“They... did they just...”

“Oh my God,”

“Who was that?”

“Don’t tell me it was LJS’s President.”

“Oh! They’re having an affair?”

Badly concealed whispers snap me back into reality. I blink at the sight of the white Audi that wheels out of Kangsan’s Building area, becoming fully aware of the murmuring voices. I sigh. I should've known that letting him drive me here wouldn't be entirely a great idea.

“I think I missed something here. Can you enlighten me about it?”

I turn around slowly, only to meet a crossing-arms Jinhee with her fingers drumming on her arm impatiently. Her stare is abnormally intimidating.

“Jinhee-”

“Stop. Explain about it when we’re inside the elevator. We don’t want your private life to be consumed publicly on the office’s announcement board.” A group of girls jump a little at Jinhee’s glare, before pretending to look elsewhere to make a point that they haven't been trying to overhear us.

Before I can even reply, she drags me toward the elevator and closes the double doors immediately. A middle aged woman looks infuriated when Jinhee refuses to hold the doors open for her. Jinhee turns to me.

“Now, little missy, talk.”

I glance at her. “Jinhee-”

“Oh no dear, don’t start with that look. I demand you to talk now. It was President Lee that drove you here and kissed you and you haven’t even mentioned a thing about him to me.” Jinhee speaks in one breath, before she’s back to crossing her arms like a furious calculus teacher and I'm the cheating student. “When did it start?”

“What?”

“You with him!” her tone almost makes me take a step back. God, she’s so unnerving sometimes.

I frown. When did it start? Last night? Eight years ago?

I find myself murmuring, “We had a past.”

The crease between her brows deepens. “A past? You and President Lee?”

“Yes.”

Jinhee blinks. “Was he... your last boyfriend?”

He was my only boyfriend. “Yes.”

“The one that left...” she doesn’t finish off her sentence.

I remember I’ve shared my story about Hyukjae Oppa to Jinhee a few years back when we’re in our sophomore year at college. We were talking about her ex but as the time went by with her weeping her eyes out at her apartment, the conversation was shifted to my ex. My only ex. I told her our story but I didn’t intend to tell her his identity. I thought it would only hurt me further to remember him.

But then I was more opening up to Kyuhyun. I told him who my past was. I told him what my stories were. I told him how we started the relationship and how it ended so badly it hurt. Cho Kyuhyun just has the power to pull the words out of me even when I knew that talking about Hyukjae Oppa would only make me cry.

I swallow past the lump forming in my throat. It’s over. My cries and pains are over. Hyukjae Oppa was just here holding my hands and kissing away my worries. He’s back here again. I don’t need bad reveries to remind me of those nightmares again.

“That’s why you ran away from the meeting room at the first meeting... Why didn’t you tell me it was him?”

“I...” my stomach knots.

“I ignored the sparks I felt between the two of you. It was so strong but thought I was just imagining things. I wasn’t.” Jinhee says. Her expression is one of the disbelief. “Are you now back with him? For good?”

I am forced to gulp down the lump again. “For good.” I hope we’re back together for good.

“Does Kyuhyun know about it?” Jinhee pauses. “He doesn’t, does he?”

“Kyuhyun knows Hyukjae Oppa is back,” I stop to see Jinhee snorting at the mention of ‘Hyukjae Oppa’. “But he doesn’t know we’re back together now. Not yet. And what’s with the scowl, Jinhee?”

“I don’t know if I should be happy about you rebounding your relationship with him.”

I take a second to take in what she just said. “What?”

“I mean, oh Kang Nayoung, look at you,” Jinhee runs her gaze up and down my form. “You’re gorgeous. Intelligent. Warm. Guys were ready to throw themselves at your feet but you hadn’t had yourself a boyfriend for the past 5 years because, what, you couldn’t move on from him? You only want him. Now that he’s back you’re back with him, and I should've been happy with that. But that’s just... I don’t know what happened with you and President Lee back then but I know he must have had hurt you in the past. I don’t-”

“What’s your point?” I breathe.

“I don’t think he deserves you.”

“Jinhee,” I lift my hand to stop her. I can’t bear to hear her putting Hyukjae Oppa down like that. “He was gorgeous. Smart. Well educated. He had the most charming smile you’ve ever seen. You said them yourself the first time you saw him. While actually, I think I’m nowhere near what you said about me. I’m clumsy, moody, I can’t control my feelings very well.”

Sometimes I think it’s me who doesn’t deserve him.

“Yes, I thought he was all that you’ve mentioned. Hell, he is all that. But then I find out he was the one who broke you down until you couldn’t move on even though you know someone as perfect as him, if not more, has been standing by you all this time.”

“Who?”

“I don’t need to tell you, Nayoung,” Jinhee groans. “Take a good look at your surrounding and you’ll always find Cho Kyuhyun soothing at you.”

Ding.

The elevator stops at my floor and I dash out of it. The whole conversation suffocates me and I need a breather.

“We’re not talking about it again, Jinhee.”

Cho Kyuhyun doesn’t like or love me that way and neither do I. However, it’s always the way around in her concept. I don’t even know why.

“What do I have to do to knock some sense into your head?” she stops, frustration can’t be mistaken in her tone. “I’ve been friends with Kyuhyun way longer than you have. I can differentiate his stare at me and at you. They are way too different I can’t help but notice. Kyuhyun has never been really good at controlling his temper. But when it comes to you, he always pushes away his hot head and stretches his arms to you all warm and gentle.”

“That’s because he’s my best guy friend,” I put my tone a little higher to match hers. “Jinhee, if Kyuhyun sees you had a past as bad as mine he would’ve done the same thing to you.”

