I could feel a sense of glum coming from Gongchan the very next morning. I didn't know if he knew about what I did but for some reason I believe he guessed it.

"Hey honey, how are you?" Sandeul bounced to my side the second I was in the classroom and he immediately grabbed my hand and held it in his own. He looked absolutely happy after what we had done just yesterday so I had a feeling I made the right choice no matter what.

"Wow Sandeul I've never seen you this happy in the morning before." Baro commented with a smirk and nudged the boy a few times as if guessing what we did yesterday. There was no way they would know about it right?

It was then that Jinyoung walked through the door and patted Sandeul on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you man." He looked my way for a second and gave me a knowing smile and I knew just then what was going on.

Of course he would tell his best friends about this! Of course they would know about what he did just yesterday!

I immediately lit up a whole new shade of pink on my cheeks and instantly put my head down and broke my hand away from Sandeul so I could sit next to Gongchan in my usual seat. I can't believe he told them that quickly! I was going to tell Gongchan about it today but I guess he already knew because of Sandeul.

I could feel Gongchan’s stare on me and I just wanted to fade away in the darkness because of the embarrassment I was feeling towards this whole thing. I didn’t want them judging me for the thing I did with Sandeul but it wasn’t like it was up to me to keep the whole thing a secret anyways. I didn’t regret what I did with Sandeul, but I did regret not telling him to keep his mouth shut about it even if for a few days.

After school Gongchan didn’t talk about it at all and even continued on like there was absolutely nothing wrong, but I knew there was. The sparkle in his eyes when he talked to me seemed to be faded and he just didn’t have his usual happy-go-lucky smile on like he normally did.

Now Gongchan might not be the happiest in the world, Sandeul most certainly was. Right after first period he made it a point to hold my hand to our next class together, he walked me to my third period, he sat really close to me at lunch and right after school he was right next to my classroom ready to hold my hand once more and walk me out of the building and towards the rest of the group.

“So what are we doing today?” Sandeul asked Jinyoung who shrugged in response and looked at the rest of the group.

“What shall we do? We can practice, go out to eat, or take a free day.” He suggested to everyone. Gongchan proclaimed that they needed to practice more, CNU wanted a free day, and Baro along with Sandeul both said they were starving and needed some food.

Jinyoung went with the popular vote and said before anything we should definitely eat and then make another vote after we were done. I was fine with this idea since I really was hungry and just wanted to sit down and not think too much. The semester was slowly fading away and our to-do list was barely getting done. We celebrated Valentine’s day and all, and did the White’s Day portion of the list but we still had a lot more to do before the end of the semester.

“So have we found out our plans for Black’s day yet?” Baro asked once we were all sitting down and waiting for our orders to be called out.

Jinyoung shrugged, CNU shook his head and Gongchan crossed his arms.

“I’m not sure if we should celebrate it together since two of us aren’t single anymore.” He pouted and almost looked like he glared at Sandeul for a second but glanced away before I could tell for sure.

“But we’re still all friends and should celebrate it together.” Baro added joining Sandeul and my side even though we technically were not single anymore and should not be celebrating a day for single people.

“Yeah I agree that it shouldn’t matter; besides it can just be another day to celebrate before the end of the semester.” CNU joined our side as well leaving only Jinyoung undecided and Gongchan against the idea.

“Well what about you, leader?” Gongchan asked Jinyoung with a sense of distaste in his voice. I knew he wasn’t happy and finally that was coming through.

“Well, um.” Jinyoung looked from Gongchan to the rest of us and sighed. “I think it just best to go with the popular vote of this one and go on their side.”

Gongchan frowned at Jinyoung and stood up from his seat. The rest of the group had no clue why he was mad but I knew; I knew he was mad about what happened last night. “Well then you can celebrate it without me!”

He then walked to the counter, grabbed his food and left the building with a loud huff and a very loud sound of distaste for the situation.

“I’ll, uh, go talk to him.” Baro stood up and walked out with only an ending note of, “Don’t eat my food!”

The rest of the group just sat there, CNU looking extremely awkward and Jinyoung just looking confused. Sandeul looked almost unaffected by all of this and just held on to my hand tighter to show that he was not going to leave my side. I really wanted to get up and follow along with Baro but I knew I was the cause of Gongchan's anger and I was sure he did not want to see me right now.

"He'll be fine." Jinyoung finally spoke up after five minutes of silence fell upon the group, but his reassurance didn't fool anyone, except for Sandeul who had no clue why Gongchan was mad in the first place.

He wasn't fine. I knew he wasn't but there was no way for me to comfort him. In the end Baro came back empty handed saying he couldn't calm Gongchan down enough to come back but made sure he went safely home instead. I couldn't help but worry about him even knowing he was safe and hoped he would be better the next day.

"Hey!" I was greeted immediately once I entered the classroom by Sandeul and he escorted me to my seat happily before heading back to his seat without a single problem. Gongchan had yet to enter the classroom and I waited for a few minutes just staring at the door hoping for him to enter it. A few minutes passed and I started losing hope that he was going to show up until the very last minute he showed up in a huff and ran over to his usual seat next to mine.

I didn't know if I should start a conversation or not but I didn't have to because the second he sat down and got his things out he turned and smiled to me, "How are you today?"

