Hello my lovely readers :) Ok...after a longgggg absence (sorry again) here is a lonnnng chapie for this story...don't kill me when you finish reading >_< LOL 

Junsu POV

I am going to get out from the hospital today…finally. Even though my journey here wasn’t totally unpleasant, I still want to leave this place. Earlier, my lovely family came, all angry about the money that flied away from my bank account. However, Jaejoong hyeong have forbidden them to reach my room by all means. He even told them that I was transferred to another hospital, and my doctor confirmed the information. Therefore, they never came again. I am actually thankful I didn’t even know about what happened until these days. I know they came just to yell at me.

Jaejoong heyong (ex-)boss knocked at my door and came in. He is one of my friends now. He keeps checking on me and on Jaejoong hyeong and he comes often to cheer us up. He has a good joking mood.

“Junsu-ya, are you ready?” he asked me as he picked up my bag

“yes, hyeong. Why didn’t Jaejoong heyong came with you?” I pouted. Jaejoong heyong keeps disappearing these days.

“He is preparing a surprise for you”

“Can’t you tell me what is it hyeong?”

“No…and don’t even try your puppy eyes. Jae will kill me if I say a word”

“you are so mean…both of you”

He laughed loudly at my sentence. He has a weird laugh actually, but it is funny. My doctor was waiting for me at the reception desk. He hugged me and wished me good luck. Of course, he didn’t forget to repeat his entire daily lecture about being extremely careful. I nodded, reassuring him that I will take good care of myself, and he promised to visit often to make sure I am keeping my word. Though my family isn’t that loving, I feel really blessed now. I receive so much love lately… even from myself.

While driving, heyong didn’t stop telling me all sorts of jokes he knew. My chest and stomach are hurting now just because I laughed so much. He stopped the car in front of a little house, and as I got off the car, I noticed Jaejoong hyeong who came out from the door and invited us to come in. This was the surprise…a little house near the sea. Jaejoong hyeong thought it was better for me not to go back to my family villa for the upcoming months, so he rented that little house. It is a beautiful little piece and it has some wonderful views from outside. It also has a garden on its roof. Jaejoong heyong keeps amazing me. He thinks of everything and doesn’t allow me to worry about anything…I am really blessed having him by my side.

After settling in our new house, I experienced a new lifestyle too. Jaejoong heyong would always wake up before me. He would prepare breakfast before waking me up. Then, we would go for a walk on the beach. Sometimes his ex-boss or my doctor would join us. When we come back, we would take a shower and have breakfast together. Our kitchen has a wide balcony where we can eat while enjoying the morning breeze. Jaejoong heyong will then go to the hospital, and I will stay, searching for some potential training I can get in theatre or musicals and visiting some institutions to rebuild my life anew.

Jaejoong heyong ‘mothers’ me too much sometimes. He would always call me or text me when my medicine time comes, and he would sometimes call to check if I was feeling good. I know he worries a lot about me, and I am somehow happy with it. Jaejoong heyong also pays so much attention to my regime. He keeps everything prepared for me in the fringe and I became somehow intimidated by this over care. I pity him, and I want him to take care of himself too. Although I tell him many times to not overtire himself taking care of me, he never listens. Sometimes I feel like I must pay him back for that…

Today, when I went to the supermarket, I met my brother’s boyfriend. He suggested sitting at a coffee and talking a bit, and I accepted. He asked me about my health and my life.

“Everything is good, and I am fine. How about you? And heyong?”

“well, we are great. Your parents are still angry at you. They told me you’ve gone to the US, but I see you’re still here”

“I am recovering from my disease and…it will be really bad for me to meet them now. I prefer to let things cool a bit before talking to them”

“I see. You are right. They told me about Jaejoong…he is your doctor, isn’t he?”

“Yes…”

“Are you close friends?”

“yes…”

“I see…aren’t you more than friends?”

“yes…actually”

“so you are together for a long time…?”

“what do you mean…together for a long time?”

“I mean in a relationship”

“ah…no, I think you got me wrong. When I said we were more than friends, I meant it literary…we are very close that’s it”

“Are you sure Junsu-ya?”

I looked at him without saying a word. He seems too confident asking me such thing.

“Do my parents think we are together?”

