. I felt guilty again. Why would he ditch lunch because of what I said? And Yuchun said it was like last Friday, the day after the kiss.

            We went to class with my heart heavy. But when I saw Kim Jaejoong at his seat, all the thoughts of anxiety evaporated. He stared at me for the longest time, until I turned to my seat. When it was music class, everyone rose to their seat to attend individual’s instrument class. My class was piano so I hurried out the door.

            I reached the piano room with a few seniors of different class. There was only about seven of us. I sat down at the chair nearest the grand piano. Mr. Lee was our piano teacher, when he entered the room, Jaejoong was with him. His eyes searched through the faces and stopped to mine, although all the girls cheered in delight to see his handsome face. I could feel my cheeks blushing.

            Mr. Lee introduced him to class even if everyone knows him. Jaejoong boasts that he changed his guitar lesson because it’s boring, and that it was too easy. Our piano class is a partnered activity because there are only four luxurious grand pianos, crafted by a master, in the wide theatrical room, with sets of soundproof amateur rooms. I was more than grateful that I play alone. But when Mr. Lee called me, I know what’s next.

            Kim Jaejoong is my piano partner.

            Fortunately today, we have class discussion about famous pianists around the world. My favorite contemporary pianist is Yiruma, and when he was mentioned, I smiled. Jaejoong was watching me, but I ignored him. I know it’s his intention to be in piano class with me. He’s getting on my nerves. Why won’t he let me go?

            At dismissal, I walked out the revolving doors with Mina and Jess, and saw Jaejoong at the other booth of the stained glass door, he’s eyes were overpowering mine. Mina and Jess giggled as we stepped out. Jaejoong made a rotation and stepped out too.

            “So Eun, could I please talk with you.” He spoke in a carefully delivered line that only an actor could do. Mina and Jess said goodbye and I waved at them.

            Once they were gone, I made a step closer to Jaejoong. “Maybe I should be talking,” I scowled at him.

            He was suppressing a smile. “Okay, then I’ll listen.”

            “Wasn’t it your plan for me to be your partner in music class?” I said sourly.

            “Yes.” He declared.

            “Then why? Didn’t you say to not be friends with you?”

            “I didn’t mean that.”

            “Then what do you mean? You mean to make me like you and leave me after accomplishing right? That’s what you mean in your life, to treat girls like missions or collectibles? I agreed on the date, isn’t that enough?” I babbled and ran out of breath.

            “You got me all wrong, you believe in my reputation.” He said calmly.

            “What? Isn’t that what you do? Playboy?” I said mordantly.

            He frowned and looked down. Suddenly, he looked younger, more fragile maybe the way he looked when he was a boy. He was sad, and it broke my heart. This was the other side of him, the warm side. Did he change? A perfect grade in an exam and doing homework is not how Jaejoong is. Our memories in the date sprang to my mind.

            “Why don’t you give me a chance?” He finally said, meeting my eyes. I sigh, he’s hypnotic.

            I turned around and ran down the stairs to cross the roadway, distressed and angry. That was the first time I’ve ever lashed out. All of a sudden, I heard a loud beep of a car. I looked up to see a car running fast toward me.

            But then someone caught my wrist and dragged me to the side of the road just in time as the car speed pass. I spun and landed in his chest while wrapped in his arms. Jaejoong looked frantic. He shook my shoulder. My mind went blank as his thin red lips moved fast to say something I can’t hear. I found myself staring at it longer as he dragged me to my feet.

            “Are you alright? What were you doing?” I at last heard him say. His voice was soothing and velvet. But his eyebrows were pulled. I instinctively touched it to his surprise. The crease softened, and the worry was replaced by wonder.

            “I’m alright. I wasn’t just looking.” I said sheepishly.

            “Are you sure?” He asked. I couldn’t look at him now in the eye.

            “Yeah. I’m going home.” I could still feel his eyes as I headed for my bike.

            I was shaking my mind as I pedaled the street on the way to the grocery. Jaejoong’s tight grip was still evident to my skin as I entered the store. I get myself busy taking food in my cart. I was staring at the cereal boxes when my cart bumped into another cart. I gazed up to see Siwon.  He smiled at me.

            “Hey So Eun,” He greeted.

            “Hey,” I said hesitantly. My chest twisted in pain.

            “Didn’t I saw you with Jaejoong last Saturday?” Oh crap. I only smiled and nod.

            “I didn’t have the chance to greet you, I wouldn’t eat there anymore.” He said curtly. “But I saw you at lunch, still friends with Jessica and Mina? You guys are inseparable.”

            “How was Germany? It’s been three years.”

            “You could still remember? It was great, and the culture is good. But it’s not my type of place to marry and have family.” He was taller now, leaner. He’s words spun around my chest like thorns.

            “I’m sorry; I’ve got to go now. I’m in a hurry, my Dad will be home.”

            “Mr. Yung-min is still teaching huh? Well I hope we could talk. How about I’ll take you to an ice cream store tomorrow at dismissal?” I thought quickly. A talk is harmless. I nodded helplessly and we parted ways.

            I placed the groceries in the bike’s basket and went home, smiling.