Dear Journal,

That dinner night, I was sure that Seungcheol went up to my door. "Jeonghan please..." I heard Seungcheol softly banged his fist on my door, it sounded almost lifelessly.."Open the door," I heard him sniff. He probably cried. Why would he cry though? He had no reason to cry. I sat down, my back against my door, feeling the vibrations that his fists sent through the door and covered my lips as I started crying once again. .. I realized I shed a gallon of tears because of Choi Seungcheol.

I thought back then.. Can I just turn time around? Can we just go back to being bestfriends without me liking him? Can we go back to grade 8 so I can skip that day, the moment he looked at me and I immediately fell in love? Can I just turn time back so I can have my Seungcheol back.. my bestfriend... without these stupid ing feelings that ruined me and him... no scratch that. I ruined us. No, scratch that part 2. There was never an us. 

I still cant decipher as to why he was acting like that. Why was he acting like hes concerned with me when hes clearly not? Why did he come to my house when he can just excuse himself and have with Sooyeon or something?

"Jeonghan please, I'm begging.."

And those... were the last words I ever heard from Choi Seungcheol that night. That was the last time i ever heard his voice.

The day I was about to leave for Canada, I went to