Ever since Luhan was born, or at least since he could remember, his father used punches and kicks as a way to vent out his sadness and frustration. The man hardly used words, only if it was to threaten or blame his son.

You killed your mother. If it wasn't for you, she would still be alive. You destroyed everything good in life. She never loved you. You are a murderer! Those where the things Luhan heard from his dad daily.

It was repeated so often, that the young boy believed it was true. Luhan begun to blame himself. He saw himself as a monster that was incapable of being loved, because he didn't deserve it.

When he first saw Minseok, he didn't think anything, mostly because the boy didn't notice Minseok. Then, when he found out the new kid was taking the place of his old roommate, he was furious.

Luhan and his old roommate, Doyun, were like best friends. They ruled the school together, and the group home. But that all changed, slowly and painfully. First, Doyun became friends with more older, more aggressive people. Then, he started to skip class, which didn't go unnoticed by their caregiver. Finally, Doyun snuck out of the home late at night, and when he came back, he was covered in blood.

Luhan watched that night play out. All the boys did, actually. They heard Heechul's scream. All the guys jumped out of their bed, turning on all lights and going into the hallway. They saw Heechul frozen. They saw Doyun crying, covered in red.

Luhan was the first to do something. He ran up to the two.

"Doyun! What happened?!" The boy grabbed his best friend, trying to shake him back to reality. "Are you okay?" Luhan  asked Heechul, who had his hand covering his mouth.

"What.... why are you.... what did you do?" The caregiver pushed out, barely able to speak.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Luhan. I'm sorry everyone." Doyun had said, not looking up from the ground.

Everyone was processing the scene. Luhan grew cold.

"You killed someone." Luhan accused. He took steps back, letting his arms fall to his side. He knew it, it wasn't a question.

Heechul had never been in this situation before, despite working in this business for over 10 years. 

"Get inside. Go inside. EVERYONE!!!" The caregiver yelled, knowing he couldn't let this go on any further. None of the boys moved, they all just stood in the door frames, silently observing. "I SAID GO IN YOUR ROOMS!!!" Heechul yelled, this time his command fully worked. They shut their doors, all of them, except for Luhan. "Luhan, go inside, I'm going to handle this."

"How could you?" Luhan ignored the elder, staring at his friend instead.

"Luha--"

"HOW COULD YOU?!" Heechul was surprised at the sudden outcry the boy gave. Luhan never got like this, and Heechul has known the boy for 5 years.

"Go inside." The caregiver repeated.

Luhan stared at his friend. Then, after minutes passed, the boy realized he wouldn't get an explanation. Nothing. So he walked into his room, and he shut his door. He turned off the light, laid in his bed, and began to remember his father. 

Luhan didn't get any sleep that night, he doubted that anyone did. The boys were stuck in their rooms till 3pm, till the police came to question them of what they saw. Luhan was all alone.

He didn't care. That's what he continued to think. His roommate, no longer his friend, was just like Luhan. And Luhan, he didn't want that. He wanted to save his friend, but he should of known. He can't have anything good in life, he just doesn't deserve it.

The next day was the day Minseok walked through the door. Luhan grew defensive. How could they just replace Doyun so fast? Like he wasn't a human being? That angered Luhan.

Luhan bullied Minseok. He saw the older as weak, pathetic. He insulted the other, made fun of him, hated him. 

By the time visitation rolled around again, the first time in a month, he noticed how his new roommate was happier. It bothered Luhan. 

Luhan hardly came out on visitation days. He had no reason to. The only time he would come out, was to use the bathroom or eat, but besides that, the Chinese boy was scarce.

When he came downstairs for food, he noticed Minseok was out on the porch with a woman. Luhan assumed that was his mom, but then he wondered. Where was his dad? Luhan didn't care about his roommate, but he was always curios of people's family lives, that being because nobody ever cared about his.

