I slowly opened my eyes to see sunlight spilling into my bedroom. I looked at my clock and saw it was only six am. I was about to get up when I realized there was an arm resting on top of my waist. I look to see the owner of this arm and see Jongin fast asleep. A thought started to pour into my head: ‘He must never sleep as an idol. I should not wake him now.’

I lay back down while I thought of how I would escape this heavy grasp. That’s when I began to realize every couple of moments, Jongin would squeeze his hands. His grasp on my waist would get tighter. I started to examine his face and saw how he would clench his teeth as well as furrowed his brows. His breathing was getting short and it made me notice how he was having a nightmare.

I quickly sat up without thinking of his arm on my waist and started to shake him, calling his name.

“Jongin! Jongin! Wake up. You’re having a nightmare. Come on. I’m right here.”

After a few more shakes, he began to open his eyes. He looked at me in utter confusion and then quickly embraces me. I held onto him and patted his head comfortingly.

“It’s alright darling, it’s alright. You’re safe now.”

He didn’t say anything. He just lay still holding on to me with his head in my shoulder. I felt helpless. A nightmare is something that haunts you. Usually, you don’t remember what happened, but you remember that feeling of being vulnerable. Of being petrified.

I’ve had nightmare after nightmare. My parents’ death haunts me in ways I cannot even begin to explain, but it’s something I’ve dealt with all my life. I know where he’s coming from. I can’t help him and it kills me. All I can do is find the root, but that’s not something that will be easy or even something I can fix.

After he calmed down and fell back asleep, I got up and started to make food. Jongin Oppa needed to eat. I don’t think he has eaten since a while back. He’s been busy with the funeral and what not. I was making pancakes when he started to get up and kiss my cheek.

“Good morning sleepy head,” I said with a smile on my face.

“Good morning beautiful”

“Oh hush,” I said hiding my head in my shoulder.

Jongin came up to me and held my face in his hands. His smile got bigger and before I could register what was happening, There was pancake batter on my nose.

“Oh, you’re gonna get it!” I exclaimed.

I ran around with the bowl of batter and being my clumsy self, I dropped it all over myself and it splattered all over the floor as I fell down with the bowl.

Jongin stared and burst into laughter.

“You think this is funny?”

“Oh hell ya!” he got out in between laughs.

“Come here. Give me a hug” I say as I stand up and begin to chase him with my batter covered body.

“No thank you!!”

I eventually trapped him against a wall and gave him a hug he’d never forget. He embraced it because there was nothing else he could do. He picked me up and kissed me with a passion I could not even describe. His hands were in my hair and I reached up to play with the nape of his neck. I could not get enough, plus the batter made it very sweet.

Jongin broke the kiss eventually and just stared into my eyes, “wanna go take a shower?”