Amina stared unseeingly into the forest hills that rolled outside her window.  A white frost had blanketed the grounds, covering the trees with icicles droplets, and freezing any standing puddle of water into ice.  The pension was deathly quiet, all of its occupants still asleep from their late night rendezvous.  She hugged the blanket closer to her body, warding off the morning chill.  

Last night she had an emotional breakdown.  Her heart had been rubbed raw and there was nothing that would have kept the overwhelming feelings from flooding over.  The more Youngbae held her, the more melancholy she felt.  His warmth and caresses brought back bittersweet memories.  Part of her wanted to be held in his arms forever. But the other, more realistic half, warned her to save her heart from more pain and stay away from him. 

It took a few minutes before Youngbae came and joined her outside, her jacket in his hands.  By then, the cold air had allowed her to collect herself.  Amina remembered looking up at his approach and seeing the cautious but determined expression on his face.

Flashback

"Do you have an aversion towards jackets? Or do you just like to freeze to death?" Youngbae waited for her to take the garment from him. He noticed the effect his comment had on her, the fire returning to her eyes.  He mentally smiled to himself.  He rather have her mad at him than sad.

Amina ungratefully jerked the black puffer coat from his outstretched hand. She shoved her arms inside the garment and closed her eyes, sighing against the warmth.  She opened her eyes to find Youngbae's knowing face on hers, waiting.  "Gomawo," she grudgingly replied, watching him grin slightly with a mocking bow. She turned away from him and continued down the side of the building.  Spotting a rot iron bench, Amina gingerly sat down, wincing as the cold metal hit the back of her exposed thighs.

Youngbae watched her sit on the bench and noticed her legs still shaking slightly. From the cold? Or was it from their moment earlier?  He didn't know.

"Let's go inside," he urged. "You're going to get sick again."

Amina looked up at him and shook her head.  "Ani..."

He made a disgruntled noise.

"I need to clear my mind," she continued, looking away from him.

Youngbae sighed.  He marched over and sat down next to her, ignoring her wary expression.  Wrapping his left arm around her waist, he pulled her halfway onto his lap.  His movements were stopped by her shocked outburst.

"W-what are you doing!" Amina exclaimed, her legs straddling his left thigh.  She tried to pull her dress down while trying to stand up at the same time.  But the force of his arm around her waist hampered her vain attempts. Amina looked over her shoulder and waited for him to explain himself.

Youngbae looked into her heated brown eyes and tried to school his features from smiling.  "If you're going to sit out here and think, then I'm not going to let you freeze to death.  Especially since I know what you'll be thinking about is me."

Amina clamped shut and faced away from him.  She couldn't deny his words, no matter how arrogant they seemed.  Amina grabbed the sides of his thighs as he continued to pull her fully in-between his legs.  She heard him let out a loud sigh of relief as both arms settled around her waist.

"God, you're freezing," he said quietly in her right ear, his hands wandering up and down her ribcage inside the jacket.

Amina wiggled against the invasion, hearing him grunt behind her.  She turned her face slightly towards him and chided, "If you can't keep your hands still, you can go back inside." She raised an eyebrow, waiting for his agreement.

"Okay," he promised.  This time he couldn't help himself from grinning at her outraged expression. "I promise I'll be good."

They sat in silence for several minutes, letting their body heat warm each other.  Amina finally relaxed enough to lie back against his chest, resting the back of her neck on his left shoulder. She let out a quiet frustrated sigh.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he murmured against her cheek.  Underneath his palms, he could feel her take quick shaky breath intakes.  For a moment, he became alarmed that she had started crying again.

Amina bit her lip, willing the emotions back.  She needed to come clean with him and face the truth.  She sat up and turned to face him.  His gentle eyes watched her patiently, waiting for her to begin.  "Mianhae..." she began, watching his guard come up.

"I should have told you the first time we kissed..." She lowered her eyes in remorse. "...that it would never work out between us." She swallowed hard and watched his eyes change.  She could tell he was pulling away from her again.  "I should have been honest with you about my fiancé.  That no matter how things progressed between us... I, we..." she broke off, her voice cracking under the pain. 