Everyone was getting ready for bed, and Luhan decided to ask. The boy was never worried about his questions, he just asked what he wanted. And tonight was no different. Although, he didn't expect Minseok to respond the way he did. This was the shy, quiet boy after all.

"I killed my mom the day she gave birth to me...."

That's what Luhan said. He didn't understand why he told Minseok, he owned the boy no explanations. Luhan watched as the older silenced in surprise.

"You, wait," Minseok stood up, trying to grasp Luhan's words. "You're telling me, that your mom died.... having you?"

Luhan nodded. "That's what I just said." He arrogantly replied.

"So, you didn't kill your mother?"

"I just fu*king said I did. What part do you not understand!" Luhan angered himself, not understanding why the shorter boy was confused. Was he really that stupid? 

"I don't understand the killing part. You didn't kill your mom." Now, Luhan stood up, rather angrily.

"Are you serious? Do you not understand Korean?"

"Obviously I do. But just hear me, alright? You didn't kill your mom. You didn't go up and stab her, or shoot her, or... anything. You were a baby." Minseok explained, frustrated that the younger boy didn't comprehend him.

"I killed my mom! She died, because I'm here-"

"Let me put this another way," Minseok cut him off. "You were just born. You didn't want it, and it wasn't you fault. I really don't know any other way I can say it. It just wasn't your fault" The older didn't know why Luhan couldn't understand that. 

"Your really stupid."

"Who told you that? Or do you just believe it?" Minseok questioned out loud.

"My dad." Luhan responded. Why did he need to tell him anymore? It's not like Luhan cared what Minseok thought of him.

"Your dad, that you killed, right?" Minseok remembered how Luhan talked about this during his first day of group. "Why did you kill your dad?"

"Why does that matter?" The Chinese boy sat back down, tired of having to explain himself. He could stop, but for some reason, Luhan couldn't let Minseok have the last word.

"It's just... you must've not liked your father if you killed him, right?" Luhan didn't move, but Minseok continued anyways. "So, why would you believe a man you didn't like?"

Luhan eyes widened ever so slightly. Minseok noticed this, waiting until Luhan could say something.

"You don't know what your talking about."

"Wow, just think about it. You don't have any good reason to trust him. Do you-"

"Maybe it's the fact that he told me those things ever since I was young! Or maybe it was the fact that he punched those thoughts in my head!" Luhan exploded, the anger flooding him. "He told me those things every, fu*cking, day. It makes sense, she dead, because I'm alive!"

Minseok felt his throat close up. How was he going to convince this boy? It frustrated Minseok that this kid could be so.... well, idiotic. 

"Fine, if that's what you think, that's what you think. What was I thinking, why would you believe me? We're not even friends." Minseok went over to the light switch. "I just want to say," He paused, contemplating. "I'm sorry, Luhan." Luhan stilled, but Minseok couldn't tell, as he already turned off the light.

Luhan wasn't able to move, he became paralyzed. Why did he apologize? 

It took a while, till Luhan could feel any feeling in his body. He was sure that Minseok was long asleep by now, his steady breathing being an indication of this.

How long had passed? An hour, but Luhan only thought it was minutes. Still, even as he lifted up his blanket to nuzzle in underneath, his heart weighed heavily. It was a different emotion than Luhan ever felt before. It was different than wanting to cry, or wanting to yell. It was something way different.

Luhan didn't know what it was. The boy has felt all types of pain in his 16 years of living, but this wasn't any of those. Was it even pain?

Why was this feeling preventing Luhan from falling asleep? Was Luhan really caring about what Minseok said? No, it couldn't be. He hates Minseok.

But if it wasn't that..... then what else could it be?

***

So I had a bit of a struggle writing the end, and I felt like I repeated a lot of words in this chapter, but I hope you guys enjoyed! I tried really hard writing this, and I had to revise it a lot:p Hoped you guys liked seeing Luhan's view of things! And also, development:0;) I don't know who I'll focus on next chapter, but we'll see :)<3 And sorry for the short chapter :(