A very very long chapter....hope you will find it as good as it should be >.<  *praying* 

“He is a horrible liar, isn’t he?” Jaejoong said as he looked at the door of the office.

“Indeed, but he succeeded in bringing you here” the doctor replayed, still busy searching between his papers. Jaejoong laughed,

“I should admit that I didn’t suspect anything…but now…I am thinking again about something”

“About what?”

“About him asking me to bring water…”

“…?!”

“I think he just wanted to talk to my family about something I shouldn’t hear”

“That’s probable, trust me. I know Junsu for a long time…you are very clever by the way…poor Junsu, he can’t troll you”

“I am suspecting something…”

“But you two are very similar you know, Jaejoong-shi”

“…!?”

“You too, you didn’t stay to tell me about your problems…I know what you want”

Jaejoong smiled at the doctor who sat back on his chair, handing his guest a file. Jaejoong opened the file and looked through, and then he looked at the doctor with a satisfied face,

“Thank you”

“ but as I promised Junsu-ya. I want to hear from you, maybe I can help”

“Can I ask you about something first?”

“yes?”

“Do you know…how Junsu got his disease?”

“You know the kind of disease he have, don’t you?”

“yes”

“And how did you?”

“from the prescription you had given him”

“and how did you know that the medicine you had given him that time- when you first met- is suitable for his case? You couldn’t know”

“He told you about that too …I could know…it is a secret, but I was sure I was right”

“you are a gifted doctor…that’s it…a very talented and gifted person”

“maybe…but there are other things”

“So, you definitely know that he had that disease after a chocking accident”

“yes”

“And you didn’t ask him because you feared the reaction or maybe you think that your relationship is not deep enough”

“exactly”

“but you want to know because you are intending to take care of him”

“yes”

“Ok then, I suggest you should visit his psychotherapist (he wrote down something on a piece of paper and handed it in to Jaejoong) here…I know it is against the rules to deliver a patient information, but…in this case, I think he may help you”

“Thank you very much. I really appreciate what you are doing”

“I am a doctor…just like you Jaejoong-shii…but you always need to tell me about yourself…I promised Junsu”

“If you want to help me, doctor, you should cross the law”

“I can do this…don’t worry…I am not an idealist…I am rather a realist person”

“Then can you please provide me with an access to all the services that a normal doctor can use?”

“oh God! Junsu only think of you, and you only think of him. What’s that?”

“Doctor, I still have time to solve my problems, but he doesn’t have much time…his situation is really bad, and I am sure I can help him…even at this stage, I still can help him. Please, just let me do my duty, as a doctor, first”

The doctor sighed, “and how can I trust your capacities Jaejoong-shi?”

“You can trust me” Jaejoong replied, sure of what he is proposing. The man in front of him stared for a while, then he took a deep breath,

“I’ll do it for junsu, but…you should know you are under the test”

Jaejoong smiled, satisfied, “thank you”

“I am sure this is the craziest thing I have ever done in my life”

“I am sure you made your researches about me already” Jaejoong asked ironically.

“I sure had…but still, this is crazy. You were accused by a murder, “a medical crime”. The court declared you innocent after, but, it was just by lack of  evidences…if something had to happen, you will be in a big trouble”

“I know…”

“Was it a mistake, or a murder, or none of these?”

“none of these”

“You won’t tell me anything else jaejoong-shi?”

“I’ll call Junsu first…I am worried” Jaejoong said as he took his cell phone from his pocket

“You worry a lot”

“No…I have a bad feeling about letting him walk in this hospital alone”

“ He is not a kid”

“not a man either”

“Then what?”

“something between an angel and a child…”

The doctor laughed at the strange comparison Jaejoong had made, then he followed Jaejoong as he waited impatiently an answer from the other side of the line. The man ended the unanswered call, and stood up to try again. He became really worried when his second try failed,

“Now I have a very bad feeling” Jaejoong said as he returned his phone to this pocket, “I should look for him…this is not good at all”

                                             ********************************

Darkness, silence, coldness…Junsu felt himself falling in a deep, endless hole…voices of the ghosts drawn from his imagination were breaking the silence, then disappearing to comeback stronger…they were laughing just like that man who killed his sister, just like the other man he was torturing him…but they were also crying…and…singing?...a lovely song?...Junsu opened his eyes…he was in a toilet, with the door close…the song…it stopped… “cold…cold…” Junsu murmured as he held his shoulders stronger…the song began again…it was his phone…his phone is ringing for the third time. He tried to get it, but he has no energy…his high fever took every bit of strength from his trembling muscles…he tried again…his arms are too weak to even be stretched…”hyung…hyung…” he called weakly, tears falling again, “can’t you hear me? Hyung…”…the phone is ringing for the fourth time…Junsu let go of a caught…even his caught was inaudible for his own ears…all what he can do now…is letting his tears fall in a miserable pain…no one can hear him…just like every time…

