The rest of the week was a blur to me and not even Gongchan’s face of happiness could stop me from thinking about what had just happened to me at the beach. The memory felt so real, it felt like a part of me that has been hidden inside for years and was only being shown now for the first time.

“You know, they say sometimes an imaginary friend is created when a child goes through some sort of traumatic experience in their life. Like an accident or a death of a family member.”

Jinyoung’s words replayed through my head as everyone else continued to joke around and have fun in the car on the way back to my house. How could Sandeul be a part of my past when I just met him not that long ago? He could not have just waltzed into my life when I was kid and become a part of it like my imaginary friend.

I pushed those thoughts away when I noticed my house in the distance and I knew our vacation was over and I could not even enjoy half of it because of what happened. We toured around the city, we went to Universal Studios but yet I vaguely remember some of it.

“We’re going to hang out for the rest of the break, right May?” Gongchan asked putting his arm around me and smiling that sweet smile of his. I shrugged his arm off and shook my head not wanting to deal with anyone for the rest of the break. He seemed saddened by my answer but he quickly recovered saying that it was okay to be alone for a little and everyone was going to see each other once school starts anyways.

When I said goodbye to the boys, and said thank you to Jinyoung’s parents I walked up to my front door and disappeared inside hoping to organize my thoughts.

“Welcome home May!” My mom shouted from the kitchen and appeared by the entrance with Ashton in her arms and a warm welcoming smile on her face. But yet I couldn’t be happy to see her because I knew she had a clue about my past that she never told me about, she had an idea of what happened to me on the one night I couldn’t remember in my childhood.

“Thank you.” I muttered but passed it off as being tired and wanting to take a nap just to avoid her happy smile. Was this night the reason for my visits to the doctor? My therapy classes?

The rest of the break I avoided contact with everyone except for Ashton. I paid all of my attention to my baby brother who did nothing wrong in his life so far. I played video games in my room, I read books, I did anything and everything to avoid people who could speak back to me.

But I knew I couldn’t stay away from human population for long because the next thing I knew a week passed and it was time to go back to school. My classes were all the same with the same exact order, which meant I was still sitting next to Gongchan in first period and Sandeul in second. It will be great to talk to Alice again since I haven’t even seen her since the last day of school.

“I missed you so much!” Gongchan yelled the second I entered his sight in our first period class. He ran over, without hitting any desks, and gave me a huge hug saying how much he missed me over the week and how he only had the boys to hang out with and practice their music.

“I’m sorry,” I chuckled and hugged him back, “I just wanted some time with the family and to get things done before school started back up.” I lied but smiled in hopes he’d believe me—which he did.

“That’s fine, I had a chance to be around my parents a lot after we got back but for the most part my room and house are extremely boring.” Gongchan replied and started walking back to his desk and motioned for me to follow since we sat next to each other anyways.

“How was the rest of your break?” Jinyoung asked after I sat down and walked over to us followed by Baro and Sandeul.

“Good, spent a lot of quality time with Ashton and my parents.” At least half of that was true.

“Lucky for you, when I got back my parents instantly wanted me to clean the house.” Sandeul shuttered at the thought of cleaning his house and the rest of the boys just laughed at him.

“I spent too much time with my parents and tried to stay away from them as much as possible.” Jinyoung laughed and I almost wanted to agree with the whole ‘staying away from parents’ thing, but he was referring to being around them during our vacation.

“I…” Baro trailed off making everyone pay attention to him, “did absolutely nothing worth talking about.” He grinned when everyone else sighed including myself. 

We talked for a bit longer until the teacher came in and started the lesson with only a slight greeting and asking how our vacations were. By the end of first period I already had assigned homework—so much for being lenient on the first day back from vacation.

History was much of the same with Sandeul next to me already asleep from the beginning of class and me taking notes for him to copy later—it felt like we never went on vacation, it felt like everything was just a big realistic dream.

Once my math class hit I was just happy to know school was almost over and happy to see Alice again after not seeing her for the whole break.

“So, what did you do?” She asked once I sat down in my seat.

“I hung out with friends and mostly stayed at home.” I stated not wanting to mention me spending so much time with B1A4 especially since I knew she liked Baro and I was with him a lot over the week—not to mention he even held my hand.

“That’s more than what I did, I mostly stayed home or babysat for my neighborhood.” Alice sighed but didn’t get to talk too much more on the topic since class started getting straight back into math as if we never left.

Finally the day ended after the class ended and I ended up making plans to go over to Alice’s house for the day since she insisted on me coming over. After getting the okay from my parents, though I really didn’t want to talk to them, I was on my way with her to her house. Since she lived farther away than I did we had to ask for a ride from her parents and they also assured me that I would have a ride home as well.

In the car ride to her house she explained one thing that kind of scared me, which was her family and how many people it contained.

“You have four older brothers?!” I shouted a bit too loudly for the car but Alice just laughed it off and nodded.

“Yeah I’m the youngest of the family, but luckily only one of them lives in the house with me so you most likely won’t see the other ones.” She smiled and after that comment it calmed me down slightly but still had me worried that she had to deal with so many brothers all of her life—I could never do that.

