Main leads/characters: Choi Youngjae, Im Jaebum, Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung (2JAE is the main ship)

Rating: PG (with a hint of PG-13)

Genre: angst, little bit of humor, eventual romance.

Warning/s: angst, post break up, mental disorders

Title: Best of Me

Look, he didn’t want to be delusional.

He was totally normal, almost perfect and happy. He didn’t know much. But as much as I am ashamed to say this, He can’t really distinguish what’s real and what’s not, what has happened, and what is impossible to happen. Some people think he’s just exaggerating, like the time when he thought aliens were real and they invaded his apartment. One time, he thought that someone was following him. His brother, Jackson Wang at your service, thinks he’s just imagining things.

It’s crazy. Thank the gods that he’s not like those psychotic people having the same case, trapped in a mental hospital, their disorder basically destroying their life and existence and so on..

Meet Choi Youngjae, your unextraordinary (he said) twenty-something guy. May or may not have a case of delusional disorder, may or may not have been hallucinating, may or may not have been stalking several people for several years whom he believes is in love with him, and he may or may not be cute and an absolute sunshine.

It was his past that led him to what he is now, but what past?

You can hardly notice that he has a disorder since he’s an ultimate optimist and can definitely lead an organization for world peace, mother nature, and world peace. Yes, so what? I said what I said okay?

But unfortunately, he’s jobless.

That didn’t sting at all, but he is. It’s not like he wasn’t able to finish college. In fact, he holds a bachelor degree in music. Choi Youngjae has a good voice, an amazing voice. He can play piano, and compose songs. He deserves the world but the world doesn’t deserve him. It’s not that bad yet the entertainment agencies just manage to look at his resume and medical record very carefully and immediately notices that he has a disorder. He gets kicked out almost immediately.

He stays in his apartment with his step-brother Jackson. He may or may not have a case of ADHD for kids. He acts like a kid, literally. But he has a decent job as a fencing coach while Jae is slacking around.

It’s been months since Youngjae found someone who will once again trigger his disorder. And that’s a good thing.

Jackson is just waiting for that one time that it will trigger once more and he’ll strangle the hell of who that person is.

“Jae, I’m going out for a while.” Jackson carries his fencing bag. “There’s food in the fridge, and there’s food for Coco too. Lock the door if you’re gonna sleep. Don’t do anything stupid.” He stresses the last sentence. The older puts on his shoes.

“Sure, hyung. I won’t go anywhere and feed Coco some ramen like I did last time.” Youngjae appears from the hallway and smiles sheepishly at his hyung. Jackson rolls his eyes. “Take care hyung hehe.”

He opens the door and gives Youngjae the look before closing it, leaving the younger in silence.

“What should I do?” He walks to the kitchen and checks the wall clock.

11:35AM.

“It’s lunchtime, so should I eat lunch? Or maybe it’s brunch because I haven’t eaten breakfast.” He hums a certain tune as he looks for food in the fridge.

“I’m hungry but I’m too lazy to cook,” he says. “Should I eat outside?” he asks. “Should I go to the convenient store?” he asks again.

“Or I can just call the delivery guy to bring me some chicken and beer?”

One more thing, he’s talkative and curious. And no, it’s not part of his disorder. He’s just like that, Choi Youngjae is like that. It can be a good thing or a bad thing.

He sighs, not having any choice. “I’ll just order chicken and beer or something.” He reaches for the telephone to call a restaurant who serves the best chicken and beer.

“You’re here again?”

“Yes, I ain’t leaving.”

He certainly know that these walls are soundproof, but he may or may not know he’s being delusional. The voices next door were too loud to ignore.

“Why are you here?” a calm voice said.

“I want you back.”

“You’re crazy.” It remained calm.

“I was drunk that night, Jaebum. I was uncontrollable, I didn’t mean to do that to your bestfriend.”

“You still did it, I called you but you didn’t snap out of your bull.” It was still calm.

“I still love you, Jaebum.”

“Yeah so? It will never change anything.” Calm.

