Hello lovely readers (that i hope still interessted *praying* sorry for the nth time) This story is in its end finally!! This is the chapter beofre the last, and the last one will be updated tomorrow for sure (if not before :p) ENJOYYY!! Ah this chapter is ....extra long ^^

Jaejoong POV:

We didn't talk about the feeling dilemma from that time, and we both acted as if nothing happened. Junsu has gotten better and I prefer it this way. He also returned to his normal state in terms of our interaction, and I guess that, even without telling me anything, he is surer of what he feels and getting more comfortable with it.

Now, I am the nervous one. Tonight is the annual award for outstanding doctors and researchers ceremony. I just cannot imagine myself going there...it is been a long time since I acted like a real legal doctor within a community of other doctors, and I feel extremely nervous. Junsu peeked at my face on the mirror from behind and chuckled. He turned to face me and patted my cheeks,

“Easy hyungie! You are the best and you'll always be. Why so much stress?”

“Junsu-ya...look, there wasn't enough research about the method I used to treat you and data are not enough. I am really stressed about what the committee will think. It is not good enough yet”

“Hyungie~ I am sure that if you weren't 1000% sure, you wouldn't have used it on me, am I wrong?”

“No, I am sure...it is just that the method is not quite formalized on paper”

Junsu giggled, looking at me weirdly, “I am sorry hyungie...but I happened to find some really good research papers on your house...and...Well, my doctor took care of the data you left in the hospital and the formatting things”

“uh????? what?!” my jaw dropped...my research!...my research is on the hands of the committee?!!

“You're mad at me?” Junsu asked, a little scared, taking me out of my storm of ideas. I looked at him still trying to put what he said in some order. His eyes became rounder and hesitant as he asked me again,

“are you mad at me, hyungie?”

“No...no Junsu-ya...but you should have told me” I breathed out, finally.

“but then, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore, hyung”

 I chuckled, “How did you and when did you find my papers?”

Junsu smiled...a proud smile, “well...it is a secret”, then he approached me fixing my cloths, and humming a song. I just kept watching him, not knowing what I should say

“Here, hyungie...I am sure tonight I wouldn't be able to have you for much time. Everyone will be busy flirting with you”

I laughed at his sentence and hugged him, “I only care about my little angel. I just hope that not many people will notice his charms”

He laughed and hugged me back, “I'll hide them well hyungie, but if you leave me alone for too long, I'll show all of them at once”

“I won't” I said sincerely.

The ceremony was...crowded! And too many people seemed to be from the rich category...I am even more nervous now. Junsu's doctor was waiting for us and escorted us to our assigned table. We exchanged some few words, but I went daydreaming as soon as we sat until I felt Junsu rubbing my arm, “It'll be okay hyung. I want you to trust me just like I trust you. Everything will be okay”

I smiled at him; I can't believe he is the one who is telling me this now...I am acting like a student in an exam class...or maybe worse.

Boring stuff session started, many presentations of the sponsors or the event, talks about how the government supports innovation, and how the country is improving toward a sustainable development. I, honestly, didn't care much about all the recited discourse. I was looking around, many of the people I knew before going to jail are here, but they don't seem to recognize me...or maybe they don't want to. Junsu held my hand, returning my attention. The awards will be announced soon. I feel my heart pounding like crazy...oh come on Jae! What are you expecting?! You don't even know a thing about the paper that was submitted...relaxe, you're just a guest...

“In the field of cardiovascular therapy research, the winner is Dr. Kim Jaejoong with his innovative applied research on heart surgeries and his outstanding afterward treatment methodology.  Kim Jaejoong-shi?” the announcer declared and my heart stopped...I won!? Me?! I won?! For real?!!

the Doctor's POV:

When Jaejoong stood there to give a word with the award on his hands, he looked so overwhelmed that I think he is still confused if this is a dream or a reality. However he gave a good speech about his project, and thanked the organizers and the team according to all the heavy protocols he dislikes so much. He also expressed his gratefulness to me. Then he stopped, looking at us and smiled. I looked at Junsu, he was really...REALLY happy. I do not think I never saw him smiling the way he is now, nor have I ever saw his eyes shining like that. Jae means so much for him, that project have returned him his life and happiness, and he is, maybe for the first time, accomplishing something so valuable for someone who loves him so much, someone he loves so much too, and someone who will recognize him what he did...I am so thankful I could see that kind of joy on his face after so long...

