I wake up to the annoying vibration of something under my pillow. It takes me a few seconds to recognize the source of the sound remembering that Krystal is the one next to me, again. I search under the pillow even if I can open my eyes. It must still be early morning, since the room is very dark. I continue in my search for the annoying noise that interrupts my sleep, hitting a warm bundle next to me. Not being able to open my eyes, I it gently.

“If you're going to stay here every night, at least turn off the alarm. It's completely unnecessary if you end up just ignoring it and I'm the one who ends up waking you up."

Silence. It's all I get. I know that she listens to me but she decides to ignore me. I let out a long deep sigh before reluctantly getting up and throwing back the covers, followed by a soft whimper and hands reaching for the blankets.

"Get up! I told you to deactivate that crap alarm, but you don’t listen to me"

I go to the bathroom half asleep and yawning, knowing it's going to be a long day. I take a shower and when I come out I see Krystal still lying down, covered again.

“Krystal, wake up. Remember that today you are traveling to China and you must return home to prepare your things”

Still no answer. I know she is tired, she has been traveling between China and Korea for the last four weeks non-stop. Between dance classes and reading her scripts I know she hasn't had time to sleep well.

“Hey, I know you're exhausted. But just a few more weeks and you'll be free. I promise to pamper you when you finish everything"

"Are you serious?"

"Ha! There you get up immediately, right. And so you say you're not selfish"

“Shush. You've been making noise and you won't let me sleep. I don't want to get up"

"Your manager will come by your house in a couple of hours, you should go and get ready"

"Are you kicking me out, Lui?"

"Krystal, if it were up to me I would never let you leave this apartment again, not even this room."

"Psycho"

I can't help but laugh at her last words, before watching her disappear behind the bathroom door. It's been almost a month between comings and goings that Krystal stays in my apartment. And almost a month in which we have this strange "situation". It's like we're in a relationship, but with nothing but endless flirting.

Every time she comes back from China she ends up sleeping in my bed. I guess I'm a bit of a masochist. Nothing really happens between us, nothing romantic, much less ual. But we are trapped in this strange game of being something but nothing at the same time.

As I am lost in my thoughts, as always, I am snapped out of my reverie by a soft tap on my nose. Looking up I meet Krystal's mischievous gaze.

"Will you take me home?"

“Like if I had any other choice”

After driving to one of the most expensive and exclusive neighborhoods in Seoul, I dropped Krystal off at her house. I say goodbye to her at the door with the promise that next time I will come in and say hello to her parents. Something I have avoided doing since our trip to Japan at Christmas. I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of seeing them now, especially after confessing to Krystal that I am attracted to her in a way that is more than friends.

During the trip back home, I get some messages from Jong asking us to meet up. I know he’s been going through some difficult times, so we agreed to have lunch together.

We met for lunch and talked for a few hours. Jong and I are very similar in certain ways. Unfortunately we both have this "condition" that makes us have problems when it comes to relating. Jong has been on therapy for years, but it doesn't seem to help him at all. Especially when he's not on tour, that's when he suffers the most. He's always pressured to do something or creating music and think that no one really appreciates it. In addition to having such a soft personality, they always happen to wear it.

“Sometimes I feel that I am not able to continue like this. No doctor knows how to give me a real answer as to whether one day I will heal, or at least stop feeling so empty all the time."

"I know, I understand you. But you must keep trying. You have your music and your band that are always there. As well as your fans and your family. Those are worthwhile things."

“I know you're right and maybe I shouldn't complain. But it's hard to convince myself otherwise when your brain tells you over and over again that it's not right. That it's not enough. In addition to the fact that the company never takes seriously my requests for an album”

"Ha! Like you don't know buddy. Do you know how many times I've been told 'this is not the time for your new album'? It's exhausting being tied to a company that just keeps you in a basement."

