I didn’t even bother to knock on the door as I entered the house and went straight to my mom to tell her how school was that day and what I learned in my classes. She would smile almost sadly at me and nod to everything I had to say always encouraging me to make friends and get social in my classes but the lessons seemed so much more interesting than making friends. She didn’t bother trying to persuade me to make friends since it was still early in my life being only in the second half of my second grade year of school.

I could remember the date almost too clearly: February 19^th and yet to anyone else it would seem strange to remember a date that only made sense to me.

I walked to my room after finishing my conversation with her and opened my door ready to start working on my homework and spend the rest of my time reading the book I had just checked out of the library today, but when I walked into my room I was not alone.

He just laid there on my bed reading a book that had been left there in the morning. He looked comfortable as he flipped the page to the book and ignored my presence, but shouldn’t I be ignoring his? How did he get into my room? His hair was short and jet black, he had brown eyes but that wasn’t what threw me off, it was that he was Asian that threw me into a whole new set of questions. Why was an Asian boy laying on my bed without a single care in the world? He also had on really thick glasses that he had to push up every other sentence as they continued to fall on his nose. From his clothes he had on only a pair of tan shorts and a navy blue shirt with a design on it, but the design was being blocked by him lying on his stomach.

“Who are you?” I asked after finally analyzing the boy on my bed.

“Your best friend.” He responded but kept his eyes on the book and didn’t even glance my way. How could I have a best friend who I had never seen before?

“I don’t have any friends.” I scoffed and crossed my arms. I could already tell this boy was far too happy to be anything else but annoying.

“Now you do.” He replied finally breaking his eyes from the book and his side to look at me. His design was a simple little duck and I wondered why he would be wearing such a childish shirt when he looked my age.

“I don’t need friends.” I continued my argument not faltering even after he stood up and walked a step towards me, I stepped back in response.

“I’m sure everyone needs a friend.” He smiled and somehow I was attracted to it as if I just wanted him to smile forever. I didn’t even know his name and yet he looked too friendly to even think of him as anything else but a friendly person.

“I don’t.” He moved closer after I spoke and I didn’t step back this time and let him walk towards me.

“I’m here for you May so why not just accept my friendship.” He smiled even wider and stood right in front of me, only a foot away. He knew my name and yet I didn’t freeze up and scream. I didn’t do anything but stare into his familiar brown eyes. “My name is Sandeul.” He closed the gap between us and snuck his arms around my stomach and hugged me tight. “Let me repeat; I’m your best friend.”

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“I understand, because I know he loves you too.”

Baro’s words spun around in my head the whole walk back to my house and followed me around for the rest of the week of school and caused me to yet again avoid the boy I promised to stay close to.

Love. The four letter word that means too much for someone to just use it lightly. Oh I love this hat, or I love this song. People have taken the real definition of love and turned it into something entirely different and made new definitions out of it. The way one loves their parents is a different love from their lover or friends. It has so much emotion, so much feelings packed into those four letters that it almost seems impossible that one could explain something so great in just four letters.

I love him. I love Lee Jung Hwan, better known as Sandeul. I’ve loved him from almost day one when he appeared in my room back in the second grade when I felt like life was not working out for me, back when I had no friends and no one to look up to. My heart has known of this love since the second the real one walked into my life but my mind locked up my feelings and told me to move on, but I know now how impossible it was to lock the feelings I held for him.

Sandeul loves me…

But how could Sandeul have the love I have? He doesn’t have the memories locked up in my heart and soul. How could he love me when we’ve barely met in August of last year? There wasn’t a way for him to have the same feelings as me when I’ve had them for years while he’s only had them for months maybe even weeks.

But it doesn’t matter now does it? Why? Because he’s leaving.

What would matter if we share the same feelings for each other when he is just going to leave me in the end. Going away for a year is tolerable, even two would be worth it for him, but a lifetime? He doesn’t have plans to come back when he becomes famous in Korea, why would he?

There are no happy endings in reality…

What if I make one? I could learn Korean! I could learn the culture, the ways of life; I could leave with them and just be with them! Challenges will arrive but what could break my love for him? I would do anything to be around the boy who had always cheered me up, the boy who has been in my life longer than he even knows. Wouldn’t all that be worth it just to be with him?

