“Hey, Paige”

 “Yes?” I turned to the direction of the voice.

“Today, go to the company with manager hyung so he can get approval for your stay in our dorm.” Onew instructed. I stood still, dazed, thinking of the reason behind it. I had a bad night and was unable to process anything in my head.

“Why? I did get your approval, right?” I asked in a nonchalant voice, this is how I am; even I could hear the arrogance myself.

“Yes, but I think there are some issues with the press. Don’t worry; we will take care of everything.” Onew still treated me kindly. I blushed, at the embarrassing me, for the first time, my attitude sounded wrong to me.

 I changed quickly, wearing 2 layers today. I wanted to avoid the situation like yesterday. Today, their manager was with them, so the front seat was taken. I hesitated at the door; the seat beside Jonghyun was the only place left.

It was an awkward situation.

 JongHyun was the only one too laid-backed in the car. He sat too comfortably and was fast asleep. As the car travelled, his body swayed left and right. His head rested on my shoulder. I flushed and froze in my seat.

Why am I blushing? What kind of feeling is this? He lied on my shoulder peacefully. I could smell the scent that I loved on him. I was so close to his serene face. But restricted myself due to natural instinct I had. I held very still till we arrived at our destination, the SM Entertainment. Jonghyun got off the car nonchalant about the situation, while the other members smirked behind him.

 Feeling annoyed as I was, with the situation and most importantly, I still could not see. It maddened me even more in this unknown situation. It is like being blind physically to me. The room was empty. The boys had gone to perform while manager hyung went to the boss.

I came upon today’s newspaper on the table, and was absurd looking at it. It revealed a picture of me and the SHINee members in the company and a snapshot of us getting out of the car. One even showed Jonghyun holding on me, while I was asleep.

The report answered the questions in my head. That night, it was Jonghyun who carried me up the stairs.

Then I recalled, Onew had said something about having trouble with the press. Obviously, this was it. But why was this even an issue? Somehow, it was related to what I was learning. Public Relations, risk management, scandals are like poison in any industry, the company would be displeased about it.

I was the one who risked them; their career might be at stake. It was my all fault. I struggled with myself, part of it did not understand what I have felt, and the other part wanted to run away. As I mull over it, the door wrench opened. Their faces were impossible to read.

“I…” Before I could finish my sentence, jumps and roar of exhilaration exploded.

“You get to stay!” Onew beamed. All I did was to stare. Why are they so excited? I had disturbed their life, taken the space in the living room, so why are they still so happy with me? I could not believe it, it is too human to understand.

“Don’t worry, Paige. It is not your fault.” Onew said when he saw me with the paper. Taemin nodded frantically in agreement to Onew’s comfort. But what I can’t comprehend is not the papers, nor were my worries on the papers, it was their reaction. I stood, emotionless. Jonghyun stride out, avoiding the exultant atmosphere. As he walked out, he smiled, a smile, which only I was sure only I noticed it. But the scene bothered me, it made no sense to me.

“Erm, thank you?” I didn’t know how to respond. To me, saying thanks is just simple manners. However, it was cozy and comfortable to feel so close to them. It was like we knew each other for a very long time. This new feeling haunted me.

We were now sitting at the dining table, celebrating my stay, except from Jongyun. For some reason, I wanted him to be celebrating with us. I wanted to confirm that smile I saw, and maybe to make sense of my doubts. Thus, I decided to approach him.

 His room was wide opened. I made no movement as I reached the door. For the first time, it was hard to get close. Then, there was a melody that touched my heart, from inside the room. It felt warm and sad at the same time. I closed my eyes and listen. I heard this melody before; it was one of my favourite songs in their album, played instrumentally – One. I heard it only once when I was alone at home and loved it immediately. I was absorbed instantaneously till the music suddenly stopped.

“Yes?” I flinched as Jonghyun spoke. It was the first time he did talk to me, directly.

I paused and thought very hard, where do I even begin? Jonghyun glanced at me, trying to figure out what I was thinking. No words could come out of me, none. I shook my head and left, leaving a confused look on his face. Before he knew it, our own conversation was over. He stared at me, as I left, not knowing what to say.