“I love being on Shinee. It's an honor and it's my joy every time we go on tour and sing in front of thousands of people. But I would like something else. I would like to leave my own legacy. Something that simply represents everything I am. I've written thousands of songs, even a book of poetry, but no one ever seems to care. I just wish they would see me more. Somebody notice how hard I work."

“I do Jong. I see how hard you work and you strive every day to be better"

"Thank you, Amber. It means a lot to me"

A couple of hours later I go back to my apartment to see if I can get a couple of hours of sleep, before doing some work on a few of songs.

Once in the studio that I put together in the apartment, I see my sleep interrupted once again by a video call from Krystal.

"You know Jung, lately it seems like you can't be without me."

“Oh, don't be full of yourself, Liu. You should be crying with joy because I call you every day, and very worried about me, since today we had to suspend the recordings”

“I cry every day because you don't let me sleep. And is everything okay? Why did they suspend the recordings?

"Because I got sick. I must have eaten something that made me sick and my stomach won't stop hurting. I also have bead hurts by heels”

“Aww…poor baby. I'm sorry to hear that, I, sorry you're too far away to go see you."

"Don’t mess with me now, Liu. I'm not in the mood for that"

“But I'm serious. I'm sorry you got sick and hurt. If you weren't in China, you know I would have gone to see you."

“You know… China is not that far from Seoul…”

"No, Krystal. I'm not gonna travel to China just to see you for a couple of hours. It's not like I was your girlfriend"

"Meanie... Wait, so if we were girlfriends, would you come see me?"

"That... that's something I'm not gonna answer."

“Aww, come on Liu, don't be like that…just tell me if… I'm sorry. They are calling me. I have to go back to the hotel. I'll call you later"

"It is not necessary to…"

She hung up on me. She just hung up on me​​​​​​​. Spoiled little brat. I don't understand what she’s trying to do with all this game of flirting with me. I don't know if she is serious, or she just likes to tease me. Probably a bit of both.

Finally with some peace and no more distractions, I started working on a song that has been on my mind for a few weeks now.

Get over it

Can't sing one of my songs again

But that’s okay, I'll sing in my head, yeah

No, they talking to me like I'm still 16

Saying they get me, I ain’t fooled

I'll choose what I want to do

What does it take?

I hate to complain

But you're in' full of it

Oh, I should be ashamed

But I just had to say it to your face

But I'll get over it, over it, over it

Yes, I'll get over it and you should too

So please get over it, over it, and I will too

And we'll be done with it, done with it, we'll do

I hope we'll do

Walking eggshells, oh, my feet hurt

The cookie cutter flavored bull, I'm through

Got what's left of my soul, I think

And no one's gonna take it no more

There's more than doing what you're told

I wanna answer yes or no

But you don't think, I don't know

Well, I know well enough

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Closed Doors

So what will it take?

'Cause I still complain

Maybe 'cause I'm full of it

And you should be ashamed

Because you won't say it to my face

But I'll get over it, over it, over it

Yes, I'll get over it and you should too

So please get over it, over it, and I will too

And we'll be done with it, done with it, we'll do

But I'll get over it, over it, over it

Yes, I'll get over it and you should too

So please get over it, over it, and I will too

And we'll be done with it, done with it, we'll do

I hope we'll do

I wake up to the sound of an annoying noise. Reluctantly I get up to see who is ringing the bell like it would wanted to murder it.

"I’m coming! Geez, I’m coming! Jesus Christ, Its 5 am. Who the hell…?”

"SURPRISE!!!"

"Krystal?"

A strong, sweeping hug wakes me up completely, leaving me just as confused. Not sleepy but confused.

"What are you doing here at this hour?"

"You sound like you're not happy to see me."

"It's 5 in the morning and I'm confused"

"But not happy to see me"

“Yes, I'm happy to see you, but it's too early to show it. I guess you're not going home for now, so we're just going to sleep. Will you explain to me what you are doing here later?

And so, once again I ended up sleeping with Krystal next to me.