He didn’t want to eavesdrop on other people’s drama so he ignored the commotion happening next door and ordered his lunch.

Well, he tried.

After he ordered, the voices became louder and angrier. There were cries involved, and the younger decided to make the walls even more soundproofed next time.

“You hurt me, Jinyoung. I ing trusted you, I loved you.” The man’s anger was replaced by cries and sadness. “I was ed up already, you decided to me up even more.”

“Was it that easy to let me go? What about all that we’ve been through? We promised each other.”

“I should ask you the same question. You didn’t even think of what would happen to me when you would do that, you weren’t even thinking of all that we’ve been through, you didn’t even think of me, or even us.”

“J-Jaebum...”

“What did I do wrong? Am I ugly? Did I fail you? Was I that easy to replace? Was my love not enough?” Every question grew soft and quiet, it turned inaudible because of the burst of tears and emotion.

“No…”

“Then why?!” He yelled, sending shivers to his own spine. “Why did you do that? Why did you hurt me?”

“Is it appropriate for me to hear all of this? This is crazy!” The younger whispered to himself. But he didn’t deny that he felt sympathy for this man called Jaebum.

“I don’t want you in my life anymore.”

“B-but Jaebum..”

“Get out, Jinyoung. Please...”

“No..”

“This will be better for the both of us. You love me? You don’t want to see me hurt like this? Then leave.”

Youngjae exhaled the air he never thought he was holding.

He felt bad for the man next door.

It was silence once more, he thought it was over.

Until he hears a singing voice of despair, and it was from the same apartment where the drama happened.

He knew the song, it was his favorite song.

“Should I sing along?” he asked to himself.

He chose not to.

The next few hours, all that Youngjae did was to watch TV, play with Coco, play computer games, and compose songs. It was a daily routine, nothing much. Jackson would sometimes scold him to get a job, but goddamned people are sleeping on his talent and only focuses on his disorder. “So what? As if you’re going to compose songs about your disorder. People will hardly notice!”

He asked if what would happen if it gets triggered again. “You would be out of your mind sometimes, stalking the hell out of that person, believing that he or she is in love with you.”

“You sometimes go to the psychiatrist to run a series of tests, and after one month you’re fine. But it keeps on coming back. Last test that you had was a year ago, and that’s a good thing. You’ve been going to the psychiatrist to fully treat your disorder through psychotherapy, and it’s working. But if it comes back, I don’t know how I’ll control you from not trying to draw closer to the person.”

“So right now, I’m normal?”

“Yes, you are for now. I hope you’ll try to control yourself if it comes back, it’s been a year Youngjae. You’ve been undergoing psychotherapy.”

Ah, Choi Youngjae.

What’s a man to do? He has no idea.

Someone knocks on the door which catches him by surprise. “Who is it?” Jackson told him to not let strangers in.

“It’s Jackson, your brother. Idiot.” He hears a ruffled noise from the door. “, open the door Youngjae!”

The younger immediately stands up and rushes to the door and opens it. (without tripping or falling down, totally.)

“Jackson-hyung, you’re early.” The older brother goes inside with an angry look.

“Client’s being an , and I was just doing my job.” He drops his fencing bag on the floor and lies down on the couch. “So I just packed my bags and got the out of that gym.”

“You’re such a thug, hyung.”

“Can’t blame me.” He sticks his tongue out. He turns serious afterwards. “We actually have a new neighbor tho. He moved in next door, and he looks hot. So hot that he could set the whole world on fire this Christmas.”

“You’re crazy, maybe he isn’t that hot.” Youngjae laughs as he goes to the kitchen to prepare some food for him and his brother.

Jackson reaches for the remote control. “His name is Jaebum tho, Im Jaebum.”

“Jaebum?” His eyes widened.

“That was actually our neighbor?” he whispered not too loud, well he tried.

“Why? You know him?” Jackson asks as he flip channels.

He totally regrets eavesdropping. “Uh, no. The name sounds familiar I guess. You met him earlier?”

“Yeah, we literally collided in the elevator. He looked cool to be honest.” He turned off the television. “You done with the food?”

