When The Moon Creates Shadows - Part III

December 2015, Christmas.

I like the darkness. I like the darkness. I like the dark… it was something that I repeated to myself like a mantra

I think it’s something I just got used to living in it. I didn’t have much option years ago. The problem with always living in the dark, is when a bright light comes in and hits you, you are blinded by it.

That's how I felt when Krystal came into my life. Suddenly the darkness didn't seem so comfortable or pleasant anymore and I began to prefer the sunlight, or in this case, the beautiful full moon that became the presence of her.

Krystal came like a tornado into my life, destroying everything I thought I knew or I felt. I was now at the mercy of a spoiled and possessive girl who filled my world with colors, funny looks and smiles. I also began to want to be with someone and began to feel. To feel the need for contact, to want her warm, soft hands to always taking mine. That her hugs be longer and tighter and may she always be able to spend time with me.

I also began to feel the need to escape, to get away before I felt even more things and it is too late to runaway. I made every excuse I could to get away from her and everything I was feeling, but it seemed like the more I pushed her, the closer she got.

I was so tired of playing and dodging snowballs that I sat for a moment on a rock near where we were playing. My face hurt from laughing so much and my hands were frozen. I stared at Krystal for a few seconds, she looked happy with her family. She was indeed a cute little girl jumping and laughing everywhere

I guess it must have been more seconds than I thought, because I snapped out of my reverie due to something icy hitting my face. I was snapped back to reality when I saw Krystal approaching to me after throwing me snowball to my face, and suddenly I remembered our awkward argument from last night.

"Are you still upset from last night?" she asked me her in an adorable way.

"I'm not. I just got tired of taking icy hits. It’s not fair four against one” I just shrugged.

"Lies. You're just not good at lying, you know?" she said poking my shoulder.

“…I was just thinking… maybe I should go. I feel like I'm interrupting your vacation."

"Amber. Again with that. You are our guest. My guest. I want you to be here with me, as well as my family. Now stop wanting me to pity you and let's go to get a coffee, I can't feel my hands anymore. You owe me after how you treated me last night”

“Okay. Okay, your majesty. I'm just asking you to tell your parents to please don't worry if they hear me screaming from nightmares again. Tell them it's normal."

“You know there's nothing normal about it, right? But I will tell them not to worry about it with one condition."

“Now I'm afraid to ask. What is the condition?"

“Trust in me…"

"Huh?"

“I know you are a very private person. You never talk more than necessary about yourself. That's why I want you to trust me. It is okay if you tell me about your past or if something is wrong. I can hear you”

I couldn't help but duck my head and avoid looking at her. I think now I prefer that her parents ask me questions. To avoid answering, I start to play with a little snow and then I stand up remembering the coffee.

“Let's go to get that coffee before it snows again and gets colder and the store fills up. It would be possible for it to fill up with people and someone would recognize us”

"You're right. Then hurry up. Come on, what are you waiting for. Hurry, Hurry"

I laughed silently at her regretful rush to get a coffee. The good thing is that I managed to forget about trust, at least for a while. And it's not really that I don't want to trust her, but I'm scared. Because she would be different from the others and she wouldn't judge me or she wouldn't pity me? Then as we walked to the cafe, she grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her.

"Don't think I've forgotten about you trusting me, Liu."

I guess that was the end of distracting her. Anyway, we get to the cafe and shop for everyone. Going back to the car feeling my hands again, I search my pocket for something I prepared for Krystal.

"Hey Jung, give me your hand"

"Why? What is this?"

"A gift. I was a little embarrassed to give it to you in front of everyone, so I´m doing it now that we're alone. Not to mention that I only brought something for you.”

"What is it? A ring? Jewelry?"

"Why would I´d give you a ring or jewelry?"

“Friends give each other jewelry”

“Maybe your friends give you jewelry. I'm poor, don't expect so much from me, Jung. Now if you don't want it, you can return it to me and I'll…”

"Never! Is mine, you gave it to me”

“Not even you have opened it yet”

"It's still mine, whatever it is"

“Speaking of possessiveness…”

“Shush…”

“I know it's not much. But you're always asking me for pencils when we go out, so I thought I'd give you one that's more special. I know you collect them”

Krystal has a weird obsession with pencils. I have seen her with some drawings and in many colors, of all kinds. Even some pretty ugly ones. But she likes them, so I thought I could make a little difference by adding one personalized with her name.

“Thank you, Amber. It is very cute. I'll keep it safe"

"You better. It's not easy to find those things."