"We can never be together." Amina blinked away the fresh tears in her eyes, the pain lingering there. "I'm sorry for leading you on... I never wanted to hurt you."

Youngbae swallowed the lump of pain in his throat.  His voice thick with emotion, he asked, "Wae?"

She knew what he was asking.  Why did she let them take it so far... why did she give herself to him.

Amina looked into his eyes, her fears and worries fading away.  "I wanted my first time to be with someone I love."

Youngbae felt his heart skip a beat.  "You don't love him?" he asked, his voice hoarse.  "Then why are you marrying him?"

Amina could see the confusion in his eyes.  She shook her head sadly.  "I don't want to marry him... but I just have to."  She turned around and spoke to the darkness in front of them.  Little white puffs of air could be seen with every word she spoke, "It's a family obligation that I must honor.  Something I can't break."

He tugged on her waist so she would face him.  "What about you? What about your feelings?  Does it not matter to them?" He felt himself become angry.

"It's not like that," she tried to explain.  Amina shook her head.  "I know it's hard to understand but my family is everything to me."  She watched the frustration mount in his eyes.  "I would do anything for them," she quietly finished.

Youngbae pushed her off his lap and stood up.  Amina stood up after him, watching him pace back and forth across in front of her.  Amina moved out of his way, further along the building.  The anger in his voice stopped her. She glanced at him over her shoulder.

"So that's it?" he demanded. "We just go back and pretend like nothing happened?"  He started advancing on her.

Amina stepped back until she backed up against the side of the building.  She shrugged her shoulder, the hopeless sadness in her eyes evident.  "I don't know what else to do."

"Didn't you say you loved me?" he accused. "Or did I not hear that right?"

Amina felt fresh tears sting the back of her eyes.  "Please don't use that against me," she whispered.

Youngbae moved closer to her, his face inches from hers and watched more pain slash across her face. He cupped her cheek with one hand, his thumb her lightly.  "Tell me," he quietly demanded. He needed her to say the words to him.

Her lips quivered.  She shook her head.  "Ani..." she cried, her heart breaking.

He leaned down into her and begged once more, "Tell me." His lips grazed hers slightly.

"Don't," she pleaded against his mouth. 

Youngbae paused.  He inched back a heart beat and searched her eyes.

"We can't do this anymore," Amina begged, her breath blowing softly across his lips.  "It's better if we just... be friends."

Youngbae felt his heart stop.  "Friends?" He raised his eyebrow in disbelief and let out a humorless half laugh.  "Ani... we can't be friends."

Amina stared up at him in hurt confusion.

"Ani... we can never be friends," he whispered moments before his lips swept down to claim hers.

He pressed against and felt her shaky breath in-take against his lips.  Youngbae felt Amina deny herself quietly underneath him, her head turning to the side.  But he held her in place with his hand, unwilling to let her go.

Amina could feel the heat of his seeking lips against hers as she struggled under the pressure.  But his grip was solid against her cheek, his lips firm and unyielding.  She felt her heart swell at his touch, her feelings flooding back.  The futile chains around her heart broke and she closed her eyes.  Amina gave in to him, pressing her lips gently back.  She felt his tongue probe the opening of . Amina opened her lips to allow him in, reaching up to bring him closer to her.

Youngbae angled his head, his mouth filling with her taste.  He kissed her deeply, all of his pent up frustration coming through.  She whimpered and clung to his neck.  He released his grip on her cheek so he could wrap both arms around her waist, pressing her fully against his body.  His groaned in pleasure when he felt her tongue slide hotly against his.

He opened his eyes slightly to watch her kiss him, her lashes dark against her creamy skin.  He watched her cheeks flush with desire and inched his hand up, cupping her left .  She sighed into his mouth, the sound driving him insane. He closed his eyes and let the feeling sweep over both of them.

