I followed Jaejoong with shaking feet and was still utterly dazed. He led me to his room which I have seen the gigantic telescope perfect for star gazing. It smelled a concentrated scent of him and his breath, like how close we were earlier. It is almost twilight in his glass window. He stopped to turn at me.

            “I’ll just change, go ahead and suit your self.” He tilted his head to the side and shot a look at his personal living room. I sat down on his comfortable couch. He went directly to his bathroom.

            I wonder if he had taken any girl inside his room to breathe in his oceanic scent like how I was enjoying myself now. My wandering gaze landed in his bed, and I quickly shook my head for where it had travelled.

            After a few minutes, Jaejoong went out his bathroom stunningly clothed in a black casual shirt and blue jeans. His hair was tousled in straight spikes as he combed it with his hand; he’s perfect to be a runway model. He looked at the sky outside and gazed at me.

            “It’s almost six, so I guess the first star is about to show up.” He grinned, lightening his remote pale white face. Jaejoong is so white, almost ashen, and almost whiter than human bones. He took the gigantic telescope with its tripod in his arms easily and turned to me. “Could you help me out and open the glass door?”

            I stood up and opened the glass door of the balcony just as he ordered. We both stepped outside and he placed the telescope in place to overlook the sky. The balcony was filled with plants in pots, and veins in its wall and railing. The sight beneath it was the wide lawn maze, the bridge across a man-made river and the fountain in the middle of the front of the mansion, exceeding the lawn was a wide spaced forest and woods. I wonder how big the land that surrounds this mansion is.

            Jaejoong sat at the railing which seems dangerous because even his room is only at the second floor, it was high enough. I leaned beside him as we both faced the view.

            “We’ll just have to wait okay?” He sound excited. I looked at his enthusiastic eyes and tried to match them.

            “Is your room public scenery?” I asked curiously.

            “Do you really still suspect me of being a playboy?” His eyebrows were pulled but he sound amused.

            “No, but you seem to allow me unhesitant. I thought you were used to people entering it.” I gazed at the scenery. It was a beautiful view to paint.

            “You are the first girl to enter my room.” He was staring at me absorbedly. I met his gaze, satisfied that it seems sincere enough; I looked back at the scenery.

            “Hasn’t Junsu or Yuchun entered your room?” I asked now meeting again his gaze that sent electricity under my skin.

            “They have, of course.” He shrugs lightly. The setting sun illuminated his pale face as a farewell. We watched in silent as the sky blued the night.

            “There it is! The first star.” He exclaimed and pointed a bright and luminous star at our east. It was incandescent, just like Jaejoong’s face. He turned to hop down and take the telescope. He fixed its navigation keys and peeked inside the lens. “Whoa! It’s more beautiful tonight.”

            He looked up at me and motioned for me to peek. He move away and let me peek inside the lens. No doubt, the first star was really beautiful up-close.

            “It’s amazingly bright.” I exclaimed and contentedly leaned back against the railing as Jaejoong measured my face eagerly. I smiled assuring him I enjoyed it too. Then the lights of his house flickered, tracing each side of the mansion like a drawing. It matched the sparkle of the first star.

            Even without the telescope, the first star was bright enough to expose itself and its surprising luminosity to us. I took out my camera from my pocket and took a picture of it.

            Jaejoong hopped up again at the railing, but this time, he patted the railing beside him. I hesitated to look down at the height but hopped up as he took my hand to help me. My heart drummed fast erratically, I hope I wasn’t blushing. I scooted beside him.

            “You know why I like to share this view with you?” He raised an eyebrow, appalled by a sudden memory.

            “Because I threw up inside your car?” I said trying to lighten the mood, and eventually ease his sadness.

            It worked, he smiled his devastating smile. “No,” He shook his head wildly; the wind blew his straight brown hair. “My dad use to view the first star with me every six pm. When he was confined in the hospital with leukemia, I was left at home and I viewed it myself. When he died, I stopped star gazing.”