“yes…and I thought the same actually. I mean…last time when we came to the hospital. He was the one that told us you were hospitalized elsewhere because of lack of materials. But, he was careful that no one of us will stay at the hospital when he comes back to his work. At that moment, I doubted his words. He was too worried about you to not to be noticed…”

“He is like that…always worrying about me. I am thankful you didn’t tell my family about your doubts”

“He showed us the papers of your transfer. Even if I said something, they won’t believe me. Anyway, that’s when I thought he was maybe your boyfriend…I mean, didn’t you notice anything?”

“No…he takes care of me as a good friend would do”

“and what about you?”

“I…love him so much…he is the greatest friend I can have”

“That’s it?”

“yes…”

“You may want to think about it again Junsu. If you are just friends, you will not stay together forever. Every one of you will build a new life, and I think he will be the first to do that. Would you be okay if it happens for you two to be separated? Would it be okay if you can only meet him occasionally around a coffee table or in a quick visit?”

I looked at my juice as the words penetrated deeply inside my heart…no, I am not ready yet to be separated from him…I am too used to him. I will miss him like hell…does that means I am in love with him? But I missed my older sister like hell for all these years and I wasn’t in love with her! Wait…Am I denying myself? Could it be that my phobia is still alive…forbidding me from acknowledging what I really feel? Does what I feel for Jaejoong heyong is actually that kind of love?...

“Junsu-ya?”

“uh…?!”

“Were you thinking about my question all that time?”

I took a deep breath, “I don’t know…”

“You don’t know what Junsu-ya?”

“If I am…not okay with our separation, does that mean I am in love with him?”

“yes Junsu. You are”

“Are you sure?”

“Why do you keep hesitating like that? It is obvious”

“Not for me hyeong…it is not obvious at all. I have never been in love to know what is like…but I know I love Jaejoong hyeong so much…I mean…what is the difference between this and that?”

“Junsu…you don’t have to experience being in love to know you are in love or not. Do you hug for example?”

“yes”

“Then when you hug, do you really like it that you don’t want to withdraw?”

“…Yes, but everyone likes to be hugged by people s/he loves…”

“Oh God! If I hug you, would you like it that much?”

“I would like it, but not that much…”

“aha! Here you are”

“But if my mother hugs me…I would really like it that much…if only she loves me like Jaejoong hyeong does, I am sure I would like it that much…my father too…and if nona was still alive, I would never get enough from her hugs…but really…nobody does that…except jaejoong heyong. I was only loved back by nona and Jaejoong hyeong…their love is all what I know about love…that’s why it is not obvious to me at all…Love for me…only means what I felt from nona and Jaejoong hyeong…and they are both just love for me…I hope I’ve experienced love some more so that I can know the difference…”

I didn’t realize that I was tearing up actually, until I noticed the look of sympathy in the eyes of my speaker, “Junsu…I am sorry”

“there is nothing to be sorry for hyeong” My phone is ringing. It must be Jaejoong hyeong. I wiped my tears quickly; he shouldn’t hear me crying or he would be worrying to death. I took a deep breath and picked the call,

“Hyongie, how are you?”

“Junsu-ya, why did you take such time to pick up my call?”

“I am…in a noisy place. I didn’t hear it”

“Where are you?”

“In a coffee shop…near the supermarket”

“Junsu? Are you crying?” Oh my God. I took another breath a little far from the phone

“uh?!...no…hyeong…why would I cry?”

“You are crying Junsu. Why are you crying? What happened? Do you feel the pain again? Tell me the truth”

“I don’t feel any pain heyong…I swear. It is just that…in the coffee shop, they are playing a drama…and it is sad…it made me cry a bit. That’s all”

“Are you sure Junsu?”

“I am hyeong. Don’t worry at all”

“I am coming to you…are you sitting outside?” he said shortly. He obviously didn’t believe me.

“Yes…” I simply answered. I know that if I speak more, I will tear up again, and I know how hyeong is so stubborn.

I returned my phone to my pocket and tried to breathe evenly and wipe my tears completely.

“Is he coming?”

“Yes…hyeong worries a lot”

“You are really lucky to have someone who loves you that much. Try not to lose him Junsu”

“Will I…lose him if…I prefer that we stay friends?”

“Maybe…choosing to stay friends means you allow him to fall in love and build his life with his lover. Or at least, your relationship won’t stay the same. You cannot have him running to you whenever you need him…or coming like that just because he suspected you crying…”

“I don’t want to lose any bit of him…but I am not sure I am in love with him either” I am crying again…just what happened to me? Why I start crying whenever I think about Jaejoong heyong a bit far apart from me? How did I become that vulnerable?