                                        ************************************

“Jaejoong! Slowly…” a breathless doctor called out

“How do you want me to slow down?...it is the fifth call and he is not responding” Jaejoong said as he continued running from a place to another

“What if he turned it in silent mode?…this is a hospital”

“No…something happened…I am sure…and I will never forgive myself if…no…I will find him”

They asked whoever they met…but no one had an answer. Jaejoong was becoming impatient. He ran a frustrated hand over his hair as he turned to look at the four hallways he was in the middle of,

“where are you Junsu?... doctor! Junsu knows this place very well, isn’t it?”

“not really…” a breathless man answered

“ok…let us go in different ways…this would be more efficient…if you find anything, call me right away”

“ok…you do the same”

The two men resumed their search, each one in a different place…

“the bathrooms?...” Jaejoong stared at the words written on the door for a second, then entered in a hurry…the place was empty…he looked at the mirror…the got his cellphone to call again. However, he turned; he heard something…he approached one of the toilets doors…it is…a weak cry…Jaejoong knocked at the door, no one answered…he tried to open it…it was locked…then, he heard another coughing voice… he hurried to open the door, “Junsu? Junsu? Are you inside?” but no one answered. Jaejoong took a few steps backward and jumped to stand up on the little wall between the two toilets…what he saw there…was a real shock…Junsu was cornering himself like a ball, crying and shacking…but inaudibly…there was blood on his hand and chin…Jaejoong quickly jumped inside, opening the door to have some space, and took the smaller man in his arms, trying to wake him up,

“Junsu! Junsu! What happened? Junsu! Can you hear me?”

Jaejoong ran his hand on Junsu’s forehead and cheeks; he was burning, trembling badly, and crying hysterically…Jaejoong held him closer, his back and his hair…he knew that he wasn’t totally unconscious, “calm down…it is all right…I am here…it is all right”, he tried to calm him down, even if he, himself, was on his limits…after a moment, Jaejoong received a reaction, a tiny, fragile, one,

“hyung?...”

Jaejoong adjusted his hold, so that he can look at the smaller man, the latest smiled weakly,

“You… heard me? ...even…that weak?”

Jaejoong felt tears in his eyes…he held his friend closer again, “yes, baby…I heard you…don’t cry anymore…I am here…it is all right”

Junsu coughed again, but his shakes became less severe, “hyung…it…is cold…painful…slow…my heart…I feel…it stopping…”

                                *************************************

The doctor entered the emergency room as fast as he can. He found some nurses standing, shocked, away from a Jaejoong that was adjusting the cover above Junsu’s sleeping body. He asked in a hurry,

“Jaejoong?”

The concerned man turned to face the doctor, “he is fine…thanks God I found him”

The doctor took a deep breath, he turned to look at the nurses, “why these scary faces?”

They stared at Jaejoong, who took a chair and threw his tired body on it, then one of them whispered,

“When he came, we tried to make him exit the room and call the doctor…but he was in rage…he almost kicked us…he was saying that he doesn’t have time and that he is a doctor…but he wasn’t wearing his suit and didn’t have a card…and, we have never saw him here…but he didn’t listen…he shouted on us that if we tried to stop him…he will end our lives…we didn’t believe him at first…but he was really about to kill…what should we do doctor? Do you know him?”

The doctor listened carefully, then he let go of a snoring laugh, “he is a doctor don’t worry…he did really scare you, didn’t he?”

“what are you laughing at doc?” Jaejoong asked

“you…over caring lover…you scared the staff”

“They didn’t want to listen to me and I had no time to explain”

“I see…I see”

“Now, could you be a little useful?”

“yes chef?” the doctor teased.

“tell them to prepare a comfortable room that doesn’t look like a hospital one”

“what…?”

“You know that Junsu fears staying at hospitals, don’t you?”

“ah…yes…didn’t you hear him…do whatever he wants”

“I need the scanner room to”

“Do whatever he asks for, understood?”

The confused nurses nodded and leaved the room. The doctor walked beside Jaejoong and patted his shoulder,

“You become scary when you are scared”

“I almost died out of fear…”

The doctor stared at the sleeping figure…Jaejoong had token all emergency measures…Junsu surely was in a bad condition,

“Jaejoong, if Junsu wakes up and finds this oxygen mask on his face, he would panic…he hates it…it brings him bad memories”

“He needs it to breathe properly; I will try to calm him down when he wakes up”

“But, he also hates all the machines surrendering him…how could you do that?”

