Later that evening, after helping Chaeri with her tooth-brushing and slipping her into her pair of bunny pajamas – Hyukjae Oppa in charge of tucking her to bed again – I take a shower and put on a fresh oversized t-shirt, finishing the look with a pair of grey pajama pants.

Hyukjae Oppa is already sprawled out on the bed, laying on his stomach, half of his face buried into the pillow under his head when I walk into the guest’s bedroom we’re staying the night in. His arms are folded around his pillow and I hear the sound of his light snores. I walk over to the bed slowly on the tips of my toes, not wanting to wake him up, and carefully sit myself on the edge of the bed. The sight of his slightly opened mouth makes me smile – it’s just so adorable and endearing – and I can’t resist the urge to lean down and drop a kiss onto his temple.

Then, straightening my upper body and giving his dark hair a few gentle , I pick my phone up from the bedside table and read the message I received earlier this evening.

From: Cho Kyuhyun

Okay, let’s talk. Monday, lunch hour. At the usual.

I’m alright. Take care Nayoung

I sigh at the brusqueness of his message, mentally replaying my careful reply to him. Instead of asking are you really alright? you don’t sound like yourself – because that’s what I really want to say to him – my reply was Glad that you’re alright. Monday, lunch hour, that is. Take care, Kyu.

I give my screen phone another glance. He was calling me Nayoung, not Nana. Kyuhyun has never been so distant to me before.

Shaking my head to clear the jumbled thoughts, I put my phone back onto the bedside table, standing up to get myself a glass of water. If I want a good sleep, I figure I’ll have to be calm and composed. And if I want to be calm and composed, I need to drink water firsthand to get rid of those thoughts.

Quietly, I slip out of the room into the wide hallway, passing Chaeri’s bedroom on my way to the kitchen. I am stifling a yawn with the back of my hand when I hear an indistinct noise from the direction of Chaeri’s room. Stopping short, I turn my head and listen closely to the sound. It sounds more like a whimpering noise the closer I walk to her door. Fear grips at my heart suddenly and before I can think of anything, I reach out to twist the knob to her door.

The light from the foyer spills into the dark bedroom, and as I open the door wider, I hear a very distinct noise of small sobs.

“Chaeri?” I call softly, not wanting to surprise her, as I put the lights on. The sight surprises me instead. I see with my eyes and mouth wide opened, Chaeri sobbing quietly twin rivers of tears on the bed. Her small body is hunched over and she is hugging her knees for life. “Oh my God, Chaeri,” I take long strides to her direction, pulling her into my arms and rubbing her back gently. “Sweety, what happened?”

Her face is so red and her eyes are swollen. When she speaks her words are almost incoherent between her sobs, “I-I wanted t-to, pee. I-I woke up a-and my room was s-so, so... d-dark.” She manages to explain, burying her face into one of my arms so her voice is a little stifled.

Understanding what she means, I hug her tighter and whisper soothing words to her hair. She’s afraid of dark, I know that much now, and probably Hyukjae Oppa has put the lights out when she’s fallen asleep before he got out of the room. When she woke up wanting to pee, she was startled to find that her room was dark. Poor kid is trembling now.

“It’s alright, sweety. It’s alright. The light’s on now.” I pull away just a little to look at her face, still as red as a boiled crab, as I wipe the tears away with my thumbs. “It’s okay. I’m here with you now, and the light is on.” She nods, but her bottom lip is still trembling slightly. “You okay now, dear?” she nods again. “Still want to pee?” a shook of her head. “Okay,” I take a deep breath, trying to find a way to calm her down. Then, deciding it would be good to get something warm into her system, I offer with a smile, “Do you want me to make you a warm glass of milk?”

Pausing as she stares at me with tear filled eyes, she nods slowly. I nod back at her and stand up, telling her to wait for a moment, but one of her small hands catches my pant clad leg. I look down at her in confusion until realization hit me.

She, of course, doesn’t want to be alone after waking up to her biggest fear. The sight of her little fist clutching the fabric of my pajama pants melts my heart. With a smile I take her hand in my bigger one, giving it a small squeeze briefly and walking to the kitchen side by side with the abnormally quiet little girl.

Chaeri is sitting on one of the chairs at the dining table when I’ve just done warming up the milk for her. She stretches out her small arms to welcome the milk from my hands. I sit down on the chair across from her, watching as she takes a sip from her glass. She looks so small sitting on a regular seat, her chin just makes it past the surface of the dining table.

“Feeling better?” I ask her softly, propping my elbow on the table.

She nods slowly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

She just stares at me for a few seconds before asking softly, “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I was feeling thristy and I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, but on my way I passed your room and...” I heard your sobs. I watch as Chaeri bites her lip, her head lowered slightly. I decide to leave out that part. “And I figured not all people like... to sleep in darkness.”

“I feel like my dolls are watching me when I sleep in darkness.” She tells me.

I smile at her. “I got that feeling too when I was younger.”

Her eyes light up a little. “Really?”

“Yes. I always slept with my lights on until I was 15.”

Then she’s staring at me again, her big eyes sparkling against the lights on the ceiling. Sometimes I wonder what she’s thinking about when she stares at me like that.

“You’re so pretty.” She says suddenly.

“Ah,” blinking a few times, I feel myself blush slightly. “Um, thank you. You’re so pretty, too.”

“And I like your hair,” she decides a few seconds later. “Oppa has never brought a girlfriend before.”

“Never?”

“Never.” She shakes her head cutely. I find myself smiling at this. “Except for Seyoon Eonni.”

And my smile immediately drops. “Seyoon Eonni?”

“Hmm, Seyoon Eonni.” She smiles brightly, her legs dangling off the edge of her seat and swinging back and forth. “She gave me Barbie clothes the last time I met her. She said she made them herself. She likes to draw clothes and dresses and then show it to me. They’re so pretty. Oh! And she made me a dress for my birthday party last year. Do you want to see it?”