That night, there was no food left. Jackson was asleep, Coco was asleep. People were asleep, and Youngjae assumed that there was no one awake at this time. He’s nocturnal, but sometimes he’s not. If he doesn’t feel like sleeping, he won’t. He’s used to it, he likes silence and darkness. But if he’s really tired, he’ll sleep.

“I’m hungry again. Should I eat or just sleep the hunger away?” He walks around wearing his otter slippers and it’s totally not cute. Choi Youngjae, wearing a sweatshirt and pajamas with otter slippers. So cute and soft. “Or should I order chicken and beer again?”

“I want to try Mark-hyung’s recipe,” he states. Mark is Jackson’s boyfriend from Los Angeles, he introduced the two to his own twist of convenient store food and it was delicious, satisfying, and impressive for a foreigner to create his own recipe and twist. “Should I go to the convenient store?”

After much choices and debating, he decides to go to the convenient store located across the street of this building. He lowkey prays to God that he won’t get or kidnapped, or even robbed. He steps out of the door and walks straight to the elevator and presses down, waiting for the doors to open.

It finally opens, he enters inside and stands awkwardly, pressing the ground floor button. “Isn’t it scary to take the elevator alone?” The doors slowly close.

“Wait!” An urgent and exhausted voice calls out and Youngjae immediately presses a button to open the doors. Well, so much for being alone in the elevator.

A beautiful man appears, looking very exhausted and tired. He spares Youngjae a glance before stepping inside and they set an awkward and far distance from each other. Youngjae halts his breathing for a second because he’s trying so hard not to spare a single glace on this man because he’ll certainly look like a creep.

The man then spares a glance on the younger. He clears his throat. “Umm..hi?” He smiles. “You look tense.”

Jae looks up and gives him a shy smile. “Are you new here?” He was so thankful that he didn’t stutter.

He lightens up, brightening up. “Yeah! I just moved here five days ago. I’m living in the new 234 apartment.”

Youngjae’s eyes widened but with a hint of confusion. “Really? Then you’re the new neighbor. We live next door, in 235.”

He furrows his eyebrows. “Wait..you’re Jackson’s brother?”

Youngjae chuckles. “Yes, the one and only. He told me that we have a new neighbor. He said you looked cool, I had to see that for myself.” He honestly didn’t mind if they would get stuck here forever.

“Me? Cool?” The man chuckles and Youngjae would totally want to hear that forever. “I’m flattered.”

“Well, welcome to the neighborhood..?” He asks for the beautiful man’s name even though he knows it.

“Jaebum, Im Jaebum.” Jaebum holds out his hand for a handshake. “And you are?”

The younger looks at his hand before reciprocating the gesture, smiling warmly. “Youngjae, Choi Youngjae.”

As if on cue, the ring bells signaling the desired floor and the doors open. Youngjae frowns a little. “See you around, I guess?”

“Yeah, see you around Youngjae. And oh, I like your slippers.” Jaebum laughs before the doors close.

“Wait what?” He looks down on his feet and welp, he’s stupid indeed. He forgot to change his footwear.

Youngjae ended up buying chicken and beer anyway.

But with a certain male neighbor in this mind.

He sworn that Jaebum’s smile was something else, it was like it was just for him.

Or was he being delusional again.

“So you met Jaebum-sshi?” The next day, Youngjae immediately told Jackson about his encounter with the older male. “He looked cool, right?”

“He looked..wonderful.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“I swear to God, Youngjae. I have a bad feeling about this.” Jackson gives him the look again. He sips his coffee, not taking his eyes off the younger. “You think I didn’t notice that you were totally heart-eyes for him, when you were telling me about this.”

He laughs nervously. “Relax, hyung. It’s just a mere crush.”

“Yeah, sure. A crush,” he says sarcastically. “If I hear and notice you stalking him and , or if it gets triggered again. I swear to God, Choi.” He glares directly at the younger. “And don’t you dare tell me that he’s feeling the same way, you have a disorder.”

He didn’t deny that it hurt a little.

