My face felt hot, sweating, cracking and aching at the same time as I stumbled to my bathroom for an early dip inside the bathtub. The water was unbelievably cold when I slid my legs, then finally my body.

            “Aish!” I said out loud as the entire icy water lapped me. I hurried to shampoo my hair and scrub my body.

            It was only six o’clock am when I went out my bathroom; surely my father might still be sound asleep. He wasn’t an early riser. I tiptoed with my towel and clothed up in a white lacy sundress and black leather ankle boots. In a Post-it paper, I wrote my father a note that I’ll be gone for a drive. I hurried downstairs, took the car key from the key hook and pulled out the driveway. The sun has raised half above the cloudy sky by then.

            I rolled down the windows and felt for the misty wind in my hair. I drove past the main highway, turning whichever street I passed into, just feeling the wind as it gets cooler and cooler. The sky was an oceanic blue clouded with light grey puffs of a menacing rain, my mind drifted like the clouds too. Before I knew it, I had pulled up in front of the mall and parked my car facing the wide azure bay, the place of my very first date.

            The wind blew past my hair in messy directions but I didn’t care enough and shut the door of the Corvette. I walked towards the bay and leaned on the concrete railing. Minutes had passed as I looked into the deep water crashing the borders in rampant movement then settling back into the sea again.

            There was an electrical current that shook me to turn around, it was a demanding current and when I did turn to my right, he stood very still that it was hard to distinguish if he was alive. Did fate bring me here with him? Kim Jaejoong’s hands were neatly clasped against the concrete railing as he gazed unto the waves deep in thought. He was very white and pale, almost as white as the concrete and I wondered if he was sick. He looked weak.

            He looked up at me as the wind rippled his smooth brown hair, his hair settled to his right eye in a funny compelling way. I observed his bronze eyes were hard and holding a distant aloof slit. I swallowed. Has he come back to his old self?

            “Hi,” I said weakly.

            He unclasped his hand and leaned his back at the railing to cross his long legs before him. He crossed his arms first before he spoke. “Annyong haseyo,” He replied not more than a whisper.

            My knees were suddenly weak but my heart was suffocating as it pounds against my ribs in longing. I stared at him and he stared back coldly. Was it over then?  I couldn’t stand the borders that Jaejoong had built from the space between us. It was like he finally snapped back. The sound of the waves crashing made me flinch internally.

            I started to turn for my car but then he grabbed my arm quickly. I faced him and was aware that our faces were no less than an inch apart.

            “I’m sorr—“

            He cut me with his gentle lips in mine. It was a long soft and tender kiss, unlike the first from the game of Seven Minutes in Heaven, this one has warmth that was real and beautiful, sealing all my doubts closed with his love. My heart was beating violently as I held my breath and closed my eyes to stay wrapped in this moment forever.

             Hesitantly he pulled away and held my face. “No, I’m sorry. Mianhamnida.” He whispered and his breath aired my face, I savored the oceanic and minty scent of it. His kiss was very distracting that I almost forgot what I’ve said.

             Just above us the rain at last sprinkled its cold mist. I smiled as we both glanced up on it.  We both liked the rain just enough as we both liked the first star. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me safely.

             “Don’t you trust me Jaejoong?” I whispered against his ear.

              He was silent for a few moments. The rain sprinkled above us in infinite supply. I could feel Jaejoong’s warm body and his clothes being soaked.

              “I trust you more than anyone now.” He answered. I looked at his melted bronze eyes— no longer cold or distant— and saw the same bloodshot purple shadows like mine. I laughed. He saw it too and joined me.

               “Didn’t you sleep?” I asked.

               “I couldn’t.”

               We both leaned against the railing holding hands as we bathe the rain, soaking everything even my hair. My dressed looked as if it was pulled close by a blind seamstress. I glanced at Jae and saw his neat navy blue suit was imperfect as well. For once we were just the same— soaked up in the rain, bloodshot eyes and both in love.

              “I thought I was going to loose you.” I said and gazed at the molten bronze eyes.

              “It would hurt me more if it was you I lost.” He gazed down at me, he smiled weakly. “I’ll never be jealous like that again. Why do I always feel like I’m a boy troubling you every time?”

              I laughed and squeezed his hand. As long as I held unto this hand, no matter what had happened from this riot previous week that he seemed to blame him for, still I felt safer. Besides if this week had never passed by, I wouldn’t feel a love as strong as this.

             He didn’t take it easy as he narrowed his eyes and gaped at me.

             “You don’t trouble me, not at all. In fact, my life has never been exciting before you.”

             “Do you want to eat then, Ms. Rebel?” He asked in the melodic sweet tone I love. There was a rain drop caught in his long lashes.

             We headed inside the mall like aliens with our clothes drenched and dripping wet and with all the people gawking at us with probing eyes. Jaejoong still looked handsome with his wet brown hair blocking his right eye and his eyes were unbelievably tantalizing. We entered McDonalds and he ordered for two large Cokes, hamburgers and French fries.

             We ate and talked naturally. I was amazed that the drama that I’ve feared was all over now, as if it never happened. And I hope if this is forever, I hope all fights would only be like that easy.

            “Jaejoong why do you look so white?” I asked after we laughed of a personal joke.

            He swallowed the last of his burger. “When I’m stressed I glow whiter. It runs in our blood or something like that.”

            “Oh, does your mother have that too?” I took a sip of my Coke.

            “No,” He frowned. My thoughts wandered about the rumors before that Jaejoong lived separately from his mother.

            I wasn’t able to stop myself. “Do you live in separate house from your mother?” I blurted and then blushed sheepishly.

            He was silent as the minutes passed and I started to regret asking him.

            “Yes,” He said finally. I realized as I’ve always done before that I was holding my breath.

            I bit my lip and finished the remains of my fries than probing further. But he continued to talk. “She moved to an apartment on our freshmen year alone.”

            I thought about the beautiful expensive and huge mansion where Jaejoong lives at and thought it was such a waste to abandon a paradise house.

            “She moved away because she hates me throwing parties at home without asking her. She hates seeing me making out with girls at her very own kitchen. But those were nothing when she saw me using drugs. That really shook her… and me.”

            I don’t know what my face holds but I know my mouth was hanging wide open.

            “But that only happened once Eun.” He assures. “It was just a bad timing try. I was only fifteen and a party crasher from my party handed me one. I thought it was fun. I inhaled only like… the second time and then the door just boomed open and my mother caught me. She broke down and cried and blamed herself for not being a good parent.”

            I couldn’t compose my face. Principal Kim Joanne is not an ordinary mother, she’s influential and intelligent. But why would she move away only because of that. What kind of mother would move away from her son?

            “Are you afraid of my company now?” He asked when I grew silent.

            “Why will I be?” My voice shook slightly but I tried my best smile. “You’ve changed now anyway. The present is what matters.”

            “I have regretted it though. It was a hard time. I tried to stop her, I begged her. I know my father is disappointed too. How long I’ve wanted to prove to her I didn’t do it again. But she considers the girls and parties as well. Now I think is the best time that she’ll believe me.”

            “Does she talk to you now?”

            “Yes she does. But she seems… distant… afraid that I might break and do those things all over again. She’s a mother but then sometimes it seems like she doesn’t exists as a mother to me.”

                                  ∞

            When I went back home, my father was just preparing lunch. I walked inside the house not anymore dripping but my clothes were still wet. He smiled with a mug of coffee in his hand.

            “Jaejoong called you right? Or at least gave you a text message that we’re fine?” I asked sarcastically.

            “How did you know?”

            I could smell the Banchan soup from across the living room. “Because you two are more than buddies.” I gave my father a quick peck on his shaved cheek.

            Today the fight was totally forgotten. But why do I get the intuition that sometime I might loose Jaejoong? Sometime it was all going to end?