“Paige! Thank god!” Onew signed of relief when I step into the house, Jonghyun behind me. Once again, it was them who were worried, like back then.

“Sorry,” I said, feeling the need to apologize.

“It is good to have you back. You must have been in shock.” Onew patted my back. I tensed up, no one had done this. But, somehow, it felt warm. Taemin and Minho looked as relief as same as Onew, unable to speak out their worries, they smiled as to comfort me.

Jonghyun was out of sight. Had he gone back to his room?

My head was full of questions. How did Jonghyun find me? Why did he just save me? What was the feeling I had? Why did I feel so safe around him? I know where to find my answers.

I approached Jonghyun’s room carefully. He was alone again, playing the piano in his room. It was the same song. Did he play this favorite song coincidentally? I once again found myself pulled into his music.

“Erm…” I started as I walked towards him. He did not speak, still playing on his piano. I wanted to ask, but how? Does he even understand me? Damn it. I clenched my fist at the ignorance me, the irritation of not knowing is getting to me.

He hesitated and stopped playing. He turned to face me; his face was unreadable, yet again. I took a step backwards at his sudden movement. This time, I was close enough to see his features for the first time.

They were so pretty, so smooth. His face held a pair of bright big eyes that shine, with a nose that fitted his face perfectly, and thin lips that conceal his smile that I only saw in rare occasions. Every feature on him made him perfect.

“Because I want to,” he spoke in English and answered the unspoken question in my heart.

“How did you know I was there?”I begin my question, in a defensive stance.

“I was anxiously finding you in the neighborhood, when I first heard you are gone. I guess you have a bad sense of direction.” He spook in Korean, smiled a little, teasing me. I had no understanding of the conversation.

“What?” I gritted my teeth in frustration. Surprised by my own actions, I stopped. Usually, I had no difficulty with not being able to understand people. I got used to ignoring them. Why am I frustrated now? I looked away, not wanting to let him see the weak me.

 For once, anger was felt. He stood up, and walked over. Then within a sudden movement, I was in his arms. My eyes opened wide, shock.

“It is alright now.” He comforted me, as he my hair. I felt completely lost. I have no idea why is he doing this. What is he doing to me? I was unable to comprehend the warmth I felt. It was then sourness in my eyes took over me. What is this? Never taught in my life what is this, ever since I was 5, I lost it. My only choice was to ignore, to be cold, and to be left unconcerned.

Drops of salty water felt down my blank face. Then it came to me naturally, the tears that fall. I poured my heart out in his arms. The feeling was wonderful, able to let my emotion out after hiding it for twelve years. The endurance was finally over. My tears wet his shirt, but he didn’t mind.

 After what seems like hours, I finally got a grip of myself. The crying finally stopped, and fell into dream land.

The next morning, I woke up in the early hours. I glanced at the clock, it was 5am.

As usual, I got up and washed up. I looked at the mirror, my eyes swollen, a rare sight for me. I got out of the bathroom and saw Onew sitting at the dining table, with a glass of water.

“Good morning, Paige,” Onew turned and smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“Ah,” surprised by his appearance. “Yes, sorry for all the nonsense yesterday.”

“Nope,” Onew shook his head. “We are all glad that you are alright. You don’t have to be sorry, because you are not nonsense at all. I kind of get the feeling the first time you came to us. Jonghyun that guy was acting all weird. He didn’t act like this when he first meet a stranger. Well, it is good to see that kid to be back. Well, I am glad you are here, Paige.”

Onew smiled as he drank a sip of water. I pondered over what he was talking about. How was he like usually? Isn’t he like that all along? I could curious all of the sudden. Who is that man who hugged me yesterday?

“I know you did not like restriction, you wanted freedom. Despite that, I could see you fulfilling your responsibility and doing the best you can, especially in your house chores. It has been only a week, but I could see you slowly stepping into our lives. We won’t hate you for any reason. So please make yourself comfortable at this home, alright?” Onew smiled invitingly.

“Why…” I fiddle with my towel in my hands. It was an awkward for me to ask. “Why are you treating like…I am one of you guys?”

“Because you are,” Onew answered without hesitation. Then, he yawned. “Ah, I am going to take a nap a little while more. Just prepare our lunch, alright? Thanks much.”

Onew retreated to his room. Then the house was quiet again. I sat down on the sofa and stared at the empty house. Indeed, it was neater than when I first step foot in this house. They are eating more regularly now, more organized. All because I am one of them, I belonged somewhere now. I grinned to myself, happy in the change in me. This achievement was far greater than learning a skill.

Maybe this is what they called family, one that I lost years ago. That family which I only had blurry vision of, those people who gave the same warmness as these boys I am living with. These human feelings and emotion came back to me.

 I have not fallen, but fell into a place that emits warmth.

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