Henry had barely been able to sleep at all that night and the following day had seemed longer than any other one he had ever experienced. At the end of the day he hadn't come to a conclusion with all his thoughts turning in circles and he was so restless that he hadn't even tried to play again or go to sleep. Instead, as soon as his parents were asleep, he left his room, grabbed his keys and left the house. He was sure that Zhou Mi wouldn't be at the river in the middle of the night. He had been once when they had made up to meet but he would have to work the next day so it was unlikely that he was out this late.

He closed his jacket, shivering a little because of the cold. But at the same time he felt that this was exactly what he needed. A cold wind to blow through his thoughts and get them into an order that would make sense. Some time during which he could relax and just let his thoughts maybe finally come to a conclusion. So he could figure out what he felt about Zhou Mi. Sungmin kept on saying that he was in love. But he really didn't know if he was or if it was just the other man saying so.

His mind started to become clearer while he walked through the desolated, dark streets. Some street lamps were still spending some light but it was only scanty, barely enough to see anything. And if you started to rely on it, the light would just stop shinging at all.

Henry sighed when another lamp made a small noise and then faded out completely. Everyone else would have surely been afraid to walk those streets alone at night. But he wasn't. He had walked these streets so often at night already that fear was something he just couldn't attach to darkness. Especially because he knew that it would be even darker when he reached the river.

He burried his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket, starting to freeze a little. The day when he had told Zhou Mi about his cancer had still been warmer! Henry sighed and looked towards the ground to make sure he wouldn't fall. His thoughts and feelings were a mess. Or in other words - he didn't know what to think or feel anymore. His life had taken a weird turn the day Zhou Mi had entered it and it had become even more confusing when he had gotten to know Sungmin. Why couldn't everything just have stayed the way it had been before? Maybe he hadn't been happy but all those confusing things hadn't been there as well. He wouldn't have much longer to live. So why did Zhou Mi and Sungmin have to enter his life now? And most importantly, what was when Sungmin was right, what if he had fallen for the other man, what if the other was feeling the same way, what if they became a couple? He wouldn't be able to give the other a lot of happiness. Their relationship would be short-lived. It would be as long as the rest of his life. If they both decided to risk it. If they both felt the way Sungmin had told him they felt.

By then he had reached the river though the water beneath was nothing but a black, rushing something. Unidentifiable.

He developed his thoughts further. What if they actually did become a couple? What would happen? What would they do? Would they behave like a normal couple for the time they had together? Would they... would they do all the things he saw on tv? Go out, have dates, meet, cuddle... kiss? Would he start to feel attached to the other, would he feel a 'tingling sensation' as they called it in books when they touched? Or would there always be sadness surrounding them because of his closing death? Would Zhou Mi accompany him to the hospital? No, that was the wrong question, would he let Zhou Mi accompany him to the hospital? Would he have a sleepover at the other's place? For sure not the other way round, he would die from embarrassment! But Zhou Mi's bed had been really comfortable and also bigger than his... but no, he shouldn't think of those things!

Henry shook his head, trying to get rid of the imaginations his mind had just made up but he already felt his face heat up. He sighed. It was no use. Besides all the things his mind could show him, something like that would never happen. He was very sure about that. Because, how would Zhou Mi be able to feel something like that? There would always be pity among his feelings. It was always like that, wasn't it? Even in his parents' eyes he could see pity and sadness even though they had known about his disease for years already.

"Henry-ah? Is that you?"

Henry was so shocked that he almost lost his balance and would have fallen into the river if he hadn't been quick enough to get a hold of the one who had called him, almost pulling him down with him. When he had found his balance again, he looked up into a familiar face, getting the next shock. "Z-Zhou Mi?" He accidentally forgot the 'hyung', still not being used to it. "B-but... what are you doing here?" He felt himself blush a deeper red and was glad that it was so dark. Still he lowered his head a little and bit his lip. Why hadn't he heard the other? It wasn't like one could move soundlessly on the river side's ground.

"Well... I just came here to think. But I'm actually glad I met you."

I am not! Zhou Mi, how am I supposed to look at you after what I did and how do you expect me to be able to talk to you without knowing what I think or what I feel? Please, don't ask me anything right now! I will not be able to answer! I should just leave, say I was told to go home soon again. But he won't believe me...

"Are you okay?"

"Y-yes, I think so."

"You think so?"

"Well... besides the obvious... you know... I-I..." If he now said what he was thinking about the whole time, Zhou Mi would for sure think the same way Sungmin did and he most likely wouldn't want to see him anymore afterwards.