“Finally, (Jaejoong resumed) I would like to express how grateful I am to the person without whom I would never get here. Even though I know that no matter how much I thanked that person, it wouldn't be enough. I feel the urge to say it; Junsu-ya...thank you so much. I could not be the person I am today without you...thank you from the very bottom of my heart. You are really the one who deserves an award”

Junsu stopped smiling all of a sudden, contemplating Jae as he was ending his speech. Then he smiled back at him when he was coming, a little weird smile. Jae went ahead and hugged him tightly as he reached our table, and Jusnu couldn’t really respond till some seconds after. He was almost shocked by Jaejoong thanking him like that in public,

“What is it, Junsu-ya?” Jae asked, a bit confused by Junsu’s reaction

“Nothing…really. I…there was no reason for you to thank me like this. You’ve done the whole thing. I didn’t do much”

Jae smiled and hugged Junsu again for some long minutes. I think Jae does know Junsu so much that I suspect he can read his mind sometimes. He knows that Junsu tends to look down at himself, and lacks recognition for anything he does, that’s why he thanked him like that in public. He also knows that Junsu gets scared of his over happiness or when things go right because he was always exposed to bad happenings after a little joyful moment, and he also knows that his hugs serve as medication for Junsu. Jae knows that Junsu trusts him so much that receiving a hug from him makes everything okay. I am really amazed…they got so close in such short time!

I think that their relationship did well for both of them. Jae could come back to his ambition and his position thanks to Junsu. He could get acknowledgment for his abilities and even help to develop his surgery techniques thanks to Junsu. He is also more confident and feels happier with his current life. And Junsu got his normal life back, he is more confident too, expressing his ideas and interacting with people, and he doesn’t have so many fears anymore…all thanks to Jae. I think I don’t have to worry anymore about any of them…

Junsu’s POV

I don’t really know what happened to me. Suddenly, my happy face dropped after Jaejong hyung words without a reason. I even feel guilty. It is not that I wasn’t happy about his thanks, but I just couldn’t define what I felt after…at all…I don’t know what is happening to me these days.

I talked to many people tonight. They all rained me and Jaejoong hyung with questions. I also met some people in the arts field. I never participated in that many conversations, but, I feel quite comfortable. Is it hyung and my doctor presence? We then went to celebrate on our own. We went to the same restaurant Jaejoong hyung took me to the first time. I like that place; it is so warm and lovely. The uncle and aunt there even played music and obliged us to sing and dance crazily along with them. I should say that I enjoyed singing with them though. It is so refreshing…and it was another happy night to write about on that “happy notebook” I bought with Jaejoong hyung quite long ago. It is getting fuller with pictures and writing…it will be full soon; I like to look at how many pages I’ve written already. It makes me feel so blessed and happy.

Jaejoong hyung came to check on me after changing his cloths and putting aside his award, and I had an insane urge to hug him. He chuckled at my sudden action, but didn’t say anything

“hyung, can we just stay like this for the rest of my life?”

He made our bodies swing a bit from side to side, “I would be happy to do that, but you’ll get tired of me”

I chuckled, “no…I’ll never get tired of you hyung”

“You love me that much?”

I nodded, tightening my arms around him.

 “what is it, Su?”

“Should something happen so that I hug you like this?” I pouted

“No, Susu, but I feel there is something bothering you”

“Why do you have to know me that much hyungie?”

“To take care of you, and protect you, and be there for you”

“just for that?”

“for that”

“You love me that much?”

 He chuckled, “of course, so what is it?”

“I can’t act my role hyung” I sighed, pulling back from the hug.

“why?”

“I get stuck…when…that character…I just don’t want to play it!”