"You're very detailed, you know?"

"You think? It's just a pencil.”

“It’s personalized, with my name. It’s very detailed”

“It's not like it's a big deal either."

"It is. For me it is. You realized that I collect pencils, and you also took the time to put my name on it. That is very detailed and tender… it’s funny, because if you were a boy, I would have fallen in love with you for sure."

Bam! Something rumbled in my head and my heart gave a strange jump. My stomach suddenly filled with butterflies, and I felt like throwing up. My thoughts flew and said 'is it really necessary for me to be a boy for you to fall in love with me?' I felt a little sad at that statement. But of course, it's normal for her to think like that, why would she look at me romantically if I'm also a girl? Krystal would never look at me like that.

“I'm glad you liked it. Take care of it, okay. I had to kill a thousand men for it”

“Only a thousand? I expected more from my brave servant.”

“I already told you, Jung. Don't expect so much from me. You could be disappointed”

“I doubt that will ever happen…”

And so we got into the car and went back to the house where we were staying. During the entire trip I couldn't help but think about Krystal's words. I didn't understand why I suddenly cared about being a girl or not. I never questioned it, not even when other girls proposed to me. But there I was now banging my head against the car window thinking that maybe it would have been better to have been born a man.

Wait… What did I say, what did I think? Would it be better to be a man? Why? It meant that he could be with her easily like this, but it also meant that I was starting to have feelings for Krystal, and that wasn't right at all.

The night progressed and it was time to sleep, and I couldn't help but worry that I would have nightmares again. And it seems I wasn't the only one.

"Hey!"

"Hey~ what's up?"

"Well, nothing much. I was wondering if you want to sleep with me today."

"W-WHAT?!"

I couldn't help but make a sound more like a squawk than a question, feeling warmth run through my ears and cheeks.

“Ahem. W-w-why would I want to sleep w-w-with you? Don't you sleep with your sister?"

"Friends also sleep together"

“You do a lot of things with your friends, uh”

“It's not like we haven't slept together before. Step aside. I want the wall”

"I know. But there is a difference between dozing on the couch and sleeping together in a bed."

"Why? Are you going to do something to me?"

"WHAT?!"

Again the squawk. What’s wrong with me, am I changing my voice or what? I can feel my ears and face turn red once again. I could swear Krystal is doing this on purpose. I don't like to sleep with anyone, my personal space is sacred. But Krystal doesn't seem to care at all, because she is lying next to me hogging the left side of the bed against the wall. I guess I have no choice but to resign myself.

“You better not take all the covers off me. It's super cold and I don't want to catch a cold”

"Don't worry. I will hug you all night, so you won't be cold or have nightmares.”

That and a giggle it was the last thing I heard before I felt a slight snore showing me that Krystal had fallen asleep.

Indeed I had no nightmares, I would like to say that it was because I had a peaceful night. But in reality it was the opposite. I couldn't sleep a wink all night, between her kicking and her shoving. God! What a bad way to sleep for this woman. Between that and being so close to her, being able to see every detail of her face, that little mole on her right cheek near her lips. I just couldn't sleep at all. Already when I noticed that she was awake next to me, I playfully pushed her.

“You have a lousy sleep Jung. I pity your sister who has had to sleep with you all these years."

“She sleeps worse. Also don't be so exaggerated. I practically didn't move."

“Do you know you talk in your sleep? You babble all night, plus kicks. I pity your future boyfriend.”

The moment I said that my heart skipped a beat and my stomach clenched. Boyfriend… Krystal will one day have a boyfriend and she will spend her nights with him, just like she did with me last night. I couldn't help but feel sad and my chest felt tight at this thought.

I got up reluctantly and didn't eat much for breakfast. For some reason the idea of ​​Krystal having a boyfriend affected me more than I wanted and became an intrusive thought that didn't let me be okay.

"Did it bother you that much about sleeping with me?"

"Huh?"

“You've been very quiet since we woke up. You look grumpy or tired. Did I bother you that much?”

"Nope. It's not your fault. I hardly slept because I'm not used to having someone next to me in the same bed. At the orphanage we all slept in the same room, but even so I slept alone”

“Then why do you look so grumpy? You hardly ate breakfast either."

"You pay close attention to what I do and don't do..."

"Maybe. I always worry about my friends and those I love. Today you are my concern”

"Why?"

"Who knows…?”

I swear I saw a slight smirk when I saw her go out to the courtyard with her sister talking about what they would eat today. What are we doing Jung Soojung?