Happy birthday to Baro!!!! I know this isn't about him or at least not entirely about him but hey it's his birthday so of course I am going to update for him :) I hope you enjoy the semi depressing semi happy update here...I promise it'll get better XD

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Once more I was back into the mindset of staying farther and farther away from Sandeul and sticking close to Jinyoung and Gongchan instead. It has been a little over a month since school started back up and it was nearing a time I did not want to even think about.

February, and as everyone knows for a girl February means a time for girls to confess their feelings for the boys they like and give them gifts such as chocolate or treats—or at least that’s what the boys told me about their traditions in Korea but Alice made it seem that this ‘Valentine’s Day’ that I’ve never really celebrated is a time for boys to shower their girlfriends in chocolate and for the girl to just do nothing in return.

“No really, in Korea and even in Japan the girls give the gifts on Valentine’s Day.” Sandeul interjected after I tried to explain Alice’s version of Valentine’s Day; I started having a feeling the boys just wanted to eat chocolate for free.

“But here in America it’s for the boys to give girls things, not the other way around.” I replied with a pout and crossed my arms. We were all currently at the karaoke bar with Baro up rapping to some song along with CNU. While Gongchan and Jinyoung were eating some snacks which only gave me one person to talk to—the one person I didn’t really want to be close to.

“But we’re Korean and born in Korea so we follow those rules and since you’re our friend you need to follow them as well. Just think about it if you give us something we’ll return the favor on White’s Day.” Sandeul pleaded using his famous puppy dog eyes in order to get what wanted—which was homemade chocolate by me.

“White’s Day what’s that?” I asked feeling out of the loop and when I asked the question everyone in the room stopped and looked at me.

“You don’t know?” Gongchan questioned appearing beside me and putting his arm around me. I shook my head and the whole room gasped.

“You must’ve been living under a rock for way too long.” Baro commented with a grin and I argued that of course I didn’t know traditions that weren’t American based; I barely even knew American holidays. I remember back when I was a kid no one gave me anything for Valentine’s Day and no one expected anything from me.

“White’s day is simple, if the girl gives something to the boy on Valentine’s Day they return the favor on White’s Day where they usually give the girl candy or chocolate or possibly take them somewhere.” Jinyoung explained for the boys who looked excited that they might be getting chocolate this year.

“I don’t want to spend black day with these boys again.” Gongchan whined and once again I gave them the look of confusion and they returned it with yet another shocked expression. Why must there be so many other days in Korea that don’t exist in America?! This is all just too confusing.

“Think of it like single awareness day, if you don’t get chocolate you have no one to return the favor thus meaning you’re single and unloved. So they made a day where you wear black and eat black bean noodles together on April 14^th a month after White’s Day.” CNU took his turn to explain everything and I just stood there and allowed him to speak without causing any more confusion since all of this was still super new to me.

“Yeah and eating it with a bunch of single guys is not fun.” Sandeul shuttered in disgust and was hit by Baro who claimed that they weren’t that bad and it wasn’t such a bad holiday.

“So you guys have never had a Valentine before?” I asked almost amazed since I was sure girls from school would have given them something by now; it wasn’t like they were unattractive, just Asian.

“They expect us to give THEM gifts.” Gongchan crossed his arms with a pout. “No girl likes our traditions.” He rolled his eyes and leaned over close to me. “Besides, there are no cute girls in that school besides you.” He smiled widely and took a step back to watch my reaction—which was blushing and not being able to think of a single thing to say back to him.

Did my best friend just say I was the cutest girl in school?! What kind of world are they living in! “T-That’s very flattering of you.” I stuttered out and shrunk back in hopes of the other boys not agreeing with him since it would just make this whole situation five times worse.

I looked over and noticed Baro and Sandeul nodded along to Gongchan’s comment but CNU and Jinyoung seemed unaffected by it and continued back to what they were doing before. I sighed inwardly thinking that Jinyoung didn’t agree but I quickly took that thought out of my head and replaced it with logical thoughts of how these boys—my only friends were leaving me at the end of the semester.

