2 July, 12.27am

Dear Diary,

I’m in school now. I wish Soohyun oppa was here to teach me, it would be much more interesting if he was my teacher.

Anyway, remember the list I wrote some time ago? I had totally forgotten about it. But it seems like I can strike off one item there already. So… now it looks like this:

-         Learn how to play a musical instrument

-         Visit a country I’ve never been to before

-         Go to the beach at sunset

-         Meet U-Kiss

-         Give Soohyun oppa a present

I want to give Soohyun oppa a present… but what should I give him? I have no idea what he wanted.

Speaking of Soohyun, guess what? After yesterday, we’ve been texting each other regularly. Every time he was free he would text me, so I started keeping my phone by my side in case he texted.

But there was something scary. As we texted each other, I started to see him not as a celebrity… but more as a friend.

Was that good or bad? I don’t know… and the strange feeling in me from yesterday hasn’t disappeared. Every time I think about Soohyun, that feeling just gets stronger.

Anyway, class just ended and it’s lunch time, so I’ll write to you later.

Love,

Me

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I kept my stuff and got out of the class to meet my friend. Suddenly, someone, I don’t know who, ran past and knocked into me. The file I held in my arms fell to the ground, and my papers flew everywhere. I bent down hurriedly to pick them up. Soon, I realized there was someone else helping me. I looked up and realized it was my friend.

She was holding a piece of paper in her hands, her face going pale. What was on that piece of paper anyway? I took it from her and my eyes widened.

It was my chemotherapy schedule.

Hastily, I stuffed the schedule into my file along with some other pieces of paper. “Let’s go for lunch,” I said, grabbing my friend’s hand.

“Hey…” my friend started saying.

“C’mon, we’ll miss lunch at this rate if-”

“Hey.”

I stopped. I could hear the hurt in her voice. She was hurt.

“I’m sorry, I… didn’t know how to tell you…” I started crying, ignoring the stares of passing students.

She just looked at me. “Are you… going to die? I don’t wanna lose you…”

I didn’t know what to tell her. How could I just tell my best friend that, yes, I was going to die? I couldn’t. I hugged her and wept, making the shoulder of her shirt wet.

She hugged me back and started crying too. “Don’t leave me…”

“I won’t, I’ll be with you forever… whether or not I die.”

I cried out my fear of death, my fear of losing her, losing my mother, my fear of cancer. I cried out everything I had been keeping from her, I cried out all the stress and depression I had felt.

She, too, cried out her fear of losing me, her fear of an ended friendship, her fear of not having me around anymore, her fear of my death.

Together, we stood there, and cried.