The Change
The Howling - Part V: RestlessA/N: Okay.... so.... we're still not back in full swing yet (I, helloimej, am still dealing with things and don't quite have all that I need back) but we do have this for you. And yes... it is extra long. This chapter includes 3 extra posts, just because of where this ends and that it gives a nice place to begin a new chapter.
The dizziness hit again, and Jongin all but slumped to his knees, fingers curling into the grass and the dirt as he let Kai take control. For the first thirty seconds of the Change, Jongin felt nothing, only the dizziness that kept him from standing and the rate of his own heart racing in his chest. And then, it was like he was being pulled through a solid wall and his body couldn't quite reach the other side. Pain hit him, strong enough that he cried out in surprise and alarm, back arching and head bowed. He felt Kai, moving beneath the surface, so close yet so far from being in control, and he whimpered softly as he finally gave himself over completely to the Change.
For someone watching from the outside, the Change was instant, happening in ten or so seconds, and appeared as a merging of two points in time. Jongin's human form started to fade away, limbs elongating and body growing larger, until in his place stood a rusty brown wolf, head as tall as Joonmyun's collar bone.
The wolf - Kai - lifted his head, taking a few moments to himself to look around the clearing before he sniffed and his head turned back to face Joonmyun, golden amber eyes almost glowing in the moonlight. He stared at Joonmyun for a few seconds, before he padded closer. He recognised the elder as his mate, as the person both he and Jongin loved, and a soft growl of affection escaped his throat.
He ducked his head, pressing his nose into Joonmyun's hand before nuzzling his muzzle into the elder's side, showing his affection. When he'd had enough, he stepped back and shook himself off. He needed to run, needed to let himself go. Another soft noise left him and he lightly nudged Joonmyun towards the pagoda before he took off, running effortlessly around the clearing.
Joonmyun hadn't planned on watching the actual Change-- it wasn't something he wanted to see -- but he found that it was hard to look away as it took hold of Jongin. It was like picking a scab or poking at a really painful bruise, where it hurts and provoking it will only make it worse, but you can't stop because there's something pleasureable in the pain.
It was quick, though, and after only a short while a wolf -- large, it's presence dominating -- stood where Jongin had. In the moon light, it's coat looked almost red, amber eyes glowing. That was what Joonmyun recognized almost immediately, the wolf's eyes, how they were set and focused, and yet showed not one ounce of fierceness or danger. They were Jongin's eyes.
Even knowing that this creature was Jongin, his mate, Joonmyun couldn't help but take a hesitant step backwards as he approached. He froze as his nose nuzzled first into his hand and then into his side. It was then that all fear left him, replaced by the familiar sensation that overwhelmed his senses each and everytime that he and Jongin touched. This was Jongin -- no, this was Kai, and Kai wasn't going to hurt him, just like the boy had promised.
It wasn't until he was nudged in the direction of the pagoda that he moved for the first time in minutes, his feet carrying him robitcally towards the bench where he sat down and watched Kai practically float around the clearing, his burnt-orange color a blur beneath the moon.
Being let out for the first time in over six months felt amazing. Being able to run across grass and feel the cool night air tickle at his fur felt even more amazing. But what felt the best, aside from being near his mate - his source of light, warmth and comfort - was the sensation he received from the full moon. He could feel Her singing to him, a beautiful hum of power that rippled through his body and sang to every particle of his being. That was what felt the best.
Finally, after nearly an hour of non stop running, exploring hidden cracks and crevices and even at one point venturing beyond the clearing to traverse the maze before the bond drew him back to Joonmyun, Kai padded over to the pagoda, panting a little as he lowered himself down beside Joonmyun.
He sniffed a little as he lifted his head up to rest it in the elder's lap, nose nudging at Joonmyun's fingers. Sometimes he wished he had a voice in this form, so he could talk to Joonmyun, but for now actions would have to do.
The weight that lifted from Joonmyun's shoulders was nothing short of extreme relief and he found that he was able to relax quite peacefully as Kai ran. For a long while, he stood at the edge of the pagoda, leaning against one of the pillars as he watched the wolf enjoy his freedom. Eventually he returned to the bench and pulled the blanket out of his bag before wrapping it around his shoulders to fend off the cold.
It was a while later, perhaps and hour, when Joonmyun felt the pull of the bond and Kai returned shortly thereafter. The elder still wasn't so sure about the boy's wolf form, but he didn't hesitate to place a hand on the top of his head when it was placed in his lap. His fingers threaded through the thick fur, a thousand thank yous pouring into the simple, soothing actions.
"Thank you, Kai," he murmured, continuing on with the same action. "Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with me." It means a lot and I trust you now more than ever. Joonmyun had so much more to tell him, but he wanted to save it for Jongin, for when the younger could respond with words he could understand. For now, he would be content with sharing this moment with Kai.
Kai shifted a little, nudging his head into Joonmyun's hand to show he understood what the elder had said, to show that he so very much wanted to tell him how he felt. Instead, he shifted a little closer, stretching out against Joonmyun's side so the elder didn't get cold.
