I stare ahead of me. Hyukjae Oppa is still holding my hands, his eyes are on me but I can tell his mind is anywhere but here. He frowns. He seems in a deep mental battle. I observe him, guarded, and realize I can’t lay my finger on what it’s about.

This situation painfully reminds me of one particular memory; Lee Hyukjae staring at me, eyes filled with everything that I can’t read, face terse and hesitant.

I remember the younger version of him sitting in front of me, looking back at me with the very same undecipherable eyes. A few years ago. Immediately those agonizing words ram back into my head.

Let’s break up.

My eyes widen at the realization. I feel my heart dropping to my stomach and my throat suddenly feels so sore at the unwelcome memory. What is he going to tell me this time? Is he... breaking up with me again?

The thought makes me feel the devastating sickness.

“What is it?” my voice comes out as a whisper.

I get his full attention back, maybe for a brief moment there he forgot my presence here in front of him. What’s taking up so much space in his thoughts?

“Nana,” he speaks softly, hesitantly, but at that moment the waitress chooses to make her appearance at our table with what’s supposed to be the foods that we ordered.

Hyukjae Oppa releases my hands and seems a bit relieved  with the small distraction. I narrow my eyes at this.

“What is it, Oppa?” I ignore the waitress as she places the foods on our table.

I think she notices the unspoken need of privacy from me. She hastens her hands to place our plates and glasses in front of us, and seconds later she disappears back into the kitchen.

The guarded expression is back again on Hyukjae Oppa’s face. “Let’s eat first.” He says.

I frown. He is asking me to eat when I’m feeling like I’m on the edge of a cliff, when my stomach is lurching in a unbearably sickening motion?

“No.”

“Nana,” he looks exasperated.

“What is it that you want to tell me, Hyukjae Oppa?” I press again.

I’m not sure I actually want to hear his answer, and he seems to be having the same thought with me. That’s probably why he’s hesitant. However, a small part in me demands to know. This seems serious and that part of me just can’t get it over with.

“Nana, it’s...” he shakes his head. “Let’s talk after we eat,”

“Why can’t we talk about it now? What is it-” Suddenly something crosses my thought. “Is it something about what Sora Eonni told me?”

Hyukjae Oppa lifts his head and looks at me, gaping with horror. Vaguely I hear the bell at the doube doors of the restaurant chiming gently, indicating that the pair of mother and daughter that sat next to us are out of the restaurant; leaving us to be the only customers here.

Hyukjae Oppa looks a little lost and wary at the same time. He is speechless, taking a few seconds to recover, before holding my eyes carefully.

“What did she say to you?” he asks slowly, gently, as if talking to a wounded child.

I see him tense even more. So it’s definitely about that.

“She told me the reason why you left.”

He closes his eyes as if in pain. “And?”

“It’s... I couldn’t understand. She didn’t tell me the details.” I clasp my hands on the table, an unconscious motion of bracing myself from the truth. Hyukjae Oppa opens his eyes and stares at me, but he doesn’t say anything. “Oppa, what is it that I don’t know?”

How long are you planning to keep me in the dark?

He reaches for my hand. “Can you promise me something?”

“What is it?”

He blanches. “Don’t leave me.”

What? My eyes widen slightly. Hyukjae Oppa seems to be serious with what he said. Why would I leave him? He knows it very well that I won’t. After all, it wasn’t me that went away a few years ago.

I nod slowly. “Okay.”

He lets out a breath and tears his eyes away from mine, instead looking at our connected hands. He seems struggling to form words, but eventually he starts.

“I was 17 when my father got this illness,” he says. “He suffered , and it got him paralyzed.”

His father suffered ? He’s never told me this before.

“How is he now?” I lift my other hand to caress the back of his hand.

“He’s getting better.” He gives me a small smile. “Still paralyzed, but getting better. He’s receiving the best treatment in Seattle,” he pauses. “My family lives in Seattle now.”

Oh. The Lee’s have never told me about that either.

“We lost contact completely.” My voice is almost inaudible.

“I’m sorry.” He says solemnly.

“Did you move there for your father’s treatment?”

“No,” he frowns. “We didn’t need to break up if that was the case.”

He’s scowling. I almost wince at the firmness in his voice.