“You look sad, did we say something wrong?” Sandeul popped out of seemingly nowhere and stood next to my side. I shook his off and stepped away from him knowing that there was no comfort to how I was feeling. I finally made friends, friends who truly care about me and add me in on their lives, but of course no one was allowed a happy ending if I ever continued to like them.

“I’m fine, but thanks for worrying. I’ve just been thinking about how this semester is going to be like since it is already February.” I replied hoping that he would think about something else and not about them leaving me for a whole different country to be famous.

“There is something else, but it’s okay; just know that we’ll always be there for you.” He answered in a soothing voice, a voice I was used to when I would come home crying because of losing another person as a friend or when my parents would give me concerning looks like there was something wrong with me. But this voice couldn’t be soothing, I couldn’t get used to the comfort in his voice and the comfort in his smile or any of their smiles. How could he say he will ‘always be there’ for me when he already planned to leave me before we even became friends.

“Thanks for your support.” I faintly smiled and glanced at the other boys in the room and held in a sigh. Everything felt normal to them like they were not going through the same feelings as me, but why would they? They’re going to be famous together and always stay friends—it didn’t matter that they were leaving me behind.

The rest of the afternoon felt like a blur to me after all the thinking I’ve been doing but I didn’t know how to fix this depression I found myself in so I decided it was time for me to head home and of course Gongchan was the first to offer to take me home which I gladly took since he was the closest I felt to and maybe, just maybe I could speak to him about it.

“I’ve been thinking…” I trailed off once we were a large distance away from the other boys. Gongchan slowed down his pace to match mine perfectly and looked at me for me to continue. “About the future.”

“What about the future?” Gongchan questioned me and I knew it was about time to tell someone about it and he was the only one to really listen to me.

“After graduation.” I stated not wanting to go more into detail in hopes that he’d understand what I was getting at.

“Oh.” He muttered and slowed down even more making me stop and look at him. I could see the sadness in his eyes when the realization hit him hard and at that moment I wish I didn’t bring this up. “May…” He whispered hoarsely as if he was about to cry. He held out his arms and walked towards me with that same saddened expression and took me into a long tight hug.

“No, really you don’t have to worry about me, but I’ve just been well a bit saddened since the semester started that’s all.” I whispered back afraid to raise my voice in fear that it would crack and show just how much I wanted to cry; show just how much I truly loved all of them.

“We’re leaving you behind.” He replied bluntly and looked at me straight in the eyes. “Of course I am going to worry about you.” I felt horrible for making him know this, for letting him in on my feelings even though I told myself I was not going to say anything. This semester was supposed to be filled with happiness, not sorrow.

“I knew this from the start so really this is all my fault for being so attached to you guys and barely making any other friends.” I put all of the blame on myself just so he wouldn’t feel like it was his fault for being so close to me.

“I don’t want to leave without you.” He answered sternly and pulled me completely out of the hug to hold me at shoulder’s length. “I want you to come with us.”

“That’s impossible.” I replied quickly without even thinking about it.

“Why?” He pleaded, his eyes once more softening and wanting to cry.

“I have a family here, a little brother; I don’t know anything about Korea or the language. How could I ever expect to live there?” I didn’t want to raise my hopes just to have them crash down again and again when I would think in a fantasy feel and not the logical way.

“I’ll teach it to you, I’ll do anything I just don’t want you to leave us—me…” Gongchan sighed and brought his head down.

“If I didn’t know you better I would think this as a confession.” I chuckled lightly hoping to cheer up the mood and I smiled when he chuckled as well.

“If that was what it took to bring my best friend to Korea with me I’d gladly spend the rest of my life with you, but I already know there are two boys who hold that affection for you.” Gongchan chuckled once more and I knew exactly who he was talking about, I knew about both of them.

“But is it really worth it to give up everything just for love?” I replied and turned away from him and towards the street lights which were starting to turn on as the sun continued to set.