            He looks at me cautious at my expression. Satisfied that it was all curiosity, he continued. “When we—I, kissed you,” He looked back again, but I was staring at the first star. “I thought I saw the first star again, right there in your innocent eyes.” I met his gaze and felt an internal shudder.

            “I never really liked you So Eun.” He continued again, back at the first star. His eyes were sparkling with amusement. “Since we were kindergarten, you were always the smart and reserved girl. I never saw any emotion from your face, almost stoic, except well, when you blush. That’s my favorite since then, since I met you.”

            “When my father died, I could never hide my emotion even in front of people, which was worse. But when I look at you; never worried neither angry even if I always try to fight you off. I felt envious. I thought I was such a coward.” He looked embarrassed now. “When your mother died, you were the perfect remoteness I wish I could be. I got mad at myself.”

            “But you perfectly give yourself in, every time you blush.” He smiled smugly. “You were the only girl who can never be fooled with. And I was right, it lasted for years. You never entertained boys who were dying to see your rare blush. I was lucky I had the pleasure.”

            “No they don’t.” I argued. He laughed softly, and it echoed in the wide space dusk, like chimes of small clear bells.

            “Oh, well you don’t know how your admirers really think about you.” He peeked at me frustrated. “From the start, I knew you were the girl I could never fool. By then when we grew up, I was so curious at the same time, frustrated, why you never were dazzled by me.”

            “Oh, I am always is.” I blushed.

            He smiled angelically. “But when I grew up, my reputation is always the matter.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “I was given the job of an incorporation heir by the age of fourteen. I represent my company around the world; I go to countries and advertise my company and possessions.” His eyes held disappointment and despise. “I binge, just like you,” He steals a look at me. “But not on food. I binge on F1 races, mountain climbing, and cliff diving and motorcycle races. I do those things to check if I’m still alive.” He was conceited even though I was horrified. These were the dangers he get into, and still was very proud of him self. Unbelievable.

            “I am changing for you, So Eun. Like I told you before, I’ll always try to prove you wrong.” He was staring at me mesmerizingly. I was suppressing a gasp.

            “I don’t know, Jae.” It was the first time I called him his nickname. Only his closest friend calls him that, or his closest relatives. I glance at him, but he doesn’t seem bothered. “I know you are changing. I can see. But I’m afraid.”

            “I know and I could be patient. I know you were deceived by my reputation as not loyal. I’m a man too; I am searching for the right person. But now, I am one hundred and one percent sure I have found her. She was just around all the time.” He looked at me with his smoldering bronze eyes, penetrating yet again. “You were the only one who made my heart beat at last.”

            “I’ve thought about that too. But that’s not what makes me afraid.” I looked at him through my lashes. He was stunned suddenly.

            Unconsciously, he drew his hand to my cheek and deliberately caressed it. My blood was pulsing fast in my veins, hoping I could stop my beating, and stop this moment. I was so used to his non-contact rules, that this simple gesture really shocked me.

I gazed at his eyes for a long moment. “What is it you’re afraid of then?” His breath was so close to my nose. It was the delicious strange combination of ocean and mint. I leaned in just a little, to inhale more.

            I was dazed at myself. “I’m afraid of the feeling of losing,” I hesitated. He smiled encouragingly as his hands took my palm and traced it warmly with his finger. “When my mother died, I was seven by then, but you were eight.” I thought about my being the youngest in our class. “I felt the loss so overwhelmingly. I never really thought she’ll go; she even played the piano to me. Remember Requiem?” I raised an eyebrow at him. He half-smiled, remembering too, our first date.

            “That’s what she played before she left, exactly the next day she passed away. The pain was excruciating, I could hardly stand up and get up each morning. I never shed a tear though, which my aunts thought was weird.” I breathe in the relaxing breeze. “Although I love Siwon,” Jaejoong stopped doodle ling my hand by then, and he was abruptly gripping my hand quite harshly. His eyebrows were pulled so I gazed at him keenly. His hand softened and he glanced up at me, face composed now.