“I won’t ever give up on you, you know. You were my first love, Jaebum.”

“You’re my first heartbreak, Jinyoung. I gave you everything, but look what you did.”

“It was just one mistake, Jaebum!”

“But that one mistake made me feel like I’m a mistake to you! You’re such a liar! You said you wouldn’t do this and that, you said that you want me and only me.”

“Do you still love me?”

“I don’t know anymore, Jinyoung. You’re making me feel like my love wasn’t enough.”

“I still love you, Jaebum.”

“If you love me, then let me go. Please, can’t you see that I’m not happy with this relationship?”

Youngjae felt bad for eavesdropping again, but he also felt bad for Jaebum.

He may have a disorder, but he knows what’s right and wrong and that may be enough. Under his cool and happy self, he is actually trying to mend his heart from a breakup.

He doesn’t know him much, but he wants to learn more by trying not to stalk him often. Well, he’s trying. He’s lowkey thankful that the walls aren’t soundproofed.

“I was looking for you, I was trying to fix everything. Why did you move?”

“I wanted to have a fresh start, I wanted to be independent and live freely. And maybe, find someone new.”

“It’s impossible not to fall in love with you, Jaebum.”

“I don’t think anyone would love someone like me, or even me.”

Youngjae wanted to change that mindset of his, but he knows that he’s nowhere near Jaebum, and he’s not deserving. And even though he has a disorder and it’s starting to get triggered again, he tries not to stalk him. Jaebum is different to him, so eavesdropping is the only thing that he can do.

From what his hearing, he assumed that this Jinyoung left Jaebum’s apartment, promising to come back despite of the protests of Jaebum. He’s left alone once again.

“When will he let me go? When I die?” “How will I ever recover from this when he keeps on pulling me backwards?” “Do I really deserve this?”

Youngjae noticed the sudden change of Jaebum’s voice, it was deep and hoarse from all the crying. He could see and feel the pain and sadness of his neighbor just by hearing his voice and Youngjae can’t deny his own heart breaking. He can’t do anything about it, because he’s nothing to Jaebum.

“Curse me and my disorder, curse all of this.” He frowns. “Curse this Jinyoung who broke his heart.”

He felt the need to go to his apartment, knock on his door, and at least try to start a conversation. He felt the need to be there for him, to protect him at all costs, but he knows that he’s not capable of doing that. He doesn’t have the right to do that, he’s not deserving. Youngjae and Jaebum are just neighbors. Nothing more, nothing less.

His disorder is what keeps him like this, continuously eavesdropping just to hear from Jaebum.

Jaebum continues to sob, and he could hear his own heart breaking.

“Choi Youngjae, what do you think you’re doing?” Jackson appears out of nowhere, giving him the look. He didn’t even notice that the cup he was using to eavesdrop was practically shoved inside his ear, smashing it. Poor ear.

Youngjae throws the cup and stands awkwardly, smiling as if nothing happened. “N-nothing, Jackson-hyung.”

“If you’re seriously eavesdropping on our new neighbor instead of stalking him, that’s a good thing. Just don’t do it in front of me. And don’t go around telling me that he loves you, young man,” he says as if it’s a warning, and it is. “You have to go to the psychiatrist tomorrow, it may or may not be your last session of psychotherapy.”

Youngjae nods. “Okay, tomorrow’s session will determine if I’m healed or not?”

Jackson sighs, walking to the kitchen and getting some organic tea. “Hopefully.”

“I just want to be normal again and not think or assume that someone is in love with me, it’s tiring. Then I’ll go to the jail again for being such a creep, same cycle.” The younger pouts and frowns.

The older’s face softens. “Well young man, tomorrow may or may not change your fate.”

The younger smiles softly and picks up the cup that the threw earlier and walks to the kitchen to place it back in the cabinet.

“And besides,” Jackson starts as he puts water in the kettle. “Why are you even eavesdropping on Jaebum?”