He heard sounds of people leaving the bar and broke their kiss part, shielding her from prying eyes.  Amina immediately straightened, her lips swollen and red.  She pulled her jacket closer to her body, hugging herself.

"Oppa!" Ji-Na's voice called out.  "Is Mimi with you... oh," she cut off as she approached them.  "I think we're going home now.  It's getting late."

Youngbae glanced at Amina, but she refused to look up at him.  She walked around him and headed towards the car where Jiyong and Hanna waited.

End Flashback

Amina absentmindedly rubbed her lips.  She could still feel and taste him there.  Amina couldn't deny how much she would miss their passionate kisses.  It was just another thing that she'd keep with her forever.

She inclined her head, hearing the sounds of a door opening across the hall.  Of course he would be awake, she thought to herself.  It seemed they both were early risers.  She felt her heartbeat accelerate when she heard a shuffling outside her door.  She held her breath and waited, willing him to go away. 

It took a minute but Youngbae finally continued down the hall, his track pants and sneakers making quiet ruffling noises as he made his way downstairs.  Amina let out a breath and fell back against her bed.  She needed to avoid him the rest of this trip.  She didn't need any more confrontations with him.  Luckily for her, they would be leaving tomorrow.

"The fridge is getting kind of bare.  We should probably pick up some items for tonight and tomorrow morning," remarked Hanna.

Jiyong nodded.  "There's a grocery mart a few miles away.  Make a list and I'll take you."

"Mimi, could you make a list for us?"

"Sure," Amina replied, looking up from her magazine.  She stood up and headed towards the kitchen, grabbing a memo pad and pen off the countertop. 

"Could you get stuff to make galbijim?" asked Ji-Na, running after them.

Amina turned to her, an unapologetic expression on her face.  She didn't know how to make the braised short rib casserole.  "Mianhae unnie... I don't know how to make that."

"Oh it's alright," Ji-Na replied.  "Here," she said, coming over to write on the notepad.  "I'll write down the ingredients and tell you how to make it for me tonight."

Amina saw Hanna start towards them with a frown on her face but waved her off.  "Sure unnie," Amina replied to Ji-Na. "I've always wanted to learn how to make that dish."

Amina wrote down the finishing items that they needed for the rest of their short stay and followed Jiyong and Hanna as they walked to the door.  Hanna turned towards her and whispered, "Please tell me I'm not as bad as she is."

Amina grinned.  "I don't know what you're talking about." She saw Hanna start again.  "I see no difference," Amina joked.

"Mimi!" Hanna smacked her on her bottom, causing Amina to dance away.  She pouted. "I'm not that bad right?"

Amina laughed.  It was too easy to tease Hanna.  She saw Jiyong smile nearby.

"The caretaker is taking off for his holiday, so you guys will be alone for awhile.  Is there anything you need before we get back?" asked Jiyong.

Amina looked at him and shook her head. 

"Okay," said Hanna.  "We'll be back in a little bit."

"Okay, unnie," replied Amina.  "Please be careful out there.  The roads look slippery."

"Call me if you need anything else," Hanna replied.

"Neh."

Amina watched as they left the pension, driving carefully until they hit the main road.  She turned around and headed back inside, the hours stretched ahead of her unplanned.  Everyone was still in the entertainment room, watching a program.  She headed that way to join them.

Ji-Na was seated next to Youngbae on the couch, her body pressing up against his.  Amina took a seat across from them, catching Youngbae's eyes briefly on her.  She sat next to Seungri who was engrossed with whatever they were watching.  Amina recognized the variety show on the projection screen. A commercial came on advertising medication for back and shoulder pain. Amina picked her up magazine and continued reading.

"Oppa..." Ji-Na whined.  "Would you mind rubbing my shoulders? I have a little kink right here." She rubbed a spot behind her neck.

"Oh, sure," Youngbae replied, setting down his phone.  He turned towards Ji-Na and gave her his full attention.  "Right here?" he asked, gently applying pressure with his thumbs.

"Mmm..." Ji-Na moaned.  "A little lower please."

