When The Moon Creates Shadows - Part II

December 2015, Christmas

Krystal forced me to look at her by lifting my chin with her finger and as if I was under a spell of something I can't understand I petrified. Then with the sweetest and softest voice that seemed the whisper of an angel, of course, if the angels whispered to me. She asked me...

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Huh?"

Suddenly I went blank, completely speechless and I couldn't stop my gaze from moving from Krystal's eyes to her lips, again and again.

The truth is that I have never kissed a girl, although opportunities have not been lacking. In the States, girsl at work or at school always proposed to me. But I never really felt attracted to any.

Until now.

I don't know how long it's been since Krystal spoke to me. But I can't stop looking at her and I still can't get my brain to work again. She looks at me in a strange way, but it feels like she wants to tell me something but she doesn't know how.

Suddenly she distances herself and I realize two things; first, that we were a dangerously close distance, because I felt cold when she turned away her from mine. And second; I noticed that i was holding my breath.

Something very bad is happening to me. This can't be normal, can it?

When I was finally able to regain some sanity, I looked at Krystal. She was now in front of me, we were still sitting on the stairs, but our distance now seemed like the Grand Canyon unlike a few seconds ago. And just like that, she got up, looked at me and talked like she was talking about the weather. Just like she never asked me if I kiss girls

"I have. A couple of times Sulli and I kissed, you know, playing around."

Then she just turned her back on me and walked up a couple of steps away. For my part I stood there nodding stupidly, trying to process what had happened, or rather what didnt happened and also what she said.

"We should go to sleep now. Tomorrow we'll open the presents and I'm sure Mom will wake us up very early for breakfast."

"Mhm… of course"

I stood up and stared at Krystal as she disappeared into the dark of her room. Something is growing inside of me. Krystal is making something grow inside of me. Something I don't know, something I fear. Something that it shouldn't exist, At least not for her.

That night, it wasn’t a good night. I don't remember what my nightmares were, but I know they were horrible ones. So much that I woke up screaming and I woke up the whole Jung family.

I guess no matter what I do these days, my mind keeps replaying and reliving the ghosts of my past.

"Are you sure you're okay, dear?

"Yes, Mrs. Jung. I'm sorry I scared you like that."

"Don't worry. You should see the chaos that happens every time a spider or an insect appears in the house. Believe me, this was nothing"

"Unnie is the one who makes us deaf"

"Of course not Soojung, you're the one running around the house. Don't you remember once you even ran out of the bathroom because there was a spider?"

"You would have done the same Unnie, that thing was huge. It looked more like a crab than a spider"

"Both of them are just as scandalous. I swear that one of these days I'm going to have a deaf because of their screams."

"Dad!"

"Dad!"

"Are you sure you don't need anything, Amber?"

"No. Thank you very much, Ma'am. I'm fine."

"Okay, then I think we can go back to sleep. Girls, go back to sleep. tomorrow you'll be cranky when we have breakfast. And Amber, dear..."

"Yes?"

"It would be fine if you call me Auntie. I think you've been close to the family for a while now, so you can call me auntie. It's fine if you call Hyun Shik uncle too. I'm sure he’ll be happy."

“are you sure? I don't want to be disrespectful to you"

"It's okay Amber. You're very welcome in the family. It's okay if you're a little more casual, just relax."

"Thank you very much, Mrs. Ju... aunt. I'll try."

"Good night, darling. Sleep well."

"Good night and I'm sorry."

Cool. Now the whole Jung family knows that I'm a freak and that I'm crazy. I knew I shouldn't have come. this trip was a mistake. Now they will surely never want me to be in something familiar again. Not that I really care anyway...

"...My mom appreciates you a lot, you know"

"My god Soojung! What the hell are you doing standing there in the dark? Do you want your parents to kick me out for yelling again?"

"I just came to see how you were doing"

"Hiding behind the door in the dark?"

"I didn't know you were so afraid of the dark Liu"

"Leave me alone."

Krystal came into the room and sat next to me on the bed. Thanks to the dim light emitted by the lamp that was on a table, I could see that she was wearing an adorable white bunny pajamas. And to think that she always wants to give that image of a cool and y girl.

"Nightmares again, is everything okay?"