“Do you love one of them?”

“Yes.” I replied too quickly for my mind to catch what my heart wanted to say. But the real problem was who it was—was it Sandeul who seemed like my imaginary friend come to life, or the sweet hearted Jinyoung who caught my heart in the first week?

He left the conversation as it was and started walking once more proving that he didn’t want to get into my personal space and ask who was it that I loved, and even if he did I would have no answer for him. He took me to my house, waved goodbye after spending some time with Ashton and mentioned one last time with a smile about the chocolates I should make for Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day, I completely forgot about that.

February 14^th was coming up fast and I still had yet figured out how to make homemade chocolate without making a fool of myself. I found the ingredients at the store and even got the recipe online without a single problem, but I did not really know how to cook so well and chocolate was something I’ve never had to make before.

February 12^th came by fast and I knew it was about time for me to crack down and just make something in hopes of it turning out good. I spent the whole Saturday avoiding human contact, even my little brother’s, and focused on only making the perfect chocolate for my best friends.

February 13^th was next with almost everything going according to plan with the plan to make the perfect chocolate, but I just was not doing something right, I once again ran to the store and got more ingredients to try once more.

And at ten o’clock at night on the 13^th it finally happened, I finally made good enough chocolates to want to give to the boys who meant the most to me. I decorated them a little bit afterwards and let them sit in the fridge for the whole night in anticipation for the big day at school where I could finally show off my baking chocolate skills to the only people who mattered—also an extra chocolate for Alice since she deserved a chocolate as well.

Now on the morning of February 14^th a sudden nervousness washed over me as I left the house to head to school but I brushed it off and kept walking hoping that my chocolates were good enough for the five boys craving chocolate on this wondrous day. As I stepped closer and closer to school I could already see boys with big stuffed bears and presents for all sorts most likely for their girlfriend who awaited him in the school. I might not have ever really celebrated this holiday, and actually skipped it every year by just not showing, but I was still as nervous as any girl in there except there was a difference between them and I. They were nervous for what their boyfriend got them, while I was nervous since I was the gift-giver and had no good cooking skills whatsoever.

Walking into the school everything felt too red and loving for my taste and I quickly walked to my homeroom class to escape all the passion and love in the atmosphere. I noticed Gongchan first at his desk with his head down, most likely sleeping, then looked to see Baro and Jinyoung in some conversation while Sandeul was the first to notice me who had been staring at the door the whole time waiting for my arrival.

“May!” He shouted which got the attention of the other three boys important to me and all four of them ran up to me in the middle of the doorway and gave me no escape.

“Did you make us chocolate?” Baro asked with a huge smile revealing his squirrel like front teeth.

“If you didn’t that’s fine too.” Jinyoung nonchalantly said as if acting like the leader and not some high schooler who just wanted some homemade chocolate.

“Please tell us you did!” Gongchan put his hands together and pretended to plea which just made me want to laugh.

I smiled widely at them then pushed passed them to my desk so I could lay my backpack down and open it up revealing the neatly wrapped homemade chocolates I had spent the whole weekend making. I felt bad for not having CNU in one of my classes since I had one for him too so I had to make them promise to give him his share when they saw him. All four nodded eagerly, even Jinyoung looking hungrily at my chocolates before finally giving them each their share and pushed them away except for Gongchan who obviously sat beside me.

“There is a note in here.” Gongchan pointed out and my face instantly lit up.

“Read that later!” I whispered loudly to him since I knew he’d comment about my cheesy letter the second he read it. I couldn’t really tell the others not to read theirs so I braced myself for the end of class when they’d question me about it.

I wanted to make these special in every way possible, something they would never forget so when they do go to South Korea, when they do leave to become famous…they wouldn’t forget about the one girl that was there in their high school experience. The one girl who only had one year with them but hopefully meant a lot to them, the one girl whose life was changed when she had the chance to make such amazing friends.

I just didn’t want them to forget about me.