“Yes maybe he would. But it’s two different things, Nayoung. The world knows it and maybe you’re the only one who doesn’t.”

“Jinhee please,” I shake my head and take a step back. Our quarrels have never been this intense. Never been this serious. And never been about Cho Kyuhyun having a thing this strong to me. “I was so happy this morning to find someone that has been only my dreams to sit beside me and smiling at me. I’m happy with Hyukjae Oppa, Jinhee. Can’t you tell?” I feel my throat closing down. “And can’t you be happy for me?”

Jinhee’s stare at me hardens. “I don’t know. I don’t feel it’s safe to give my friend away to someone that had hurt her.” My jaw begins to tremble. “Nayoung, I’ll try to be happy for you. I promise I will. But I don’t know if I can when I know there is someone who deserves you more.”

I grip onto my skirt. Hyukjae Oppa deserves me. How to make her realize that he really does?

“He broke you down once. I can’t guarantee he won’t do the same thing in the future.” Jinhee says, much softer this time yet it’s so much stronger than her words earlier. The last part of her words is like a stinging slap to me. “I feel unsafe because of that. You’re like a sister to me, Nayoung. I can’t bear to watch you break down once more. But I really hope you won’t. Just... think about it, okay?”

Getting stabbed in the chest would have been more bearable than this. I stare at the floor as Jinhee turns away for her office.

Yes he broke me down once. But he won’t do that again.

He won’t do that again. He won’t. He won’t.

He won’t... will he?

The rest of the day I can’t get the insecurity out of my head. Jinhee’s voice rings in my ears once in a while, distracting me from all the paperwork and everything. Jinhee hasn’t been talking to me. She doesn’t barge into my office to ask me join her lunch like she usually does. She doesn’t call or text me to tell me that she’s currently visiting an online shop and wants to order the whole thing she sees. She doesn’t talk to me at all.

And here I am, not understanding why she reacted the way she did. I want this relationship. I mean, it's only our first day. But I've been worked up with all these thoughts.

I was happy for getting another chance to be back together with Hyukjae Oppa. I want my best girl friend to be happy with it too and support me like she usually does. Seo Jinhee rarely tells me what she really doesn’t approve. But today, she did. And it was like a huge warning to me.

She feels insecure. What about me? I broke up with him when he said we’re over and I am back with him when he comes back to me. I do feel complete. But now that sounds wrong. It’s like it’s only me who needs him that desperately. He’s like oxygen to me. But what am I to him?

I look up when I hear a soft knock to my door. “Come in,”

Someone I haven’t expected shows up at the door. “Hey,”

“Hi,” I breathe at the sight of Lee Hyukjae smiling at me. It’s almost like air hasn’t been getting into my lungs properly before he’s here.

His smile falls so quickly after he studied my face. “What’s wrong?” He walks across the room to stand beside me. Turning my chair to his direction, he puts his fingers under my chin and tilts my head gently. “Why are you so pale?”

Am I? I shake my head. “Why come so suddenly? I thought you’ll be busy-”

“What is it, Nana?” he asks more sternly.

Those brown orbs begin pulling me into him again. The question bubbles up in my thought.

Have I fallen too far with him?

“Nana,”

“I ust... forgot my lunch, I guess...” I’m not entirely lying. I really did forget my lunch. But if there’s something that makes me pale, it doesn’t have anything to do with lunch. It’s the unanswered question that bothers me.

I try to look down, unable to stare straight into the brown stare, but Hyukjae Oppa firms his fingers under my chin. “You forgot your lunch?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

I look away. “Work was keeping me busy.”

I hear him restraining a hard breath. “Does it happen often?”

“What?”

“You forgetting your lunch.”

I look back up at him. His tone sounds strange. “Not really.”

Suddenly he pulls me until I’m standing on my feet. He closes his eyes briefly as he clamps his fingers tightly on both my arms. When he opens his eyes again they’re stern and serious. “Don’t miss your lunch again. You do remember you have an acute gastritis, right?”

“Yes, but-”

“No buts. Please tell me you won’t miss your meal anymore.”

I stare at him, confused at his overreaction. I mean, it was just a lunch. “Okay.”

“Gosh you scare me sometimes,” he loosens his fingers until he’s only holding my arms. “Remember when I brought you to the emergency unit because your gastric acted out on you?”

Of course I remember. I passed out on our date at Namsan Tower that night. Not a really good memory to keep.

A frown creases my brows. “But that was years ago.”

“It still scares the hell out of me.” he snaps. Then his eyes are softening again. “I’m bringing you to dinner,” he pauses. “Do you have other plans?”

“No.” A smile lifts the corners of my lips as I shake my head. “You're not busy?”

“I cleared my time off the paperworks tonight.” He runs his hands down my arms until he reaches my hands. He holds them gently. “I want you to meet someone. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Who?”

“Another amazing woman in my life.”

I think my smile falters when he answered it with a grin. Hyukjae Oppa stops to examine my face.

“You know what? It forms a V line here between your brows when you frown.” He leans forward to plant a kiss between my eyebrows. I can feel him smiling. “And it feels very soft to kiss.”

“Oppa,” I gasp, both in embarrassment and surprise. He really should stop doing this kind of gestures to me or I’ll be shooting up through the ceiling really soon. He laughs in amusement.

“Wipe that frown off your face. The woman we're going to meet is not what you think she is. You'll love her, I promise,” He intertwines my fingers through his. “And you'll love the dinner.”

I can almost picture the wide, stupid grin on my face. I just hope it doesn't look as lame as what I've thought it would be. I beam back at him and let him lead me to walk through the door to my office.