Kai’s POV:

I was waiting in the park near my uncle and aunt’s place. I don’t know why I said yes. I just knew I wanted to. Last night, Soon Hee went over to stay with her friend, Min Hee, so we haven’t seen her since early yesterday morning. It was sort of weird not having her around. It seemed almost incomplete.

Jae Ha went to Seoul to go visit his grandmother and bring extra clothes for his parents. He was coming back that same night leaving Soon Hee and I.

I put my mask more over my face and went to go sit in the swing. I started swaying until I saw a figure walking towards me. I looked up to see Soon Hee. She’s wearing a flower dress and simple ankle boots with her hair in a braid cascading over her shoulder. She’s so beautiful is the only thought that pops into my head.

She reached me as i started to stand up. I just looked at her and the only thing I could do is smile.

“What is it? Is it too much?” She asked motioning to her outfit.

“No no not at all. It’s just it’s different. I like it. I think what I mean to say is, I... you… you look very nice.” I finally managed to get out.

She did something I wasn’t expecting. Instead of looking down all shy like, she looked me straight in the eye and said, “Thank you.” with a smile so genuine. I was taken back but I felt something I haven’t felt in a long time: motivation.

She led the day, mainly because I didn’t know what to expect as well as I mainly stayed in a house my entire visit there. She took me to this arcade full of old games. If I saw this in Seoul, I would have walked past it, but here is this girl who was looking at this place as if it was filled of gold.

We went inside and she beat me in almost every game we attempted. The only one I won was the dance dance revolution. I have learned that day that this girl is highly uncoordinated.  She would continue to trip in between her own legs and at one point fell into my arms. We stared in each other’s eyes until she got back on her feet and continued to dance, or her trying to dance. It brought me joy and wonderment watching her. She had so much strength and was so motivated to continue on even though she knew she was terrible. I couldn’t help myself but laugh.

“Don’t think you’re winning just yet. I’m still alive.” She declared.

‘I wouldn’t have it any other way’ I thought to myself.

We finished off the day by going to an ice cream place. She insisted to pay for herself which I eventually gave in to. She's independent and a part of me felt happy about that. She got a chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone and I decided to get strawberry because I was craving something refreshing. We were eating and just having a very nice conversation. She then got chocolate on the side of her lip and I don’t know what came over me but I reached out and wiped the corner of her lip. She looked at me in surprise and smiled after I smiled at her.

We decided to go to the nearby park again and sit on the swings. It was getting late so no one was around. It was just silence but not an awkward silence. She was swaying and then began to ask me that fated question, “Jae Ha said you weren’t feeling so good in Seoul. May I ask what happened?”

I looked into her eyes and started to search. I don’t know what I was looking for but I think I was looking for trust. All I saw in her eyes was someone who understood the pain of the world but, I also saw someone who was hopeful for the future. I wanted to tell her. I really really did.

I stopped swinging and faced the sky. She stopped swaying and was waiting for my response.

“It all started about a year ago.” I began, “We just finished a variety show and then I remember coming home wondering why I let myself be exhausted all the time. I kept asking myself why I was doing this to myself. How someone could treat another person as an object to be made money off of. It’s so easy to throw other people around but it’s not easy to do the same when it comes to yourself. I got frustrated with everything and that’s when I started to overthink. I didn’t want to tell anyone else and bother them with my problems. It was…” I broke here and let the tears fall, “It was too much to handle.”

I stayed silent for what seemed like forever but most likely was only a few minutes. She didn’t try and breaking the silence. She sat silently comforting me with her presence. She put her hand on mine and that’s when I decided to continue.

“My friend Taemin from SHINee discovered me one day having a panic attack and that’s when I finally started to go see a doctor. I started to take pills which was meant to help me sleep but didn’t. It did help suppress a bit of anxiety though. I didn’t tell anyone else, only Taemin. About three weeks ago, I had a stress induced seizure. That’s when everything about my anxiety and stress had gotten revealed. I was forced to go to therapy and it honestly did not help. I know becoming an idol has always been my dream since I was young, but I didn’t know I wouldn’t be treated as a human. None of us thought that. I can’t even walk outside my house to get a bowl of ramen without being bombarded. It’s the worst thing to find out a fan has hurt themselves over you. You feel so guilty when you are in the way of someone’s happiness or time. You’re no longer living for yourself, you’re living for everyone else.”

By this point, I was sobbing into her shoulder. I wasn’t able to say anything else after this. I just cried. She held me close without saying “it’s going to be okay”. I have always been grateful for this. She knew that saying that would only make me feel worse. That was the first times I have told anyone about what happened in full length. I trusted her. I knew in that moment, that I can always trust her.

We walked back to Jae Ha’s house hand in hand. There was no hidden meaning behind it. It just felt natural. It felt she wasn’t going to disappear in that second. I didn’t want to let go of what felt like my whole world. That’s when it hit me: I like this girl.