“We waited for my father to recover for a year, but something just had to go wrong within the Company. We suffered a great amount of deficit.” He breathes heavily. “So it’s started from there. My grandfather began pushing his obsessions on me. He wanted me to be his successor so much earlier than I was supposed to. He wanted me to be the President, he wanted a 20-years-old to be the President of his Company.” He grips my hand unconsciously. “What was he thinking? I mean, I was only on my second year at the business school. What could I possibly do for our Company?”

I feel a small pinch in my heart as I hear the desperation in his voice. I squeeze his hand to soothe him; this is the first time Hyukjae Oppa talks so openly about his burdens. I still don’t get why he’s telling me this now though.

“The Company was at stake, which was what my grandfather feared the most. He started looking for ways to save the Company; blindly, not giving the slightest care whether the way he chose was legal or not. And there were four companies that he was so interested with.”

Something changes in his eyes. They’re blazing but... apologizing at the same time. Apologizing? What for?

“The four companies were very stable. They had reasonable price for their shares... My grandfather chose to topple them over.”

My eyes widen. “Topple over... to get them bankrupt?”

“That, and buy their shares while they were falling. He could make a lot of money from playing with the shares and then save our Company, but the thing is,” he tightens his grip on my hand. “The thing is – Nana, Kangsan Group was one of the companies that he defrauded.”

I feel my blood draining from my body. What did he say?

“Kangsan... as in my father’s Company?”

“I tried to save Kangsan, Nana. But it’s... it didn’t work.” He says dejectedly. Oh my God.

“Did it have anything to do with Kangsan’s bankruptcy six years ago?”

He stares at me. “Yes.”

My scalp prickles. My mother left because of that...

“Did you leave because you couldn’t save Kangsan?” I feel confusion and... anger, slowly building up inside me.

“What? No. I wasn’t trying to escape.” He shakes his head, sounding accused and pained. “It’s... it’s more than that.”

“There’s something else?” I ask, horrified.

“Nana, you look pale. Are you okay?”

Are you expecting me to be okay after you told me this? Sarcasm is dripping in my inner voice, but I refrain snapping at him.

“Is there something else?” I press the question.

“Nana,” he stops when I harden my eyes at him. He exhales heavily, looking very uncomfortable under my scrutiny. “Yes, there is.”

“Well?”

“My grandfather,” his grandfather again! Hyukjae Oppa pulls my hand as if I could be running off from him in any second now. “He... he failed you to get into Seoul University... or any precious university, for that matter.”

My heart drops into my stomach. “He... what?”

“I’m sorry, Nana.”

“But why... how...” my head is crowded with questions. “Why... why did he do that?”

“I was trying to stop him from doing anything illegal to the four companies, but then he found out that one of the CEO’s daughter was you. You were the reason why I wasn’t letting him do what he wanted. He thought you were getting in his way, and he breaks anything that gets in his way.”

“It doesn’t make sense!” I find myself saying it louder than necessary. Whoa... this is... is this true? My anger is still bottled up, but now it’s this close to bursting out. I glare at him. “Did you leave because you felt guilty for me, then?”

“No! Oh God Nana, I left Korea long before you even graduated from high school.” He is seething now. Why is he mad? “I was trying to stop my grandfather from failing you. He said he would make your way easier to university if I went to a business school in Seattle. So I did. But he still failed you... because I broke his rules. I shouldn’t have come and see you again when I already moved there, but it’s hard not to when I found out you were involved in a car accident.”

I gape at him, shocked. “You knew about... the car accident?”

“Yes, I kept myself informed about your well-being when I was there. Then I found out about the car accident.” He runs his hand through his hair again. “God, you made me worried to death, Nana. It was frightening. I wanted to punch myself to death but I wanted to scold you at the same time when I saw you lied there in the hospital bed. How could you do that to yourself?”

“Wait, wait. Let me get this straight. So you knew about the car accident, you came to the hospital and you wanted to scold me?” I choke in disbelief, my wrath instantly exploding. “Well then why didn’t you just scold me? You didn’t even stay in the hospital! I can’t believe you were even there!”

“Nayoung, I shouldn't have been there at the moment. I had consequences.” He raises his voice to match mine, meeting my glare. "God, you don't understand!"