He whined softly as he nuzzled into Joonmyun's fingers, eyes lifting to meet the elder's as he did so. He wanted to tell Joonmyun that he was glad, glad of everything that had happened despite how bad some it had been. Glad he'd tried to run away - except he was guitly that Joonmyun had been hurt so many times because of him - glad that he'd been his mate... glad they had had so much time together.
And now, he was glad because he knew how he felt...
He knew he loved Joonmyun. Because Joonmyun knew him for more than the beast, for more than what this side of him was. Because Joonmyun accepted both Jongin and Kai, two halves of the same coin. He let out a soft huff, pressing his nose against the elder's arm as he closed his eyes.
Joonmyun was able to read even the smallest of actions from Kai, from the nuzzles to the whine, and especially the look in his eyes. Only to him were the younger male's eyes like an open book, so easy to read though not always easy to see the truth, but tonight they were clear as crystal and he could see the love and devotion and happiness that lay within.
Above everything, though, Joonmyun could see the love, could feel it, and it frightened him because he'd never shared something like that on that level with anyone, because the last time he came close things didn't work out. Not to say he'd cut himself off from the emotion, but he didn't hand it out so easily anymore, and it scared him -- even when it shouldn't have -- that Jongin was able to break through so easily. Joonmyun had the bond to thank for that, he supposed.
After a while, a gentle haze settled over Joonmyun's senses and he gave a soft yawn before leaning down to nuzzle his face into the back of Kai's neck. "Is it okay to sleep?" It was a stupid question, really, because the elder knew that neither Jongin nor Kai wouldn't deny him something if he really wanted it.
To say that Kai - and Jongin - wasn't scared at how close he and Joonmyun had become, how much this bond affected him would be a lie. He was petrified, because the entirety of his life had been spent with a kid brother and a father who was a sadistic bastard, and four people who he loved dearly. There hadn't ever been others his own age - the other pack members had been told not so nicely to stay away from him - and he didn't always know how to interact around others because of that.
And then Joonmyun had come into his life, someone from the outside world that he always dreamed of escaping to... and he'd changed him. It was easier for Jongin to open up now, Kai could see it in the way the boy interacted with their mate, could see how Jongin acted around Taemin and the boys, around Sunny... and how much stronger they'd become in front of their father.
Although it was a change they hadn't expected, neither Jongin or Kai could find fault in Joonmyun coming into their lives. And he'd not have it any other way.
When Joonmyun leaned into him, Kai whined again softly under his breath, curlin around the elder more to keep him warm as he pressed his nose into his palm, wanting to tell him that it was indeed okay to sleep.
That action, Kai curling around Joonmyun as he settled against him, was all the elder needed to figure the answer to his question -- though, he'd already known before. Whether it was the bond, or perhaps he'd just come to know the boy so well over since they'd met, but Joonmyun could read him well even if he couldn't speak.
With a soft hum, he shifted again, pulling the blanket tighter around his body as he curled up against the warm body of the wolf. He was just as warm as he had been the night before, amidst the fever, but Joonmyun wasn't so worried now because he knew this was just a part of what the wolf side of him was -- not that he'd complain; it was cold and the heat was welcomed.
Having Kai -- and, by default, Jongin -- still so close, Joonmyun was able to drift off with ease, his worries and fears of what he didn't know gone. But even with the unknown no longer just that, the elder couldn't help but feel that they still had a lot that had yet to be overcome. It didn't matter, though; perhaps later it would, but for now he was happy knowing that he trusted Jongin as a whole, wolf and all.
If he could smile, he would have, as he watched his mate curl into his side. When Joonmyun's heart beat had calmed and his breathing shallowed, Kai curled around him more, wanting to protect him from all things in life that could harm him. As he watched the boy, his ears picked up movement not far from where they were within the maze, and he turned towards the slight rustle, ears flattened back and eyes narrowed.
He recognised the scent as the wolf grew closer. It was Sunny. Relaxing almost immediately, Kai settled, resting his muzzle next to Joonmyun's hand on his lap as he closed his eyes. When the sun rose, he'd show the elder the world Jongin hadn't, something that the two boys could share once the moon had passed and he was no longer inclined to be in control.
Jongin might dislike him for being an animal, and by rights that should have Kai being angry in return, but the wolf understood. He was the darkness within Jongin that others couldn't see, but he was also the strength, the loyalty... the love. Everything that Jongin hadn't been able to grasp, everything that Jongin had had ripped away from him, Kai possessed. Kai was the warmth and the strength that kept Jongin going during the day.
Except now Joonmyun had taken that role away from him. And in doing so, the elder male had accepted Kai as Jongin's other half, and in that trust was so much that Kai couldn't fathom. All he knew was that Joonmyun was his mate, was his light, and his strength.
And he loved him.
With that lingering thought in mind, he whined softly and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep and dreams of Joonmyun.
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