Jaejoong thought for a while, “can you call that nurse?”

The doctor took his phone and composed a number, “…here”

Jaejoong waited for the answer to give his directions, “prepare a children’s room not an adult’s one please…and please bring some empty boxes and put them there…they must be in different sizes”

“but, sir, this is against the rules…we can’t prepare a…”

“didn’t you heard me?” Jaejoong said firmly

“…yes I did but…”

“So just do what I said…thank you…I’ll wait for your call to give me the room number”

Then he returned the phone to a puzzled man beside him,

“what would you do with the boxes?”

“Can you get me some colored papers and pencils?”

“…?!”

“and an extra blanket please”

“I don’t know what you are doing but…ok”

“Last thing…I need to go somewhere…can you stay with Junsu until I come back?”

“of course…”

“if something happens, call me immediately, and don’t leave him, even for a second”

“ok….” The doctor replied with a strange smile, “love is hard…” he added, but Jaejoong didn’t bother commenting.

                            ********************************************

Jaejoong knocked at his sister’s door and entered, he directly went to stand in front of Sookijin, full of anger, “what have you done?”, he shouted. Jini hurried to calm her brother,

“what is it Jaejoong?” , she asked, but he didn’t respond. Sookjin, who was sitting in the couch, stood up, looking extremely offended,

“so he told you already? I bet he didn’t miss a detail!”

Jini looked at her sister with a big confusion, “what are you talking about?”

“So that’s it! I wasn’t wrong suspecting it was you!”

“what are you playing with Jaejoong, when he will refer to your sister, you will definitely know it was me…but I like to know how he reported to you! He is a fabulous actor”

Jaejoong slammed the wall in frustration, “how the hell do you want him to tell me anything when he is in a coma! He couldn’t tell me anything and he didn’t tell me anything! Are you crazy?! What have you told him? What did you do to leave him in such state?”

Sookjin was totally shocked as she listened to her brother. She almost felt when he shouted again, “what did you do?” but she gained her calm again. Looking sharply at Jaejoong, she stated,

“nothing…I just told him the truth”

“Hell! which truth?”

“but you don’t know either…his father is the one who accused you and destroyed your future! It is because of his family that you have been in prison for years!”

Jaejoong turned in place, running his hands through his hair and face, then he faced his sister again,

“and what all that has to do with Junsu, tell me?”

“what a question! He is his son….”

“then?...”

“God! How can you trust him! His father took revenge from you, and he will want to! You are the son of the man who killed his sister! Do you think he will love you when you have such past?!”

Jaejoong stopped all his movements, his mouth remained a little open. He blinked few times before he spoke a taken aback sentence, “ what did you said?!...The girl…that girl…was…?!”

Now, everything makes sense in Jaejoong’s mind. The story is obvious…the fact that hospitals brought bad memories to Junsu…the fact that he was in a depressive state after hearing what Sookjin told him, the fact that he has a disease that only occurs after a serious psychological shock…all that…a killing truth that they would never have to know,

“what have you done?! Kim Sookjin! What have you done?”

“He knew! I am sure! He was willing to approach you because he knew, and he wanted revenge…you should thank me…”

“You are wrong! A devil, that’s what you are now…you are nothing better than that man who brought you to this life! Do you know what you have done now? Do you think that I don’t deserve whatever he would do to me? Do you think it is easy to see your own sister rapped over and over, tortured and killed! Do you think it is easy to leave with those memories?! Do you think it is easy to hide your hate for a painful, dirty world and to turn it into a willing to help? Do you think it is easy to accept humans after seeing what they can do? Do you think it is easy to live hated by everyone because your own face brings bad memories and bad luck? Do you think it is easy to experiment death every day? To count the time left for you each minute? Do you think it is easy to fear your own dreams and to hate waking up? Because in both cases, it is so painful? Do you think it is easy to need machines to be able to breath? And when these machines make you think of rapping and massacring scenes, is it even easier?...that’s what Junsu’s life is like…he tried so hard to change it, and he was strong enough to see that life can be livable…but do you know what you have done now? You destroyed every effort he had made! Every tiny or big effort he had made…and you know what? You destroyed my life for the second time now…His father took revenge from me, I can understand…it was his daughter…he was in pain….but you destroying what left of my miserable existence!? Why?! Why!”

