In your room

Your heart is pounding really bad right now, after watching the Beautiful performance that was recently performed by B2ST at Music Core. You couldn't keep your eyes off Gikwang, no matter how much you try. You smile to yourself, subconsciously, whenever you see him do all the stupid things that he does on stage. Your fingers trace his body outline, hoping that he'll be yours one day.

"How can I go on like this?"

You know that it's wrong to be so obsessed with an idol, because it's like an open rejection. You know that you will never be able to taste his love. Yes you are starting to sound like a mad woman, but that's only because you're starting to fall hard for him, like really hard. You off-ed your computer, and went to bed. But as always, you can never sleep straight away. With your eyes closed, you start making scenarios in your head - like how one day you'll get to see him, like how he'll hold your face and tell you you're beautiful, like how he will wipe your tears when you cry, like how he'll...- You try to stop, but you can't. Owning him is the only thing you want right now. You've given up on guys because all of them are jerks, but you know Gikwang's not like them, not even close. But this is all one-sided, and whenever you think of this, it aches you like mad.

"It doesn't kill to dream." You tried to made yourself feel better.

At B2ST's Dorm

"Yah, gikwang-ah, why do you look so sad after the performance just now?" Junhyung threw a bottle of coke towards him at the same time.

"Ah....." Gikwang hesitated, he wanted to tell Junhyung what he was feeling at that point of time, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. 

"Gikwang-ah, you know you can tell me anything and everything right? You know I won't ever judge you, right?" Junhyung came closer to Gikwang, to show that he really cares and he really wants to know what's going on in Gikwang's mind.

"Hyung.......you know we've been doing Beautiful for quite some time now. I feel like singing it to a real girl. Not just generally our fans, but to a specific girl. I want to love someone, I think I'm ready." Gikwang buried his face in his hands, because he couldn't bear to see Junhyung's reaction after hearing what Gikwang had to say.

There was a moment of silence, and Gikwang knew that he's going to get a negative response, but he still didn't want to get up. Junhyung patted Gikwang's back - a sign to show that he knows how Gikwang's feeling.

"Gikwang-ah, I know how you feel. But you must know how hard it is for us, since we're idols. It's not easy. We have to take good care of the feeling of fans and at the same time, we don't have time for all this. Okay tell me, which celebrity do you want to date?" Junhyung raised his eyebrows.

"What if I don't want to date a celebrity..." Gikwang garnered courage to confess to Junhyung how he truly felt, what he has been thinking for quite some time now.

"Gikwang-ah! Why would you want to date a fan? Trying to get more attention is it?!" Junhyung suddenly got hyped-up, somehow.

"Look, I am tired of this, tired of people telling me that I can't date a fan. No it's not for attention, but it would be good to have changes sometimes, why must celebrities date other celebrities. Who started this stereo-typed thinking? I am tired of people judging, yes I am an idol, yes I have to do what's right. But what if what's right is following how I truly feel? Have you ever not thought about that?" Gikwang stormed off, and went into their shared room.

"Yah, yah, are you okay? You look mad." Doojoon, the charismatic leader, took up the initiative to ask Gikwang.

"Leave me alone." Gikwang went to his bed and closed his eyes, and tried to sleep, while Doojoon crept down to Gikwang's bed.

"Gikwang-ah......You will find happiness one day, you are a great boy okay?" Doojoon patted Gikwang.

"Hyung.....thank you." Doojoon always have the right words to say, he always know how to make s feel better. Yes he may be pretty temperamental at times, but it's all for the groups own good. He looked at Gikwang with hesitation, he wanted to know what's wrong but he respected the fact that Gikwang may need some time alone. He went up to his bed, and started meddling with his newly bought iPhone. His heart isn't at ease because one of his brothers (they are brothers because they're very very very close) isn't feeling really good. He worries too much, sometimes.

Gikwang closed his eyes and tried to sleep but he couldn't. He knew that someone out there, will be able to be loved by him and love him. But he doesn't know who. 

In your room

You looked at the clock, and it's 3AM right now. You your iTouch because you wanted to check if Gikwang tweeted anything, because whenever you see his tweets you feel as if you're closer to him by heart. But, to your disappointment, he didn't. You feel disheartened, and you feel like crying because you don't know how he's doing. So you decided to tweet, and you tweeted

"I feel sad, I can't sleep. I am thinking of too many things right now." in korean (yes you're from Korea!!! :))

After tweeting that, you saw a new tweet, and it was from Gikwang. He tweeted the EXACT same thing. And your heart skipped a beat. You knew Gikwang wasn't feeling too good either. You were happy, a little, because at least, you're not alone, and he's not alone too. Both of you are feeling the same thing. But at the same time, you were really sad, because he's not feeling good, and you can't be there to make him feel better. 

"God, please make Gikwang feel better. I know probably, he can't due to whatever reasons, but please lighten his load. He has too many things to handle. Don't let him be sad, please." You closed your eyes, and without you realizing, you started to cry yourself to sleep.

At B2ST's Dorm

"God, please let me feel better. Am I the only one feeling like this? If I'm not, please let that person feel better too. If it's my fan, tell her, in any ways you can, that I will always be there for her." Gikwang prayed, and drifted off to sleep.

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I don't think it's good at all, and I doubt anyone's reading this but I will try my best okay? Thanks to those that has read this, saranghaeyo~