YOONA’S POV

It’s been 5 days, you didn’t call me, you didn’t return my calls, or even reply my messages. I’m worried. Please.. Are you ok? Does it have something to do with our first time? Do you regret it? Yoong.. You’re ok right?

I sigh and i press delete, another message from Donghae that i ignored. It’s been 5 days since the best night of my life, no i don’t regret it but the day after it Seohyun confessed to me and it turns my world upside down, i can’t eat i can’t sleep i can’t do anything, i don’t know why i choose to ignore Donghae but i just can’t deal with it.

Do i love her too? Well, i do but she’s my friend and that’s why i love her. Nothing more. 2 days ago i met Jessica unnie who turns out to be Seohyun’s friend, she said i should be honest with her.. but i’m afraid if i really told her i don’t love her that way, i will lose her. I’ve been wanting to ask Yuri unnie at work but it’s been 5 days since the last time i saw Yuri unnie too, i don’t know where she is she never showed up in the studio.

What should i do? i know i’m not doing the right thing right now, i’m ignoring both Donghae and Seohyun, i can’t choose between them, both of them are my life. I was thinking to go to Tiffany unnie for advice but i don’t think she’s in a good condition, Taeyeon unnie texted me to let me know she’s back in the apartment and Taeyeon unnie said she’ll take care of her, i guess they’re back to normal, good for Tiffany unnie.. i know how long she’s waiting for her and i know she’s happy now.

I walk out my room and walk to the kitchen, i drink a glass of water and look around my house, i’m alone and i feel so lonely, i’m usually alone too but i’ve never felt this lonely. I sit on the kitchen floor and pin my legs on my chest, i bury my face on my legs and cry... i can’t do this, i need Donghae.. i need him.

JESSICA’S POV

I’ve been locking myself for 2 days in my room, drinking and just get drunk by myself, am i really losing her? No.. i can’t cry over her.. she’s just a waste of time. I can’t believe after everything, all this time i was just a what? Drugs? Addicted to me? you Kim Taeyeon... just.. you. I throw the empty bottle to my bedroom wall and let it break on the floor.

I wipe my tears, i don’t want to cry.. Please she’s not worthy of my tears but i feel so sad.. i’ve never felt like this in my life, not even when Yuri rejected me. i’ve never felt this much pain in my chest, i just wanna scream and cry..

I look at the breaking glasses on the floor and i crawl my self closer, i pick one of the glass and bring it closer to my arms, if she can hurt me this much... a little scratch won’t be too painful

The glass touches my skin and i make a small but deep scratch, and the blood is dripping.

I whine because of the pain, for a second i forget about Taeyeon because this wounds hurts.. i do it again and make a bigger scratch, i whine and start crying but i keep doing it because when i feel hurt from this, i don’t think about Taeyeon anymore, i just keep hurting myself.

“Jessica unnie!!” i turn to the door and i see Seohyun and Yuri standing outside my bedroom, they carry a bags and they’re looking at me with surprised looks, i’m sitting on the corner of my room with my hands holding a glass and cutting my arms until it bleeds.

I drop the glass in my hand and realize what i did was crazy, stupid and ing hurts. I run to them and hug them as i cry in their hugs. Now i’m feeling much better...

- -

“are you crazy? What were you doing?” Yuri ask when we’re sitting on my living room and Seohyun is cleaning my wounds, i keep looking down at my wounds and Seohyun is slowly putting alcohol on it, “this might hurt unnie.. sorry” she said and i just stay silent, the pain from the alcohol burns on my skin but i keep staring in blank, i felt much worse than this.

“Sica..” Yuri said and i keep ignoring her, “Tiffany left me, i guess you’re not the only one who’s broken hearted then..” she said and i look at her slowly, “i figured, she’s back with Taeyeon” i said slowly and Yuri widen her eyes, “yeah.. how do you... wait, Kim Taeyeon... OHMYGOD.. Sica, during my trip with Fany, she told me her girlfriend’s name is Taeyeon but i forget where i heard that name and now i remember it’s your girlfriend...” “ex..girlfriend” i said

