To say Namjoon was frustrated would be a major understatement. It seemed luck wasn’t on his side as Hoseok began to rail on him for the same reason he had been upset about since the beginning of their sleeping arrangements. Hoseok was determined that Namjoon still saw Yoongi as someone to eventually end up with and couldn’t get past their friendship. If Hoseok wasn’t so reluctant to say they were actually together then maybe he would have suggested moving in together. They had already been sharing the same space for almost a year and if that wasn’t enough to convince his partner he wasn’t about to hook up with his best friend then he didn’t know what would.

    Their conversation always went the same way whenever he appeared back at his own home with the other occupant. He thought this time would be different because he specifically warned Hoseok before he went out with Yoongi but apparently that only made things worse as Hoseok sat on that knowledge in an empty apartment for a few hours contemplating all the things he could be doing with Yoongi.

    Namjoon sat there as patient as he could muster to be for all of fifteen minutes but eventually he had to snap back. Hoseok was someone he cared a lot for and as he sat there and listened to the ranting, he thought about all of the good times they had shared and wondered how the man in front of him got so wrapped up in his jealousy.

    There was a time when Namjoon looked forward to coming home to see his lover but something had twisted between them until it seemed they were standing on opposite sides of a ravine. He and Hoseok had started as good friends introduced to each other by Hoseok’s friend Jungkook. He was a younger student than Namjoon and he was struggling with his studies so when he approached Namjoon for lessons he couldn’t say no. After a few weeks Jungkook started bringing along Hoseok. He would sit there and watch the proceedings with interest but he never really spoke until a few weeks had passed.

    “Jungkook won’t be here today.” The husky voice startled Namjoon out of his reading and he looked up into deep brown eyes. “Would you be able to help me with my studies this time?” Namjoon’s voice caught in his throat but he nodded anyway. Hoseok moved to take the seat across from him and he wondered how he got himself into this. He didn’t know this person at all but if Jungkook trusted him then he would be courteous and try to help as much as possible.

    “What subject do you need help with?”

    “English. Are you any good at it?”

    “Yeah, I can help you with it.” He smiled and patted himself on the back in his thoughts because English was his best subject. Hoseok finished setting up and after a half an hour they had already burned through most of the English papers and the once-quiet boy had his head thrown back laughing at a poor joke Namjoon had said. He was blushing furiously and he wished he had kept his mouth shut but the other boy’s laugh was infectious and he couldn’t be mad at him for causing a scene in the library.

    “What do you say we get out of here and go get some coffee? I feel better about my English than I have in weeks.” Namjoon felt their roles had switched as he was now the quiet one but he nodded once more and followed Hoseok’s lead as they got ready to go. He wondered if this could be considered a date or if the other boy was just being really friendly with all of his lingering touches and sideways staring.

    They began meeting up twice a week after that, once for Jungkook’s session and once for Hoseok’s English lessons but they always went to the cafe near their university after both and slowly found themselves becoming good enough friends to text and call almost non-stop between these meetings. It was Hoseok that finally popped the question about hanging out more and Namjoon felt giddy at the prospect. He had never really dated anyone seriously and he was already falling fast for the other boy. He had pried it out of Jungkook a few weeks back that Hoseok was indeed batting for the same team he was and though they never talked about it, Namjoon was sure there was something between them.

    He was always the one who took the lead in things like this and he thought maybe things were finally going well because he gave up the reins for once. He wanted to feel taken care of and wanted for once. It wasn’t a surprise when Hoseok found his way into Namjoon’s bed the following week but it was surprising when he told Namjoon he wasn’t interested in doing it again. Neither had been drunk when it happened and Namjoon thought things were going in a natural progression.

    A few days after they had slept together Yoongi and Jimin had found him moping about in their apartment and Jimin was quick to start dinner while Yoongi took ahold of his shoulders and gave him a proper scolding. He needed to get out there and show Hoseok he cared. He was a natural-born leader and it was time he stopped being so meek about things and took ahold of what he wanted. That night they came up with a game plan and he convinced Hoseok to visit his apartment once more.

    He made Hoseok a CD with a few songs on it that he had made and though he felt foolish doing something so ridiculous and overplayed, he knew that his best communication tool was music. What he was scared to say in person could be played alongside a brilliant melody and it would hold a larger effect than him mumbling out some confession. When Hoseok got there he already had the CD playing and he left the other boy in his room with it while he shooed a giggling Jimin and Yoongi out, convinced that after he took care of his own feelings he would find a way to get those two together.

That night Hoseok slept over again and the next morning while he was gathering his clothes to leave he said he would keep coming over. He liked Namjoon too. It made Namjoon giddy and he was sure that during movie night he was an absolute pain because he wouldn’t stop talking through it until Jimin threatened him with a pan. He and Hoseok had been sleeping together for a month before he convinced himself to bring up the subject of being something more.

