That afternoon, the sun was hiding behind some group of dark clouds. The wind was breezing violently against my skin, and the tiny drops of rain were starting to pour down – along with my tears.

As many times as I wiped the tears off my face, they wouldn’t stop. My breath got heavier and heavier every time I needed my oxygen. I closed my eyes, feeling the deathly coldness surrounding me. And the rain was becoming a downpour.

Oppa, did the sky cry for your leave, too?

“Nana-yah,”

I froze at the moment. Not because of the temperature that practically tried to kill every living creature in the park, but because I heard the voice that I longed to hear – calling my nickname softly.

“Nana-yah,” the voice called again. I bit my lip – a little too hard – not wanting to be disappointed if I would ever find his voice was merely an imagination.

But I tried gathering all the courage in me, closing my eyes.

It’s okay, Kang Nayoung. You’ve already lost him. There’s nothing more to lose if you turn around. My hands were trembling with hesitation. I took a deep breath. I just hope you would really be there, Oppa.

When I turned around and slowly opened my eyes, it was like the sun shines again. I found him. Standing there with an umbrella in his hold, he smiled down at me. “Why are you crying?”

Suddenly I felt my lips extremely dry when his warm fingers my cheek. If it was only my imagination, I’m sure it wouldn’t be this live. “O-Oppa, is that you?” I asked, slightly disbelieving what I saw.

“Of course it’s me.” He laughed with an amused expression. Usually, his laughs would be contagious to me. But not now. Not when I felt threatened that he had to leave.

I clutched onto my skirt. “You’re not leaving?”

“Why am I leaving?” he laughed even louder, his hand went up to ruffle my hair. Just like he used to.

“B-but didn’t you say you were-”

“Ssshh,” he tucked my hair behind my ear, making me fall into silence with his breath-taking smile. “I’m not leaving my baby girl. I’m here and will always be, with you.”

I stared at him, at his dark, sparkly brown eyes that I didn’t even realize the tears had started rolling down my cheeks again. But he did, and he wiped the tears away with the back of his index finger. I missed the wonderful feeling of tearing up in contentment.

“Nana-yah,” he stepped closer to me. “Do you trust me?”

Without any second thought, I nodded my head quickly and cried harder. I was too speechless to verbally respond for his question.  

He smiled even wider and pulled me into his warm, calming embrace. I savored the moment by hugging him back, tightening my arms around him to keep him close. How I missed his hugs, his heart-warming smiles, his soothing eyes... Now that I could feel his presence by my side, everything felt so complete and perfect.

“Thank you,” he whispered softly in my ear. “Thank you, Nana.”

I nodded my head and buried myself in his hug again, happy that eventually things can go as the way it did.

Thanks for you, too. Thanks for coming back, Hyukjae Oppa.

“Agasshi,” another voice – a vague one – called out, causing a frown to be noticeable in my face. When none of us responded, the voice called out again, now becoming clearer, “Agasshi,”

And then I felt Hyukjae Oppa pulling away from the hug. Afraid for losing him again, I reached for his hands when he stepped back slowly. “What’s wrong?” I asked, slightly sniffling.

But he didn’t answer me and kept on backing away. When it was his third step, he smiled his charming smile. The smile that used to make my cheeks flush, make my stomach filled with butterflies. But now it felt different. It felt like a great insecurity was creeping up to my chest.

 Before I could even ask another question, everything around me started vanishing out. I panicked. “O-Oppa, where are you go-”

“Agasshi,” the said voice kept ringing in my ear.

And Hyukjae Oppa kept on walking away from me. The cherry tree, the benches, the green grass – everything, continued disappearing. No. No. Please. No.

“Oppa,” my voice was barely heard, even for myself, as I started tearing up violently. Why was he stepping away? I wanted to chase for him so much, I wanted to catch up with his steps. But it felt like my feet were planted on the ground. “Oppa, please.”

As if he didn’t catch any glimpse of me crying for him, he turned his back to me. It went darker and darker that in a split second, I lost the sight of him. I turned my head to the surroundings, figuring out that everything had completely gone into thin air.

Then all I saw was pitch black.

I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t feel anything.

What’s happening here? Why is it so dark in here? Where am I? Where is the park I was just crying at? Where is... where is Hyukjae Oppa?

I shuddered at the last question that ran in my head.

No. He’s not leaving again, right?

Lee Hyukjae... you’re here with me... right?

“Agasshi,” I felt my body being shaken, and now the voice was really clear. As I figured out that the pitch-blackness was because of my eyelids, the voice repeated. “Agasshi, wake up. Agasshi.”

That’s when reality slaps me hard.

He was just a dream. All the bittersweet things that happened just awhile ago, was apparently a dream. And I’m even crying.

Just stop it. That was a dream. Only a dream. It’s over now.

Slowly opening my eyes, I feel a drop of warm liquid trickling down the side of my face. I stare blankly at the white ceiling above me. It’s been six years. Six freaking years and I still cry over him.

It’s enough. Stop being so pathetic, Kang Nayoung.

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*)note: Agasshi means Miss, just in case you ask :)