It's been a couple of weeks between dates and sneaking out. The most memorable, a terrible dinner with Krystal's family, where it was made very clear that we will never have support from them, including Jessica.

I like to think that's why Krystal is been somewhat distant this past week. That and her work, which has been a lot. Although I do feel a little uncomfortable with the fact that she has been hanging out with Kai a lot. Her excuse, work. But I can't help but feel insecure and a little jealous. I definitely don't like him. There is something which he does not finish convincing me.

For my part, I have tried to keep myself busy creating music and between my visits to the Psychiatrist, trying to lower my medications, since it’s been months the last time I have felt this well and I have hardly had nightmares. Jong and I ended up visiting the same doctor. Which insists on only medicating us and not really treating the background. Although of course, there is no definitive solution when your brain is the one that is damaged and decides to stop producing serotonin and prevents us from being truly happy.

Today I finished early with my therapy and production sessions, so I can get to my apartment a little earlier, and meet Krystal.

I find her in the kitchen "trying" to cook what appears to be a stew. But it looks more like a potion to summon a demon. So I nicely and surreptitiously ask her to let me finish it and she can take care of the dessert. That is something that Krystal does very well. Pastry is her forte.

Once I finish cooking, I invite her to sit at the table so we can talk about our day.

After a brief and very banal conversation, I noticed that something is bothering her and she looks at me as if she wanted to tell me something, but she can't find the words.

“Soojung, is there something bothering you? Since dinner with your parents you have been somewhat…distant”

"What are you talking about? Everything's fine. I'm just a little tired. Between the Photoshoots and our early morning outings, I haven't really managed to sleep well these days."

“If you want you can go rest now. Try to sleep. I can wake you up when it's time for them to come for you."

“Thank you Amber, you are a sun”

"Sure"

As I watch her sleep, I think about whether I could have done something to spoil what we have and while I considers the options, I notice that her cell phone rings repeatedly, indicating that she has received multiple messages. My first reaction is to read them, after all I can access to her phone. But I think better of it, and just put it on silent so the noise doesn't bother me. When I take it, a new message arrives and I am only left with the name on the screen. Jongin…

My insecurities become even bigger and irrational. So to avoid making a scene or overreacting, I decide to go for a walk around. As I walk and try to come up with a reasonable excuse for why Krystal keeps in touch with him so much, I lose track of time. And when I realize it, it's already dark, time when I should have woken her up. But since I didn't receive a call, or any messages from her, I assume everything is fine. But when I reach for my cell phone to call Krystal, I realize I didn't bring it with me. I must have left it in the apartment when I left in such a hurry.

It takes me a while to get to the apartment, because in my anger I walked a lot. When I arrived Krystal is gone, and my phone has several missed calls and messages from Krystal. I try to call her back but I can't get through. I guess I'll have to wait for her to call me back.

So two days go by. Two damn days where I didn't get a damn call or message from Krystal. I tried calling her repeatedly, getting nothing but answering machine. Tired of waiting for her to find me, I decide to go to her house and talk to her directly.

As I drive to her house, I start to get a little unnerved, as I remember the unpleasant conversation her parents had when the subject of a possible gay relationship between some artists came up. Making it clear to us that if we told them about our relationship, they would never support us. I try to put my fears aside and park in her driveway asking for her. Krystal isn't at her house yet, but her parents allow me to wait for her at the house.

“She left several hours ago, she should be back soon. You can wait for her here while she returns."

“Thank you very much Mrs. Jung. I tried to call her, but she did not answer me”

“Yeah, she's been a bit distracted lately. I guess her new relationship has her somewhat upset. She worries a lot about being seen and photographed. That would cause a big shock in the scene for sure. She doesn’t want to be spotted”

"Her new relationship?"

“Oh…I see she hasn't told you yet. She said that she was a little worried about how to tell you. To everyone actually. You know how Soojung is, she is very reserved in every aspect”

“Is she seeing someone? It's curious. Because she certainly did not mention anything to me these days”

"Yeah. We discovered it a few days ago. She didn't want to tell us, she thought that we would get angry or oppose to it. But Soojung is already grown up and very mature, and of an age to be able to go out. Also, that boy looks quite serious and polite. They have a very similar character. I just hope they're careful."

"That boy"... that phrase kept going around in my head and it was the last thing I heard. Well, I stopped paying attention to what Mrs. Jung was telling me. That boy, it couldn't be possible. It was not possible. How? When it’s happened? Since when? I had so many questions. I began to feel a lot of anguish, so I said goodbye with the excuse that I didn't have time to wait and went to my apartment.

When I arrived I started walking in circles in the room trying to find an explanation. I wanted to find an answer as to why this was happening. What it meant when Krystal told her parents that she was dating Jongin. I started to feel like I was short of breath and like if I was to throwing up, and combing my hair excessively to the point of pulling it out. But I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't notice. I didn't even realize the doorbell was ringing until I saw someone standing at the door to the apartment.

"Hello Amber... we need to talk"