Hyukjae’s POV

I’m sitting in the bar now, holding wine in my left hand. It’s the second times I drunk. And it’s still morning! To be honest, I want to stops this bad habit, because I don’t want to ends up like being a crazy people who likes drinking and spend his whole life with alcohol. But I don’t why, much harder I try, much harder the obsession taking me. Then I’m trying to remember the thing that happened at the Eiffel Tower.

---

I opened the picture message, and suddenly shocked as the picture showed me his figure. He’s not alone, but with a girl. I don’t know where they are, since the picture was shot in closed up. But I know it for sure, that….they’re kissing!

Yes, KISSING! The kiss looks like full with passionate. And the guy is no other than….Donghae?! My ex-Donghae?! I couldn’t see the girl figure, because it’s blur with intend. But it doesn’t matter anymore, I feel like my world is going down right now, all I could feel is my head spinning, and my hands are shaking…but the strange thing is…no matter how hurt my feeling…I cannot cry. Did all my tears gone already because of him? I feel like all my strength were gone, but still…I can’t drop my tears. It’s like all my tears are getting dry. Then I just can think one thing to do to stop my pain.

---

And here I am now, sitting in the bar chair and getting drunk in the morning. It seems like the bartender could feel my pain too, because he gave me some extra drink for free. I’m holding my cellphone, and trying to see the picture again. I’m staring it for a while, with an empty look.

“Hey, you, are you think that you’re so special huh?! Making me like this? hurting me again and again? do you think that I can’t live without you, huh?! Then you’re wrong! I’ll prove it, that I can be much better than you!”, I’m yelling at the picture, making the bartender confused. But then he whispered something to me.

“Hey dude, there’s no such thing like true love you know? Just leave it and enjoy your life, you have potencial…I mean, you’re handsome and looks like have the girls around you….you don’t have to suffering for a person…”, he said.

I’m just keeping silent, trying to think about his words…Then I finally get this conclusion. A solution for all my pain. ‘Ne, that’s right. There’s no such thing like true love…and there’s no such thing like endless love, or all the things that claiming the words love as an excuse. I’ll suffer if keeping this love in me…And the best way is throwing all my feeling away, and just enjoy this earthly life.’

And once again, just like an idea had just possessed me.

I’m going home tomorrow.

I drop my head, and then all I could remember is the darkness. I fell asleep.

--End of Hyukjae’s POV—

---0---

The members are sitting in the livingroom together right now, finally having their free time after a busy week. They’re still waiting Hyukjae to go home, because they worry so much about him. It’s true that he have sent so many pictures about his fun trip in Paris, but it just didn’t feel right for them.

Shindong was about to open his mouth to talk when suddenly the door open. Reflects, they’re all staring at the door, hoping that it’s Hyukjae. But how disappointed them, knowing that truly it’s manager hyung who coming.

“Hi, guys! You’re looking miserable…usually you’ll laughing out loud when gathering like this, even if there’s no funny joke…what’s happen?”, he said when walking to the sofa to join the members.

They don’t want to talk to much right now, and Shindong is the only person who answer manager hyung’s question, with a short words, “Just tell us what you want to talk hyung…”.

Manager hyung is a little confused with this situation, but then continue to speaks. “Okay, then, since you guys don’t have enough strength to talk, I’ll make it short. Oh, wait….where’s Hyukjae? Isn’t he coming home yet?”, suddenly he realize that Hyukjae isn’t there.

“Emm…about that….actually, he’s-“, Eeteuk’s words cutted off when the door suddenly open once again. but it’s different from before, because the one who enter the room this time, is surely the one that they miss so much….Then they yelling his name together.

“Hyukjae!”.

Hyukjae’s POV

I’m going out from the taxi, walking inside the apartment and going to the lift. The lift’s door are open, and I enter it. I press the button. It is moving up now, bringing me to the place that I miss so much. The lift suddenly open, showing me our apartment door. I’m walking closer, and hold the door hilt.

“Hyukjae!”, I hear their voice calling my name as I open the front door.  Then I give my best smile to them and walking closer to them.

Heechul and Yesung hyung suddenly give a tight hug to me, make me feeling hard to breath. “Aish, Hyukkie, you’ve made us all worried about you, you know?! Don’t ever do that again, leaving without saying anything to us!”, Heechul hyung make my hair disorderly. The rest of the members are giving a huge smile to me. Then suddenly I realize, that someone is joining our meeting too…

“Manager Hyung? What are you doing here?”, that’s the first thing coming from my mouth.