Jaejoong POV:

I looked at Junsu in surprise, what’s with his sudden high tone? He avoided my gaze,

“never mind it…”

“give me the script Junsu-ya, and show me where do you get stuck”

He looked at me, hesitant, then handed me the script without a word. I looked through and understood right away; his fearful memories must have come back to him while reading that.

“I need to see a psychotherapist hyung” he breathed out, “I am not helping myself that much”

I put the script aside and hugged him, “You’re doing great. But if you feel the need, you can go see one”

He returned my hug and closed his eyes, breathing slowly, “I need to do something about that hyung”

“Can I help?” he withdrew from the hug and looked at me, surprised, “How hyung?”

“Let’s try different things. First, let me help you act that scene. I am sure acting that role will help you overcome a bit”

“act it with you?” I nodded, “let’s give it a try, from the beginning of the scene, ok?”, he nodded, still unsure. I took the script because I don’t memorize the lines as well as he could and began. Junsu memorizes his lines well and was fine until we reached the topic he hates talking about the most. He suddenly stopped, mouth half open, trying to say something. Then he closed it not able to,

“I…can’t” he took a deep breath, “I feel awful just imagining the scene”

“then you wouldn’t be able to move your body either”

“No…I can’t imagine myself doing that…even when acting…it is awful”

I took his shoulders, “Look at me, Jun”, and he did, “Can you be brave enough to tell me what happened the day of the accident? Tell me all of it”

He stared at me in shock, nodding his head horizontally, “No hyung…I can’t”

“You can Junsu-ya. I am sure you can. Talking about it is the only way to get rid of it. Trust me, please”

“No! no…I don’t want to remember”

“but you are remembering Su, that’s why you can’t say those lines. You also remembered, when meeting with your sister old friend at the ceremony. I could see the change; I am not blind”

He kept shaking his head, “It hurts too much to remember hyung…it hurts even more to tell”

“I know” I hugged him, “but I want you to get it out. You cannot move forward if you can’t get it out”

He stayed silent, “please Junsu, trust me” it was time for that anyway, now that his health is much better.

“will I get sick again?” he murmured

“No…never again, and it will hurt much less after”

He lift his head, eyes wondering if it is okay to open up that old wound,

“I know it is hard, so hard and hurting. But I also know that you are strong enough, Su”

“ok…I’ll try”

We sat down, and I took his hand on mine, “how old was she?”

“… nineteen”

“What happened that day? Tell me”

“We went to school…as every time. Eonie…always waits for me in front of the door. They were…wanted to kidnap me…not her, but she was there too. If only she didn’t wait for me…if only she ran away”

He began sobbing. We didn’t even reach the critical part and I can see how much hurt Junsu is keeping inside him. I massaged his hand while he was wiping his tears, hoping he wouldn’t stop half way, and he didn’t,

“They forced the two of us in their car and drove so fast…We were out of the city. I don’t know where…a big building. It seemed like storage or a big garage…and that man was there. He said…he said father did something bad and I should be punished for it. He thought father adored me…he didn’t. All what happened to Eonie nona, should have happened to me not her…but she was not like me. She was brave…and I was so weak and freaky. She didn’t let them hurt me…she said that she better die than see her little brother get hurt…that man, he threatened her to be…punished in my place if she defends me, and she dared him”

He stopped, sobbing too much. I had the urge to hug him but I didn’t. I want him to tell that horrible story till the end, and me hugging him will make him burst into more tears,

“That’s why your family always makes you responsible?”

He nodded, “You couldn’t help her after”, he nodded again,

“I was…too scared. My body couldn’t move at all. I wanted to stop him…them, but couldn’t move. I was paralyzed”

“what did they do?” I should wait a long moment before getting an answer other than tears,

“they beat her so much…with their shoes and belts, then…they had cigarettes…they burned her skin…her face too…she was screaming…so much”

Junsu held his chest tightly, bring his head to his knees, sobbing painfully. If I wasn’t sure about his safety, I would panic as his breathing got so uneven, but I was sure his heart was safe. I warped my arm around his shoulder, massaging it…I really want to enter his head and erase all those horrible memories, but I can’t.

