Present time XX July 2017

Standing in front of the window of my apartment watching the city lights, I'm thinking in how we get here. I always looked at her like that, through a crystal. So distant, Always unattainable, or that’s the way I used to feel her. Sometimes I have to look at our pictures over and over again to convince myself that this is real.

Who would have thought that the boring trip to Paris to promote a certain brand would change my life completely? Who would say that our ways would come together to the point of becoming entangled and becoming one?

It's strange, because the first time I saw her I thought she was a pretty girl. But it didn’t really catch my attention. I guess I was too young to realize that my heart skipped a little when I saw her. I felt like when you go down the stairs and you skip a step. Although at that moment I was too busy getting my debut to realize what I felt. Of course, this didn’t go unnoticed the next few years, but the fact that she debuted long before me and the few chances, almost inexistent, instances to meet her, led those feelings to hide in a deep place of my heart.

And now, when I think about it and look back, I realize that so much has happened in such a short time. It’s been so much that sometimes I need to stop and see that everything is real and I'm not in a kind of fantasy after what I did.

I never believed that someone could save me, much less her. I never believed that someone would accept my past and embrace it with so much love that it could heal all my wounds. I never believed that the mere existence of one person could make me feel so happy. My past still torments me. My fears don’t let me concentrate completely on her. But every time it’s easier to sleep without the nightmares that chase me since I was a girl taking  away my sleep.

I guess I’m so concentrated in my thoughts that I don’t even notice that someone walks towards me and give me a back hug. She must have woken up and noticed that I wasn’t by her side. I guess that despite having spent so many months together she’s still worried about me doing another stupidity. I can feel her lips on my right shoulder.

“Can’t sleep?"

"Not really. You looked very tired, and I didn’t want to bother you, so I just got up for a glass of milk."

"And where’s the glass of milk?

"I forgot it"

"Are the nightmares still going on?"

"I don’t really remember what it was. I just know it wasn’t nice”

"Have you taken the pills?"

"I don’t want to be a zombie now that you're here. I'll take them when you leave. But you have to know that I'm trying to drop it. The nightmares aren’t so bad how they used to be. I’m getting better. I think you make me better"

She holds me tighter. I can see through the glass that she had her eyes close. I can feel her breath on my neck and it gives me some tickling but I ignore it. I like it when she hugs me like this.

"What were you thinking?"

She asks me in a sleepy voice as she takes my hand and leads me to the couch in front of the window. I sit in the couch as I wrapped my arms and the blanket around her. I lean my chin on her shoulder and I can feel how she begins to sleep again.

"You should go to bed."

"I don’t want to"

She answers me with the most tender and almost whispering voice. I assume she has her eyes closed.

"What were you thinking?"

I sigh deep as the image of the city at night and the warmth of her body next to mine, all this take me to a surrealistic level. These kinds of moments are where I wonder if all this is real. She gave me a small growl for me to answer. She’s always so impatient.

"I was thinking about this, you and me. Here together. I was thinking if this is really happening, and how long it will last"

"You're supposed to be thinking where you’re gonna take me to eat tomorrow"

I can’t help but laugh at her response. These things are what make me fall in love with her more and more.

"Are you still sure about this?"

She lifts her sight and looks at me with a raised eyebrow. She’s looking at me like if I had said I saw a flying cow.

"Five months. Five months together and you still are asking that?"

"It's just that I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize that you're making a terrible mistake ..."

I can’t help but to lowering my voice and also my sight.

"I don’t want that one day you just see me like a mistake"

"Amber, look at me. Amber”

I look up my sight and I meet hers. Then I find myself with those deep black eyes full of mysteries, with that deep gaze capable of absorb my soul, just as a black hole would. It’s an intense look, but that softens once she notices my insecurity. She puts her hands on my face. The contrast of her warm hands on my cold face gives me chills. I want to believe that it’s just because I’m cold and not because my body react every time she touches me.

"I don’t know if we're gonna be together a year or two or three. I don’t even know what we'll gonna do tomorrow. But what I do know is that what I feel here is real. I know that every time I see you or hear your voice, I can’t help but smile. I know I didn’t mind leave the boy I was with for almost two years, because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And yes, maybe this relationship it's gonna end and it’s gonna break our heart. But believe me. I'll never think of you as a mistake. I will never regret all this time together. Got it?"

God! How she can looks so confident and convinced despite wearing these pajamas of white and pinky bunnies? And just right here is when I realize how hopelessly in love I am with her. Seeing that I don’t respond, she squeezes my face and forces me to answer her.

"Got it?"

"Got it"

"Now let’s go to bed because I'm freezing here."

When she stands up I can’t help but smile once more at her adorable pajamas. I made I mental note to buy her another pajama with fluffy bears. Then she turns and seeing that I haven’t stood yet, she extends her hand. When I stood up I ignored her gesture, took her by the waist, raised her and spun her in the air. When put I her down and I’m gonna walk towards the room she embraces me strongly. We stayed for a few moments like that, feeling the presence and the need to each other. Sometimes it's hard to get away from her. It’s like if a magnetic force unites us. There are times when we just can’t stop touching and feeling to each other.

"I thought you wanted to sleep"

"Shut up"

I smile when I listen to her mutter, lift her up again and charge her to the room. While we settled in the bed, I realized how tired I was. Her presence always manages to relax me. For some reason Jung Soojung is able to conquer not only me, but also the demons that don’t let me sleep. I wonder if my demons are also in love with her, or they just are waiting for the exact moment to attack and destroy me. It really doesn't matter if she's by my side. 

"Are you sure your mom will not be upset because you spending the night here?"

"I already told you that my parents abandoned me and accompanied my sister in their first concert in Taiwan. They’ll come back tomorrow night. So you’ll have to serve me until they come back.”

"The right words it should be ‘to take care of´ and not 'serve you'?"

"Same"

"You really can be very spoiled at times. You know it. I guess I'll have to take a good care of the abandoned princess then"

"You better do. And now let me sleep, because tomorrow I don’t want to have a swollen face because of you"

I couldn’t help but think how cute and adorable Soojung can be when she feels confident with someone. When you don’t know her well, she can looks like a distant and apathetic girl. You might even think that she doesn’t like anyone besides her family. But if you insist a little you can win her confidence and she becomes the most talkative and adorable girl in the world. It’s impossible not to fall into her charms and forgive her absolutely everything.

When I felt that her breathing calmed down, I cuddle with her. I closed my eyes as I her hair wondering where I should take her tomorrow. Maybe to a gallery, I think there’s an exhibition of a new artist near an Italian restaurant that she likes.

"I love you"

I'm not sure if it was a dream but that whisper was the last thing I heard before closing my eyes and feeling lost in the lullaby that her voice is. This time Soojung not only calmed the demons, but also made them sleep.