A very small chapter to refresh the story a bit...Enjoy my lovely readers :)

Jaejoong POV

I sighed. Junsu was all messed up after hearing my sentence. He even dropped his Juice on the bed sheets, and he is not realizing it yet. After few blank blinks on my face, Junsu moved. He looked down and picked the glass,

“Oh my God!” he signed.

I took the glass from his hand, rolled the sheet down, and put them aside,

“Umm...I need to wash them right away. The marks won’t go otherwise” he mumbled

“No Junsu, leave them. I’ll take care of that” I said sitting down in my place, “we rather should talk a bit, Junsu-ya. It is most important”

Junsu brought his knees on his chest, locking them with his hands and put his hands between them, “I don’t want to talk hyung”

I massaged his shoulder, trying to make him feel safer about that talk that should happen anyway, “Junsu-ya…letting it inside your heart is only hurting you.  I hate to see you hurt”

He nodded negatively, “I don’t want to…”

“Why Junsu-ya? Maybe you would see clearer if we talk about it baby”

Junsu didn’t say anything for some seconds, then he rushed and hugged me tightly,

“I…am too scared hyungie…too scared to see, too scared to know, too scared that you know, too scared that my family knows, too scared that your family knows…too scared of everything…I…don’t want to know hyung…whatever these feelings are, I don’t want to know. As selfish and stupid as I can be now, I don’t want to know…I am not ready to any consequence yet…please”

I hugged him back, as tightly as he is doing because I can feel what his feelings look like now. It is not the right decision to make, but I agreed because…deep inside me…I am scared too, about what knowing may cause to Junsu’s health now…or to me later,

“Okay Junsu-ya. Take as much time as you need, just try not to hurt yourself, ok?”

He nodded against my shoulder, and I felt that he became a bit relieved.

“I am going to ask you a question though” his muscles are tightening again at my sentence,

“Do you like the way we are now? Are you happy with our relationship as it is now though your feelings are confused?”

He nodded again against my shoulder, so I resumed, “if you want us to stay just as we are now and change nothing, we can do that, until you feel comfortable enough, okay?”

He nodded again, still hugging me so tightly,

“Junsu-ya, you don’t have to be scared at all, not of my reaction at least, because, no matter what, I’ll never leave you alone”

“Hyungie…I am afraid…to hurt you…more than being alone”

“But I told you how I felt about you, and no matter what your feelings are, they can’t hurt me Junsu-ya”

“Then, what if…you told me that because you care too much about me, not because this is the way you feel”

I withdrew from the hug, and he let go. I looked at him carefully,

“Junsu-ya, I am sure of what I am saying; no matter what your feelings are, I won’t be hurt because the way I love you doesn’t include a hurting part, not because I am hiding things from you”

He looked back at me, still hesitant, “are you sure, hyungie?”

“I am sure Junsu-ya”

“okay…”

“You are not believing me, right?” I sighed, after a moment of silence

“I am sorry, but I don’t see why you would love me that much, hyung…I just can’t see why I would deserve all this unconditional love you are giving me”

I smiled, “My life. I got my life back, and it is thanks to you”

“No hyung, I got my life back thanks to you”

I took his hands into mine. He looked so confused,

 “Today morning, I received a letter. It has an invitation for me to attend the annual medical awards for outstanding doctors and researchers. You did that, didn’t you?” Now, he is looking at me. He maybe didn’t guess right the date in which the invitation will come.

“The things you were telling me you had to do are related to this, isn’t it? You searched for evidence and got my file cleaned up, and you returned me the right to work as a doctor again, and you convinced the director of the hospital where you were to engage me in his team, and you submitted the report of your surgery to the annual medical awards committee to give me another chance in presenting my method in cardio surgeries.  You’ve done all of that, without telling me a word, all by your own. You brought me my whole life back. Just how you made me the happiest man on Earth today, I just want you to be happier. Can you believe me now?”

“No” he said, appearing a little disappointed. “I don’t believe you because you brought me my life back too, so you should feel that we are equal now. You’ve saved me, cured my disease, encouraged me, and gave me a whole family and a lot of love. We are nothing but equal now, or less, hyung”

I cupped his face between my hands, making him look at me, “why do you look so disappointed? You didn’t want me to see the invitation, did you? You wanted to make me a surprise, isn’t it?”

He nodded, and I hugged him, so tightly that I felt I hurt him a bit, “and you are asking me not to love you too much, Junsu?”

“You did the same for me, hyung. You are just too perfect that you don’t see it”

“Oh I am not. You are the one who makes me like this. I love you so much”

He hugged me back giggling a bit, “You are really happy. I am sorry we had to have a sad talk before. Today should have been a whole happy day”

“It is, Junsu…the happiest”

Junsu’s POV:

I know I shouldn’t run away from the truth, or blind myself from reality…but, I am not ready yet…not ready at all to any switch that my feelings can cause to our lives, even if it would be a good one.

However, I think I can’t hide myself anymore. At this moment, I…can see them clearly…I know how I feel about Jaejoong hyung…I can see it…but I don’t want to take any step for now, because I am not sure if Jaejoong hyung is not telling me his true heart just because he cares too much for me and doesn’t want me to get hurt…I don’t want to hurt him either…