MISSING YOU

For ChanheeKyeopta

_______________________

ChunJi sat in his seat as he gazed directly at her. Sorrow filled his chest as he knew he couldn't hold her again. He could never kiss her again. Things couldn't be the same again. His heart never found hers but he never knew why he was feeling this way. Somewhat he missed her. 

He intensely watched as she continued through the presentation, once in a while making eye contact with the colleagues that were seated at the meeting room. ChunJi tapped his pen on the table as he intensely gazed at her. His mind began to wonder. Wonder if she missed him or was she still using the perfume he gave her.  Her eyes met his and he immediately adverted her gaze. He didn't want to give her false hopes nor did he want himself to give himself false hopes. 

 I'm sorry...

The meeting came to an end and ChunJi rushed out of the room. He made his way back into his office and there he saw his secretary and another figure standing near the shelves. 
"Oh Mr Lee, there are a few files that are needed to be look-"

"Get Out, Now." ChunJi opened the door and glared at his secretary. Without another second wasted, his secretary rushed out of the door and ChunJi shut the door; locking it. The figure in the room twirled around and ChunJi thought he was crazy. There standing was his girlfriend but all he could see was her. Her back view, her smile, her scent, her everything. 

ChunJi let out a curse and in three long  strides he caught his girlfriend in his arms and kissed her hastily. He needed to get his mind cleared. He needed to set his heart back to where it belongs. 

His girlfriend pulled away, breathing heavily as she stared at him. 

"Why the sudden rush?" She questioned but ChunJi pulled her against him. His arms wrapped securely around her. "Did something happened?" She asked again as her hand ran down his back as though to calm him down. Guilt was running through his veins. 

He was hugging his own girlfriend of 5 years but in his mind he was thinking of her and only her. 

"Baby, I'm think i'm going crazy..." ChunJi mumbled against her shoulder. 

I'm thinking of Chohee when i should be thinking of you...

~~~***~~~

ChunJi took the rest of the work day off so that he could spend more time with his girlfriend. He needed an excuse to make him forget. Forget that he was cheating on his girlfriend with a new employee for a month while she was away. Forget that there was another girl in his mind other than his girlfriend. 

"Hey...you're wondering off again." ChunJi felt a palm on his forehead and he snapped back to reality. "Are you feeling okay?" His girlfriend, Eunkyung worriedly glanced at him. 

ChunJi nodded his head and rubbed his temple, "Just that my headache is coming back." 

Eunkyung switched off the television and turned her body to ChunJi. She lifted her hands up to his head and began to gently rub his head to ease off the headache. ChunJi stared at her and for once he saw her as Eunkyung again. His girlfriend. 

"Better?" ChunJi nodded his head and she smiled. ChunJi stared at her, Chohee popped into his head again. 

"Can you, make me some of your pasta?" ChunJi asked.

EunKyung frowned and pulled back, "I never made pasta for you." 

ChunJi snapped. That was Chohee... He cursed again. "I feel like eating pasta." He tried to cover it up. 

EunKyung eyed him and then landed a small peck on his lips before heading to the kitchen. ChunJi watched as she walked away from him. His mind was playing tricks on him. 

How can two backs look so identical?

ChunJi began to wonder off again. Once when he had Chohee over, she made for him pasta since he hadn't ate dinner. He looked at Eunkyung's back view in the kitchen and a chill ran down his spine. How alike they looked. Only that Chohee had soft brown hair like his and EunKyung has red hair. He shook his head to snap out of it. He reminded himself that he took a day of to forget about Chohee. 

"How was your stay at Europe?" ChunJi walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist from the back. 

"It went fine, i missed you so much. I'm sorry i couldn't call often. The time difference was killing me." EunKyung was chopping some mushrooms. 

ChunJi closed his eyes and inhaled her scent. His heart raced. He dug his nose on to her skin and placed soft kisses. "That tickles." EunKyung giggled. 

How can they smell so addictive and similar too? It's insane. 

"Babe," ChunJi kissed her jaw line and she hummed in response, "Can you dye your hair to a soft brown for me?" 

She raised a brow and turn her head to him, "Whatever for? You don't like my red hair?" 

He planted a kiss on her, "It's just that.." - She has brown hair - "...i think it looks better in brown." 

EunKyung thought about it for a second before agreeing with ChunJi, "If you say so." 

Because  you're not her, I'll make you into her....