            “Although I once loved Siwon,” I rephrased, he smiled mockingly. “I never had this fear of losing him. I lost him once, but he was never really mine to loose. Yours was different. I always feared that maybe you’ll vanish like a mirage. I am nothing compared to you.” Anxiously, I glance at him and meet understanding and warm eyes.

            “You are everything above me. You don’t know how complicated it is to win your heart.” He smiled my favorite smile. “I am still courting you, remember?” He was honest; we never had placed labels about what’s going on between us. But we are happy now, that’s what matters. “You don’t know how many guys you’ve left heartbroken.” He was smug again.

            “How come you know so much?”

            “I maybe lazy, but I study— another thing you’re unaware of.” His eyes were light then turned serious. “You don’t have to fear of me leaving you. I won’t.” He was sincere now, holding my eyes with his. I looked at the stars now cascading the sky, but the first star was still brighter. He followed my gaze.

            It would take forces to separate us now. I pursed my lips. “How did you know you were my first kiss?” I asked tentatively. His eyes were warm.

            “It was so easy to find out.” He smiled to show his perfect white teeth.

            “How?” I persisted.

            He his lower lip. I’ve known this expression of his. It’s his expression of thinking harder. He had done this since he was a boy, I can’t remember its very last. “You didn’t respond.”

            “Oh,” I murmured and blushed red.

            He took my palm again and doodled at it. After an immeasurable time, I spoke quietly. “Before, er— before the kiss, I was afraid of talking to you before, like how I can talk now.” He looked at me gently. “There was an aura in you, of being above everyone else that makes me very intimidated. And then when you’re aloof,” I viciously shook my head. “No one could stand up to you.”

            He looked at me from the corner of his eyes. “It was harder to talk to you, or even be close to you than you could imagine yourself. So when I got close to you, it was a first time of such closeness.” He grinned impishly.

            “I had a lot of first times with you too.” I admitted sheepishly. “Like I never had hysterics, but when I saw our poster, it was irrational and depressing to get mad.”

            “I remembered,” He smiled crookedly. “When you try to be mad but you just end up looking more frightening.” He laughed louder than I’ve ever heard him laugh; he covered his mouth with both of our hands. I laughed too.

            “And then the first time I drunk,” I mumbled yet he heard. He was grave now, more serious than he ever was. He stopped doodling at my hand then he took my chin.

            “Promise me you’ll never do it again.” He pierced while his eyes flashed concern and agony. “I regret myself from taking you there. If only you saw how you looked while you were drunk. You scared me like hell.”

            I could smell his perfume more addicting now. “But I already did swear.” I protested while he held very still my chin. He relaxed to smile and let freed me. I wasn’t yet used to his gestures, every time he does it, my heart was thudding and my breathing turns ragged.

            We sat in silence again. “I had a lot of first time with you too,” He half-smiled. “Like how you made me feel. It was different, something I have never felt before. The first time, at the game of Seven Minutes in Heaven, it was very childish. But when I kissed you, my heart just stopped and I couldn’t sleep after. You completely changed how I think about women.”

            “So you’ve kissed before right?” I asked trying to appear casual; I didn’t look at his eyes.

            He didn’t answer right away; he inhaled deeply and stared at me in my peripheral view. “Yes,” He breathes out. I faced him expressionless. He takes in my face. “But yours was different. It was real. I spent my night studying, trying to impress you. It was the silliest first time I’ve ever had.”

            I smiled at him now, and we gazed at each other's eyes for minutes. Suddenly, my phone rang. I look at Jae and his eyes held an unsurprised look. I looked at the caller ID fixedly and found it was Dad.

            “Dad,” I hear surprise in my voice.

            “So Eun, go home now this instant!” Dad yelled through the phone. I flinched and stared at Jaejoong. He was completely calm and he smiled then looked away quickly.

            “Dad don’t you want to hear my explanations?” I bargained.

            “No, I want you here now, this very instant.” I swallowed an invisible lump at my throat and saw Jaejoong choking back a laugh as if he’d heard everything. 

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Sorry I had posted a doubled chapter... haha there's something wrong with my computer last night, I guess. It's fixed now :D

                                          So Eun + Jaejoong

                                                  SoJoong