Two days passed in the blink of an eye. And here I am sitting in the car, encouraging myself to dare to go into the restaurant where I have to meet Krystal.

The most catastrophic thoughts run through my mind, from the image of her storming out without even letting me speak when she sees me, and even telling me to go to hell, then storming off.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to talk to her, much less how to start the conversation about my true feelings towards her. I don't think I'm ready to come out with her, especially here in a restaurant.

I finally make up my mind. I count to 10 and get out of the car walking slowly and unsteadily to join Krystal.

At the entrance I ask for her, when I look for her, I see her there. Sitting near the window in a small corner of the restaurant. Which does not prevent me from noticing the elegant presence that she always emits, despite only wearing a sweater and simple jeans. I wish I could give off that aura without even meaning to.

I walk to the table and stand in front of her, noticing that she's keeping an eye on her cell phone.

"Can I take your order?"

"Not yet, I'm waiting for… Amber?"

"Hello…"

"What are you doing here?"

“I came to talk to you. I think we have some things to clear up."

“I don't think this is the time or place for that… I'm waiting for…”

“Jonghyun. I know. But he won't come. That's why I'm here"

"I don't understand"

"I'm sorry. It was something we planned together so we could talk. It was the only way you agreed to talk to me."

“How about by call, or message? You know where I live"

“Would you have answered my calls or responded to my messages? It's been weeks since we stopped talking. Going to your house wouldn't have worked either."

"I know… But I still don't know if I want to talk about this."

"I understand. But the more time we let pass, the more complicated everything will become. I don't want us to end up hating each other just for not being able to clear things up."

"I don't want to hate you either"

"Brilliant. So how about we go somewhere… less crowded, and talk quietly?”

I drove home with my heart pounding. I felt that at any moment it was going to come out of my mouth. Krystal next to me, she wasn't helping much. Her deathly silence and always looking out the window, avoiding any eye contact, made for a 20-minute trip, in torture that seemed like an eternity.

Once in my apartment, things were not more comfortable. Krystal seemed really uncomfortable and well, I wasn't over the moon either. After serving her something to eat, since the date was with Jong for dinner, and knowing that Krystal is in a better mood with a full stomach, I decided to talk. It was obvious she wouldn't bring it up.

“Krystal, regarding what happened a few days ago…I…I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. You are one of the most important people in my life right now and I don't want to lose you due to a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding? Is that what it is for you?”

“Mhm… Well, yes. It's not like I planned it or anything. It was spontaneous. You don't think I planned it, do you?"

"I suppose not. Because you did?"

"Don't know. Why did you do it?"

"What are you talking about?"

“Krystal, all I've been doing these days is reminiscing about the… well, you know. And I remember very well that it wasn't just me. You felt it too right, that tickle?"

"No... I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't feel it or initiate anything"

"TRUE. But you didn't stop it either."

“What are you implying? I thought you wanted to fix things. It's not what you're doing right now implying that I'm a lesbian…that I'm attracted…I'm not a lesbian. Understand that"

"I Understand. I'm not implying anything. I haven't said it either. For some reason you felt attacked. But it’s okay, I just want to be friends again."

"I don't know, Amber. How can I be sure and trust that you won't do something like that again?"

“Simple, because I didn't do it. I mean, yes. We kissed… Ahem. Something happened. But it wasn't because I planned it or wanted it. It just happened. When we were watching the movie, I wasn't thinking about doing anything else. We just got closer and it happened."

"I don't know, Amber."

"What else can I say? I can't do anything else if you don't believe me."

"Do you like me? Are you attracted to me in some way that isn't normal?”

"What is not normal? Krystal, that's kind of offensive. I understand that you don't like the topic of homouality, but talking about it like it's something insane or abnormal… I didn't think so of you”

"You're right, I'm sorry... I mean... different, do you think you're attracted to me differently, more than just friends?"

"I'm going for something to drink, do you want more juice, wine maybe?"

In the kitchen looking for something else to drink and a reason to avoid Krystal's questioning gaze, I feel her footsteps enter the kitchen and stay behind me, repeating the same question one more time.

“Amber, answer me please…. Do you feel something more for me than just friendship?”

After a long pause staring at a juice box in my hand, I slowly turn around and with a long, deep breath. And I meet her eyes for the first time in days.

“I don't know… I have no idea what my real feelings for you are. I just know that I like spending time with you and that these days without talking to each other I felt sad and I missed you. Like I really missed you.”

"Amber..."

“What else do you want me to say to you, Krystal? I'm trying to be as honest as possible, as you asked me a few days ago, remember. I don't know if this is love or what kind of love. But what I do know is that it's the first time in my damn life that I care so much about someone. And if that's not enough for you, then I don't know what else I can do or say."

"I do not want to hurt you"

"Then don't do it. Right now you have the option to stay and be my friend or whatever we are and forget about the stupid kiss. Because that's all it was. A stupid, impulsive and innocent kiss”

"Not for me"          

“Hmm? Sorry?"

Now it's Krystal's turn to avoid my question and head to the counter for a glass of wine. I heard right, right? Did she say the kiss wasn't stupid? Suddenly I hear her mutter something, her voice is so low that she is heard almost as a whisper.

"Krystal?"

"… Since that day…"

“Since that day… what?

“…Since that day… the way I see you has changed…”

“You mean now you need other kind of glasses to see me or…”

“Amber! I'm trying to tell you something here!"

"Sorry, Sorry. It's just that we suddenly got super awkward and I wanted to lighten the atmosphere. Please continue…"

"I do not want"

"Oh come on, Krystal! Do not be like that. I promise to stay quiet until you say I can speak again. Please?"

"You promise?"

“Mhm! Pinky promise”

“Um… Okay… Well… Since that day... I have not been able to forget the ki... what happened. The truth is that I didn’t dislike it"

"..."

"You can talk now... please talk... say something"

“So… now what?

“I don't know… Nothing, I guess. We can act as if nothing happened and not make life more complicated, I suppose…”

"Cool. No problem, if you're okay with that, I'm okay too."

"Good."

"Good."

And so we shook hands, hoping that this would fulfill the silent promise that that innocent and impulsive kiss would be our secret and would never happen again. How wrong we were.