Jaejoong’s voice was becoming more hoarse and cracked several times as the pain in his heart grew each time he speaks a word. His eyes became heavy as he thought of every how Junsu could have lived every moment of his life…even imaging, was unbearable…Sunie was also crying hard, she could feel the pain Jaejoong was talking about because she lived with it. Her mother ran to hug her hoping she will calm down. Jini tried to stop her brother, but it was useless. Sookjin got furious and replayed automatically,

“Stop it! Your life has nothing to do with his! And father didn’t do that because of nothing! He was hurt to! Junsu’s family began….For your information! Sunie is having cancer because of his ing family! Father did just what he had to do! It was his right to make them feel the pain he felt”

“Now shut up! Who cares about who begins?! If only just one of them stopped, we would be all right…if everyone tries to get revenge, no one will live peacefully….and if they hurt father, what did that little girl did to him to deserve what had happened to her?! What is she responsible for if her parents are evil?! What Junsu is responsible for?! What Am I responsible for? Is it our mistake that we have been born from ing bad men?! She was only a child, and Junsu was only a kid…and I only dreamed of healing people’s pain…tell me for God sake! What have we done wrong to deserve all that?!”

                                                *******************

Jaejoong hit the ground and shouted with all his forces as he reaches the garden in front of the hospital…he didn’t pay attention to people staring weirdly at him. He let his tears fall freely and shouted loudly, because he felt the need to. Then, after a while, he wiped his face and returned to the hospital, letting the officers that came in urgent toward him in a strange confusion. He washed his face, trying not to look at the mirror…he was afraid of staring at his own reflection…because within that image of his, there were marques of a man he doesn’t want to remember…

The doctor rose up from his chair as he heard Jaejoong closing the room’s door behind him. He watched him walking like a dead body toward the bed, “what happened?”

“Is the scanner room ready?”

“You can’t proceed now Jaejoong…”

“Is the room I asked for ready?”

“Yes…room 104…”

“Thank you”

“What happened Jaejoong?”

“nothing…can you help me please…I don’t want him to wake up here”

“okay…”

                                                **********************

Jaejoong adjusted the cover then took the empty boxes. Lifeless as he was, he began making holes in each of the boxes. He also threw some, that he judged unsuitable. Then, he took the colored paper and drew funny things-as funny as his imagination could think at the moment-. Finally, he covered all the machines that were surrendering Junsu with the one of the boxes, making sure to reserve a space for the wires and buttons. Thus, all the motionless machines became hided by very funny faces…it was rather hard to know that they were medical materials. The doctor followed Jaejoong as he did all that then exclaimed, “what an idea!”

“ I hope it will work”

“I think it will…you’re so creative! Have you been working with children?”

“Yes…for a long time”

“this is abvious…and you are treating Junsu as a child too”

“he is…a miserable one”

“Do you need to stay alone for some time, Jaejoong?”

“yes please…I need to”

“Ok then, call me if you need anything”

“of course…thank you”

Jaejoong took a chair beside the bed; he stared blankly to the sleeping man in front of him; then his eyes became teary. He played with the boy’s bangs for a while, “So…sorry…so sorry Junsu-ya”…

Jaejoong let go of the papers he was reading as he heard Junsu moving on his bed. He sat beside him and took his hand. Junsu moved a little more before opening his eyes; he stared at the man beside him, then at the room, still half asleep. He touched the mask on his face as he wanted to rub his eyes; he touched it again, and quickly wanted to remove it. Jaejoong held his hand,

“Please Junsu, you need it”

But Junsu didn’t stop, even as weak as he was, he tried to free his hand or to make the mask fall by moving in every possible way, “I don’t want it…don’t want it”

“Please Junsu; calm down; I’ll  remove it, just calm down, ok?”

“Junsu cooled a little and Jaejoong stood up, loosening his grip of Junsu’s hand, “I will put a nasal oxygen cannula in his place, is it okay ?”

Junsu nodded impatiently.

“Then listen to me Su-ah, you should breathe slowly and calmly as I remove it, ok? If you feel uncomfortable you should tell me, ok?”

Junsu nodded again.

“Ok, try to breathe…slowly…without effort…if you feel pain somewhere, tell me, ok?”

Junsu nodded, trying to do what he was told. Jaejoong replaced the mask with the cannula, being as careful as he can. Once it is done, he sat down again, “are you feeling fine, Junsu-ya?”

Junsu land his hand to Jaejoong, so as the later takes it like he did before. Jaejoong held the little hand between his owns, and massaged it delicately, repeating his question, “do you feel okay?”

