“Sehun ah, I’m sorry I kissed you. I wasn’t of sound mind.”

“I’m afraid he will get hit with that reason.”

“You’re right! Ah, how about this. Sehun ah, I was curious of the taste of your lips.”

“That’s even worse hyung.”

“Okay, what do you have?”

“Uhm…. I suggest he pretend nothing happened and get over it.”

“That’s kind of rude don’t you think. It might be the first kiss of his.”

“Can’t be. I mean, he’s already 20.”

“Who knows?”

………

Luhan was sitting on the sofa, hugging a pillow against his chest tightly, watching his two best friends arguing over his misery. He had called them for an emergency in the morning because if he had to spend one more night in the same room with Sehun like the last three nights, he was going to kill himself.

Actually, the Korean boy didn’t show any hatred for him, he just being him, staying quiet and focused on practicing for the exam. What annoyed Luhan was the unknown guilty growing inner.

This semester was quite smooth for him, as he almost finished all the credit requested. He just had two more subjects to go and then he could put all his effort into the final design. The point was how he could erase what he did to the younger boy to offer his proposal. Even though that kiss had given him the answer he needed, still that was not important right now.

“Guys, please. That’s not helping.”

Minseok and Yixing stopped what they were talking, shifted their eyes to the helpless boy. They had no idea why Luhan didn’t confess his feeling to Sehun. It was obviously he was in love with the maknae and that kiss was just an inevitable consequence.

The chubby boy plopped down next to his friend, threw his arms around the other’s neck and gave a sincere advice.

“I think you should wait til this Friday, when the semester is over, then talk to him. I mean seriously. I know you’re afraid that knowing your feeling for him, he might reject your offer. But from what I heard, Sehun is a straightforward man. He will help you, as a friend.”

“Minseok hyung is right.” Yixing added “It’s now or never ge.”

Luhan pursed his lips, the pillow was tightened even more. There were tons of ‘what if’ occurred inside his head but his friends had their points, he couldn’t run away from it any more. What would be worse than this situation, right? He placed his chin on the pillow, let out a small sigh and mumbled

“Okay.”

********

When Sehun stepped outside the classroom, it’s almost 2pm. The exam went quite well due to his hard working on review and practicing. Fishing out the phone from his backpack, he got three messages, one from his mom and two from Luhan.

After the incident, he tried to act normal and not mention about it. He couldn’t deny that part of him was afraid the Chinese boy didn’t remember anything and it’s just him who was thinking too much about it. Maybe the other was dreaming and thought he was a pillow so their lips accidentally touched. That was why Sehun pretended nothing happened and luckily Luhan was playing along with that...well, until now.

From: Annoying deer

Sehun ah, good luck with your test. Hwaiting!!!

From: Annoying deer

Sehun ah, are you doing well? We should celebrate it. I’ll cook. See you at dorm.

P/S. I want to talk to you.

 Did he even know how to cook? Sehun thought for a second before switched to the last message.

From: Mommy cool

Sehun ah, don’t forget the meeting at 5 okay? Call me when you’re there. Love you sweetie.

Sehun check the time, if he caught a bus now he could make it in time. Sora had called him last night and asked him if he was free this afternoon. She told him there was someone she wanted to introduce him to and insisted him to come.

The weird thing was they didn’t arrange to meet at home but a high class restaurant in the centre of Incheon. Although he came from a well-to-do family, this was the first time he has been invited to such a big fancy restaurant because his mom, Chaerim, was a terrific chef so they hardly went eat outside. That meant whoever he was going to meet definitely made his moms not comfortable enough to let into their lovely house and had more than enough money to set up a date at that restaurant.

Actually he tried to seek more information about who they were but no success. Speeding up his paces, Sehun quickly texted to a particular boy.

To: Annoying deer

I’m going somewhere hyung. Maybe come back a little late. Don’t wait for me, eat first okay.

He pressed the send button, hold his phone tightly while waiting for the bus cuz he knew the other would reply immediately. His lips curved into a smile as the phone buzzed in his hand.

From: Annoying deer

It’s okay. I’ll wait as much as possible ^.^

He’s so stubborn!

*********

Luhan checked the phone, it was already past 10 and Sehun did not come back yet. He didn’t even pick up the phone either and the Chinese started worrying for like an hour now. Suho had informed to go over night with Chanyeol and Baekhyun so this would be the perfect chance for him to do the confession. But nothing went like he had planned.

He walked back and forth in the room, stole glance at the door repeatedly. Opened his phone, Luhan dialed those number that he had known by heart again.

The ringing tone suddenly came from outside the room jolted him back. Was that Sehun’s?  He disconnected the call, tilted his head aside and reached the door knob. The scene in front of his eyes made him drop his draw and panicked.

Sehun was soaking wet, curling up with arms wrapping around legs, face hiding between his knees and chest. There was something smelling like soju coming from the younger one.

