Kai’s POV:
 

I woke up to calls upon calls. Finally I took my phone and called Taemin back. He picked up after the third ring and I heard him crying. I instantly sat up worried for my best friend. He told me what happened to : Jonghyun committed suicide.

I got up and started to pack as soon as he hung up. I had to go to Seoul. I had to see my best friend and the senior who inspired me not to give up. The only thought going through my head was “Why? Why did you give up. I didn’t yet.”

I came outside the room to Soon Hee sitting on the couch looking at me alarned. She got up once she saw my hastiness.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

I looked at the floor. I knew if I looked in her eyes, I would instantly collapse from sadness.

“Jonghyun from SHINee committed suicide.”

She didn’t say anything. She picked up her purse and started dragging me outside of the apartment. I just followed as she seemed determined. She called a cab and put me in it while also taking a seat beside me. That’s when I started to question her.

“Why?” I asked.

She stared into my eyes and said, “I even know how close EXO and SHINee are. I am not going to let you do this on your own. Especially since I have the feeling that this is hitting closer to home.”

I knew what she meant by that last sentence. She knew. She knew of my depression and why I am even more determined to get to Seoul. We arrived at Seoul and Soon Hee paid the cab driver which I told her I would pay her back later. The funeral wasn’t to happen yet so we went to the hospital.

I was too scared to go inside. Soon Hee took my hand and gave me a smile. She lead me inside towards the remaining crying SHINee members. I saw Taemin and ran towards him dropping my bag in the process. I enclosed him in my arms and that was when the tears started to fall. We both cried in each other’s arms for what seemed like hours. Min Ho and Onew joined in on this hug and we all just cried. Key was on a plane coming from overseas so he must’ve been in great pain. I am not a member of SHINee so I couldn’t feel their specific pain but I knew what was going through their heads.

Taemin confided in me the very thing I knew they were all thinking:

“If only I could have seen it. If only I didn’t believe every smile he gave me. This is my fault. I should have seen it. It’s all my fault.”

We sat on the hospital chairs as he cried in my arms. The only thing I could do was hold him close and pray for the soul that was on his journey to heaven right now. “Safe journey Hyung. Get there safely.”

Their manager called them all in to tell them what the funeral process would be. I realized I forgot about Soon Hee. I started searching for her all over. I started to get worried but found her in a waiting room holding onto my duffel bag asleep. It occured to me then that it was almost midnight. Amidst the terrible thing which happened, it brought a smile onto my face for a second. “She is the reason I was able to come here. I owe her so much.” is all that went through my head.

She woke up hearing me taking a seat beside her. I felt bad for waking her but I knew the last thing she cared about was her well being.

“How are you?” She asked as she took hold of my hand.

“I’m in so much pain. That was me two months ago. He was my mentor. He was my inspiration. We trained together before he and the rest of SHINee debuted. I knew him. He wasn’t just some guy on a tv screen. He was real but he was treated as just an object like the rest of us. I haven’t been treated like a human until I came to stay with my aunt and met you. I was saved, he wasn’t. He could have been saved. It’s the system’s fault. How could they treat people like mere objects.” By this point, tears were falling down yet again.

She sat silently beside me holding me close. She started to cry too. I thought it was because of the situation but I learned it was because she felt sadness for me. She couldn’t stand seeing me sad. It hurt to see her tears. I wiped them away as she wiped mine.

“I’m not going to say I understand because I don’t, but I do know what it feels like to lose someone you love. I promise you one thing throughout all this. You will not go through this alone. I will be here for you every step of the way. I will not leave you alone.”

I needed to hear this. I needed to know this. She meant it as well. Going into the funeral hall, she was by my side in a mask so paparazzi wouldn’t see her but she was there nonetheless. She texted my aunt so she wouldn’t worry about us as well as her boss at work for her shift tomorrow. She took care of everything. She tried getting a hotel room but I wouldn’t let her. She slept in my room in my dorm as I stayed awake all night sleepless on the couch. He is gone. There is not bringing him back. Saying goodbye to him took me months upon months but in that moment, every second felt like a year.

Soon Hee POV:

I came out of the room as I couldn’t sleep. He was on the couch staring at the ceiling aimlessly. He was in so much pain. I just wanted to rid him of this torture. I knew the korean music industry was bad but I had no idea it was this terrible. I met some of Kai’s members at the hospital and they explained it all to me. It truly is torturous. The only thing i could have prayed for at that time was that the industries learn from this so it never happens again. If it ever did, I don’t think Jongin can take it.

I sat next to him on the couch and held him close. He accepted it without a word. This is when I began to realize this was a feeling more than just friendship. In this hard time, I had a feeling of happiness to be able to hold him in my arms. That’s also when I realized I no longer had control of my routined life.