But what about Ashton? My parents? I don’t want to leave them all behind just for the word we all call love. Who leaves their family for a boy they believe they love? If my parents knew who he really was I’m sure they’d want me to stay away from him for my ‘own good’.

What about now though? Can’t I still be with him for as long as he’s here? Why can’t I stay by his side as long as I can before I have to see him leave, I’ve already seen it happen once so I’m sure I can handle it when he has to leave this time for real. Being his friend, girlfriend, it doesn’t matter the title as long as I stood by his side and stay with him throughout this last semester together.

“May? Are you even listening?” Gongchan waved his hand in front of my face and caused me to blink and turn towards him. The surroundings that were blurred seconds ago reanimated themselves and allowed me to remember what I had been doing before this whole thought process began. Baro and CNU were in front of the TV walking god knows what while Jinyoung was at the table eating some sort of snack and Sandeul was missing at this exact moment but reappeared with snacks in his arms and a huge grin on his face.

Where were we? We were at Jinyoung’s house for the day to just hang out as friends. It was Saturday February 19^th which to normal people seemed like a nice Saturday full of fun and friends and less homework, but for me it was different.

I glanced at Sandeul once more as he continued to spread out the snacks he had brought in and then started watching the TV alongside CNU and Baro. He seemed so causal like this wasn’t one important day in my life, but why would he know about it? This was the day I met him back in Second grade, the day when I casually walked into my room and saw my best friend who stayed with me for most of my life.

“Huh? Yeah, sorry I just keep spacing out today.” I smiled at Gongchan since he had been telling me about something before I spaced out but I seemed to have completely forgotten what it was. Was he talking about homework? The rest of the weekend?

“So what do you think about it?” He asked with a smile and I sighed knowing I had to confess that I totally didn’t hear a single word he said.

“Sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention.” I commented which caught the rest of the group’s attention and asked Gongchan what he was talking about.

“Well, since May is our number one fan and best friend in all of the country I thought we could come up with some ideas to make these last few months memorable for all six of us.” Gongchan explained but summarized it all up to make it easier for everyone to follow.

“So like a bucket list of things to do with May?” Sandeul asked already completely interested in the topic, I shrunk back and blushed at his comment.

“Yeah, it’d be fun and we can take lots of pictures too.” Gongchan replied and waited for everyone else’s opinions besides Sandeul since everyone knew he was already up for it.

“Sounds like fun.” Jinyoung spoke first.

“Better way to get to know each other.” CNU commented.

“I have nothing better to do.” Baro shrugged and it was settled after that, they were going to make a bucket list of all the things they wanted to do before they left for Korea.

After what felt like hours of discussion, which was only about 45 minutes they had come up with six ideas to do from now until the end of May.

B1A4 and May’s bucket list!

1. Celebrate White’s Day!
2. Go on a field trip somewhere around the area!
3. Celebrate Black Day!
4. Go Camping!
5. Go on a picnic in the park and invite as many random strangers as possible off of the street~
6. Have one last huge party with lots of snacks and drinks with video games and karaoke!

“It’s perfect!” Gongchan stared at the piece of paper with everyone’s handwriting on it and showed it to the whole group. Everyone had come up with one idea or at least mentioned an idea which came with the total of six, one idea for each person. My idea was to have the huge party at the end of the semester since I really couldn’t think of much else to do around the area. Baro suggested the field trip, CNU said camping, Jinyoung said Black day while Sandeul did White and Gongchan was the crazy one who wanted to have a random picnic.

“Let’s all sign it!” CNU suggested and after that the paper was put on the table and was signed by all of B1A4 before handing it to me for me to sign as well. I smiled warmly at the five boys at the table before looking down at the paper and finally signing it and handing it to Sandeul who had the first suggestion on the list. It was explained while we were making the list that whoever was the one to suggest it was the one to carry it until it was finished.