“Junsu…you don’t have to cry about that come on! Do you want Jaejoong to come and see you sobbing like that?”

“I don’t…” I wiped my tears again and tried to breathe evenly. I calmed down, thinking about good things rather than separation…I hate this word.

Soon enough, Jaejoong hyeong came, and rained me with questions. My eyes were still a bit watery and that was the first thing he noticed. I tried to reassure him that the reason was a drama and that I didn’t feel any pain at all.

“Junsu-ya…I am not believing you” that was all I got as an answer before he turns to my brother’s boyfriend and ask him what the hell he had said to me. I stood up and calmed Jaejoong hyeong. I didn’t know hyeong actually knew who my speaker was.

“Hyeong…it is not because of him or my family. You know I cry in dramas, don’t you?”

He looked at me, still suspicious, then he breathed out, “okay…”

Our way back home was so silent. I kept looking from the window while Jaejoong hyeong was driving. I feel tired. My imagination kept playing what my brother’s boyfriend had said earlier,

“I had a friend. We were really close. Though I still love him, since I got into a relationship, I didn’t see him. We only talk on the phone sometimes”

 Would that be our situation, me and hyeong, after I recover fully?

We arrived home. I waited for hyeong to open the door to go straight to the couch and throw my body on it. Hyeong sat beside me and kept staring, waiting for me to talk.

“Your eyes are still teary Junsu…” he stated, making me understand that he didn’t believe my lie.

“Can I lie on your chest hyeong?” he opened his arms for me, and I settled myself comfortably before telling him,

“I was wondering…when I recover…would our relationship change? Would we be far apart?”

“What made you think about that Junsu-ya?”

“I was just wondering hyeong…”

“Can’t you wonder about things that make you happy rather than things that make you sad Junsu?”

I looked up at him; he breathed out,

“We won’t be far apart unless you decide it Junsu-ya”

“and…how would I decide that?! I’ll never like being far apart hyeong”

“Then we will never be” he smiled

“Won’t you…I mean…don’t you…want to…like…build a family or something and…move on with…your life?”

“Even if I decide to…which won’t be in the near future anyhow…I don’t think I would like to change our relationship because I am happy with it, and I don’t want to lose you”

“really…?”

“Is that what made you cry? The idea of us being far apart?”

I nodded, and he chuckled, “didn’t I promise you to never leave you alone?”

“Yes, but you are not my propriety hyeong. I cannot keep you forever just for me”

“Oh well, I give you the right to, Su-ah”

I chuckled, “If I ask you again, how do you love me, would you tell me that I can shape your love however I want because it doesn’t have a ‘how’?”

“yes…do you want to modify the shape?” he giggled

“No…at least not now…I was just making sure”

“Ok, just be happy and never make me worry that much about you, and…about the ‘how do you love me’ question, it is to you to decide the answer”

I clung more to him, “saying that, you don’t know what kind of problems you’ve got yourself into heyong”

He laughed loudly, “well…I guess I love you too much to avoid that”

Jaejoong hyeong…always makes call to his funny skills when he sees that I am too sad or too scared for a serious talk. I was not ready for a serious talk that day, and he knew it. However, I couldn’t sleep that night. I just hoped that Jaejoong hyeong won’t wake up and find me awake. I wished I could get up and walk outside, but since me and jaejoong hyeong share the bedroom of the house and the bed in it, I was afraid to wake him up by my movement. I lied there while my mind swum in a mess of ideas. Do I love Jaejoong hyeong or am I in love with him? Just what is the difference?...a ual relation? Just that? Or even the feeling should be different? I am sure I am not ready for a ual relationship…and I know why…especially with him…but if the feeling is different, I certainly should know…Does that depend on my uality or only on the person for which my heart will beat so fast?....Does my heart beat fast for him?...It surely becomes happy when he is with him…is that love or being in love?...or is it a common figure between the two?

I don’t know how or when I slept, but when Jaejoong hyeong woke me up, I couldn’t lift my head from the pillow,

“Are you sick? Junsu-ya?” I felt hyeong checking my temperature.

“No, I am sleepy” I rubbed my eyes…I really feel that I slept for five minutes only.

“Junsu-ya…did you sleep yesterday?”