He looked completely normal like nothing had happened yesterday and it was all in my head. I wanted to believe he just calmed down and wanted to forget about it, but there was a certain look in his eyes that I knew all too well. He wasn't happy, but he was pretending to be happy. "Decent, how about you?"

He smiled even more and answered, "I'm doing well, I was a bit late this morning but my alarm just didn't want to wake me up this morning." He chuckled and turned to wave at Jinyoung, Baro and Sandeul as well. For now I wasn't going to bring it up but I did need to talk to him eventually.

And the sooner it happens the better.

After class ended and everyone went their separate ways to go to their next class Sandeul immediately came up to me, "Gongchan looked completely fine in class today, do you think he was just being weird yesterday?"

Instead of telling him my worries I just decided it was best to play it safe and agree with him; I didn't want Sandeul worrying about one of his best friends—not when it was all my fault.

I know he was upset about the whole thing with Sandeul and me, but I didn't know why he was so upset. He told me that I had to be absolutely sure; which I was. I wanted this of us, I wanted to take the next step in our relationship.

Why was Gongchan the only one against it? Not even Baro had a problem with it and he had a huge crush on me!

Sandeul didn't seem too sure from my response but didn't say too much about it in class and just continued to barely pay attention to the teacher and just draw funny designs on his notebook. He always said as long as he graduated he would be fine—they didn't pick K-Pop stars because they're smart.

The longest period ever was the wait for Black Day. It was something on our list and it was something that brought us closer to saying goodbye. April, May it wasn't much longer until they left and go away from my life.

Will I really be back to my old self? Can I even make friends besides them and Alice?

It was then, on Black Day that I realized how different my life has been with them in it. I lost out on an amazing imaginary friend but grew so much stronger through it. I met the best friends I could ever have, the best boyfriend I could ever wish for and even figured out a part of my life that I never knew existed.

At first I hated my parents for it, but now that’s the secrets gone and they fully accept Sandeul I feel like things can go back to normal.

"Cheers for being together!" Jinyoung shouted and rose his chopsticks to the air. It took some time but he found the exact thing we were supposed to eat on Black Day and passed it around to everyone except for Sandeul and I. Jinyoung 'banished' us to a small table with normal noodles and told us to enjoy our time together as a couple. Gongchan and Baro laughed at this and CNU smirked at our shocked faces.

But I guess it was only right since we were technically not even supposed to celebrate this day. In the end we still had tons of fun and ended up staying up as late as we could with no problems at all—or at least we gave ourselves no problems by not caring about school or homework.

April 14^th. It was so weird think that we've known each other for months now and not just days or weeks. I remember when I first became friends with them and when I first saw them singing.

It was probably one of the best days of my life when they sang to me. Just seeing Sandeul's laughing face now reminds me of when he sang to just me in that karaoke room. I can even recall Baro always wanting to be next to me and Gongchan even being really nice to me.

I've grown to love them so much since then that it's hard to believe that our time is almost up. I won't be seeing them for at least four years and that's if I'm lucky! I can of course still see them online when I check out their band, but even then they have to practice and train first before they can make it in Korea. Some trainees take years before they debut—or so I've read up.

But I had a feeling that wasn't going to be too much of a problem for them.

They were an amazing set of people who practiced so hard to go towards their dream. They weren’t just my best friends anymore but almost like a second family. They accepted me for who I was and I accepted them for who they were. Through them I found a new me and was able to talk and communicate to people that were real to everyone and not just myself.

I just hoped I would be able to handle seeing them leave and still be the same person.

Black Day ended soon after that and everyone slowly was kicked out of Jinyoung’s house and on our way back home. Gongchan offered to walk with me to the bus stop and make sure I got home safely, I know Sandeul wasn’t too keen on the idea but he let it slide this once and allowed me to hang out with him.

While all of B1A4 was an amazing set of friends, I do have to say that I could definitely put Gongchan at the top, besides Sandeul being my boyfriend of course, and say that Gongchan is my best friend.

But lately he’s seemed distant from me, distant only once in a while in attempts to make me not worry about him. I never really wanted to ask him about it, but it’s been bothering me ever since he exploded at us not that long ago.

“Look, I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting recently.” Gongchan muttered finally bringing up the topic I had hoped he’d bring up if he walked me home.

“Don’t be sorry, I just want to know what’s been going on. You’ve been distant and I want to know why.” I responded getting straight to the point.

“I just—“ He stopped and sighed. “—I just have been sorting out my feelings lately and I just don’t want to leave you here.”

I was about to say something in return but he took a large intake of breath and continued, “I know you need to finish college and I know you’re very basic in Korean right now and you wouldn’t have a chance, but I don’t want to leave you, I don’t want to be so far away from one of my best friends. I love everyone else and I’m so glad to be looking towards a future with them, but I want you to be included.”

I smiled sadly and nodded, “I know, it’ll be hard for me too. However, I don’t want you to be sad about this because it was your choice. I want all five of you to go to Korea and do your best in any way possible. I’ll be there shortly once I finish school and I promise I’ll work just as hard as all of you.”

I didn’t want to be sad anymore. I wanted to look forward towards the future and do the best I can do. I wanted to do it not only for them but for myself as well.

I wanted to be the person that they thought I was. Strong, independent and ready to take on life.

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I'M SO SORRY OMG I'VE HAD THIS ALMOST DONE FOR SO LONG BUT I HAVENT UPDATED OMG AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH