§Watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBjXuPrstxw

It can’t be. Siwon.

        He has someone with him, I was familiarized by that hair, and it was Stella Kim, an alumni. Siwon was back from Germany, and he was holding Stella’s hand across the table. My heart made a thudding sound. Jaejoong suddenly stopped at a joke that I missed. He followed my view.  My eyes fell to the table, by then the meal was served.

        Jaejoong was scrutinizing me, it made me gradually uncomfortable. I blushed red. Here I am with Jaejoong, when my first love was having a real date right in front of me.

        Jaejoong laughed out loud, three tables, except Siwon and his date, craned their neck to watch us. I almost jumped by the sound of Jaejoong’s voice. “Yah So Eun,” He smiled menacingly. “You look like someone beat you up.”

        I scowled at him. “Quiet Jaejoong, have you forgotten your manners?” I took my fork to stab the pepper-diced steak and cut it ferociously. I haven’t eaten breakfast, although I know that the sight of Siwon makes me nauseous, my stomach was growling. I binged the steak ravenously, stuck a huge cut inside my mouth.

        Jaejoong laughed again, but softly this time. “Look who has forgotten her manners. Is that how you deal with heartbreak? You indulge on food?”

        “How could you say I’m heartbroken?” I said with my mouth full.

        “Judging the way you looked moments ago, it’s not hard to say if a girl is jealous,” He leaned a little closer. “Years of experience.” He bragged.

         My face was gloomy, and I could feel it. My chest was heavy. I took another big slice of meat and swallowed it after a few gnaw. Then cut another. Jaejoong’s eyes are wide with shock, his lips is amused. I thought he would be teasing me but his eyes fell to his own meal. He sliced his roast beef and ate a huge slice. We both have our mouths full. He laughed, seeing how funny he appears, I gave a hearty laugh too. Then we were both laughing hard like idiots. A waiter passed and smiled at us.      

        “You like Siwon, do you?” It wasn’t a question.

         “Liked. That was way before grade school.” I lied after swallowing the meat.

         “You see Stella? She’s my ex. And here she is at the back of me with another guy. But I’m no longer concern.”

          How will he be concern? He treats girls like crap.

          I raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m not like you. Siwon is my first love.” I was aghast that I confessed this to him. He looked away rapidly, like I said something too heavy for him to handle.

         “Same thing here let me break it down for you. I broke up with Stella because she couldn’t fulfill my expectations.”

         “Siwon and I were never together. It was only me who liked him.”

          “I know.”

          “Are you saying that I couldn’t fulfill Siwon’s expectations?” I asked brusquely.

           “Yes.” He smiled, and then it was harder to breathe when he shows his hidden dimple.

           “Eh?” Was all I managed to say.

           “Meaning, you couldn’t fulfill his, but you could fulfill someone’s greater expectation.” He seems sincere. “Now, could you please stop pouting and eat? But don’t binge or else you’ll be obese. You’re scary when you devour.”

           We ate in comfy silence, but with Jaejoong checking on me every afterward. I think he’s expecting me to cry. But somehow he comforted me enough not to fall apart. When we were done, the waiters took our plates and replaced it with blueberry cheese cake and milkshakes.

          “Okay, enough with the heavy, emo.” He took the chili powder with his slender pale finger. “You want to have fun?” He asked, but he wasn’t waiting for my response. He’s entertained. “This is super hot Brazilian chili, two spoonfuls of this would make you ran towards the bathroom to… well, you know.”

           “You’d put that in the cheesecake?” I wheezed. I took note when he said ‘try something exciting’.

            “No nerd, I devised an evil plan.” He leaned across the table toward me. I leaned too. “I’ll place this to Siwon and Stella’s food, and let’s see what happens next.”

            “What? No way, and how will you do that without being seen?” This is exciting; I feel adrenaline pulse through my veins. I have never violated the law before. He took in my anticipation.

            “I’ll pay a waiter to pull the food cart and slow down in front of them. I’ll be niggling behind him.” With that, he rose to his seat. I chuckled to myself.

             I saw him near a waiter at the exact time Siwon rose up heading for the comfort room. Jaejoong was fast, the cart was suddenly being pushed, nearing innocent Stella’s table while she was texting. Whatever amount he gave, I suspect it’s big when the waiter quickly agreed. I was laughing to myself when he crouched behind the cart immediately, then stretched his long muscular arm and sprinkled vast amount of chilies to both plate of grilled spare ribs. Then acting imperturbably, he rose up and pretended to walk simply. He round the corner and sat back, laughing wickedly. I laughed with him too. He slightly turned his chair enough to see Siwon return. We watched while chuckling as Siwon took a bite of his meat. Stella did too and they ate while talking, but drank more water every now and then.

            Progressively, Siwon placed his hand to his stomach, but he ignored it. Later, Stella did too and rose up to excuse herself. Siwon started to cross his legs and bend down. Jaejoong and I laughed again more loudly this time. My stomach and my mouth started to hurt in rejoice. Siwon turned to look at us, his eyes narrowed.

            Swiftly Jaejoong took my hand and ran us off out. We were still laughing and breathing heavily as we got out. He was still taking my hand when he settled me to his car. He put his seatbelt and drove the way to the street. We were only smiling now.

            “That was close.” I remarked.

             “Real close.” He’s full attention was at my face, maybe to my dimple.

              “So where are we now going?” I sigh, feeling more comfortable to his car.

              “I’ll take you to the mall.”

              “You’re not going to pamper me are you?” I asked quickly nervous. Nothing scares me than beauty saloons or nail spas.

              “No, you already look perfect. We’ll just have fun, you’ll see.”

              “I thought I was the one who’s supposed to make you happy?” I asked hesitating, remembering his threat.

               “You’re making me happy in this way.” He smiled crookedly. I smiled in relief. He asked me basic questions after like what my favorite color is. This is the first time that the wall between us was smashed down. When I said blue, it was his too. He asked my favorite food; kimchi, hobbies; books and photography and asked if I ever dated anyone before. I said none to his amazement. “So this is your first date?”

                “Obviously.”

                He smiled conceitedly while eyes on the road. I wonder why he’s so interested in questions like this then dispelled my thoughts since he’d done this with all his girls. He shared his interests too, and this time, I listened to him intently, hearing every single word.

                He parked at the parking lot overlooking the beautiful bay, and gentlemanly opened my door again.

                I breathed in the smell of fresh bay air and stretched my arms as the wind swirled around my hair. Jaejoong was staring at me his hands on his pocket, smirking.

                “What?”

                “You’re having your moment there, could we please go inside?”

                 “If that’s what you want, sir.” This was the second time of me being cheerful with him naturally. He smiled back fascinated.  

                 We went in the mall and lingered to every boutique. Jaejoong told me his taste in fashion, and I realized that he was more of the simple and formal or casual type. We played around the Armani boutique; I was trying on boy’s jacket and jesting around. This was relaxing somehow, if it wasn’t under a threat, I was finally enjoying Jaejoong’s company.

                In the next boutique, we played around mascaras and wigs. I played with a mustache while Jaejoong tried the angel halo. A saleslady asked to take a picture of us and said we look cute for an advertisement of their store. Jaejoong quickly agreed and we posed impishly. After this, I accidentally broke a small vase, humiliated and blushing; Jaejoong preserved me and paid it right away. The saleslady was extremely more than happy.

               We entered the prestigious store of Prada, I being careful this time; while scanning a few racks of clothes Jaejoong wore a dress to my astonishment. I took pictures of him with my phone in which he tried to grab, I turned my back while he wrapped his arms around me to take it, he deleted it with his arms up, and he’s too tall for me to reach. The salesladies were giggling at us but I didn’t care, and so did Jaejoong.

             Jaejoong told me a story about how his goldfish died because he poured vinegar to its fishbowl, thinking it was water. We were both laughing as he held my hand, but I didn’t perceived it much, I just knew there was something warm in my hand. Subsequently I saw a black grand piano locked with security hooks. I unclasped from Jaejoong and walked towards it. I unhooked a loop.

             “Yah, So Eun, that’s off limits.” I heard him, but every time I see a piano, I couldn’t help myself but touch it, and play it. I sat at the chair and lifted the plate. I caressed the shiny keys and proficiently played the piece of Mozart; Requiem in piano tune.

             A guard tried to come for me but I heard Jaejoong impeded him. Soon Jaejoong sat beside me; I scooted to make space, but didn’t stop playing. When I was done, I glance up at Jaejoong. His eyes were glassy, holding back tears.

             “Hey,” I said soothingly. He smiled at me, the crocked way.

            “My Dad use to play that to me before he died.” He said honestly. Automatically I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. He amazingly look like an angel

           “My Mom did too,” Then people started to take pictures of us. Jaejoong stood up and took my hand. I let him take it again, never minding rational thinking.

           It was already early dusk when we headed outside the bay, and Jaejoong told me the story about his Dad. He passed away when he was seven years old because of leukemia. His mother was in despair, not speaking to him for a week. For the first time, he felt alone, and until now he’s still feeling it.   He wasn’t looking at me when he was narrating; he just held my hand tightly. For once I felt like it was a different Jaejoong speaking to me genuinely. No more the bad-mannered, egoistic and self-centered. And for once, I felt sympathy for him.

          There was a flower stand along the way, and Jaejoong paused to look at me, satisfied by my reaction, he bought a red rose bouquet. I don’t like gifts, but I haven’t said that to him and so I tried to be happy and accept it.

          We paused at the concrete railing in front his car. As the waves crashed smoothly by the border, I listened to Jaejoong recalling his memories with his dad; star-gazing, ball games, and biking. Memories that seem utterly normal to children, but unexpectedly, they were all taken away from him.

           He drove me home contentedly silent. He convinced me to have dinner, but I gently refused. I remembered him paying for the broken vase. When we reach my house, he smiled at me and wished me goodnight, I did the same, smiling at him politely and exceedingly thanking him.

          As I walk slowly for the door, There are things I realized that although my heart ached for Siwon, Jaejoong at least made it better. I knew I learned two things today but wasn’t absolutely sure.  First, Jaejoong in some ways has a kind heart within. Second, being with him wasn’t so bad. I started to feel light headed; my heart is beating excruciatingly fast.

           I like him; I admitted to myself then halted to smell the flowers.