“So please make me understand!” I feel tears welling up so quickly in my eyes. “Why didn’t you just stay? You could have stayed. I could have endured it if you were by my side.”

“I know what’s important to you, Nana. Your dream of majoring design at Seoul University was so important to you. I saw you studying days and nights for that. I couldn’t risk my grandfather crash it all. I couldn’t let my grandfather ruin your future.”

I ball my hands into fists. I can’t believe he’s giving me that kind of reason for leaving me. So he didn’t leave for his dream. He left me for my dream. It’s ridiculous. I think I should’ve flattered but... it’s just wrong.

“Yes, that was important to me,” I snap and snatch my hand away from his, hastily getting to my feet. “But apparently you don’t know how important you were – how important you are to me.”

For a split second I catch a glimpse of his eyes widening in alarm, before I turn my heels and head for the doors. It happens so quickly. I push the double doors almost violently, and I am already out of the restaurant when his fingers grasp my wrist.

“Kang Nayoung, I’m sorry, but you can’t do this.” He says, catching his breath, and he tugs my wrist and places his hand on one side of my face to make me look directly at him. His eyes is red and wary, his face pale from the shock. “You can’t leave. You promised.”

“This is too much for me... I need to think. Or calm myself. Alone.”

“Please don’t leave. You promised.” He repeats exasperatedly, and his shoulders slump down and he drops his head. His voice is breaking. “Please, baby, don’t hate me.”

The words sink into my heart deeply. His head down, his hand intertwined with mine... Why do I suddenly feel like I’m the bad guy here?

My gaze at him softens, and the anger is slowly dissipating. Oh Lee Hyukjae.

I clear my throat, realizing my voice will be croaked. “I won’t hate you, Oppa. You know I can’t hate you.” Even after all these revelations.

He lifts his head slowly. He looks at me expectantly, and takes a step closer to me but I back away quickly. Disappointment shows very clearly in his face. I want to caress his face, but I know it will overwhelm me.

“I still need to be alone.” I tell him, and his eyes widen, panicked. “I won’t leave. I just want to be alone... for a moment. I need to register everything in my head. It’s so crowded in my head now. All tied in knots. I need to straight them up. I need to understand my situation now.”

“There’s nothing else to understand, Nana. It’s all over now.” He encourages, whispering, “I’m here now.”

Oh my. It takes every source of energy in my body not to hug him and sob into his chest.

“And I’m here, too. I’m not leaving anywhere. I just need to be alone. Only for a moment. Maybe an hour or two.” Isolating myself from you.

He stares hard at me, evidently reading my eyes. He looks distressed. After a few seconds, he squeezes my hand and releases it from his grip. “Oh God, Kang Nayoung,” he shrugs his jacket off and wraps it around my shoulders. “Take this. It’s getting cold.” He fixes the collar of the jacket around my neck. “Are you going somewhere now?”

“Yes,” I murmur softly, his hands still on my shoulders.

“Where do you want to go? Can I drive you?”

I shake my head. “It’s not far, I can walk from here. I want to go to the beach.”

“The beach?” he mutters incredulously. “No. It’s not safe. The waves are strong at this hour. And it’s getting dark.”

But it’s quiet there. And I need to calm myself from this suffocating situation.

“Oppa, please.”

He contemplates for the second time, before letting out a low groan and pulling me into his arms. His warmth surrounds me comfortingly. He buries his face into my hair, squeezing me gently. “Don’t go near the water. Don’t go too far. Don’t stay there for too long. I'll only give you two hours.” He warns softly, but his tone sounds hasty. “God, I’m sorry, Nana. I’m so sorry.”

I nod quietly, the tears is almost unbearable by now.

He seems to realize my discomfort and releases me from his arms. He looks miserable. His hands move to clasp mine and he whispers so softly, so gently I could have missed it if only he doesn’t express it with his eyes.

“I love you, Nana-yah. Please come back soon.”

Hey everyone! *waves*

Ah seriously, the revelation is here. Finally, right? I don't really know what I wrote though 

Nana's reaction isn't very good, but wait, don't hate me. I'm not separating the couple, I promise. I've done that too many times kekeke ^^

Anyway this chapter is sooo long but I still think something is missing. 

Alriiiight, the next chapter is following soon~