I know that Soojung meant it with the best of intentions and that there was nothing wrong with his question. But when she leaned a little towards me, the memory of what happened a few hours ago, our proximity, his warm breath and his sweet scent came to my mind like lightning. And her lips, those soft and delicate lips...

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

She told me with the sweetest and most tender voice and suddenly I felt as if an avalanche fell on me. As if my heart stopped and panic took hold of me. I felt something that until now I had never felt or thought to feel for Krystal.

Rejection.

"Of course not! Who do you think I am Jung? I don't need your pity

"Pitty? What are you talking about? I just thought you wouldn't want to be alone or want to talk about what happened."

I don't know why but I felt scared. Afraid of what I was starting to feel inside of me for Krystal, something wasn't right. So I did the most logical thing when I feel threatened. Run away. I know she's not to blame for what's happening to me, or what I may feel, and I know I shouldn't take it out on her like this. But the feeling of rejection now is like an avalanche that I can't stop.

"I already told you I'm fine. Stop treating me like a stupid girl. Just leave me alone."

"I don't think you're stupid. But sometimes you behave like one. Good night Liu."

I could feel annoyance in her voice and I had no doubt that she was angry when she slammed the door. But she was right in what she said. Yes, I am stupid.

The next morning, I didn't know whether to go downstairs to breakfast or not. I could pretend to be asleep for a few hours and come down when everyone was gone. I was ashamed of what happened last night and didn't want to look anyone in the face for now. As always in these situations I wanted to be alone.

But of course things never turn out the way I expect. Krystal's mom told me to get dressed later, since we would all have breakfast together and then we would go out for a walk around the city. I guess I'll never be able to say no to anyone in the Jung family.

After what happened, after treating Krystal badly, I couldn't sleep anymore. So I guess it's no wonder why I have bags under my eyes when I look in the mirror.

When I finally join the others at the table, everyone is looking at me in the way I hate the most. Pity.

Like I'm a freak, like they need to watch out for me.

The entire family looked me like that, except Krystal. She avoids me. Now I have this damn mix of feelings. On the one hand I'm glad Krystal doesn't even look at me, it saves me from having to talk to her. And on the other hand, I feel guilty. Because I know it's not her fault that I feel so miserable.

Breakfast was awkward. I didn't really feel like talking or eating, and I know the others noticed. Not to mention that they also noticed that there was an uncomfortable tension between Krystal and me.

Once we opened the gifts, the idea was to go out and enjoy the snow. I tried to make excuses to stay in the house. But like I said, you just can't say no to the Jung’s.

In the car, the tension reappeared. I did everything possible to stay home, then to change seats, but things definitely never go my way. So to my bad luck I ended up sitting in the middle of the Jung sisters, who, I might add, were in a lousy mood.

To my right is sitting Jessica, who apparently thinks I'm her pillow, and tries to sleep on me. And to my left is Soojung, who does her best to deny my existence and even avoids touching me. After what seemed like an eternity I chose to pretend to be asleep, the problem is that I really fell asleep and when I woke up I found myself with the worst possible scenario.

It turns out that the whole time I slept I was leaning on Krystal's shoulder, and she was on my head. On the other hand Jessica was sleeping on my shoulder. So when I looked to my left and saw Krystal upset and uncomfortable, I jumped up.

"I'm glad you were able to enjoy the trip."

Krystal's father said looking at us in the rearview mirror when he noticed that we were waking up. I smiled slightly looking out the window to see if we had already arrived. I noticed that Krystal was looking at me sullenly, so I got up quickly and motioned for us to get out of the car.

We walked around the small town for a while, which, I dedicated myself to thinking that I could invent to return to Korea sooner. Because between my discomfort with the family and my strange rejection towards Krystal, I couldn't bear to be here anymore.

As I was so lost in thought creating an escape, I feel something hit the back of my head. And as I turn around to see who's trying to kill me, I see Krystal and Jessica laughing their heads off after throwing a snowball at me. At first I frown a bit angrily, but seeing that everyone is laughing and having a good time, I form a snowball throwing it back at those who attacked me first. For a moment I forget my plans to escape and I hunker down to the fun of Christmas. At least for today, I won't run away like I always do.