“sica.. i’m sorry, i should’ve been more sensitive” i glance back to my wounds which now is being closed with a bandages, “that won’t change a thing” i said, “yeah but if i had known this Taeyeon girl cheated on you with Tiffany, i could have told Tiffany and she’ll end it with Taeyeon and you might fix it” she said and i glance to her, “but it’s not like that Yuri, she didn’t cheat on me with Tiffany.. she cheated on Tiffany with me, i am the third girl.. i’m just another who destroys people’s relationship”

“no Sica.. you’re not, Tiffany told me these few months Taeyeon keep ignoring her and maybe.. it’s because of you, because Taeyeon actually chooses you” she said, “listen to yourself Yuri, i cause Taeyeon to do something like that to another girl..” i said, “Sica.. you’re no- -“

“STOP SAYING I’M NOT LIKE THAT, BECAUSE I AM. OK YURI?!” i stand up and she stand up in front of me, “Unnie.. calm down” Seohyun said but both of us ignore her, “what do you want me to say sica? You destroyed their relationship? Is that what you want me to say? to blame everything on you? You want that?!” she said and i take a deep breath, “you don’t have the right to judge me, you’re the one who forget about me when you heard she said she’s taeyeon’s girlfriend! you could have told me.. you could at least told me..”

“i forget ok Sica?! I’m sorry.. if i remembered.. i would’ve told you right away, but i was with the girl i’m in love with and i just can’t think about anything else” she said and i chuckled, “how pathetic” i said, “excuse me?” she ask

“yeah, you’re madly in love with a girl who’s ing with someone else” i said and i feel a slap landed on my cheek, Yuri just slapped me. hard.

“Yuri unnie!!” Seohyun stand up, i keep looking down and think about what i just said to her, i was being a total , she grab my hand

“Sica.. i’m sorry i was- -“ “it’s ok.. i needed that” i said

“sorry.. Yuri.. my head was not in the right place, i didn’t know what i was saying.. i’m sorry i really am” i said and i bite my mouth to hold my tears

“You know you can cry... you don’t have to be strong all the time” she said and i sniff my nose, “i’m not going to cry over this.. over a girl like her, no.. i’m not gonna waste my time crying” i said

“Jessica unnie..” Seohyun pull me into her hug and i feel Yuri hugging both of us, “Yuri unnie and i have problems too..  but we’re not gonna be alone because we have you and that works for you too, no matter when.. we’re always there for you” Seohyun said and i feel a warm liquid forming in my eyes, i can’t hold back my tears.. too much to hold.

I hug her back and start crying loudly on her shoulder, “we’re staying here.. don’t worry sica” Yuri said and she hug both of us

Yuri and Seohyun are right, they’re here.. and that’s what matters. With them around me, i can try to move on and maybe.. i can finally get over Taeyeon.

YURI’S POV

Jessica and Seohyun are inside, i’m standing outside on the apartment balcony thinking about what happened a few days ago, i take out a piece of paper from my pocket, it’s the letter from Tiffany

don’t contact me, just wait.. ok? Wait for me to contact you first, if you really loves me.. you’ll do that. Because i really need time to think.

I keep reading that part over and over again, what do you mean Fany? After what happened that night.. now you expect me not to contact you? I love you but i can’t let you go without knowing what really is going on...  i can’t bear this feelings anymore, i can’t carry this much ache on my heart.

I look inside the apartment, both Seohyun and Jessica are talking, they wouldn’t go out here right? i slowly take out a cigarette from my pocket and a lighter, i turn on the cigarette and start on it.. without realizing i already finished 3 cigarettes.

I can’t handle this pain, i need a gate away and i’m doing it with living the life i’ve never had, starts with cigarettes. Who knows this can taste so good?

I start smoking more and i look inside, they’re not there anymore. I guess they go to bed already.

I take out my phone and look at Tiffany’s number.. should i call her?

I press call but i hang up instantly, i guess i should call her apartment number so she won’t know it’s me.

I dial her apartment number and wait for an answer..

No answer. I’m about to hang up when i hear the answering machine message

“Hey! This is Tiffany and..”

“Taeyeon”

“we can’t come to the phone right now, leave us a message!”

Beep

I just stay silent.. that answering machine message is new.. she sounded happy. I remember i told her when she’s happy with Taeyeon i’m willing to let her go, and now she is happy with Taeyeon.

Should i finally let her go?