In my earlier time joining Twice, performing on stage was kinda nervous.

I didn't know a lot about Twice, especially their old songs, so I had a hard time catching up. Memorizing the lyrics was easy for me but the choreography was harder.

Sadly, nobody knew that because I was a closed person. I wasn't that expressive with Twice yet. We know that I cry a lot because I can't express what I feel with words. But there's this one strange moment that I remember. That day when I felt like I was somebody else...

"Mokja.. mokjaaa!" a heavy voice shouts from the door from our waiting room backstage. A short hair bringing is helping our manager to give us our lunch boxes. While the others are resting after a rehearsal. she distributed the boxes for each of us. Just like a mother, she takes care of us very well.
"Here for you, Haeju," she says while giving a white box to me who's sitting alone in the corner of the room.
"Tha... Thank you, Jeong... Jeongyeon," I answer.
"Hmm, what's wrong with you?" with the last box in her hand, she sits right beside me.
"Ani... Gwenchana," I answer her.
"It's okay you can tell me, Haeju. Your secret will be safe with me," she says while opening her box and starts eating, "Go eat, Ju."
"Yes..." I open my box as well. I don't know about Jeongyeon well yet. I'm not an open person, especially about what I think and feel. It's not that I don't wanna share, it's just hard for me to complain about things to people that I'm not really close with.

"Are you feeling unwell?" she asks with food full in . Jeongyeon is eating very 'comfortably'. She's not that feminine either on the outside. She acts like most boys that I ever met. Jeongyeon really eats a lot and fast, "Please tell me if you feeling sick okay? Or tell anyone. Your health is important, Haeju," she says with her heavy voice.
"I... I'm fine. Really," I answer her shyly.
"Oh, good good.

Jeongyeon still doesn't know the truth about what I've been thinking. But it feels fine comfortable that I'm not eating alone. Although I eat very slowly, it seems like she takes a lot of time too. I don't know if she does that intentionally to accompany or... Maybe just my feeling.
"Everything's gonna be okay, Ju. I know you can do it," she gives me a pep talk all of sudden. 
"Nn... Nae. Gomawoyo, Jeongyeon," I answer her.
"Hmm," she responds shortly before continues eating again.

After a few minutes, she finally finishes her meal. She takes a pack of wet tissue near that and cleans her hands," By the way, you're the first child in your family, right?" she starts a conversation.
"Yes," I answer.
"Aahh... I used to want to know how it feels to the first child. Your parents must love you more, right?"
"Mm... maybe."
"How many siblings do you have, Ju?" she asks again.
"One."
"Sister or brother?"
"Little brother."
"How old is he?"
"Mm, we're 4 years apart."
"What's his name?"
"Haneul (means 'sky' in Korea)."
"Haneul?! Wow, what a good name. 'Haeju' and 'Haneul'. Your parents must be poetic," she says.
"It's given by our father," I say.
"Ohh... Does 'Haeju' have a meaning too?"
"It's... Just a name and not supposed to have meaning, I... I think. But our father said that 'Haeju' contains the combination of 'sea' and gems'," I explain.
"That's cool. It's a rare name. I think it fits you," she says.
"Thank you. Jeongyeon fits you too," I reply.
"Hahaha... Thanks! By the way, I envy you Haeju."
"Oh... Why?"
"I have an older sister, Seungyon, and I always admire her. I always wanna know how it feels like to be an older sister. After joining JYPe, I'm always so happy to take care of everyone. I pretend to be the eldest one. haha!" she laughs.
"Mm... Yeah... That's so nice of you," I say.
"Hehe, thank you, Haeju. You're nice too," she says.

Somehow, talking with her makes me feel more relaxed.
After that, I try to finish my lunch fast so I can brush my teeth before our performance later. She stops talking as if she knows that she makes me can't eat. She just sits comfortably there and stretches her legs. 

But then, I feel the silence again as Jeongyeong stops talking. After a while, I don't know what happens to me, but my eyes start teary. Then suddenly a tear falls into my food. "Jamkamman..." a heavy voice is heard, "Haeju, are you crying?" Oops, she knows. This is so embarrassing. She must not know. I don't want to be ridiculed because of my weird crying habit. But then suddenly makes her voice softer. She takes my finished lunch and stacks it with hers. "Dear, are you okay?"
"I'm okay," that's all I can say.
"What happens?"
"Nothing, It's just... I don't know."
Jeongyeon pats my back. I look at her. She smiles. That makes me feel a little bit better, "It's okay if you cannot tell me. I'm not forcing you. I just wanna make sure you're okay," she says.
After that, she takes our boxes and collects other members' boxes, and helping our manager to put them into the trash can outside.

I wipe the tears on my face and I feel like I have to go. I stand up and try to find Jeongyeon outside.

"J... Jeongyeon!" I call her name. She just comes back from throwing the trash. I run to her.
"Yes?" she answers softly.
"I wanna tell you something... Everything."

And there it is. I say everything that I've been overthought for a couple hours. I tell her that I've made so many mistakes at the rehearsal earlier. I tell her I'm having a hard time memorizing Twice's old choreo. I say that I'm worried I will make a mistake later when we perform. What will Once think about me? I'm worried as a new member, I'm afraid they won't like me. I'm so afraid of making mistakes. I tell her everything. EVERYTHING. I cry. This is probably the first time I can tell anyone about my problems comfortably. It's all because of Jeongyeon. She made me feel better. She made me trust her. She did it.

After hearing all of that, she gives me a hug. I don't know why but I love it. She tells me that I'm doing fine and I've been so good so far at practicing. She tells me that it won't be a live performance, so the directors will edit our performance. I don't have to be a worry. She tells me that I've been good at memorizing Twice's dances and she calls me pretty. She turns my feelings 180 degrees. She did it.

"I don't really have many center parts at the old songs, right?" I ask her.
"You're doing great, Dear. It's cute that you cried before. Everything is gonna be okay. I believe in you so you have to do so," she says.
"Thank you, Jeongyeon."
"Aww, don't thank me. It's fine," she says before hugs me again. 

Later that day, I end up do some mistakes while performing on stage. But Jeongyeon has told me that it's fine. So, I accept it calmly. 

A few days later, in my room in the dorm, Tzuyu my roommate tells me something when I tell her about my experience with Jeongyeon.
"Unnie, you know that we're paid more per our part in the center of the group, right?" Tzuyu asks.
"Yes, I know."
"Most of your center part in the Twice's old songs are Jeongyeon unnie's parts. She talks it to JYPe directors to give it to you, Unnie."
"What, really???"
"Yes, almost 90% of your parts were Jeongyeon unnie's parts."
Oh my gosh... Jeongyeon is really an angel! that's what I think.  "She has the purest heart behind her playful and tough persona, Tzuyu. If there's one person who shouldn't feel bad about herself or depressed: It's her," that's what I tell Tzuyu.

Why? Because she has made everyone so happy. She always takes care of everyone like an older sibling should be. Not just to the members, but to the managers and staff in general. She appears to be strong yet deep inside she's so sensitive: She knew that I was so worried that day!
...And she deserves to be happy too. Thanks to her, we all feel a little bit stronger.

Jeongyeon did it.