~~~***~~~

ChunJi sat in his office like any other day in the office. Eunkyung decided to visit her parents for a few days and ChunJi felt like he was dying. Being alone was really hard especially if the only one that was around him for the mean time was Chohee, it makes things worse. Every time he sees her in the office, he can't stop thinking about her. Everytime he tried to push her away and think of EunKyung she keeps popping in his head instead. 

ChunJi thought it was better if he made Eunkyung look more like Chohee. He thought it would make him think of Eunkyung instead of Chohee. But he was wrong, 

It made him think of Chohee even more. He felt wrong, guilty. He wasn't supposed to cheat on his girlfriend in the first place now he can't even think straight. 

Knock Knock 

"Come in," ChunJi said as he placed his paper work aside and looked at the door. The door opened and came walking in was the same person he was thinking of. She stepped in the room, closed the door and advanced to ChunJi. She stood in front of his desk and bit her lower lip lightly. 

"W-what is it?" ChunJi cleared his throat. Chohee finally looked at ChunJi in the eye. After a very long time, they finally met each other's eyes and neither looked away. ChunJi wanted to look away. He was ashamed. He was the one  who was wrong. He couldn't blame anyone but himself. 

"I'm sorry," Chohee finally spoke chasing the silence away, "I...I didn't know you had a girlfriend." 

ChunJi looked away and panic crept in, "It wasn't your fault. You didn't know. I should have told you from the start." 

Chohee shook her head, "It's not your fault...I was being selfish." 

I'm the selfish one, I want both of you.. ChunJi sighed.

"I'm sorry, I really sorry Chohee. I didn't mean to hurt you. I shouldn't have given you false hope."  

"It's okay." ChunJi heard her voice shaken. He looked up and saw her looking down. Right then he knew she was crying. ChunJi's heart squeezed at the sight. Without himself knowing what he was doing, he stood up and pulled her into his arms. 

 "I love you ChunJi, i really do..." Chohee mumbled against his chest as tears rolled down her cheeks. ChunJi was lost for words. He never loved her, it wasn't that feeling. Or maybe he was just denying it. He kept silent. 

"I'm sorry." ChunJi whispered unable to return her love.

Chohee pulled away from his embrace and wiped her face with the back of her palms. She finally looked up to ChunJi and handed to him an envelope. 

ChunJi was confused, "What's this?" 

"My resignation letter." Chohee straightened up. ChunJi's eyes widened.

"But, it's only been a month since you've worked here." 

"I figured it'll be better for us," 

"You don't have to leave!" 

"I found another job. I'll move on, I won't interfere with your love life anymore. Besides, i've always wanted find a job nearer to my place." Chohee forced a smile on her tear stained face. 

ChunJi was lost for words. Maybe it was for the better, "Take care..."  His voice was barely audible but Chohee heard it and nodded her head. 

"I'll come back for the rest of my things tomorrow, I'll take my leave now." Chohee bowed her head to ChunJi and walked to the door. 

"Oh and Mr Lee," Chohee turned around. ChunJi stared at her as she gave him a smile, "Please take care of her, don't let her down. Love her." 

The room felt cold after Chohee left. Lonely. Everything stood still. ChunJi's gaze was still at the door where she left. ChunJi heart ached. If he didn't love her the way she loves him then why was his heart hurting so much? It was too complicated. Love is complicated. 

His phone rang. Without looking at the ID caller, he answered it. 

"ChunJi? Hello?" EunKyung's voice rang at the other end of the line. 

Love her.

ChunJi cleared , "Yeah baby? How are things there? How are your parents doing?" 

He listened as Eunkyung talked to him about her parents well being and how much she missed them and him. ChunJi stared at the door again. 

I'm sorry Chohee, there's no one else like you. but....i can't love you.