“Um, of course. That’d be great.” Chaeri is starting to blabber again, but as much as I love the fact that she’s opening up to me, I feel the need to ask one question. “Who is Seyeon Eonni?”

“Hyukjae Oppa said she was a designer. I don’t really know what a designer is but he said she makes clothes and sell it to people. She’s so pretty. She often spends Christmas and New Years in our house in Seattle.” She explains, grinning, “You should come to our house in Seattle. It’s so big. And we have a dog there. A big one, not a puppy. But he’s cute. His name is Cherry.”

“A big, male dog named Cherry?”

“I know, it’s cute!” she giggles loudly. “I named him that. I want his name similar to mine. Chaeri and Cherry.”

“Alright,” I smile at her, wondering why small kids have problems with staying focused on one question. “So, is Seyoon Eonni... Hyukjae Oppa’s girlfriend girlfriend or just... a girl friend?”

Chaeri tilts her head. “Girlfriend girlfriend?”

“Yeah, like in, uh, an exclusive relationship with him?”

She blinks as if amazed. “What is exclusive?”

“Uh, exclusive means special.”

“Special?” she smiles. “My teacher told me that she’s going to award special kids in my class with golden stars. She gave me a golden star yesterday. Does it mean I’m elusive?”

I can’t help but smile at the amount of distractions in her head. “It’s exclusive, honey.”

She giggles, her eyes big and happy. “Does it mean I’m exclusive?”

Hyukjae Oppa pokes his head a few hours later into Chaeri’s bedroom. “You weren’t in bed,” he murmurs sleepily, rubbing his eyes, as he walks over to me. I am sitting on the edge of Chaeri’s bed, still her hair gently, watching as he scratches the back of his head.

I put my index finger on my lips. “She’s just fallen asleep.” I tell him in a whisper. He frowns.

“Just fallen asleep?”

I nod, standing up slowly from the bed and pull him out of her room with me. I close the door behind me quietly. “She woke up in the middle of the night finding her room dark.” I say to him. “She’s afraid of dark.”

Hyukjae Oppa’s eyes widen. “I... put the lights out.”

I take his hand. “You didn’t know.”

“Oh my God. I knew. I just... I forgot.” He shakes his head. “How was she?”

“She’s okay, just a little startled.”

“When did she wake up?” he asks, inspecting my eyes and running his thumb on the skin under my eyes. “Have you slept at all?”

“She woke up around eleven, I guess.”

“And you haven’t slept since?” I shake my head. He smiles at me and pulls me into his arms. “You should’ve woke me up, baby. Why didn’t you?”

“You looked so tired. And I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.”

“I don’t have the heart to keep you awake all night just because I forgot Chaeri’s fear of dark.” He pulls away to see my face. “Thank you.”

“It’s okay.” I tell him. “I’m trying.”

“And you did great.”

“Who’s Seyoon?”

Hyukjae Oppa blinks. “What?”

“Seyoon. The beautiful designer. Who is she?”

Hyukjae Oppa frowns for a moment, then smirks. “Had a little girl talk with my niece?”

“Yes.”

“About what, exactly?”

I purse my lips. “It’s a confidential girl talk information.”

“Ooh,” he teases.

“What?” I narrow my eyes at him. “Who’s Seyoon?”

“Im Seyoon is a beautiful designer,” he grins at my scowl. “Who made your dress for your birthday party last year.”

My eyebrows furrow. “The dress for my birthday party last year?”

He nods. “The peach one.”

“How did you...?” I feel the blood leave my face as something clicks in my head. “You have the photo of me in it. As the screensaver for your phone.”

“Bingo.” He taps my forehead lightly.

“Oh my God,” I bring a hand to cover my mouth. “It was from you?”

“Did you like it?”

He can’t be serious. “But it was... you didn’t...”

“Nana,” he tucks a few strands of hair behind my ear. “I never really left you. And your brother helped me a lot with that.”

“I...” I feel my eyes fill quickly. “It isn’t the only picture, is it? Is... is that why Daeyoung Oppa always snapped me polaroid pictures? On every event... every...”

“Your birthdays, your graduations, the family dinners. He sent your pictures, Nana, every single month in six years, to me.”

I can’t feel my jaw anymore, I think it’s dropped somewhere on the floor. I knew I shouldn’t have believed him when Daeyoung Oppa said he suddenly had this new photography obsession. When he suddenly snapped so many pictures of me. God, I feel like an idiot now.

Hyukjae Oppa places his hands on my shoulders. “I never want to miss out any important moment in your life. Not when I plan on coming back into it.”

“Oh God,” The dam breaks and tears run freely from my eyes. “Why did you... Why didn’t you... Oh my God I don’t know what to say.”

He looks at me worriedly. “Just say that you’re not angry that I’ve been stalking your life?”

“Oh my God,” I don’t know why I keep saying that. “Lee Hyukjae you’re so full of surprises. You’re full of sweet, heart-wrenching surprises.”

He smiles in relief. “Cute compliment.”

“Where do you keep those pictures?”

“In my old phone, backed up in my laptops. Anyways is my phone still with you?”

“The silver one?”

“Yes.”

“It’s in my purse,” I feel like a complete idiot smiling after crying like a baby. “Can I see it now?”

“No.” I pout at his stern answer. “Sleep, Nana. It’s now 4 am and you haven’t even slept a blink.”

I blow my hair from my face. “Fine, Dad.” I giggle when he pokes my waist in protest. “Can I see it when I wake up, then?”

“Yes, you can.” He takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom. “Now let’s get some sleep. Something tells me you won’t get any when a chirping five-year-old is awake.”