After all of that it felt like everything went right back to normal with Jinyoung and Gongchan now watching TV, CNU writing on some paper, Baro eating some food and Sandeul lounging in one of the many chairs in the room. It felt really stuffy in the room after all of the discussion we did so I decided I was going to go outside for some fresh air.

It was dark out by now even though it was only seven in the evening, but it didn’t really matter since here in California the weather is always a nice warm feel except for in summer when it’s extremely hot. I walked out on to Jinyoung’s patio and sat on one of the chairs to stare out into his back yard and off into the distance. It felt nice to get away from everyone and to be alone for a bit even though my mind could only think about why this day was important to me and how it just continued to be even more important by adding in this list that I know I will never forget.

“What are you doing out here?” I looked around and saw Sandeul leaning against the door before straightening up and closing the backdoor all of the way. He smiled at me while he walked towards the closest chair to me and sat down.

“Getting some fresh air, and how about you?” I answered and shot the question right back at him. Even though I sounded rude while asking that I really was smiling at the fact that out of all the five boys it was him who decided to join me.

“I wanted to talk to you about something actually.” He dropped into a more serious mode and focused all of his attention on me. I straightened up almost immediately and listened to what he had to say next. “Since we don’t have much time left before I have to leave, I was wondering if you’d like to go out on, well, a date with me sometime.” His serious mode gradually disappeared as he continued to speak and by the time he mentioned the date he was almost a stuttering mess and already blushing madly. How could he be so nervous when this wasn’t even our first date together and he wasn’t nearly as nervous about asking me to go to the beach with him.

But nevertheless I was still taken aback from this from him and ended up being nervous as well. “S-Sure, that sounds like fun.” I stuttered only because I was caught off guard by him actually asking me since I was unsure if he was even going to mention that he liked me or not. I was glad that he did since I had wanted to spend as much time as possible with him.

“Perfect!” His nervous manner had disappeared and his usual bright smile was on his lips once more. “So this next weekend will be great, how about Saturday? I’ll pick you up at your house around one and we’ll have the whole day.” He didn’t even give me a chance to speak as he told me exactly what he wanted to do with that same smile on his lips the whole time. I couldn’t help but nod at everything he said and smiled to match his.

After he left all I could do was secretly squeal to myself in Jinyoung’s backyard happy to finally get closer to Sandeul instead of pushing him away like I have been for so long.

The week passed by slowly which normally I wouldn’t mind so much since I really didn’t want my time with these boys to leave just like that, but I also wanted it to be Saturday so I can finally spend the entire day with just Sandeul.

He didn’t act any differently throughout the week and continued being his normal self. He would sleep during History, beg for my notes after History, he would hang out with Gongchan and Baro after school and always practiced hard whenever he was found at the karaoke. No one talked about the date that was going to happen and knowing Sandeul he probably just never mentioned it to anyone so he could keep it more private from his friends.

“You seem excited, what’s the occasion?” Gongchan asked when he took his usual seat next to me in first period. Currently it was Friday and he was right I was excited because the week was just about over.

“Just something I’m doing tomorrow.” I smiled back at him but kept the rest of it a secret. I knew I was going to end up telling him everything eventually, but I just didn’t know how to go about saying I liked my best friend’s friend even when I knew full well that they were leaving soon.

“I wonder what’s going on tomorrow.” Gongchan muttered to himself but understood that I was not going to tell him about it until later. I glanced around the room before class officially started and noticed Sandeul with an equally excited look on his face which just caused me to smile and turn back around. Gongchan noticed this and smirked at me, “I bet it has something to do with one of the members, right?”

“You could say that.” I simply stated and left it at that as the teacher walked in and started class.

After class ended Sandeul caught up to me quickly without even saying much of a goodbye to Baro or Jinyoung and walked beside me to History though he remained silent the entire walk, but the smile still on his lips showed he was thinking about tomorrow too.

Tomorrow just couldn’t come fast enough!

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Whoa that took much longer than it should have! I'm so sorry for all of you who have been waiting so long and I hate to break it to you that it won't be any sooner until the next one because coming up in November is NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and my story for this year is going to be an EXO one so i will not have any time during November to update this one, but come December I'll really try to update as much as possible! Thank you so much for waiting patiently for this