She moaned louder as Youngbae hit the right spot.  "Oh, that feels really good," Ji-Na hummed.

Amina felt herself growing nauseous. She looked over at Seungri, suddenly blaming him for her misery.  He looked at her and apologetically smiled.  "A massage sounds good," Seungri happily provided the opening, giving her a chance to even the playing field.

Amina looked at him in annoyance.  "You want a massage?"

"Neh," he grinned, standing half out of his seat.

"Here," Amina stuck out her foot towards him. "You can massage."

Youngbae let out a muffled laugh.

Seungri's eyes widened in mock hurt, taken aback by her rudeness.  "You know that's not what I meant," he pouted, sitting back down.  "But if you insist..." he said devilishly, starting for her foot.

Amina yelped and tucked her foot underneath her.  "Ani!" she chastised.  "Let's just keep our hands to ourselves," she pointedly said.  She couldn't help but sneer the last part out.  She was tired of watching Ji-Na and Youngbae together. 

Seungri gave her a knowing look.

Amina narrowed her eyes at him. 

He grinned at her.

Youngbae's phone rang.

Amina let out a huff and went back to reading her magazine.

"Neh... neh," Youngbae replied.  "I'll take them out for you.  Neh... Annyeong." He hung up the phone. He looked at Ji-Na.  "Mianhae... that was Jiyong.  He wants me to take Gaho and Jolie out for a walk before he gets back."  He watched her pout prettily.  "Did you want to come along?"

"Ani, oppa," Ji-Na pouted, sliding a finger down his chest. 

He grabbed her hand to still it and returned it to her lap.

"You know I don't like dogs," Ji-Na replied.

Youngbae remembered.  "Alright, I'll be right back then."

"Ani, there's no need for you to leave Ji-Na alone," Amina smiled.  "We'll take Gaho and Jolie out, won't we Seungri?" She looked over at Seungri's surprised expression. 

"N-neh..." Seungri agreed, uncertain of his next line.

"Neh...," Amina nodded her head at them.  She stood up and grabbed Seungri's hand, pulling him up.  "We'll let you continue your 'massage' in private."

They were halfway down the hall before Seungri tugged her hand to stop.  She turned around with an exasperated look on her face.  "Mwuh?" she asked.

"You're letting your jealousy show," grinned Seungri.

"I'm not jealous!" Amina hissed loudly, looking back to see if her voice had traveled.  She faced him and explained.   "I'm irritated!  If I have to hear another moan or groan from Ji-Na unnie, I will stuff my ears shut!"

Seungri laughed.

"Ugh!" she said, disgusted with herself.  "Just go get the dogs.  I'll meet you in the foyer."  She walked upstairs to her room to grab her jacket and gloves.  At the last minute, she decided to grab her i-Pod as well in case they would be outside for awhile.  As she left the room, she heard her door give an odd click.  Amina went back to open the door but found it locked.  She jiggled the knob once more. "Aigoo..." she moaned.  She had locked the door on accident, leaving the key inside.

Youngbae walked behind her, on his way to his room.  "Problems?" he asked, opening his door.

Amina jumped slightly at his appearance.  She hadn't expected him to leave Ji-Na's side so quickly.  "Umm.. no." She let go of the door knob.  "I just locked myself out, that's all."

"Well, at least your remembered your jacket this time," he grinned.

 She felt like sticking her tongue out at him, but stopped.  God, what was wrong with her?  "Where's Ji-Na unnie?" she tried to appear nonchalant.

"She's taking a nap." His eyes twinkled, a whisper of a smile still on his lips.

"Oh," Amina replied. 

Seungri came down the hallway, with Gaho and Jolie in tow. The two sharpeis were eagerly pulling against their leashes, excited to be let out. "Ready?" he asked Amina.

"Neh," Amina replied, grabbing Jolie's leash from his grip.

"Maybe hyung wants to come with us?" asked Seungri, looking over her shoulder at Youngbae.

"Ani," Amina replied, tugging on the leash.  "We don't need his help." 