“Oi, Hyukjae, I’m glad you’re home, I thought that you won’t coming home ever again…”, he smiled. “Okay then, since Hyukjae is coming, what if we save the reunion for later and starts the serious talks”, he speaks again, and this time, no smile in his face. I’m sure it’s a bad news. And I think the members are feeling the changing atmosphere too, because they take their seats directly. I’m sitting beside Yesung hyung, and we all listen carefully to manager hyung.

“Alright kids, I know that it’s been a hard situation for you guys, since we’ll loose our Donghae for a while….and you guys are busy with separate activities nowdays, and the most important, soon Eeteuk and Heechul is going to join the army….”, he takes a deep breath and continue. “That’s why, the agency was decided that Super Junior….will be take a rest temporarily until you all gather together again, and it’s already confirmed.”, he stops fo a while but then continue to speaks. “And Hyukjae, we’ve prepared a new project for you….with Hyoyeon and Junsu…”, and finally he really stops now.

All the members are just giving a silent look, thinking the same thing that I think. Take a rest? New project?! With Hyoyeon? And Junsu? I just can’t thinking it all clearly yet.

---0---

I’m laying down in my room now, thinking about the thing that happened hours ago. Our manager was already left, and the morning turns to afternoon. The members are still discussing together about what manager hyung said in the livingroom now. but I told them that I’m really tired and want to resting my body for a while. They can understand about my situation, and give me the permission. I know it’s hard for them to accept all this sudden matters, but I’m glad that they allow me and support me to do what I want.

--Flashback—

”We’ll give you three your own variety show. It’s about exploring your dancing skill, since you three are very good in this. We’ll make it like a drama, make a couple episodes first, and if it accepts good rating and responses from society, we’ll continue the episodes.”.

It’s silent now after our manager finish explained everything.

 So, Hyukjae, what’s your answer?”, he asked me again since there was no answers from all of us. “I know if you can’t answer it now, I’ll give you a couple days to think about it first, and you can call me if you’re already decide it.”, he added.

I couldn’t say a word, just looked to the members one by one. Then I bend my head to the ground, and closed my eyes. Suddenly all the flashes are coming to me. The confession, the broke up, the rain, the report, and…the picture. All this stuffs had the same meaning, just one meaning. HURTS. In that moment, I got my courage at the first time to say it. I opened my eyes, and just had one thing to say…. “I’ll accept it.”

--End of Flashback--

That’s right, finally I know what I want, and having my own decision. I don’t have to suffer in a huge valley of miserable again, because I’ll do it in my way, from now on…

Everything is going to be different.

Then I close my eyes, and fall asleep with a huge smile in my face.

---End of Hyukjae’s POV---

They all sitting in the livingroom now, looking each other in silent. Then Eeteuk speaks, trying to break the atmosphere. “So….i think, it’s going to be different from now on, right? Hyukjae is finally got what will makes him happy, and we’re all already had our own duty. And…I think it’s…it’s…”, he can’t continue his words, his eyes is full of tears.

“It’s time to say good bye…”, Heechul adds the words.

“But it’s just for temporary time right…I’m sure we’ll be together again, like we use too someday…”, Yesung starts to talks as tears dropping from his eyes.

All they can do now is giving supports to each other, knowing that there’s no use to avoid this situation. They’re just crying as much as they want, trying to save this precious time, because they knew, that they’ll be separate in pretty long time before they could gather again. And they realize that maybe…when they gather again, everything is not going to be the same as before. And that’s it…the livingroom is full of tears now.

Donghae’s POV

I’m sitting in the back seat, looking at the views around me. I’m on my way to the record studio. It’s been a month and a half since in left Korea. But I don’t know why, i’m still feeling that my heart is belong there. And of course it’s because of him, the one and only person that I love so much, so that I could die for him. I’m so tired with all of this loneliness. Even I got a special moment to attended the award two weeks ago, and I had a famous pretty girl tried to seduce me, but still, I can’t forget about him.