Luhan bended down, shaking the shivering boy worriedly

“Sehun ah, what’s wrong? Why are you out here? Quick, come inside. You’ll catch a cold if keep sitting like this.”

He grabbed the Korean boy’s hand to pull him up but immediately being shaken off. The younger male gave him a look that he never saw before and he unexpectedly jerked back a bit.

This was the angry Sehun.

Now he understood why Jongin always refused to talk about the old version of Sehun, about the days where all his friend knew was anger and hatred. He said it’s hard to use words to describe and it’d better not to have this experience for his own sake. “Seeing is believing hyung.” the tan skin boy finished with a famous phrase and in fact Luhan started to believe now.

Sehun swore if it wasn’t the Chinese boy who was standing in front of him, he probably vented his anger on the first person he saw. The mixture of concern and scare in Luhan’s eyes made the beast inside of him gradually disappeared. But that didn’t help to shoo away the image of last meeting he had been to.

He pushed the other harshly and reeled into the room, kicked out his shoes and made his way straight upstairs. He didn’t bother to take off his dripping water clothes and slid under the blanket. He heard footsteps behind, knowing that the older male was following but frankly he didn’t have enough energy for whatever the other wanted to talk about.

Luhan sat down on the edge of the bed, playing with his own hand. He wanted to know what had happened to the younger boy but also afraid to cross the line more than he already did. Hesitating for a while, he reached out and shook Sehun’s shoulder slightly, whispering.

“Sehun ah, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk but at least change your clothes. You’ll get sick.”

There was still no answer. The atmosphere was so suffocating and Luhan thought as if time was frozen. He could hear his heart beat loudly inside his chest even though he was just fine, no anxiety or flutter. Then he remembered reading somewhere that ginger tea could help with the nausea and headache from a hangover, he stood up to go checking if they still had any left when a hand gripped his elbow.

“Don’t go.”

Sehun mumbled, his voice was so low that it was almost inaudible. Still in his position, he pulled the older on down until the Chinese boy was lying on his blanket with back facing him. Letting the elbow out, Sehun step by step slipped his hand over the other’s waist and shifted closer. When his face hit the back of Luhan’s neck, he slowly breathed in the scent of the latter, making his one-week roommate shiver under the sudden touch.

Luhan’s eyes opened wide, his body became stony and his mind was far from awake. He couldn’t hear his heartbeat any more although it was definitely racing faster than ever. He was flushing at this too much skinship. The person he was about to confess to was back-hugging him. But to be honest, there was something else that was taking control of him. He was scared with many thoughts popping up in his head.

What if Sehun wanted to do more than just a back hug, or a kiss? What if Sehun needed something else to comfort or to release his inner sorrow? That was what young people did on the scene lately right?

 I’m not ready. What would I do if he asked for it? Oh my god, his hand was going to the left too much.

“Hyung, am I not lovable?”

The Korean boy again whispered with his low voice, snapped Luhan out of his thinking. Startling a little bit, Luhan chuckled, tried to hide his trembling voice.

“What a silly question. Why you suddenly ask?”

“Just answer me first!”

“Of course you are” the older male affirmed.

“Then why nobody wants me?”

Luhan could feel a hot tear was trailing down along his neck. He was about to turn over but the other tightened his embrace, signaled him to stay still. Swallowing thick, he asked tenderly

“What are you talking about?”

There was silence in response but Luhan didn’t have to waiting long before Sehun spoke up.

“I was meeting up with my relatives this afternoon. My moms want me to go to America with them because apparently my grandfather’s condition is not good and he asks to see his grandson.” he paused a bit, changing his voice into bitter tone “After twenty years not even bother to find me, now they want me back, like a lost package. How ironic!”

The Chinese boy stiffed, didn’t know what to say. He had no idea why the younger boy lying beside was suffered so much drama in his life.

Luhan slowly grabbed the hand that was holding on his shirt, lifted it up to get enough space to turn over and faced the other. In the dark, he couldn’t see clearly if Sehun was crying or not but still, he caressed his thumb along the latter’s cheek and said what was actually in his mind.

“I know what you have been through is beyond everyone’s imagination and no one has right to tell you what to do. But it’s better late than never right? Besides, it’s your choice to stay or go.”

They stayed in this position for a long minute before the younger boy broke the silence and also the space between them, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling.

“They don’t deserve my forgiveness.”

Luhan got up, slightly gripped the other’s shoulder and smiled.

“I know. But we could think about it tomorrow, when you felt better, okay? Now I’m gonna make you a cup of hot ginger tea and you, go change before you catch a cold.”

However when he reached the bed again, holding a spiraling up smoke cup of tea, Sehun was already drifting into his sleep. The Chinese boy chuckled, the messy bang on the other’s forehead. Finally he understood why people in love always turned into either crazy one or idiot one. Because right now, he guessed he was crazy enough to do anything for the other and being a fool who enjoyed watching the sleeping one in front of him.

 So this is love….