“yes…better…thank you… for hearing me”

“I was mistaken…I am sorry, I should have never left you alone”

“it wasn’t because you left me alone hyung…”

“Even though, I shouldn’t…sorry…”

“I am fine…where are we?”

“isn’t it a cute room?”

“it is…childish…(he turned to his side, there was a box with a funny face, he smiled)…what’s that?”

Junsu moved his other hand; it was attached to the box by a sort of a tiny tube. Jaejoong held his breath, he hoped that Junsu won’t be horrified…and he wasn’t, he just said playfully,

“what kind of materials do you use hyungie? They are funny…are they real medical machines?”

Jaejoong took a releasing breath, “Aren’t they better than the regular ones?”

“yeah…” he answered calmly, “are we still at the hospital?”

“yes…for some time”

“Is…my condition is really bad?”

“I am worried…I prefer to stay here for a while…just to make sure”

“okay…” Junsu, was, unexpectedly calm and surrendering…was it normal? Jaejoong thought,

“what happened Junsu?”

“uh..?!”

“what happened…?”

Junsu hesitated a little, then he said, “I went in the wrong direction…and saw and emergency room…it was like the one my sister, who died, was operated in…then…I panicked…I didn’t want to remember…”

“Your sister died?...was she sick?”

“No…an accident” Jaejoong felt a little shiver passing through Junsu’s hand…so he decided not to ask more, and to try something else,

“Are you sure this is what made you panic?”

Junsu hesitated again, but he ended nodding in approval, “I am a chicken…I know”

Jaejoong smiled tenderly; he kissed Junsu’s hand, and leaned to his hair,

“Even if I hate lies, and even if I tell you that you are a horrible liar, because I understand why you are lying to me now, it even makes me love you more”

 Junsu seemed confounded, he stared questionably at the man next to him, then he said, after a while of thinking, “you know?”

“I know…”

“who told you?”

“I am intelligent enough to guess…then, she confirmed”

“Did you argue?” he seemed worried

“yes…”

“did she tell you about what we spoke about?”

“somehow…”

“Did you fight with her?”

“no…not really”

“okay…that’s good” Junsu sighed in relief

“I was waiting to know…what she didn’t tell me about…from you…and without lies or hidden issues. Can you tell me please?”

“sorry hyung…I don’t want to speak about this…it has no aim to speak about it”

“Can I ask you a question then?...Can you accept my presence by your side even if I bring you bad memories…at least, as a doctor until you get better?”

Junsu drove his other hand to sit on the top of Jaejoong’s, then asked,

“Can you stay with me, as a very close person to me, just as you were, even after knowing what had happened in the past?”

Jaejoong smiled, a grateful smile; he leaned to give the smaller man a light kiss on his forehead, then on his two hands,

“I am not leaving you…never…you have nothing to do with all what had happened…if you just can look at me without remembering those horrible moments you lived…I devote my life to you”

Junsu smiled adorably, and squeezed back the hands that were holding his, a light blush gracing his cheeks,

“When I look at you, I just remember good memories hyung…you too, you have nothing to do with what happened.”

“Come my angel, come here” Jaejoong leaned forward to hug the smaller man, lifting him a little so as not to put his weight on him. Junsu rested his head on Jaejoong’s shoulder, and he said after a little pause, “sometimes, maybe…I would be very aggressive, and maybe…I’ll tell you to leave me alone, or…I can hurt you…but please, if it happens that I do so, please…don’t be mad at me…I really don’t mean to…”

“I won’t let that happen…and if it happens, I will accept anything from you…because…I love you too much to even think to be mad at you”

“I love you too…hyungie”…that’s what Junsu wanted to say…but it just came up as “thank you hyungie”…maybe because it hurts a little…it still hurt…even if Junsu didn’t admit it, and didn’t want to admit it…the fact that the man he hated the most was the father of the man he loved the most, was a deep hurting contradiction that can’t be easily forgotten by his unconscious mind…that side that decides for almost everything within him…we don’t want it to interfere sometimes, but it did, without even asking for permission…However, this same side, carried a sincere love for Jaejoong…Junsu only can hope that this precious love will be more strong than any other feelings…

Hope you enjoyed this piece...many of you will think about how Jaejoong knew that Junsu had a talk with his sister...this will be revealed soon, also...for Chanti who asked me about their ages when they first meet and why Junsu was blamed about his sister's murder, that would be revealed soon...have good times and don't be very upset...they will be all right ^_^ what am i saying here? that means i can't be evile anymore?!...no way T_T  XDDDDD