I'm kissing Lua, when suddenly she leans back, asking “What are you doing?” My eyes fly open. I’m a little bit panicked. “I was kissing you. Apparently you want me to stop?” Lucy gives me that irresistible little mischievous grin that she does. “I didn’t say that,” she says. “I’m just trying to figure out what’s happening here.” “Well. . .” I calm down a little as I start talking. “I was hitting on you, then I saw an opportunity to kiss you, so I did. Then you leaned back so I wasn’t kissing you anymore. And now we’re talking.” “No, silly,” Lucy says with a giggle. I swear my heart did a backflip when I heard her laugh. Then her face gets serious as she goes on. “I meant big picture what’s happening here. You really want to be with me?” Lucy shrugs. “I don’t know. I just—” she stares off into space for a second before continuing— “never considered you as someone I could be with. So it’s like that. I get up to leave. “I guess I should be going then. See you around.” All of a sudden she grabs me around the waist and pulls me back into the bed, so forcefully I bang my head on the headboard. “Not like that!” she says. “Like, I always thought you were out of my league. “Yeah right,” I say, rubbing the sore spot on my head. “I do own a mirror, you know, and I’m not as big an airhead as I act for the fans.” She wraps her arm around me, holding me tight. This ends up with her staring into my eyes from just a few inches away. “You’re much prettier than you give yourself credit for,” she says softly but fiercely, as if she’s trying to will me into believing what she says, “and you’re kind, and funny and you’re smarter than anyone else realizes.” She shrugs. “I never felt like I could measure up.” Now I’m just stunned. This is how she thinks of herself? “Never felt like you could measure up?” I’m incredulous. “Girl, if you don’t know that you’re straight up beautiful, I’m going to have to find a way to convince you. Plus you’re funny, and you’re a great dancer, and. . .” All of a sudden she’s trying. “Why are you crying?” She tries in vain to hide her tears, as if they’re not flowing like a waterfall. “Because all the things that you’re saying are things that I’d lie in my bunk and wish someone would say to me.” She sniffles, then smiles weakly before going on. “Sei never would. Never. You’d think compliments cost a hundred billion won apiece as rarely as she handed them out. She never never mean—” even after everything Sei’s done to her, Lucy still defends her— “she just never seemed to notice how much saying — or not saying — one little thing could affect my mood.” She looks at me, trying bravely to smile. “It’s not easy being the maknae, you know. I mean, we all have to be ‘on’ whenever we’re out in public, regardless of how we really feel, but I alway