“I don’t know…”

“You didn’t sleep at all, why? Were you still thinking?”

“not really…”

“Ok, try to sleep now” he kissed my forehead…and that was the last thing I felt before falling asleep again.

I woke up two hours later. I was still feeling tired, but I had to wake up. I have a lot to do. Jaejoong hyeong was taking breakfast. I sat on the other chair and greeted him,

“Good morning Junsu-ya” he responded me back, “you could sleep longer if you want”

“I have to meet the director of the training center today hyeong. He suggested me to attend the rehearsals”

“But you are really tired”

“It is okay hyeong. I feel good though”

“Ok. I have to go now. If you feel tired or if anything happens, call me right away, ok?”

“ok” he kissed my cheek and went, “take good care of yourself, Su”

“you too hyeong”

I put my tea cup as I heard the door close and breathed out. I feel so tired and so messed up. I ate what I could and took my medicine. I called hyeong ex-boss (and our friend now). I told him I really needed to go to several places and asked him if he can drive me. When he came, the first thing that jumped to his mind was true,

“Junsu-ya! You are so pale! Are you tired? Did you sleep?”

“I couldn’t sleep hyeong…and I am afraid to get too tired later on, that’s why I called you. I am really sorry”

“It is okay, but…if you are too tired, maybe you should stay home today. You didn’t fully recover yet”

“It is okay. I really need to do some things”

“Okey then, let’s go, I’ll go with you, and, if you need to, you can talk to me about what kept you awake last night”

“Thanks”

Mike (hyeong ex-boss), kept me company for the whole day. Then, when I finished all what I had to do, he drove us to a little garden, a quite place where we can talk comfortably.

“Then, tell me Junsu-ya. What is it?”

“I am…very confused…so confused hyeong”

“about what Su?”

“about…my feelings…toward Jaejoong hyeong”

“ah…you really needed someone to talk to, didn’t you?”

I nodded. Mike put his arm around my shoulder,

“listen to me Junsu-ya. I may have committed a lot of mistakes in the past, but I have more experience than you…even concerning Jaejoongie, I know more than you do. Jaejoongie…knew you will, at a certain time, fall into this dilemma, but he hoped it will end up in a smother way. That’s why, if you were to ask him something about his feelings, he won’t answer you directly. He wants you to know your way without him affecting you. Because if he told you he was in love with you, for instance, even if you don’t feel the same, you would force yourself to do so just as not to hurt him. And similarly, if he told you he loved you as a friend, even if you are in love with him, you would deny your feelings just as not to hurt him as well. So, if you really want to know the truth, only listen to your heart, and forget everything else; what people may have told you, the favors Jaejoongie offered you, your past accident, your fears…just forget about them all, and you will surely see clearer”

“How can I do that hyeong?...Jaejoong hyeong knows how to deal with everything…even with my internal issues…but I don’t know how to deal with anything. Every time I try to know what my real feelings are, I get scared…so scared for many reasons. I don’t want to lose anything of my current life, I am…not even ready to sleep in another bed other than the one me and hyeong have in our room or to sit in another sofa other than the one in our living room. I am…too happy and too comfortable that I sometimes think I am living in a dream that can crash at any moment. I also don’t want to hurt Jaejoong hyeong no matter what. I am happy with any sort of feelings he has for me, even if it were only pity I’ll be happy with it. I want him to be happy too, and I am afraid I am holding him back so much from what he really wants to do, whatever what he wants to do is. I can’t think straight at all hyeong…”

Mike hyeong tugged me closer and kept rubbing my arm up and down. I really want to cry, but I am afraid even of my tears…

“Why don’t you talk with him about that?”

“I cannot hyeong. I am sure I will lose my words and ideas…all at the same time”

“Junsu-ya…Do you know what is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?”

“I hope I knew…”

“The difference is a tiny little thing called attraction. When you are in love with someone, you feel a kind of chemistry between the two of you. You tend to observe that person and stare at him/her and never get tired of it. You also want to stay even closer to that person, and sometimes, you…feel some kind of weird sensations that cause goose bumps in your stomach when that person is close. Now, don’t think of anything else and tell me, do you feel those things when you are with Jaejoongie?”

“Do I feel like that?!...I really…don’t stare at him non-stop, but I love to watch him do things, and I really find it enjoyable. And…I don’t feel any goose bumps when I am with him. I rather feel my heart jumping in joy”

“And do you feel your heart beating so fast when he gets close to you?”