The younger closes the cabinet, thinking. “I don’t know. He’s..interesting, if that is not weird and creepy. Instead of stalking him, I just eavesdrop. I know that’s bad for invading other’s privacy, but I just feel like I want to develop something good with him. My disorder is what keeps me going.”

“The results tomorrow will determine your fate with this neighbor, then?”

“You could say it like that, hyung.”

Little did they (he) knew, the walls of a certain neighbor next door weren’t soundproofed as well.

That night, Youngjae didn’t hear anything from Jaebum.

“Yah, Choi Youngjae. Wake up! Our appointment is like..11AM, and the time is like..10AM.” Was the first thing that he heard this morning. Youngjae groans. “5 more minutes.”

“Yeah sure, 5 more minutes and I’ll splash cold water on you. Get up, Choi!” Jackson pushes the younger, rolls him away from the bed like a poor sushi roll.

“How ‘bout 10 minutes?”

“Do you want to die?”

After some series of rushing and arguments, the two finally left the apartment. Youngjae is feeling sleepy as ever (don’t worry, he took a bath.) and Jackson looks like a single father carrying his sleepy child to the psychiatrist. “Youngjae, snap out of it!”

They get on the elevator and presses the down button. “Are we taking a taxi?” The younger asks, yawning. Jackson smiles.

“It’s your unlucky day, we’re taking the bus.” Youngjae frowns while the elevator slowly close—

“Wait! Jesus effing Christ.”

Jackson snaps out of his trance and presses to open the doors quickly, if that is even possible. Youngjae is really fighting to keep his eyes open and yawns, “Not again.”

As if he came straight from a fashion magazine, their good neighbor Jaebum appears looking as tired as Youngjae. But he immediately lightened up when he saw his two fellow neighbors. “Hey.” Then he steps in the elevator.

Jackson saw the immediate transition of Jaebum’s mood and he’s confused, but greets the other anyway. “Hey Jaebum, we meet again huh?”

He turns to the siblings and smiles as the elevator travels down to the first floor. “Yeah, where are you guys headed?”

Jackson looks at his tired brother. “Well, we’re going for a checkup. Hopefully this would change everything. Right, Youngjae?” He nudges Youngjae not too hard to wake him up.

“Oh.” The younger smiles weakly. “Yeah.”

Jaebum chuckles. “You look tired, Youngjae. Had a rough night?”

Youngjae showed a thumbs up. “Yeah, totally.”

“How about you Jaebum? Where are you heading?” Jackson asks.

“Oh, nothing much. Just going to the grocery to buy food for me and Nora.”

Jackson smiles cheekily. “Oh, so you have a girlfriend? I’m not surprised, Jaebum.” Youngjae frowns a little, fighting the urge to wake up and join the conversation.

He laughs loudly. “Oh no, I don’t have a girlfriend. Nora is my beloved cat, she’s my pet,” he explains while still chuckling. “And besides, I’m not into girls.”

I noticed, Youngjae wanted to say. You and me both, Jaebum, he sighs.

“You’re not the only one,” Youngjae says. He didn’t see the small smile that his neighbor had.

The psychiatrist was waiting for them, smiling. “You’re here, I’m glad. Nice to see you again.”

The two bow politely and Jackson speaks, smiling. “Nice to see you again, Doctor Kim.”

Doctor Kim smiles and turns to his patient, Youngjae. “How are you feeling, Youngjae? It’s been a year since your case has been triggered.”

The younger smiles weakly. “I’m doing fine.” They both sit down in front of his table. “Nothing much happened.”

“Honestly, he’s been doing fine. He’s been living quite normally,” his brother explains.

“That’s good.”

“But..”

“But?”

“I think it’s coming back.”

“What do you mean? His disorder?”

“Yes.”

Doctor Kim leans back and sighs. “Jackson, would you mind leaving the two of us for a while?” He immediately obeys and stands up. “No, not at all. I’ll go now.” Jackson walks to the door and leaves.

Youngjae is feeling uneasy and uncomfortable. What should I say? What should I do? What would he say to me? Am I not going to get healed? Am I still gonna be like this?