“her screams woke me up from my shock. I wanted to stop them so much…but the other men didn’t let me. They held me to the ground and one of them sat himself on my back. I couldn’t get up…couldn’t help her…couldn’t do anything…the other pulled my hair up. He said that they would burn her even more if I don’t see”

“Oh my God…” I am shocked…is this really my father?!!!

Junsu’s body began shaking, and his grip on my hand became too strong that I could scream,

“Jun… she doesn’t feel anything from that anymore. It is not your fault; you could do nothing against them all. I am sure your nona is only hurt now by the hurt you carry inside”

“But I do…I feel it…can’t help it”

“I know…” and I am helpless now

“why are they so cruel?! Are they even humans?!”

“No…they are not”

“They were enjoying her suffering so much…it was delicious for them. As much as nona screamed, they would go harder on her…They held her arms up her head, and paralyzed her legs, letting that monster do whatever he wanted…she was vulnerable…so vulnerable and so tiny, and they were so big and so strong…why?!! Didn’t they pity her just a little!?”

I pulled him into my embrace, not able to hold myself anymore. I was fighting my tears too. I wish I could see that man called father in front of me now; I would punish him in every possible way…I feel in rage! I thought Junsu would stop at this point but he continued, maybe unable to hold back anything anymore,

“He bitted her so hard that she was bleeding. He his lips tasting her blood and enjoyed it…the others were laughing. Her skin was red…so red and marked. He kept saying that she wants him to continue…that she was pleased…that pleased any one even if it is so painful…that the pain has a pleasure…how can she be pleased?!!! She was crying and screaming! She wasn’t enjoying it!”

Junsu got enraged, hitting me every possible way, trembling and screaming. His hits hurt, but I said nothing until he calmed down, probably tired,

“and nona wasn’t screaming anymore…she calmed down, once for good…they threw her body and mine in a deserted area…she was bleeding a river, not speaking, but she looked at me; she even moved her hand…but when I took it, she was cold, and her eyes shut and didn’t move anymore…I called her name, begged her to move…she wasn’t dead yet …I covered her freezing body and hugged her…she was still breathing…dead breaths but she was breathing…It hurt so much…I couldn’t handle that pain in my heart…and all my body stopped at once…when I woke up, she was in the ER, and I was in another room…I lost my ability to speak…she died soon after, and Junsu disappeared too…leaving a sick heart and sick pieces of soul in that cold room of the hospital”

“I am sorry…” I said sincerely; this is heartbreaking. He cried some more, and I cried with him too. I don’t know for how long.

I brought Junsu a glass of water and made sure he takes his medication,

“You must be so strong to be able to trust people again, and smile again. I am really proud of you”

I kissed his forehead and hugged him again, “thank you hyungie…for being here”

He closed his eyes, too tired. I covered him-he is still trembling a bit-, and kept caressing his hair, trying to make him sleep maybe.

The next morning was a Sunday. Junsu wasn’t willing to get up from the bed, but I managed to force him. I thought that having a little trip on a yacht would do him good after yesterday’s suffering. Junsu loves the sea. I called Mike to have his yacht and prepared some fresh food to take with us. My mood wasn’t the best either but I managed to get over my sadness to cheer up on Junsu. The next day, I took him to the amusement park again and we ridded the famous train he wanted to try so many times. We even went shopping and watching movies. We went exercising too, and I am happy Junsu could regain his happy mood after only two days. He was really strong. He took on his own healing process all by himself and, some weeks later, I could see him brilliantly acting the scene he couldn’t repeat that time. He did it so wonderfully that I think he put there what remained from his wounds, leaving them on stage. I could hear people around me awing.