"But I didn't ask if we needed help..." Seungri pointed, following her at her heels.

"He's taking a nap.  They're taking a nap.  Old people need a nap," she spouted in succession, hearing Youngbae chuckle behind them.  She cringed at her behavior, as they walked down the stairs and out the foyer towards the front driveway.  She in the freezing cold air, letting it fill her lungs until it hurt.

Seungri looked over at her, a grin on his face.  "It's okay if you're jealous, you know. I mean, she has been all over him these past couple of days..."

"I'm not jealous!" Amina exclaimed, her cheeks flush with denial.  "I told you... I'm just irritated!"  She started walking Jolie down the gravel path driveway.  "I mean, I was supposed to be up here for my vacation, and now I have those two to deal with. There's only so much lovey dovey stuff a person can take!"

They walked over the rocks towards the frozen river below, their steps slow and cautious. 

"You're only saying that because you're on the other end, being single and all," Seungri explained.  "And the fact that he's your ex-boyfriend.  Yeah, that could be why you're so irritated," he jabbed teasingly at her.

"I don't know how you can even call him my ex-boyfriend.  We only went out on one date." Amina replied, stepping over a large rock.  They finally hit the sandy ground.  She loosened the grip on the leash, allowing Jolie to sniff around.

"Hmm," Seungri replied quietly.  "Well, it must have been some date. I've never seen hyung re-act that way towards any other girl."

Amina felt her heart beat erratically.  "Fine," she admitted.  "It was a fling."

He stared at her and raised an eyebrow.

She wasn't going to give him more than that.  "What about Ji-Na unnie?  I'm sure he was worse when he was with her." She stepped on the frozen lake, testing it underneath her foot.  It seemed solid.  "Here Seungri."  She gave him the leash as she waded out further on the frozen ice.

She glided along the shore, enjoying herself.  "I haven't done this in awhile!" she laughed at Seungri.

Seungri tugged Gaho and Jolie towards him and sat down a few yards away on a rock. He grinned while watching her.  "You're not afraid you're going to fall down and break a leg?"

"Aniyo!" Amina replied, gliding further out on her sneakers.  She did a small pirouette, her movements agile and smooth.  "I took dance when I was younger and we did a few moves in an ice-rink to help us balance." 

Seungri clapped his hands.  "Encore!"

She laughed and performed another spin, her arms falling gracefully behind her. She slowed down and glided aimlessly around, watching the ice beneath her feet.

"To answer your question though," Seungri called out. Amina looked up at him.  "Hyung and Ji-Na noona never went out."

Amina stumbled slightly on an uneven surfaced but continued gliding.  "What do you mean, 'they never went out'? I thought you said she was his first love."

"Neh," Seungri relented.  "But they were never official or anything."

Amina glided to a stop.

"I think she knew hyung had a crush on her, but noona never gave him a chance. It was kind of a one sided relationship."

"What do you mean?"

Seungri paused, trying to remember. "Like, he would ask her to go eat or to the movies, and she would always said 'no.' But if she ever wanted anything, she knew all she had to do was ask hyung and he'd do it."

"Well, maybe it's their time now," Amina replied, skating once more.

"Ani," grinned Seungri.  "He doesn't want her.  He wants you."

Anima faltered slightly, her legs shaky.  "Ani... he doesn't want me.  He wants someone like her.  Someone worldly... someone y.... someone... with big s!" She made an exaggerated move with her hands, showcasing a chest that wasn't there.

Seungri laughed.

Amina covered her face with her hands.  "Omo Seungri...!  What is wrong with me?" she cried. "God... am I jealous?  I can't be..." She closed her eyes and spoke quietly to herself.  "Because that would mean I care... and I don't care!"  She shook her head vehemently. "I don't..."

"Have you spoken to hyung yet?"

Amina looked up from her woes and nodded.  "Neh."

Seungri's eyes widened.  "When? What did you say?"