“Youngjae, how are you?” he starts as he stares at the younger. The younger could see the intense stare that he had on him.

“I don’t know,” he says, unsure. “One moment I’m all fine and good, but the next moment I’m not. I don’t get it.”

“Is there something bothering you? A person, a thing, or an event that just happened?”

“I’m not sure. But I swear I’m not stalking him, nor do I think that he’s in love with me. I’m just concerned about him.”

“How?”

“He lives next door, and the walls aren’t soundproofed so I basically hear what’s happening. I can’t call it as eavesdropping.”

“What do you hear next door?”

“His conversations with his ex-boyfriend. Their fights and arguments, I hear them all.”

“What do you feel when you hear all this stuff?”

“I feel bad for my neighbor, I want to know more about him. I just can’t do it. So I just eavesdrop instead of being a creep and stalking him nonstop. I’d be a fool if I think that he’s in love with me.”

“What’s certain and true to you?”

“That’s we’re just neighbors, nothing more and nothing less. That we aren’t together. I understand him, because he’s getting over a break up. I ain’t gonna be delusional because I know what’s true based on him.”

“Have you tried talking to him?”

“We’re practically acquaintances, we only see each other in the elevator.”

“Do you like this person that you’re talking about?”

He froze, literally. He didn’t think of that, it didn’t cross his mind. Youngjae thought about it for a while as Doctor Kim anticipated for an answer. He doesn’t even know Jaebum that much, why was he asking that?

“I don’t know. I don’t even know him that much. All I know that he’s a beautiful neighbor next door, who is getting over a break up, and super cool and friendly. I just want to know more about him, nothing more and nothing less. I want to at least establish something good with him.”

“Are you going to do something about it then?”

“I don’t know, maybe. If there is a chance, I will try. I’m a socially awkward person, you know that.” He chuckles. The doctor smiles a satisfied one.

“Aren’t we going to do a psychotherapy session today?” Youngjae asks.

He chuckles. “For what?”

“Because I have a disorder?” he says, confused.

“Are you being delusional Youngjae? Seriously.” Doctor Kim laughs which makes Youngjae even more confused. Is he making a fool out of himself?

He furrows his eyebrows. “Wait, what? Why? Am I healed or something?”

“Well..” Doctor Kim turns serious and checks his papers. “It’s been a year since you’ve been triggered, and we’ve been doing psychotherapy for a while now and its results are good, plus you now know and distinguish what’s real and not real, you’re not hallucinating anymore.” He then looks at the younger, satisfied and proud. “You’ve learned, Youngjae. Congratulations, you’re fine and well now.”

His eyes widened. “Wait, what? Seriously?”

Doctor Kim laughs. “Yes, Youngjae.”

“This is not a dream?” The younger asks, but he definitely knows that it’s not a dream.

“Are you being delusional again?”

“No, no, no.” Youngjae smiles softly, and then he laughs with his Doctor.  Their wam and happy laughter fills the quiet and lonely clinic.

No, he’s not crazy. He just can’t believe it, he’s learned, and he’s normal again. He doesn’t have a disorder anymore, he can live normally now, he doesn’t have a case anymore. “Thank you, Doctor Kim.”

Jackson will be so happy when he finds out about this.

(“Technically, Jaebum is the reason why you’re fine and well now,” Jackson says after the checkup, smiling.

He thinks about it, and nudges his brother lightly. “How did you know? Maybe he is. He made me realize a lot of things even though we’re just acquiantances.”

“Are you going to thank him?”

“Maybe one day, I will.”)

That night, Jackson had a client to attend. He left Youngjae in the convenient store, giving him money to buy food before they part ways. And of course, as a celebratory he brought chicken and beer for himself. He can’t deny that it is his comfort food.

He goes to his apartment building after buying his favorite food, walks straight to the elevator, and presses up. The doors open after a few seconds and Youngjae steps in, pressing his floor.

When he arrived on his floor, the first thing he saw was his lovely neighbor Jaebum, opening his apartment door.

“Jaebum?” He calls out once he steps out of the elevator. The figure turns around and immediately smiles at his presence. “Youngjae, how are you? How was the checkup?”