I’m still remembering that night. The girl was grabbing my waist in sudden. Surely, I hated it and  wanted to pull it away, but I knew I can’t in front of the publics. Then I grabbed her waist back with a compulsory look and give a little smile. After that, she’s always trying to teased and bothered me. But thanks God, finally I can avoid her now and she’s stopping to bother me.

Then my mind moves into the Super Junior members. ‘I think our manager is already telling them about the final results…I wonder how was their reaction, to knowing all of this? I wish that they could handle it clearly…I know it sad, but I’m sure they’ll accept it.’, I’m talking myself, then I try to remember the moment when it’s all started.

--Donghae’s Flashback—

“Donghae, you know that I call you here to discuss about some important things, do you?”, our BigBoss, Mr.Lee Soo Man*, starting to speaks. We’re talking inside his office now. “Then, let’s make it simple and safe our precious times.”, he added without giving me time to answer his question.

“And, what’s actually you want to talk with me Sir?”, I’m asking him.

“Of course it’s not far from Super Junior…”, he speaks again. “As you know, Eeteuk and Heechul will go to the army sooner, and there is no way if we continue without them or waiting in uncertainty until they comeback. So…we’ve prepared a new project for you guys, and we saved the special one for you.”, he explains, makes me more curious than before.

“And…what is that Mr. Lee?”, I can’t handle my curious instinct.

“Don’t worry, it will be great.”, he smiles. “You’ve been to China before, right? Then you won’t have any problem if staying there again.”

I’m confused with his words now.”What’s that suppose to mean? Why do I have to go there? Surely Mr. Lee, what are you trying to say to me?”

“What Mr. Lee going to say to you is….you’ll have a solo debut. In China. And it’s not like you’ll leaving Super Junior, because it’s just for temporary time.”, Manager Hyung, who was just standing there before, now starting to talks.

“Wha-what?! But…but why I have to go there? Why me? I don’t want to go…I just want to be here….”, I answer with a stutter voice. I mean it when I said it. I don’t want to leave my lovely Hyukjae far far away. I can’t handle getting far from him just for a day, and how come I can stand to far from him for maybe…a long time. I know I won’t. it’s a silly plan. I won’t go. “Just send someone else Mr. Lee, I’m sorry, but I can’t…”, I answer him, knowing for sure about what I’ve said just now.

He’s just sitting in his chair in silent. Manager hyung is the one who answers me. “But Donghae, you can’t do a selfish thing like that, just think about it again.”, he said.

“What do you mean with a selfish thing hyung?”, I’m asking him, really really confuse now.

“You’re so selfish if you reject this offer. You have to move on you know….And besides, all the projects are ready for each member, and you’ll pursuing them if you reject it, because you’ll be the one who have no clarity then… “, he gets me quiet with his words.

I’ll…pursuing them? But how could I? I loved them like my own brothers…of course it’s a different for Hyukjae, because I love him in other way….I don’t want them to suffer, it hurts when seeing them like that…but…what I have to do? Should I accept that? And leaving my Hyukjae? But I’ll be a cruel person if I’m not…Then after a hard time to give the decision, I take a deep breath and opened my mouth.

“O-okay Mr. Lee….I’ll…take the chance…”, I said. Then I see a smirks come to their faces. “And, I’m sorry, I have to go to continue the practice now…”, I decided to go since I can’t handle my tears anymore. I open the door, and exit the office and close the door again. I was about to walking when manager hyung called me.

“Oi, Donghae….”, he shouted. “The members still don’t know about this, so please, don’t tell them about this okay? I’ll tell them in the right time. Oh, and one think, don’t give to much argument about your project okay?! I’m sure that they’ll preventing you to go and everything is just going to be a mess…and you don’t want to-“, his words suddenly cutted off because my yelling.

“I know that hyung! You don’t have to worry okay! Now…excuse me, I have practice to do…”, I know it’s mean to talk to him like that, but I’m already lost my good mood right now.  I’m overshadowing him and walking away to the dark corridor, starting to crying in silent. Knowing that maybe, I’ll cause so much pain from now on. But I have to keep it on….it’s for the best way…I think positively, cheering myself.

--End of Flashback—

Just be patient guys…it’s just temporary, and the time will come, when we’re all become one again. Someday, we will…’,I tell myself, and looking the beautiful scenery outside, trying to smile between all this pain.

It’s just……

Another sad story.

---End of Donghae’s POV---