"Would you mind walking a little? I mean, it's pretty cold and... I want to talk to you about... yesterday evening. If you don't mind, that is?"

"As long as I don't have to say anything..." Henry replied before he could think about it twice. When he noticed what he had said, he almost panicked. "I-I mean... it's not like I don't want to talk about it, too, but... i-it was only Sungmin, he told me to do it! And I-I don't know why I did it at all. Please don't hate me, okay? Because... because... and I wouldn't know what to say either and... and.... you know..."

"Henry-ah, calm down! It's okay. You don't have to say anything for now, okay?" Zhou Mi interrupted him with a laugh but judging from the sound of the other's voice, he was nervous, too.

Henry nodded.

"Then c'mon." Zhou Mi placed a hand onto Henry's back and guided him into one direction. Soon they just walked next to one another without any contact. They were going into the direction Henry had come from, but then they continued along the river. "You know, I was at Sungmin's. But I bet he told you because he said he wanted to call you afterwards." So, afterwards. Did that mean Sungmin hadn't told him that he had been the one on the phone when he had entered his friend's apartment? "He theoretically told me to give you some time to think until tomorrow. But well, I hadn't thought I'd meet you here tonight. I just couldn't stand it alone in my apartment anymore where my thoughts seemed to go nowhere."

"They seemed to go in circles..." Henry murmured.

Zhou Mi laughed a little. "Yeah, just like that." It was quiet for a short while, then Zhou Mi continued speaking. "Sungmin told me some things. Like... he said that you might like me. And he knows that I... that I could think of something more than friendship. But he also told me everything that would be attached to a relationship like that. I thought about it the last 26 hours or who knows how long it was exactly. And I have come to the conclusion that I would take the risk. That I would like to try to be in a relationship with you. But it depends on what you think and feel."

Henry came to a stand. It depends on what you think and feel. That was a good question. He looked to the ground. Wasn't this just what he had been imagening a couple of minutes ago? So why did he seem to take a step back now? Was it just that he thought he could protect himself and others by doing this? He knew that it was pointless to do so...

"Hey, Henry." The younger looked up and noticed that Zhou Mi had come to a stand right in front of him. "I don't need an answer just now, okay?" That's what everyone says in a situation like this. Henry knew as well as the other that he was supposed to answer as soon as possible. "I just wanted you to know all these things for now."

Henry lowered his head. He didn't know what to do and the fact that the Chinaman told him that he wanted to be together with him didn't really help his spinning mind. Instead there were even more things confusing him. Why did Zhou Mi feel like this? Why did he want to try this even though he had to know how much it would hurt for him in the end? Why?

"Hey, do you even listen?" Henry looked back up into Zhou Mi's pouting face.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and made the other laugh.

"It's okay. So, do you want to follow me to the playground?"

"To the playground?" The younger had to laugh at this childish idea.

"Yeah, why not? C'mon, you'll see it's not as childish as you think it is." Zhou Mi reached one hand out for him and Henry stared at it.

"You don't really mean that, do you?"

"Do you doubt me?"

"No, but..."

"Then c'mon!"

Hesitantly Henry grabbed the extanted hand and Zhou Mi immediatly pulled him further along the river until they exited the promenade a little later and went through the lonely streets of his neighborhood. Henry knew about where they were but he had never seen a playground in this area. Still he just let Zhou Mi guide him into the direction he wanted to go, trusting him to know where they were going. The hand the other was holding was somehow warm even though it was still pretty cold outside. How could this be?

The other led him through some more streets until they indeed reached a playground. He really hadn't known that it was there. But now that he saw it - there was a slide, a swing and a seesaw. Henry had to smile, feeling reminded of when he had been younger and still lived in Canada that he had spent some time at playgrounds as well.

Zhou Mi pulled him to the swing first and soon it had become a race between the two of them which Henry actually won, ending up laughing and holding onto the swing's ropes to not loose his balance while laughing. Zhou Mi reached the other swing only half a second later and had to laugh as well. Henry grinned at him, then sat down on his swing.

After the swing they picked the seesaw, doing more useless stuff than reasonable things and Henry came to the conclusion that the playground wouldn't survive many of their visits. But he never stopped laughing.

At least not until the two of them lay down on the barely wet gras and just looked into the sky. "You know, sometimes I wish I could be immortal. Like the water. Or like the stars that I see every night. I mean, I know that stars aren't immortal but they seem to be so far away from all this living and dying here..