“Hoseok?” He pulled Hoseok closer to his chest and was subject to a questioning look. “I have something I want to tell you,” He could feel Hoseok’s heartbeat speed up to match his own and he took a deep breath, “I want to properly date you. I like days like this a lot where you just lay here with me and if you don’t want to then it’s fine,” It most certainly was not fine, “and I won’t bring it up again but I thought it best to let you know I wanted something beyond this. I don’t want you to feel like you’re just a booty-call.” His eyes were closed tightly but a kiss made his open them to look down at the subject of his desires.

“I like days like this too Joon but,” he stopped for a moment as if to gather his thoughts, “I don’t date. The last two people I’ve dated have cheated on me and I’m not ready to try getting close to someone like that again. I don’t want anyone to have the power to break my heart again. I’m not going to run like I want to because I know you won’t give up but give me some time? Eventually I can see myself with you.” Namjoon’s heart hurt a bit at the confession that someone had used his lover like that before but he understood. They’d make it work one way or another.

It wasn’t long after that before Hoseok’s things began appearing in his apartment and he smiled like a loon the first time he was brushing his teeth and Hoseok joined him, grabbing a toothbrush he had put there the night before. They may not be dating but it was close enough to make Namjoon happy. He was determined to show Hoseok he meant everything to him.

It wasn’t long before Hoseok would need all the reassurances in the world and some days they spent their time together in total silence, Namjoon just holding his partner and wondering what else he could possibly say to make Hoseok realize he wasn’t going anywhere. He bought flowers and wrote songs for the other and tried his hardest to never get irritated with him. It was harder than he thought being tied down to someone who never seemed to love him back but he thought one day his love would be reciprocated in full and they would be able to move passed the long nights spent in tears. He ached to be free to do as he wished again but he’d also give up so much more to be with Hoseok.

Jimin and Yoongi had gotten into their fight not long after Hoseok’s stuff appeared in their apartment and after that separation Hoseok became suspicious of even his best friend. It was all like an endless loop and it led them to where they were today, sitting in the same spots Namjoon came to associate with bad days. He would take the end of the bed as his post and Hoseok would start at the chair in front of his desk before pacing back and forth in front of his closet. Their nights would consist of arguing and then Namjoon would wait for the point when Hoseok began to waver and he would get up and wrap the other in his arms and they would retire to the bed for a few hours before they moved to the kitchen where Hoseok would sit perched on the edge of the counter, watching Namjoon make something quick to fill their stomachs and then they would fall asleep curled up together watching a movie, the fight forgotten until the next day.

“Earth to Namjoon! Are you even listening?”

“Yes Hobi, you know I am.”

“I can’t have you out all hours of the night with him just because I decided to go home for once to see my family!”

“It was just this morning, I even sent you the text to let you know.”

“I was already here and you guys were gone when I got that text!” Hoseok began to get even more riled up than usual and Namjoon tried to get up and approach him. “No! Don’t just come over here and expect me to forget about it!” His voice broke but Namjoon still stopped.

“Hobi, please just listen to me. Yoongi is getting ready to go meet Jimin again. They're finally making up. You don’t need to worry about him anymore.”

“So you’re just going to be pining after him now, huh? He doesn’t want you anymore?” Namjoon flinched at the harshness of the words but he barreled through, trying to get his lover to understand.

“Hoseokkie, if you’d just stop and look at me you’d know I love you.” At that Hoseok froze before grabbing his jacket off of the chair by the desk and taking off passed Namjoon.

“I told you I don’t do those words.” Namjoon went after him but Hoseok only stopped for a second to grab his shoes without putting them on. “Those words mean I’m not going to leave you! Why wouldn’t you want to hear those words?” He was screaming now and he knew his neighbors would start to pitch a fit soon. He never got an answer because Hoseok was gone in the next moment and he turned to find Yoongi looking at him with pity-filled eyes. He couldn’t stand when people looked at him like that.

“Go to Jimin.” He stormed off to his bedroom and threw himself on his bed. When was he finally going to be able to catch a break? He cursed mother luck once more before plugging in his headphones and burying his feelings. When Yoongi came back he needed to either be a pillar of support or a welcoming brother to Jimin ready to hand out his apology for causing the rift in the first place and his own feelings weren’t going to get in the way of his best friend’s happiness.

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Guys, I promise I love Hobi but it won't get much better than this. Actually, it'll get a lot worse before it all evens out. Sorry in advance T.T Thank you for your comments and messages though! You'll get Jimin next chapter! <3