The younger chuckles at the enthusiasm of the other. “Well..it went well actually. Everything was fine.”

After saying that, Jaebum smiles even brighter. If that is even possible. It’s like his smile would be able to cure cancer and bring world peace. The neighbor laughs in glee. “That’s great! I’m happy that you’re doing fine.”

Youngjae, snap out of it. Jaebum is just THAT kind to be extremely happy for you. Nothing more, nothing less.

Youngjae smiles, chuckling. “Thank you, Jaebum.”

“Hyung.”

“What?”

“Call me hyung, or Jaebum-hyung, or anything that you want.” The older smiles sheepishly, fiddling with the end of his sweater.

“Sure, Jaebum-hyung. I hope you’re doing fine as well.” Youngjae places both hands in his sweater’s pockets.

The older gives him a warm smile. “Thank you, really.”

Jaebum notices the missing presence. “Where’s Jackson? He’s out at work or something?”

“Oh yeah, he’s got a client. He cannot reject it so he had to go.”

“You’re alone?”

“I should be asking you that.” They both laugh.

“Well I’m always alone so there’s no question to that.”

“Okay, you win.” Youngjae raises both of his hands in defeat, making Jaebum laugh. “Yeah, I’m alone. It’s normal for me to be alone, but sometimes it gets lonely and scary for me.”

“Me too, the apartment gets lonely sometimes.” The older frowns, absolutely crestfallen.

There was silence after that, just the two of them standing in front of each other, thinking of words to say. Youngjae didn’t want to end it all yet.

“So—”

“I should—”

Both of their eyes widened.

“You should go first,” they said simultaneously.

Their eyes widened again. “No, you go first.”

“Omygosh, Jaebum-hyung. You should go first.” The younger giggles as Jaebum facepalms himself for being such an idiot. “No, it’s alright. You go first, hyung.”

“Well..”

“I was just wondering if you’d like to hang out, you know, in my place. Since the both of us are alone and I don’t like being alone anymore. And I like to get to know you even more.” Jaebum looks up, he really looks at Youngjae and bites his lip, resisting to smile even brighter. The younger thought it was a dream because he wanted to know more about the older too.

“Really? Are you sure?” he asks, smirking at the older.

“Well, yeah.” The older looks flushed, almost as if he’s embarrassed at what he did.

“You’d really let me? Because I would like that too.” Now it’s Youngjae’s turn to bite his lip.

“Really?” He likes the innocent and hopeful look on his hyung’s face.

Youngjae nods, smiling fervently.

(“Thank you.” Youngjae smiles.

“For what?” Jaebum stares, anticipating for an answer.

It was any other random night, a few months after the first night that they got to really know each other. They’re both cuddling on the couch, just finished devouring their favorite spicy chicken, holding a cup of hot chocolate. Content and happy at each other’s presence.

“You healed me, hyung.” It felt right, so right. So Youngjae went closer to his hyung, and leaned his head on his shoulder very gently, startling the older. “I didn’t know what to do at that time, so all I could do was just eavesdrop.”

Not hearing a response from the older, he continues. “I couldn’t stand you hurting and crying all the time. I thought I was being delusional again, but no. You made me realize a lot of things, you healed me.” His voice was trembling, almost crying. The younger buries his face on Jaebum’s chest. The older embraces him, caressing him.

“All I wanted was the best for you, hyung. That’s all I ever wanted.” Youngjae closes his eyes, and tears stream down his face. The younger was scared at the lack of response from the older, what if he didn’t feel the same way? What if I’m not enough for him?

But all of those thoughts went away when they got out of the embrace and Jaebum cupped the younger’s cheek, pulling him closer, their foreheads against each other. “Youngjae..” he whispered ever so gently. “My love.” The love and warmth in Jaebum’s eyes was indescribable. Youngjae found himself drowning in it again.

“I blame you for thinking that you know it was best for me..” The older exhaled and bit his lip, his voice trembling and soft. “But it was you that was best for me.”)