“uh…sometimes…but not all the time…if he was with me all day, I don’t feel my heart speed up even if we sit really closely or sleep together…But I do feel exited to see him if we didn’t meet for the whole day…I am not helping at all, am I?”

Mike hyeong chuckled, “You answer my question with such innocence…that’s all”

I should have pouted because of that, but I don’t even have the mood for that,

“hyeong…if I don’t feel this kind of attraction, does that mean I am not in love?”

“Yes it would mean that”

“And…does that mean I love Jaejoong hyeong…less?”

“No! It doesn’t mean that at all. It just means you love him, but not as a lover”

“and who is above who? A friend or a lover?”

“It is not a matter of ranking Junsu-ya. A lover and a friend are not comparable, though you can leave without a lover but not without a friend, and you can only have one lover but you can have many friends. Still, friendship feels different from being in love. You cannot really compare them”

“So…a lover is someone really special…more special than a friend”

“You may say so…but you really cannot rank them. Because even when you have many friends, one of them will, always, be more special. A best friend and a lover are both so special actually”

“And…not being in love, does it mean we will be separated one day? Does it mean that, at a certain time, we would meet very rarely, have a coffee or a juice together and talk about work and family, that’s it?”

“No, Junsu-ya. It doesn’t mean that. You can stay very close to the end of your lives. You may not live together anymore, or share so much, but you can stay neighbors and meet very often. Junsu…you really should forget about those fears if you want to see clearer. They are surrounding you too much”

“How can I? Even if…I try to ask myself who is Jaejoong hyeong to me, I get a broad answer that doesn’t help me in anything, and I get even more scared”

“and what is that answer?”

“He is…my everything…just everything”

“Maybe you should take a bit more time to decide. Try to see, in these upcoming days, if you feel that attraction plus love or not…and try to avoid thinking about your fears too much, okay?”

“ok hyeong. Thank you. I am really being a pain to anyone I know”

“Don’t say that. You are the angel that saved me. I am always thankful to you”

I smiled, I even didn’t realize that and it wasn’t intentional at all…

“Junsu-ya, I’d better take you home now. You seem so pale”

“Can you take me to the hospital instead?”

“what?! Why?! Are you feeling that bad?”

“Yes hyeong…I am not feeling good at all”

“Oh my God! And it is now that you tell me! Your chest is hurting you again?”

“A bit…not too much”

Hyeong touched my face, “You are having fever Junsu”

“It is okay” I smiled as not to freak him even more, “I think I just overdid myself a bit these last days”

“Well say that to Jaejoongie when he will freak out”

When we were at the car, I actually decided to call Jaejoong hyeong and tell him before hand. Jaejoong hyeong doesn’t greet me like people when I call him, he always says:

“Junsu-ya? Are you all right?”

“Are you still at the hospital hyeong?”

“yes I am. Why? What happened? Are you okay?”

“I am feeling a bit unwell hyeong. Mike hyeong is driving me to the hospital now; can you wait for me there?”

“what?! Why didn’t you call me before?! What are you feeling exactly? Do you have fever? Are you suffering pain? Can you breathe evenly? Did you take your medicines on time? Did you tire yourself at the training? Did you collapse or something?...”

“hyeong! I cannot answer all of these questions at once. Don’t worry I am not dying. I didn’t collapse, but I have some fever. I took my medicines and I can breathe evenly. But my heart is hurting, not too much though”

“Ok…I am sorry…relax and try to breathe slowly. I’ll be waiting for you at the entrance”

“Don’t bring the whole medical team with you. I am fine hyeongie”

“ok…ok Junsu-ya”

I chuckled, “relax and try to breathe slowly hyeong. You are too nervous”

“How can I not be Su…I should have stayed with you today. I am sorry”

I felt my eyes tearing up to his words, “Don’t say that hyeong. It is not your fault. It is rather mine…I am sorry”

“Junsu-ya…there is something bothering you a lot these days, isn’t it?”

“nee”

“That something, is it making you anxious?”

“nee”

“You don’t want to tell me about it because it concerns me, isn’t that true?”

“nee”

“Do you want to talk about it later on? Can you tell me about it now?”