“Junsu!! You’re the best actor in the world” I hugged him tightly as he got to the backstage. He giggled in my arms, “You’re going too far hyung”

“No, I am not. You were gorgeous Su”

“Thank you hyungie”

“Ahh! Junsu, I didn’t know your fans can get to the backstage” A young, handsome man grinned behind me. Junsu smiled at him,

“Jaejoongie hyung, this is Park Yoochun. He is a composer. He wrote the songs of the musical”

Yoochun stretched his hand and I shook it, “nice to meet you, Yoochun-shi”

“All the pleasure is mine Jaejoong-shi”

Yoochun is so easy going. Junsu told me about him before. They’ve become friends a week ago. We had dinner in a restaurant and Yoochun cracked jokes out of nowhere. He even began calling me hyung without noticing. I like him actually, and I am happy Junsu could make new friends and surpass that bubble he used to live in. He even doesn’t feel uncomfortable with Yoochun’s sudden hugs and taps as he jokes…I feel relieved seeing him improve that way.

That night, Junsu came to check on me, “Hyungie…are you busy?”

“Not really” I put my glasses away, “come!”

He sat on the chair beside me, “Hyungie, do you have some time tomorrow?”

“for what honey?”

“I want to go to the villa…bring my things from there…and, I want to clear some matters there too. I just don’t want to go alone”

“Of course” I smiled at him, “I’ll go with you”

“really?! Thank you!” Junsu jumped from his chair to hug me; he is becoming bubbly in the cutest way these days…

The meeting with Junsu’s family wasn’t pleasing at all. His father was shocked seeing how Junsu became stronger and stable. He threatened him with heritage and family name, none worked. He attacked me too; I didn’t care much. However, when the brothers came, war was declared. I am glad I came with Junsu, and I am glad I spent some time with gangsters too. Junsu’s big brother is a furious monster that can’t really control his punches. Long story short, we took all of Junsu’s things after a dilemma. His parents tried weakening him by talking about his sister’s death. However, Junsu was over that already. Although he still feels sad remembering her, he doesn’t feel responsible anymore, and he could handle all what his parents threw to him…they are so harsh!

 I stopped the car on our way back home near the river and opened the windows, letting the fresh breeze blush our faces,

“Junsu-ya, why are you upset?” I caressed the back of his neck, getting his attention

“I am sorry hyung…for today”

“You’re upset for me?” he nodded, and I kissed his cheek, “don’t be…it was quite interesting to meet your family again”

He laughed, “Interesting hyung?”

“Yeah…I could see how much your health improved, and how much you’ve grown up, and how stronger you’ve become…and how strong I can be too”

We both laughed, “You should teach me hyung”

“teach you what?”

“How you made my brother so angry, looking so weak without hitting him once. His face was funny”

“I’ll teach you”

“Hyung, let’s take a walk together”

“Of course”

We walked for some time, with a comfortable silence filling the air. For the first time, Junsu took my hand first; swinging our arms together in a childish motion…he has grown up so much; I feel really proud of him.

“Hyung! Don’t look at me that way” he whined

“What way, Jun?” I asked amused by his pout

“You look at me like an old ajjushi staring at his child”

I laughed, “I was admiring how much my baby have grown up!”

“Ah!! Now you talk like a real ajjushi!”

I pulled his hand that was on mine, making his body turn and fall in my arms, “sorry…I know I am disturbing your flow of ideas”

“Which ideas hyung?”

“tell me what you want to tell me Junsu-ya. It is okay whatever it is. You don’t need to think that much”

“You know me so much hyung, much more than what you should”

“What is it, Junsu-ya?”

He stepped back, looking at me,

“I…know…how my real feelings toward you are, and I guess…they can belong to a category”

“which is?”

“Promise me first…that even after knowing, we won’t be far apart”

“I promise you, that even if your feelings for me turn to be pure hatred, that you’re stuck with me forever”

“and promise me that you won’t get hurt either”

“I promise you that I won’t get hurt as long as you love me in some way”

“and promise me…you will tell me your true heart just after”

“I promise you that, but you should promise me all the above too”

“I promise hyung”

Jaejoong POV:

Junsu lifted his head and looked at me, deeply, as if making sure of my promises; then he breathed out, ready for a hard, serious sentence.