Amina shrugged her shoulder. "Last night.  I told him the truth. About my family, my obligations, and why we could never be together." She felt her heart seize up again and skated around once more.

"So how did he take it? He looked fine this morning..." Seungri pondered.

Amina half-laughed.  "What did you expect?  Tears?"  She shook her head.  "I told you Seungri.  It's over between us."

"I can't believe that..." Seungri stated.  "What else did you tell him?"

Amina bit her lip.  "I told him... I wanted to be friends."

"MWUH?!!!? You told him what?"  Seungri smacked himself in the head.  "Omo, omo... I can't believe you told him that."

"Mwuh?  We can't be friends? What's wrong with being friends?" Amina planted a hand on her waist and waited.

Seungri shook his head woefully.  "How did hyung take it?"

Amina tried to remember his words, but his heated kiss kept coming through instead.  She shook her head.  "Umm... he didn't take it so well," she half-lied.  "He was... mad, I guess you could say." She hoped she was far enough that Seungri couldn't see the heat that crept up her cheeks.

"Neh," Seungri nodded.  "I would be too if a girl told me that." He looked up at her and asked, "So what did he say?"

Amina paused and wet her lips.  "He said he didn't want to be friends."

Seungri raised both eyebrows.  "Wow..."

"Yeah... so now you know.  And now I'm sad," she smiled weakly, "because of you."

"Mianhae..." Seungri apologized.

Amina shook her head and pulled out her i-Pod.  "It's okay.  There's nothing you can do now Seungri.  Just let it go..." She pulled on the headphones and turned away from him, skating in the opposite direction.

Seungri watched her, sadness filling his eyes.  She was right.  There was nothing else they could do, especially if hyung couldn't even accept her in his life, even if it was a little part.  He sighed.... for them. Tugging on Gaho and Jolie's leash, he circled around the sandy shore, watching the two enjoy their short outing.

Amina let the music take her to a different place, far away from her heartache and pain.  She glided along the ice, reaching out further into the middle of the river, testing her skills.  She skated for several minutes, feeling the ice cold air whip around her.  Amina took in the sights around her, admiring the tall evergreens surrounding the hills above.  It took away her worries, allowing her to enjoy herself for the first time on their trip up to Dolce Vita.

With music blasting through her headphones, she didn't hear the ice crackle beneath her weight.  She kept gliding further out, swaying back and forth with the music.  The ice trembled beneath her, causing her to stop.  She glanced around, looking for signs of vehicles or airplanes passing by.  She took another step and felt the ground swallow her up.

Youngbae watched Amina glide around the lake, thoughts of their encounter from last night haunting him.  On the way home, they pretended like nothing happened.  She refused to look at him and he refused to acknowledge her.  And so it continued this morning.  He was still smarting over her comment.  Friends?  How can they ever be friends? Friends didn't give each other passionate kisses. Friends didn't make each other's heart beat crazily.  And he never had a friend that he wanted to make love to incessantly.  No, they couldn't be friends.

She seemed at peace out there by herself, her face lifting up towards the sky.  He watched her glide further out and could see she was too far away from the shore.  She paused and looked around, disturbed by something.  He saw the ice give way before she did.  His heart stopped as he watched her fall into the water. He took off at a dead run, sprinting down the hall towards the stairs. 

The freezing water immediately up all the air in her lungs.  Amina kicked out with her feet to project herself up towards the surface, but her limbs felt frozen.  She tried to doggy paddle, but her arms were hampered down by her thoroughly soaked jacket.  It confined her movements, weighing down her body. 

She gave herself another hard kick and gulped in air, reaching for the edge of the ice.  She came up empty handed.  Amina could see the edge of the frozen lake nearby and tried to swim to the side.  She felt herself sink further down into the freezing waters.  Amina continued to kick despite feeling the energy drain from her limbs. She swallowed water and started choking, the liquid burning inside her lungs.  She felt herself sinking further and further into the black water.  She kept fighting for several seconds until her movements became less and less violent, the struggles ceasing as her body slowly began to give up.  She closed her eyes and prayed.