“I only have a little brother now so I kind of like being the oldest in my family.” I replied with a grin and mentioned my adorable baby brother since it was pretty amazing to finally have a younger sibling and not be an only child.

The conversation was cut short when her parents announced that we were ‘home’ and got out of the car and headed towards the house. Alice gestured for me to leave the car as well and we followed them into the house.

It was a small house with only one floor and from the looks of it could probably hold about four people. “I was expecting a bigger house.” I laughed when I surveyed the house and checked all of the rooms except for the one labeled, ‘No one enters’ which was most likely her brother’s room.

“We had a bigger house before we moved here but since the others moved out we were able to get a smaller house.” Alice responded and pointed towards her room and silently said to go in that direction to get away from her family.

Her room was quite ordinary with not too much on the walls and not too much surrounding the area. She had a bed, a desk, a TV, and a dresser. I felt like there should be more to her room but she might not be like me and have the same interests. From the looks of what surrounded the TV there wasn’t any video games or gaming systems, only DVDs and a DVD player to go along with it. On her desk was a laptop closed with nothing decorating it and in all conclusion her room was dull and almost boring.

“So what do you want to do?” I asked after looking at all the not fun things to do in her room.

“Talk.” She smiled and headed towards her bed. Maybe after hanging out with B1A4 so often it felt like everyone else was boring, but maybe I was just not used to talking with girls.

“Okay.” I shortly replied and followed her to sit on the bed, “About what?”

“School and boys of course, haven’t you ever been to a friend’s house before?” She giggled and got into a comfortable position facing me.

“Uh, no.” I whispered and she gasped saying how she was going to change that and I should go to her house more often. Was it bad that I wasn’t too happy with the idea of returning to this room?

“So you hang around those Asian boys at school, right? Their pretty popular but yet they became friends with you on the first day, why is that?” She asked cutting straight to the chase and asking about the only boys I knew and cared for.

“I don’t know,” I laughed, “They just started talking to me right away and became my friend. Sandeul said I reminded him of someone and Gongchan just instantly became my best friend of the group.”

“Are you and Sandeul an item?” She asked trying to get more information out of me.

--but I wasn’t really following, “What is an item?”

“Are you two dating?! Whoa you really need to hang around girls more often.” She chuckled but still answered my question.

“Of course not! We’re just friends.” I blushed and looked away trying to hide the fact that I did hold feelings for the boy but I was still suppressing them.

“Oh okay, do you like any of them enough to want to date them?” She asked continuing on with her interrogation.

“Uh, there is one.” I shyly said as if he were in the room.

“Who is it?” She questioned further and when I whispered Jinyoung’s name she exploded into a happy giggling fit and then started talking about how much she adored Baro and how she wished she could be friends with them like I was.

I did NOT want to tell her about him holding my hand or him maybe having a crush on me and definitely keeping our kiss a secret from her too. I held no feelings for Baro like that but I still couldn’t break her heart by saying he liked me and not her.

“Do you have any classes with him?” I asked breaking her from her random fangirling of the boy.

“I do have one, I have Science with him but I’m too afraid to talk to him.” She went straight to shy mode and started messing with her fingers.

“Well we’re just silly high schoolers, we can’t always get what we want.” I bluntly replied without a trace of regret even after Alice looked at me with sorrow in her eyes but I could also see that she knew what I said was truthful. I didn’t want her falling for any of the members, I didn’t even want myself falling for any of them because I knew one thing the rest of the students did not—that they already had plans to leave right after high school.

After hearing them practice the few times I’ve heard of their actual songs I could tell they were going to make it in South Korea, anyone would be stupid to not take their talent and make money off of it. B1A4 was going to leave and debut right when they graduated and that was one thing that I tried not to think about as I grew closer and closer to them.

“I should probably go.” I broke the awkward silence between us and she nodded agreeing with my statement. She left to tell her parents and soon enough I was on my way home with only the thoughts of sorrow and regret filling my head.

When I reached my house I barely even spoke to my mom even after she greeted me, I barely glanced at my dad even after he asked me what was wrong, I didn’t even stop to be around Ashton which was one thing I always loved to do. I just wanted to be alone, I just wanted to forget everyone and go back to my old life the one where Sandeul was always there for me, the one where he was the only person I needed in my life. I didn’t want to like Jinyoung, I didn’t want Baro to like me and I didn’t want Alice to like Baro. I just wanted to stop time and reverse it back to the one moment where I was truly happy back in my old house with the ever-smiling Sandeul to always keep me company.

He was all I needed in life—he still is all I needed in life but this time he was different; he was real. I couldn’t shake the almost exact resemblance between my imaginary Sandeul and the real one. They had the same name, the same looks and almost the same personality. It was like he was and will always be there for me but is now showing it in another way. I wanted to know more about this Sandeul, I wanted to dig deep into his life and learn everything there is to know about Jung Hwan Lee, but I was scared painfully scared that I was going to lose my old Sandeul if I get to know the new one—I felt that if I stayed with him my memories would disappear and be replaced.

--And I didn’t want that.

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Whoa that was deep and slightly depressing o.o did I really just write that? Well yeah I guess I did~ Sorry for the 'not updating in forever' phase I went there I was just getting ready for college and blah blah blah I'm all settled in and my writers block gave me this so enjoy XD!!!