“not yet hyeongie…”

“ok, as you wish. But how can I make you less anxious? I am sure your anxiety is what makes you feel so unwell, and I knew and did nothing…I really should have done something to help”

“You can give me a hug hyeong”

I can imagine hyeong smiling at my answer, “you owe me a big long hug then, Jusnu”

When we arrived to the hospital, Jaejoong hyeong ran to me to check my fever and my pulse but more calmly than he would like to. My doctor also was there, I bet hyeong made him worried. Jaejoong hyeong requested some extra analysis from the laboratory just to make sure. He didn’t give me any pain killers this time, he preferred some herbal medicine. He said they would calm me down and help me sleep well, and with my tiredness, they really made me fall asleep.

I woke up at the middle of the night. I found myself in my bed and Jaejoong hyeong was still awake by my side,

“Are you feeling better now, Su?”

I looked at him with blaming eyes, “why you are still awake hyeong? I told you I was fine”

He chuckled and brushed my bangs away, “You know how much I worry about you Junsu”

“I know” I smiled back at him, “but I worry about you too”

“I am fine. Just be okay”

“I am okay. What time is it?”

“1 a.m.”

“It is late…”

“Do you want something, Junsu?”

“No, just sleep hyeong. I am okay”

“fine…”

Jaejoong hyeong lied beside me and turned the lights off. I felt his arms enveloping me and chuckled,

“what is it hyeong?”

“You owe me a big hug, Junsu…besides; hugs regulate the pulse and blood tension”

I giggled, “I am sorry for worrying you that much hyeongie”

“I’ll forgive you if you get a lot better tomorrow” he murmured

“okay…good night hyeongie”

“Good night Su”

Do I feel the kind of attraction that Mike hyeong told me about? Does my heart beat so fast when we are that close? No, it doesn’t…it rather stays calm, beats more regularly, and feels so relaxed. Attraction?…weird sensations?...goose bumps? Do hyeong feels that way? I can hear his heart beats…they are so even. He really doesn’t, it seems…but that would means he feels the same as me, wouldn’t it?

“Junsu-ya, what are you thinking about?” Jaejoong hyeong surprised me.

“uh?!...nothing special hyeong”

“Then why your muscles are tightening that way?”

“it is really nothing hyeong…”

“You are keeping a lot of secrets from me these days Junsu, and I don’t like it”

“I know…but I need to explain those secrets to myself first before I can talk to you about them hyeong”

“Ok…take your time. Life cannot and should not be lived in a rush, Su”

“I am really impressed by how thoughtful and equilibrated you are hyeongie”

“Are you flirting with me?” he said playfully

“I am praising you, hyeong”

“umm…”

When I closed my eyes trying not to think much, I felt Jaejoong hyeong hand playing with my hair and chuckled. He really knows my weak point. He always does that when I cannot fall asleep, and it always works…it is really warm and lovely to have a person like him in my life…a person that knows and feels you so much, tells you nothing but takes the most appropriate action at the most appropriate moment to make you feel better…that is how Jaejoong hyeong is for me…a guardian angel…

Next day, Jaejoong hyeong stayed with me the whole time. He made sure I get better by the afternoon. I really wanted him to go to his work, but I couldn’t argue with him. He made his judgment already; I cannot get up from my bed except for extreme needs, and he will not leave the house at all. I giggled as he brought the lunch to our room,

“Hyeong, you’d better not make me get used to that”

“Oh Junsu-ya, when you recover, be sure that you will pay back all of that”

“really?! Wouldn’t your heart hurt if you do so?”

“Olala! Since when do you know how to talk that way?!” he pinched my cheeks

“I am learning hyeongie”

“umm…scary” he continued as he sat the delicious food on the little table that he placed on the bed.

“Thank you for everything”

“You’re more than welcome”

As we were eating, I started thinking again, and spaced out for a moment, before Jaejoong hyeong calls my name,

“Junsu-ya?”

“uh…!? Yes hyeong”

“What is it? What is that thing that makes you think so much?”

As I kept staring at him without a word, I noticed that glimpse of worry and sadness in his eyes…I haven’t seen that look long ago…I feel guilty and so sorry now

“hyeong…do you think I should see a psychologist?”

“a psychologist?! For what Junsu-ya?”

“I…still need some help…I…I…the thing is…I…”

 “The thing, Junsu, is that you really can’t define your feelings toward me, isn’t that it?”

He sighed, and I unconsciously dropped what was in my hands…